J \ ■A ' s i* * j ' , ■ . J u OSUd 13 MO TOdNbAlSlQ ¿535 9NIHSIT8nd01Ol|| JLS3$üfX3S dOd n u Indonesia plans to strengthen ties with China The Lawnmower Man Lynch’s latest work, ‘The Straight Story,’ overdoses on sentiment World and Nation/ Page 3 Entertainment/Page 12 BEST á la b le copy 0 etilo (tCXcttt Volume 100, No. 38 MONDAY, OCTOBER 25,1999 Celebrating 100 years of publication at The University of Texas Texas defeats Nebraska 24-20 Longhorns keep winning streak against Huskers Damien Pierce Daily Texan Staff The Nebraska Comhuskers had spent the past week telling any­ one who would listen how much they hated the University of Texas and how much they despised the Longhorns for all of the pain the team had caused them in the past. T heir h e a rts p ro b ab ly d id n 't gro w any fo n d e r of T exas on Saturday. The H uskers w atched history re p e a t its e lf b efo re a p ack ed h o u se of 84,082 at R oyal- Memorial Stadium as the No. 18 Longhorns overcam e a 10-point halftim e deficit to shock No. 3 Nebraska 24-20. It w as the th ird co n se cu tiv e tim e that the H orns had beaten the H uskers, which is one more w in th a n all the o th e r Big 12 sch o o ls co m b in ed h av e had against Nebraska since the confer­ ence was formed. Texas beat the Huskers 37-27 in the 1996 Big 12 title game in St. Louis, and last season the H orns ended Nebraska's 47-game home w’inning streak in Lincoln, Neb., by a score of 20-16. "I th in k th is w as one of the biggest home w'ins we've had at N E B R A SK A /P ag e 2 Street celebrations injure 3 44 The last thing I remember Angela Entzminger Daily Texan Staff Rowdy UT students cheered, honked their car horns and decked the Drag in toilet paper in the jubi­ lant aftermath of Saturday's victory against Nebraska. But for a handful of UT fans, the revelry was brought to an early and shocking end. Luke Ledbetter, a Plan II freshman, and Blair Streit, an advertising senior, were rushed to the hospital after being electrocuted in the Littlefield Fountain. thinking is, ‘Oh God, I’m going to die in the fountain at UT.’” — Skdr Streit, advertising senior "The last thing I remember thinking is, 'Oh God, said Streit. "I couldn't move; I was paralyzed." I'm going to die in the fountain at UT,"'Streit said. Ledbetter and other fans were prohibited from rushing the football field to celebrate, so he and two friends decided to hop in the fountain. "Since the cops were sitting there guarding the goalposts so we w ouldn't tear [them] down, we resorted to other means," Ledbetter said. After passing the East Mall Fountain, which was overflowing with students, Ledbetter and his friends were on their way home when they came upon the Littlefield Fountain. Streit and a group of his friends were also approaching the fountain at the time. Streit, who did not previously know Ledbetter, said he had been in the fountain before and wasn't worried. "As soon as I got in, I was getting electrocuted," Ledbetter jumped in just before Streit collapsed face down in the water, and after a few seconds, he felt intense pain. "It was like excruciating shock," Ledbetter said. "I didn't notice that [Streit] was drowning until the peo­ ple shouted at me to get him." Streit said that Ledbetter dropped him the first time he attempted to pull him up because the shock prohibited Ledbetter from moving. The drowning Streit began to drift towards the bronze horses, which worsened the situation since his head was now touching metal, Ledbetter said. Ledbetter grabbed Streit a second time but could not leave the fountain himself because the effects of die shock prevented him from moving his legs. FOUNTAIN/Page 2 Protesters accuse police of brutality the entire country, and it needs to go outside of these little pockets of com­ munities of color." shot and killed by an APD officer, said not all officers overstep their authority. "All cops are not bad ... but there's a Joyce McDowell, whose son was PROTEST/Page 2 Kathryn A. Wolfe . Daily Texan Staff Almost 100 people gathered around a black wooden coffin at APD head­ quarters Friday to protest police brutal­ ity. The coffin was used to represent civilians killed by A ustin Police Department officers. Protesters from almost 20 different advocacy groups gave speeches criti­ cizing police treatment of minorities and waved signs, some urging passing cars to show their support by honking. One APD officer in a police cruiser blew his hom as he passed the throng. Three UT student groups participat­ ed in the National Day of Protest to Stop Police Brutality: M ovimiento Estudantil C hicano/a de Aztlan, a Mexican-American advocacy group, the O rganizing Committee, and the LIT branch of the International Socialist Organization. A nti-R acist "We just hope to force this issue into the public's eye," said Alba Peña, a »Mexican-American studies junior and m em ber of MEChA. "This m atter peeds to be brought to the attention of Jarmny UcbmatvDAILY TEXAN STAFF Mamhim of Om A lmighty U É i King má Opeen Nhtioa listen at a rally against police and I— fe r a if hrajafity. TW w fly wm haid Friday m Om APD fcaadyiartan. 25 cents Need a lawyer? Service can help Thaddeus OeJesus Daily Texan Staff In Dawn Landon's apartm ent, a pipe from her upstairs neighbor's unit leaked into her bathroom, caus­ ing damage to the ceiling and soak­ ing the entire bathroom. "[Water] was everyw here," she said. "The ceiling looked like it was going to cave in." The incident occurred almost two weeks after Landon, an education junior, and her room m ates had moved into their new apartment in late August. The maintenance service fixed the leak, though not the ceding, but only after four work requests and two weeks had passed. Although Landon did not choose to seek a lawyer, other students who have been frustrated by landlords have consulted legal help from the University. On campus, 34 percent of 1,632 cases for Legal Sendees for Students involve landlord and tenant disputes. The office, which employs three lawyers, informs students of their legal rights as tenants. It can also serve as a mediator between the two parties and, if necessary, become the student's lawyer in litigation. Victona Touchet, assistant director of Legal Services for Students, said common renter disputes handled bv the office include repair requests, safety deposit deductions and lease terminations. Touchet said she has three kev pieces of advice for student- who rent an apartment: read and under­ stand the lease, always kt ep good records, and place repair requests in writing. "Students need to know their lease because the lease controls every­ thing," Touchet said. Leases stipulate amount of rent, when rent is due and the renter's length of stay. A lease also outlines penalties the renter could face it he or she breaks the lease. A lease, which is a formal agree­ ment between a renter and a land­ lord, is usually terminated when the tenant doesn't give the required writ­ ten notice 30 days in advance of the move-out or when the tenant moves out before the end of the agreed length of stay. Landlords m ust abide bv Texas statutes, or face breaking a lease or a lawsuit, or both. Tenants must also abide by the lease or face the same consequences. Touchet said while it is difficult for LEGAL Page 2 Matt Hempel DAILY TEXAN STAFF Above, T exas run­ ning b ack Hodges M itc h e ll evades the H u sk ers’ defenders Saturday. The Longhorns have beaten N ebraska in each of their three m eetings s in c e join­ ing the Big 12 Conference. Left students c e le ­ brate in the East M a ll fountain after the Longhorns' 24-20 win over Nebraska Saturday. UT students and football fans also packed Guadalupe Street to celebrate the team s third-straight victory over the Com huskers. Nathan Lambrecht/DAILY TEXAN STAFF In a story Oct. 21 about the can­ cellation of the draw for the UT- A&M game, om itted was the fact that the student season ticket hold­ ers are also Longhorn All-Sports Package holders. They paid $60 for the package and an additonal $38 for the u p g ra d e to get stu d e n t reserved seat season tickets. The package gives them reserved seat­ ing for home games and priority, but not a guarantee when buying tickets for away games. onermnmmm is D a r w i n A w a r d w e a th e r. Playing in the fo u n ta in s UT sure is fun. All that carefree splashing about with 52 of your closest, wettest friends makes any day feel like Texas just killed Nebraska. Wow, this crowd is so pum ped you can really feel the electricity in the air. At this rate, I'll need 81 cold ones to wash dpwn this tingly feeling in the back of my throat. My fillings are hot. School of Architecture considers $20 fee increase Kimberly Gentile Daily Texan Staff The School of A rchitecture is proposing a $20 fee increase for under­ graduate architecture courses that use a u d io /v isu a l resousces, but the increase is still up for discussion, the architecture dean said last week. Dean Larry’ Speck said increasing the course tees from $20 to $40 would expand W'eb site resources for classes that use the Internet as a teaching tool. Speck said the school hasn't sent their proposal forward, and students can still voice their concerns and ques­ tions. If the school decides to submit the proposal, the Provost's office will determ ine w hether the increase is needed The proposal would then be sent to the UT Svstem Board of Regents for final approv al. The proposed fee increase would only affect courses that already charge the $20 fee Of the 132 architecture courses, 30 include the course-related tee. Speck said students often view slides on W'eb sites for their classes The architecture school's libran’ cur­ rently contains about 200,000 slides. More funding would allow the school to make more slides accessibk online and make the Web sites more visual, he said. "There are no resources at the University for creating Web pages and students are aware of how’ beneficial it is to have those sites," he said. "(The proposed increase] has a lot to do with simply increasing the degree to w hich we rely on the Web as a communica­ tion tool." If implemented, the fee increase would go into effect for the fall 2000 semester. Speck said the increased fee will not support equipment mainte­ nance and repair costs — it would only fund Web site resources. He added that he will meet with the Architecture and Planning Student Council Tuesday to further discuss the FEE Pagel Page 2 Monday, October 25, 1999 T h e D a ily T e x a n Nebraska Continued from page 1 this u n iv ersity ," Texas linebacker A n th o n y H icks said. "T he locker ro o m w a s w ild a fte r th e g am e. Everyone w as happy, sm iling and som e guys w ere crying. Just think of how it w as w h en th e Y ankees w on the W orld Series. T hat's how it w as in there ... w ithout the cham ­ pagne, of course." But even though nary a cork was p o p p ed o p en , it w as, in so m any words, a Texas-size party. The H orns took a 24-20 lead w ith 5:51 rem aining in the fourth quarter w h e n T e x a s q u a r te r b a c k M ajor A p plew hite found tight end Mike Jones, w h o slo w ly ru m b le d o ver th re e N e b ra sk a d e fe n d e rs on his way to the goal line, for an 18-yard touchdow n. "N o m atter how long it took for th a t p lay to d e v e lo p , he got in," said H icks, lau ghing ab o u t Jones' speed. The Texas defense then secured the victory on the ensuing H usker Fountain Continued from page 1 "The people outside of the fountain grabbed my arm and pulled us out of the fountain," Ledbetter said. A few students, including Streit's roommate Justin Klekar, an MIS junior, helped pull the tw o out. Streit w as uncon­ scious. Ledbetter said he yelled at a passer­ by to call 911. UT Police Department Sgt. Dennis C h a rtie r said tw o UTPD officers arrived at the scene at 6:20 p.m., and an ambulance arrived shortly after and to took L edbetter and Streit f lu tte r e d drive by forcing Nebraska quarter­ back Eric Crouch to toss up a pass th e g r o u n d th a t now here near any of his receivers on fourth dow n. The incom pletion w rapped up the w in for the H orns as the team ran out the final 2:15. to "This really w as a great college football gam e," Texas head coach Mack Brown said. "W hen you are sta n d in g o u t th e re and w a tc h in g tw o p ro g r a m s lik e T e x a s an d N ebraska playing, you really enjoy it because it's w hat college football is supposed to be about. Nebraska played so w ell, an d you feel bad that som eone had to lose." But that d id n 't stop Brown and his team from celebrating in grand fashion. T exas r u n n in g b ack H o d g e s Mitchell dropped to his knees after the gam e en d ed an d p u m p e d his fists in the air. Hicks w as m aking a victory lap a ro u n d R oyal-M em orial S tadiu m since the the senior w o u ld n 't have too m any more chances to celebrate there. And receiver Kwame Cavil, w ho had hauled in a touchdow n earlier that afternoon, was having a dance p a r ty w ith te a m m a te s R ic h a rd H ightow er and Kendrick Turner. "W alking into the stad iu m , you knew it was going to be a great col­ lege fo o tb all g am e," H icks said . "[E S P N 's] College GamcDay w as there, and N ebraska fans really do travel for their team even though I do pick ours over theirs. Going into the gam e you just think this is w hy you play, and during and after the gam e you th in k th is is w h y you play the game. "Games such as these are so elec­ trifying that it's hard to describe," he added. "You just have to be out on the field to un derstan d it. All I can say is that it may have been the biggest win 1 have been a part of." Brackenndge Hospital. An unidentified student whose arm was shocked while helping to pull the two out of the water was also taken to the hospital. At the hospital, L edbetter's heart was tested to ensure that his heart pat­ tern was normal. "Eventually they said that every­ thing was back to normal, and my legs w ere g oing to h u rt for a w h ile," Ledbetter said. L ed b etter an d th e stu d e n t w ho helped pull him from the fountain w ere released from th e h o sp ital Saturday night. Streit, w ho regained consciousness after the param edics arrived, stayed at the hospital until Sunday evening. Streit's pulse rate was more than 200 beats a minute, and he was experienc­ ing irregular heart rhythm when the paramedics examined him, Streit said. He said paramedics were surpnsed he was still alive after the incident. "I'm just glad to be alive," Streit said, adding that he is feeling well. Ledbetter said according to the hos­ pital, everyone was completely sober. The UT Physical Plant shut off the power to the Littlefield Fountain short­ ly after the incident and will investi­ gate the cause of the electrocution Monday, Chartier said. Interested in the future of cities? Our urban communities need your experience and enthusiasm! S p r in g 2 0 0 0 S W e e k e n d s O f f ! 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Marian Yalini Thambynayagam, a Plan II senior and AROC m em ber, said even "good" officers who witness police b ru ta lity m ay not re p o rt it because they fear peer retaliation. In a speech before the crowd, Paul Hernandez, a member of El Concilio, an east Austin neighborhood group, alleged he was attacked and beaten by APD officers while protesting against a Ku Klux Klan rally several years ago. "I am a lucky victim ," said Hernandez. "I say lucky because I'm not dead." Maria Bautista, a native of Mexico City, said police brutality is also pre­ sent in international police d e p a rt­ ments. "Here in Texas we have many vic­ tims of abuse, especially along the bor­ Fee Continued from page 1 proposed increase. Use Frank, an architecture junior, said the increase would allow classes to expand their use of the Internet, w hich w o u ld help s tu d e n ts w h o depend on Web sites for studying. "Since architecture is a design-ori­ ented career, it's essential to have good Web sites for visual aides," Frank said. But some students said they were uncertain how the increase would ben­ efit architecture students. Teming Yin, an architecture gradu­ Legal Continued from page^l der when they're crossing over — not only then but in cities in all of Texas," Bautista said through a translator. But George A. G unnoe, assistant chief of the Laredo U.S. Border Patrol, said allegations or complaints of abuse have been non-existent in his region for two years. "To the p ro te ste rs it h as som e Gunnoe said of the g roup's claim. "Whether there is any truth in it? Probably not." Sally M uir, a sp o k esw o m an for APD, said prior to the protest that the protesters were free to assemble out­ side. "We have addressed [police brutali­ ty] in that we have established the Police Oversight Focus G roup," she said. The Police Oversight Focus Group was created, by the City Council to determine whether there is a need for a citizens' oversight committee to moni­ tor APD actions. A recommendation from the focus group is expected by the end of the year indicating whether or not a com­ mittee is necessary. But civilian review boards som e­ times lack real power, said Ryan Koch, volunteer coordinator for the Sunshine Project, a political action committee against police brutality. "We w ant a civilian review board, but at the same time, we could get one that's weak," he said. Koch said effective civilian review boards have more autonomy from the actions of police unions as well as the power to subpoena officers. ate student, said the equipment he uses is good enough and the increase is greater than necessary. "Twenty dollars is too big of a jump for architecture stu d en ts, w ho pay enough in fees already," he said. Darin Norman, also an architecture graduate student, said besides paying tuition and buying books, architecture students spend extra money on materi­ als and supplies for their classes. "UT is an inexpensive education as it is, and I don't know drawing [extra fees] from students is the best way to go," he said. "W e're talking about a sm all am ount of m oney, but it just adds up when you're a student." Norman said if the fee is implement­ ed, he'd like to see the architecture school spend the money for new ser­ vices sooner rather than later. "If I'm paying the fees, I'd like to see the profits from it in the short-term, instead of for students in the future," he said. a student to break a lease — which would allow the tenant to move out of the apartment without penalty — it is not impossible. For instance, Touchet said Texas law requires landlords to reveal the nam e of the property owner. If the m anagem ent does not disclose this inform ation upon request, a tenant can legally break the lease, Touchet said. As for repair requests, Touchet said students should put work requests in writing. After the request is received, the p ro p erty o w ner usually has a few * . # p , URBAN ISSUES PR O G R A M ■ W i 'f G / . Book Market 2nd level Dobie Mall Mon-Thurs 10*8 • Fri-Sat 10-10 • Sun 12:30-8 We buy books • 2 hr. validated parking 499-8707 days to remedy the problem If the m anagem ent fails to repair conditions that affect the safety or the health of the tenant, a tenant may be able to legally break the lease. Legal Services encourages students to come into their offices or to log on to their Web site if they encounter apartm ent problems. S tu d e n t Legal S erv ices can be reached at 471-7796. ROSES 2 D O Z E N $ 1 9 . 9 5 I CASH & CARRY DAILY SPECIALS, TOO! I CASA VERDE FLORIST | ^ 1 8 0 6 W . 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To charge by V IS A or M as terC ard , call 4 7 1 -5 0 8 3 S and orders and address changes to T e xa s Student Publications, P O Box D, Austin. T X 7 8 7 1 3 -8 9 0 4 . or to T S P B uilding C 3 .2 0 Q , or call 4 7 1 -5 0 8 3 P O S T M A S T E R S en d a d d re s s c h a n g e s s to T h e D a ily T a x a n . P 0 laity fe x a n , P 0 Box D . A ustin, T X 7 8 7 1 3 $37.00 1 0 0 0 0 10/25/99 Monday Wednesday, 4 p.m. Tuesday........Thursday, 4 p.m. Thursday.........Monday, 4 p.m. Friday.............Tuesday, 4 p.m. Cia**rf*d Word Adi NEWS BRIEFS Falwell speaks to gays LY N C H BU R G , Va. — T h e Rev. Je rry F a lw e ll, th e M o ra l M a jo rity fo u n d e r lo n g k n o w n for h is stro n g co ndem n atio n of hom osexuality, on S unday b ro u g h t a m essage of G od's love to 200 gay Christians invited into his church. Falwell's serm on w as the culm ina­ tion of a w eekend forum designed to re d u c e v io le n c e a g a in s t g a y s a n d Christians. It w as led by Falwell and gay m in iste r M el W hite, an a u th o r from California w ho ghost-w rote Fal­ w ell's autobiography before revealing his homosexuality. "H is se rm o n w as am az in g ," said D avid Chandler, 36, a gay m an from San F ran cisco an d o ne of th e m ore th a n 4,000 w o rsh ip p ers. "H e sent a m essage to parents to love their chil­ dren no m atter what. ... I adm ire and respect Falwell for taking that stand." T he u n p re c e d e n te d m e etin g s u r ­ prised m any because Falwell for years condem ned homosexuality. A s h e h a d all w e e k e n d , F alw ell stressed he will not change his belief that homosexuality is a sin, but added: "That has nothing to do w ith the love factor involved. We are to be lovers of all m en and wom en." H e s p o k e o n th e im p o r ta n c e of w o rk in g h ard , living w ith integ rity and not focusing on material things. Spending bill controversy goes on W ASHINGTON — In new budget sp a rrin g , th e to p H o u se D em o c rat so u g h t to qu ell sp ecu latio n S u n d ay th a t e n o u g h c o lle a g u e s c o u ld join Republicans to override a threatened presidential veto of a politically popu­ lar $268 billion defense measure. "W e've got to uphold these vetoes and I'm going to w ork very hard to do th at," H o u se M inority L eader Dick G eph ardt of M issouri said on ABC's This Week. President Clinton has signed seven of the 13 sp e n d in g bills to fund the governm ent in the 2000 fiscal year that began Oct. 1 H e has vetoed tw o — on foreign aid and the Distnct of Colum ­ bia and has yet to act on three oth­ ers, in c lu d in g the d efen se bill. The la rg e st s p e n d in g bill, d e a lin g w ith education, health and social services, remains before Congress. The d efen se bill ap p ro v e d by the H ouse 372-55 w ould increase spend­ ing by $17.3 billion, raise military pay by 4.8 percent and finance projects in m any congressional districts. C linton h as until T uesday to sign the bill or veto it. — C o m p ile d from A s s o c ia t e d P r e s s reports A U S T I N » H O U S T O N * D A L L A S « S A N A N T O N I O c §l l ap h o n I N O CREDIT CHECK. N O CONTRACT. N O DEPOSIT WORLD & NATION President Wahid announces policies for ‘New Indonesia’ Associated Press JIM B A R A N , In d o n e s ia — D em anding new international respect for his crisis-ridden nation, Indonesi­ a 's n ew p ro -d e m o c ra c y p re sid e n t m ade clear Sunday that relations with the W est w ould take a back seat to bes w ith Asia, particularly China. A bdurrahm an W ahid also outlined a long list of dem ocrabc and hum an rig h ts reform s for In d o n esia in his first policy speech since his election b y th e to p le g is la tiv e b o d y on W ednesday, a vote that ended more th a n four decades of au th o ritaria n rule. W ahid signaled that the reform s w o u ld be m a tc h e d by a re n e w e d sense of nationalism in "Indonesia Baru" — the "N ew Indonesia." "In the past, our honor as a nation, our independence, was attacked in a b r u ta l w a y ," h e sa id in S u n d a y 's w id e -ra n g in g a d d re ss to b u sin e ss people, polihcians and diplom ats at a tourist resort on the island of Bali. Still, W ahid said he w ould appoint to his Cabinet some m em bers of for­ m er P re sid en t S u h arto 's disgraced regime. That move defies a chorus of calls to w ipe the slate clean after the recent ouster of former President B.J. Habibie's government, which includ­ ed m any Suharto holdovers. 'T o attain the presidency, I have to m ake com prom ises," he said. "But please be assured that although they will be included in the Cabinet, I will make it that they should have to fol­ low ou r code: to follow the current g o v e rn m e n t's interests in honesty, frankness and, m ost importantly, our economic development." Wahid is expected to announce his Cabinet lineup w ithin days. A lthough the head of Indonesia's largest M uslim organization, W ahid h as c h a m p io n e d th e rig h ts of the nation's influential Chinese minonty. Indonesian M uslim m obs ta rg e ted Chinese during the bloody riots and unrest that brought dow n Suharto in May 1998. The attacks on ethnic Chinese resi­ dents, w ho make up only a few per­ cent of Indonesia's 210 million-strong population b u t play a m ajor role in c o m m e rc e , a n g e re d B eijing a n d p ro m p te d C hinese b u sinessm en to pull out billions of dollars from the country's fragile economy. While Indonesia's past regime also h a d ties to its A sian n eig h b o rs, it e m p h a siz e d links w ith the U nited States, A ustralia and other W estern nations, despite the West7s criticism of its poor hum an rights record. W ahid's com m ents seemed not to signal a major shift in foreign policy, but an attem pt to build stronger rela­ tions w ith its A sian neighbors. He said his first official trip w ould be to China — after an informal tour of the m em ber states of the Association of Southeast Asian Nations next month. H e th e n w a n ts to v isit Ja p a n an d India. T h e D a i l y T e x a n MONDAY, OCTOBER 25,1999 3 Israel sentences murderer Associated Press TEL AVIV, Israel — C alling the m u rd e r a n d d ism e m b e rm e n t of a M aryland teen-ager "an act of dese­ cration," an Israeli judge on Sunday ended a lengthy and painful episode in Israel-U.S. relations by sentencing S a m u e l S h e in b e in to 24 y e a r s in prison. Sheinbein, 19, did not react as the verdict w as read tw o years after he fled to Israel and successfully sought refu g e from e x tra d itio n , e n ra g in g M a ry la n d a u th o ritie s a n d b rie fly th re a te n in g U.S. aid to th e Jew ish state. Ju d g e U ri G o re n 's sentence w as not a surprise; lawyers for Sheinbein a n d th e Isra e li p r o s e c u tio n h a d arrived at the plea bargain in August. S hein b ein w o u ld be eligible for parole after two-thirds of his sentence is served. He may also be eligible for 24-hour furloughs in as soon as four years. The sentence w as backdated to Sheinbein's arraignm ent in 1997. U n d er M aryland law, S heinbein c o u ld h a v e d ra w n a life se n ten c e w ith o u t paro le. U ntil now , Israeli m in o rs co n v icted of m u rd e r h av e never received m ore than a 20-vear sentence. Sheinbein confessed in Septem ber to choking 19-year-old Alfred Tello Jr w ith a rope and hitting him several times w ith a sharp object, actions that caused his death Sheinbein, w ho was 17 at the time, then dism em bered the body w ith an electric saw and burned it. Such "shocking acts of desecration to the deceased's body, acts that are too horrendous to describe... show us to w hat d ep th s the defen d an t sank and how inhum an he became at the time," Goren wrote in his sentencing. Sheinbein fled to Israel within days of the discovery of Tello's remains in an e m p ty g arag e n ea r S heinbein s hom e in Aspen Hill, Md Aaron Needle, a inend that M ary­ la n d a u th o ritie s also b e lie v e w a - m volved in the m urder, killed h im ­ self while in detention in M aryland. S h e in b e in su c c e ssfu lly s o u g h t refuge u nder a law that prevented the extradition of Israeli citizens to for­ eign courts Sheinbein had only pass­ ing contact w ith Israel, but his father, Saul, was bom in the country. Smoke fills the air of a Buddhist temple in Jakarta, Indonesia, Sunday as ethnic Chinese bum incense to offer prayers and make m erit After more than 18 months of political turmoil, Indonesia chose its new president and vice president in democratic e le c ­ tions last week. Trump, Buchanan to join Reform Party A ssociated Press found im portance W ASHINGTON — Republican Pat B u c h a n a n s a id h e w ill se e k th e R eform P arty n o m in a tio n for p re si­ dent "because the W ashington elite of th e G O P h a s le ft m e ." N e w Y ork developer D onald T rum p also said he will m ake the sw itch in a possible pre­ lu de to his o w n candidacy. Buchanan planned to announce his decision M onday d u n n g a speech in Virginia. The television com m entator told potential supporters he needed a forum to distinguish him self from the leading major party nom inees. "Issues w hich I believe are of pro­ l u i u r t . i u h - i . c t h e m t r a d e , i m m i - ' ~ v g r a t i o n , r i g h t t o . J . 9 ■ A Trump tio n is m — w ill n o t b e se rio u s ly d e b a te d in 2000 betw een the probable establishm ent nom inees," Buchanan w rote in a letter seeking m oney for his new campaign* a copy of w hich w as obtained Sunday by The Associated Press. "O n none of these issues, not one, is there any real disagreem ent betw een the leading Democratic and GOP can­ didates," Buchanan explained. T rum p, m eanw hile, told the AP he w ould file papers M onday changing his voter registration from the Repub­ lican Party to the Independence Party — the Reform affiliate in N ew York. " T h e R e p u b lic a n P a r ty h a s ju st m o v e d too far to the ex trem e right. The Democrats are too far to the left. I believe the Reform P arty can be the tru e ce n trist party. A nd th a t's very m uch in line w ith m y thinking," he said. T ru m p took the offensive against B uchanan on N B C 's M eet the Press, declaring: "H e's a H itler lover, I guess h e's an anti-Sem ite. H e d o e s n 't like the blacks, he d o esn 't like the gays." T ru m p a lso p r e d ic te d B u c h a n a n w o u ld get 4 percent to 5 percent of the "really staunch n g h t w acko vote." SCHEDULE OF EVENTS FORPHARMACY WEEK Thur. Oct. 28: H ea lth ca re inform ation B o o th s W e st Mall, 11 am -3 pm Mon. Oct. 25: Tues. Oct. 26: Wed. Oct. 27: Tow n H a l l m eetin g for p h a rm a cy stu den ts “ D i s c u s s i n g t h e F u t u r e o f P h a r m a c y S c h o o l ' P h a rm a c y Building, PH R 2.110. 12-1 pm C h a p la in C h u c k M eyer, St. D avid's H ospital “ C o p i n g W ith D e a t h a n d D y in g ” P h a rm a c y Building, PH R 2.110, 12-1 pm Dr. M a rk Blum enthal, A m e ric a n B otan ica l C o u n cil “ D i s c u s s i n g H e r b a l M e d i c i n e " P h a rm a c y Building, PH R 2.110, 12-1 pm Fri. Oct. 29: Theme/Sponsor: “S tre ss M a n a g e m e n t & M ental Health A w a re n e s ”/U T S S H P “Im m unizations’V P h a rm a c y C o u n cil “S m o k in g C e s s a tio n ’V U T -A S P & S P R N “A s th m a V P D C & N C P A “H y p e rch o le ste ro le m ia ’V R h o Chi "Herbal P ro d u c ts”/PLS “B rea st C a n c e r A w a re n e s s ”/KE “H y p e rte n sio n ”/ S N P h A National P h a rm a c y Student Day Lu n ch with D ean Leslie “M a k in g a n I m p r e s s io n in P h a r m a c y ” Full Internet A ccess NO activation, registration or monthly fees NO banners, surveys or mandatory click through ads. www.cliscoveraustin.com/freewwweb.htm Just the greatest career opportunity of our lifetime. London.............$ 3 9 1 The eBusiness Systems Innovators™ STUDENT TRAVEL P a ris ................ $ 4 4 1 Tokyo............... $ 8 3 7 A m s te rd a m .... $ 4 3 4 (512) 472-2900 2116 Guadalupe Street scient www.scient.com Information Session: Monday, November 8th, 6-8pm in Garrison Hall, Room 109 AD fares are rouncknp Tax not included Som e rescncLions apply * Tuesday, November 9th, 1999 Interviews: S T A TRAVEL W e 'v e B een T here. www. statravel corn Contact Ryan Stierwalt: rstiervvalt@scient.com I The L e a d e r in M u l t i m e d i a E m a i l . Adds V oice to y o u r Email ! S e n d V o i c e E m a i l M e s s a g e s A n y w h e r e W i t h o u t L o n g D i s t a n c e C h a r g e s . W o r k s w i t h A l l M a j o r E m a i l A p p l i c a t i o n s ! Visit us at w w w inChorus.com/college/intro2.htm and enter code # 06011979 to receive $5.00 off A $20 value For $ 14.99! OE a r t h l i n k + Sprint S o f t l i n k Inc., 2041 M ission C ollege Blvd., S u ite 259, Santa Clara, CA 9 5 0 5 4 phone: 1-408 4 9 6-6668 fax: 1 -4 0 8 -4 9 6 6 1 1 0 http: //w w w inChorus com 4 T h e D a ily T e x a n MONDAY, OCTOBBi 25,1999 EDITORIALS Opinions expressed in The Daily Texan are those of the editor or wnter of the article. They are not necessarily those of the University administration, the Board of Regents or the Texas Student Publications Board of Operating Trustees. T h e F r ee L o v e B a c k la sh Hatched by a m iddle-aged H eritage Foun­ d ation lo b b y ist nam ed R obert R ector, the abstin ence-only m ovem ent is not only the new est piglet on the teat of public funds, it is also the latest conservative backlash against the counter-culture revolution of the 1960s. It joins the otírer little pigs: the "W ar on D rugs," English-only education and reverse discrim i­ nation, to nam e ju st a few. Like them , absti­ nence-only is m eant to cure a host of societal ills. Think of it as horm onal Ritalin. The sexual revolution had unforeseen conse­ quences, and so too will the anti-sexual revo­ lution — changes we aren't prepared for or w illin g to accept. The ram ifications of chang­ ing Am erican sexual m ores will fuel in toler­ ance, create social and generational division and further confuse a culture dangerously w eakened w ith hypocrisy. A bstinence-only program s are grow ing in popularity with politicians. In the last two years, over 700 abstinence-only program s and several dozen m edia cam paigns have qualified for federal and state funds. D ebating their con­ stitu tionality is sticky. D ebating their effec­ tiveness is not. True, abstinent youth w on't get pregnant and w on't catch STDs. But there are those who can­ not or w ill not save sex for m arriage. Some men and women simply don't ever wish to get m ar­ ried. There are the hom osexuals, who cannot legally marry, and the prom iscuous individuals K h y C h a p m a n T ex a n C o lu m n ist * bom with sex drives stronger than any propa­ ganda. Shall we ostracize them, hang them, tie them to a fence post in W yom ing and whip them till they're dead? A nyone who has ever attended parochial school know s the tw ists and bends that hum an sexual energy takes w hen it's stunted, th w art­ ed or denied. H itler only had one testicle and Fidel C astro's been im potent since a prison guard kicked him at the age of 18. Is there a connection betw een that and their violent lives and quest for pow er? And h ow w ill this new ju n io r an ti-sex league view its parents? W hen the children of the '60s grew up som e of them quarantined their aging parents in senior citizens' hom es. D on 't trust anyone over 30, they w ere told; th ey're infected by a decadent ideology. The generation gap will w iden to a canyon when M om 's youthful indiscretions m ark her as a slut and D ad's m om ent of curiosity is the real reason everyone has AIDS. T hen th ere is the m atter of eco n o m ics. A lthough there are m any points on w hich to sell a product or service, sex appeal is the pre­ ferred A m erican stand-by. Can or w ill an entire industry sw ing to one extrem e as the scare tactics of a few prudish conservatives have? O dds are it w on't. W e'll live w ith the contradiction. Try selling beer on the prom ise that it will bring you a com fortable retirem ent. Finally, do we as a society w ant to add one m ore hyp ocrisy to our list o f cultural oxy­ m orons? The sexual revolution sprang from a belief that every housew ife w as unhappy and every husbfmd frustrated. This is probably as accurate as thinking that all unm arried, sexu ­ ally active people have at least one unw anted child, a disease or tw o and a long list of casual affairs that have only addicted them to the orgasm w ithout fulfilling their lives in any m eaningful way. R eactionary politics, w hatever the m otiva­ tion, are alw ays ill-conceived, ill-aim ed and unnecessarily m ilitant. D on't be fooled into believing it's eith er no sex or A rm ageddon. Th ere's one other piglet w orth m entioning in this abstinence-only debate. Speaking on the su bject in N orth C arolina last m onth, Gov. G eorge W. Bush said, "It seem s like to me the contraceptive m essage sends a contradictory m essage. It tends to underm ine the m essage of abstinence." But if anyone can underm ine a m essage, it's G eorge. Chapman is an education senior. She Haifa Eexan R o b A d d y Editor C e c i l y S a i l e r Associate Editor B r i a n W i n t e r Associate Editor B r i a n D u p r e Associate Editor K r i s s a h W i l l i a m s Associate Editor S peed w a y Few students realize that how we utilize the streets that run through cam­ pus has a drastic effect on how the University looks and feels A few years a8 ° ' a grouP of faculty members, students and administrators recognized this when they were putting together the Campus Master Plan. Their idea: Make the University of Texas a pedestrian campus by closing off Speedway to all automobile traffic. Predictably, the folks at Parking and Transportation had a collective heart attack at the suggestion. In truth, it's not a terribly popular idea, but it's one which would change our campus for the better. As it is, the University is geographically centered on Speedway. Func­ tionally, however, the center of campus life is the West Mall. Limiting Speedway to only pedestrian traffic would change this dramatically. Cer­ tainly, the •'>00 students who walk through this area every hour dodging cars would be better off if it served as as a pedestrian thoroughfare instead of a quasi-north/south roadway through campus. 1 he truth is that Speedway is a horrible street to drive though. There's no need to inch down a narrow street lined with parked cars when both Guadalupe and Red River Streets can get you there with much less traffic. Obviously, this idea has its critics. Faculty members complain that they'll have to walk a little further each day to make it to their offices. Students don't like losing all of that central parking on Speedway Avenue in the evenings. A feasible compromise might be to close off the street during the day, when pedestrian traffic is high, but to open it up in the evenings when most students use cars to get to campus. None of these ideas are new. This proposal has been languishing in com­ mittees for nearly four years, and little progress has been made. Closing the street could potentially bring a sense of community to a campus which is increasingly becoming a loose confederacy of classrooms. For this reason, it is clearly time for the administration to end the bureaucratic tap dance on this issue and take some decisive action. G u n s h o t Because of our extremely weak gun-control laws, Texans have a greater chance of being shot to death than residents of other states. It's not really shocking — it's not even really news. W e've become accus­ tomed to accepting this abominable fact as an inevitable result of our state's culture and history. But is there a way for us to "Remember the Alamo" and also reduce the w’orkload at local trauma wards? 1 he results of a study released last week by the Violence Policy Center should re-direct attention to Texas' gun problem and force Texans to seri­ ously ask themselves that question. The study found that women in states with the least restrictive gun-con- trol laws, such as Iexas, have a better chance of being shot to death in a domestic violence incident — two out of every 100,000 Texas women die in such a way every year. 1 he study is only the latest addition to a huge body of statistical research noticed only by academics and left-wing fringe activists. Another recent report revealed that more children are shot to death in Texas every year than in Japan, Great Britain, Germany and France combined. Both studies cited criminals' accessibility to guns as the key factor. Yet our legislature defeated proposals to ban the sale of assault weapons and require criminal background checks at guns shows. However, a con- cealed-carry law to make us feel safer passed overwhelmingly. Unfortu­ nately, FBI statistics show that for each woman who used a handgun to kill a stranger in self-defense, 239 died of bullet wounds. There's much our state could do in. the area of responsible gun control that w ouldn't trample on the Second Amendment or ruin the weekend dove hunt. We could require background checks for all gun purchases, b^n assault rifles and require licensing of gun owners and registration of firearms — just as w'e do for motor vehicles. We w on't though So for female college students and all those who would eventually like to raise a family, you can either lobby your elected officials in vain or find another state to move to after graduation. - I ^ ( ^ 5 / Ty'OO- / o £)( 1200 Q Q Investments is an equal opportunity employer Q Sports Editor Michael Tunks PTSports@utxvms.cc.utexas.edu SPORTS T h e D a il y T e x a n # MONDAY, OCTOBER 25,1889 Three of a Kind SCORES WORLD SBOES New York 7, Atlanta 2 (New York leads series, 2-0) nfl Tampa Bay 6, Chicago 3 Indianapolis 31, Cincinnati 10 St. Louis 34, Cleveland 3 New England 24, Denver 23 Detroit 24, Carolina 9 New York Giants 31, New Orleans 3 Miami 16, Philadelphia 13 Minnesota 40, San Francisco 16 Dallas 38, Washington 20 6reen Bay 31, San Diego 3 Seattle 26, Buffalo 16 Oakland 24, New York Jets 23 BIG 12 FOOTBALL Texas 24, Nebraska 20 Oklahoma 51, Texas A&M 6 Texas Tech 35, Baylor 7 Kansas St. 44, Oklahoma St. 21 Kansas 21, Missouri 0 Colorado 16, Iowa St. 12 OTHER COLLEGE FOOTBALL #1 Florida State 17, Clemson 14 #2 Penn State 31, #16 Purdue 25 #5 Tennessee 21, #10 Alabama 7 Illinois 35, #9 Michigan 29 #17 Wisconsin^, #11 Michigan State 10 #12 Mississippi State 17, LSU 16 #14 Georgia 49, Kentucky 34 #15 Marshall 59, Buffalo 3 #19 Brigham Young 29, UNLV 0 #20 East Carolina 52, Tulane 7 #21 Southern Mississippi 28, Cincinnati 20 #22 Ohio State 20, #24 Minnesota 17 #23 Miami 31, Boston College 28 MUI inn. Vancouver 3, N.Y. Rangers 0 Philadelphia 2, Florida 0 Boston 3, Anaheim 2 Los Angeles 4, San Jose 3 AIRWAVES NFL Atlanta at Pittsburgh........... KVUE, 8 p.m. NHL Dallas at Toronto______ FOXSW, 6 JO pjn. H E S m Khannouchi breaks marathon record time ■ C H IC A G O — K halid Khan­ nouchi was all by him self as he crossed the finish line of the C hica­ go M arathon, his w orld-record tim e flashing above him . ; It w as fitting, really, since Khan­ nouchi tru ly is a man alone. H e's atop the running w orld, and w ith hfs bid for Am erican citizenship stalled, he has no country. "T h a t's the m om ent I'v e dream ed o f," said Khannouchi, w ho won the LaSalle Banks C hica­ go M arathon in 2 hours, 5 m inutes, 42 seconds Sunday, shattering the previous w orld best by 23 seconds. "I'v e been w orking hard, believ­ ing in m yself," he said. "W hen I got to the finish line, I was so excit­ ed, so happy." Khannouchi trailed two-tim e Boston M arathon w inner M oses Tanui of Kenya by 33 seconds at the 21-mile m ark, but he caught Tanui by the 25th m ile and easily outdistanced him , w inning by 34 seconds. A s he crossed the finish line, Khannouchi burst into tears and was w rapped in a bear hug by his w ife, Sandra, who also is his coach and agent. Khannouchi won a Volkswagen Beetle and $165,000, including a $100,000 bonus for breaking Ronaldo da C osta's previous w orld record of 2:06:05 set in 1998 at Berlin. Tyson alleges Norris faked late-hit injury ■ L A S V E G A S — A knee, not ears, figures in the latest M ike Tyson controversy. Tyson accused O rlin N orris of faking an in ju ry to his right knee that resulted in their fight being declared no contest after one round Saturday night. A n instant after the bell rang ending the first round, Tyson knocked dow n N orris w ith a left to the head. N o rris got up but said he cou ldn 't continue because of the knee injury. "H e just h it me after the b ell," N orris said. " I just w ent down the w rong w ay on m y right knee." N orris w as taken to V alley H os­ p ital M edical Center and an M R I showed he dislocated his kneecap, D r. F lip H om ansky, a N evada State A th letic Com m ission p hysi­ cian, said Sunday. The punch was deemed acci­ dental by referee Richard Steele. * - C om p iled from A sso c ia te d — — P re ss reports Texas tops Huskers in one of Longhorns’ greatest games ever Damien Pierce Daily Texan Staff M ike Jones was about to leave for the game w hen the phone rang. H e picked it up and on the other end of the lin e w as his mother, D iane V illarreal. "M y mom called to tell me that m y aunt, Rosie Siller, had had a dream the night before," the 6-foot 4-inch tight end said. "M y aunt dream ed that I scored a touch- dowm." That afternoon, S ille r's dream became a reality. Trailing 20-17 in the fourth quar­ ter, Texas quarterback M ajor Apple- wrhite found a wide-open Jones on third dow n and six. The tight end hauled in the pass and then w ent through three H usker defenders as he set his sights on getting across the goal line. "A ll I saw w as that w hite lin e," Jones said of his 18-yard gallop. " I w asn't going to let anyone keep me from getting there." N o one did. Jones got to the end zone and gave N o. 18 Texas (6-2, 3-1 Big 12) a stunning 24-20 victo ry over No. 3 Nebraska. The upset came before a school record crowd of 84,082 at Royal-M em orial Stadium on Satur­ day. " I don't know w hat it is about Texas tight ends and N ebraska," Jones said referring to his ow n touchdown and form er tight end Derek Lew is' fourth and one recep­ tion in the 19% Big 12 title game. " I just know that if I was in the stands w atching this game, I w ould have been really excited." And there was much to be excited about. The fans in attendance witnessed a classic in the house that D arrell R oyal built. It w asn 't quite as m agnificent as w hen Texas and Arkansas used to duke it out in the '60s for national suprem acy, but Satu rd a/s contest m ade its ow n claim to fam e in Longhorn folklore. " I think it was one of the biggest games w e have had here," lin e­ backer A nthony H icks said. "The N otre Dam e game was pretty big a few years back, the Texas A & M game last year was pretty good and the Kansas State game this year was pretty big too. But this was bigger." W hat made the game big is that it was a struggle from start to finish. Nebraska (6-1, 3-1) com piled 150 more yards of offense, picked up 10 m ore first dow ns, punted four few er tim es and held the football nearly 10 m inutes longer than the Longhorns did. But despite the stats, the Huskers never had com plete control of the game, even w ith a 13-3 lead at half- tim e. Texas evaporated the 10-point d eficit in the third quarter as Apple- w hite com pleted a screen pass to running back Hodges M itchell that w ent for 36 yards. Two plays later, C hris Robertson put the exclam a­ tion point on M itch ell's reception by leaping over the line for his sixth touchdown of the season. A couple of possessions later, C LASSIC/Page 9 Texas receivers Kwame Cavil, 9, and Ryan Nunez, 22, celebrate after Cavil's third quarter touchdown reception Andrew Loehman DAILY TEXAN STAFF | Trash-talking Comhuskers forced to eat their words Antnony H icks had heard it all. The Texas linebacker knew Nebraska center Dom inic Raiola had proclaim ed earlier in the week how much he absolutely despised Texas. He was w ell aware that Com- husker wingback Bobbv New- combe was sure that the Husker offense w ould run all over the Horns even if Texas defensive coor­ dinator Carl Reese had shoved all 11 Longhorn defenders into the box. H e hadn't forgotten that Com- husker linebacker Carlos Polk had m aintained that the Texas offen­ sive line could move about as w ell as a C apital M etro bus in rush hour traffic. Robby Nisenfeld Texan Columnist And after the Horns had just fin­ ished beating the Comhuskers for the third straight time Saturday, he knew Nebraska had stuck its big red foot in its mouth. "W e were hearing what they were saying," Hicks said of the H uskers' week-long barrage of trash talk. "W e were just going to let them talk away. If s easy to talk, but it7s hard to back up." W hich is a lesson that Raiola, Newcombe and Polk were forced to leam. Even though it took the entire contest to figure out. Raiola never stopped talking. He continued to do his best Jim Rome im personation the game, according to defensive tackle Shaun Rogers throughout "H e talked all day," Rogers said of Raiola. "Bu t it was to no avail." That's because Rogers, who Raiola was matched up against for much of the game, used Raiola as his personal football. As Rogers was on his w ay to piling up nine tackles, five of which were in the Nebraska backfield, he tossed Raio­ la around the Royal-Mem onal Sta­ dium grass, pitching him towards a SMACK/Page 9 Texas flanker Jeremy Jones is brought down by the Huskers defense. A n dre w Loehman/DAILY TEXAN STAFF Texas D shuts down Big Red attack Robby Nisenfeld Daily Texan Staff W ith two-and-a-half m inutes left in Satur­ day's game, Lee Corso made a proclam a­ tion. "It's all down to one play," the ESPN Col­ lege Gameday analyst told a group of sideline reporters as Nebraska faced a fourth-and- seven from the Texas 38-yard-line, trailing the Longhorns 24-20. Corso then made a prediction. "T h e/re gonna run a delay or a screen," he said. Nebraska chose the screen. Texas forced Com husker quarterback Eric Crouch to his right. And when Crouch's pressured pass fell incomplete, Corso handed out high- fives, and Texas defensive tackle Shaun Rogers was in a state of shock. "W hen we put that stop on them on fourth down, it was unbelievable," Rogers said. But it shouldn't have been. It was what the Texas defense had done all day long — make play after play, end drive after drive, and pace the Longhorns (6- 2 overall, 3-1 Big 12) to a 24-20 victory over the Comhuskers (6-1,3-1). The fourth-down stop made the Horns a perfect 3-for-3 in stuffing Nebraska on fourth downs, and Texas held Nebraska to 3- of-12 on third-down conversions. Nebraska entered Texas tem oritv on 11 of its 14 drives, but only managed four scores. Texas bent, but rarely broke. Nebraska crumbled when it counted most. The Huskers lost three fumbles, including one that running back Cornell Buckhalter coughed up as he was on his w av into the end zone for a fourth-quarter touchdown that w ould have given Nebraska the lead. "The turnovers were the difference in the gam e," Texas head coach M ack Brown said. "They had three, we had none. That made such a difference." Statistically, the 429 total yards the Texas defense gave up wras more yards than it had surrendered in any other game this year. The 136 rushing yards that Nebraska run­ ning back Dan Alexander amassed, prim ar­ ily on carries up the m iddle, was the first time that a single back had topped the cen­ tury mark against the Texas defense this sea­ son. The 237 passing yards the Huskers com­ piled w'as 24 more than Texas Q B M ajor Applew hite racked up That's all fine and DEFENSE/Page 9 Shaun Rogers brings Nebraska quarterback Eric Crouch to the turf. Texas only let the explosive option QB carry for 35 yards Andrew Loehman'DAILY TEXAN STAFF Yanks Associated Press A T LA N ! A — Pick your poison. Hitting^ The Atlanta Braves managed just five hits Sunday night and w’ere rout­ ed 7-2 by the New York Yankees, falling behind 2-0 in a W orld Series that looks like the Debacle of the Decade. Defense? One night after defensive replacem ent Bnan H unter made two errors at first base in a 4-1 loss, shortstop Ozzie G uillen let in a run by dropping a soft liner that he could have caught w ith his bare hands. Pitching? Kevin M ilhvood, who threw’ a one-hitter in his first postseason start, surrendered three hits before he even got an out Sunday night. By the third inning, he w’as gone. Team of the '90s? Looks bke that title is New York-bound, just like this Senes. "W e're not plavang like the team that won 103 games," reliever John Rocker said. "W e haven't looked good in anv area." The Yankees, w illin g and able to take adv antage of every mistake, are halfw ay home to yet another Senes title, blowing through Atlanta like a sw eep in the mak­ ing. The next three games in the best-of-7 series are set for Yankee Stadium , though two may be enough it things don't change dram atically for the Braves The only consolation: Atlanta is in vir­ tually the same predicament that taoed New York three vears ago, when the Braves outscored the A L champs 16-1 to w in the first two games at Yankee Stadi­ um. New’ York took the title bv winning the next four, including three in Atlanta O f course, there are just seven plavcrs on the current roster w ho played in the '% Series, so the Braves mav have to be content w ith being runner-up for the fourth tim e this decade. " I was in northern Arizona cam ping at the tim e," said Terry' M ulholland, acquired in a rmdseason trade. "The 19% YANKEES Page 8 A P photo Now York Yankee PayJ 0‘Naill hits an RBI-single off Kevin Millwood to drive in teem m f Chuck Knoblauch during the fir* inning of Game 2 of the World Senes. Page 8 Monday, October 2 5 , 1 9 9 9 T h e D a il y T ex a n NFL ROUNDUP — 1 M , H V I V I I I ST LOUIS — The surprise jugger­ naut claimed another victim. The St. Louis Rams, who entered this season as the NFL's losingest team in the 1990s, remained the only unbeaten team this year with a 34-3 victory over the winless Geveland Browns on Sunday. Kurt Warner threw three touch­ down passes, two of them to Roland Willliams, and Marshall Faulk, who spent the previous rught in a hospital due to the flu, had 133 yards rushing on 16 carries, with a 33-yard score. The expansion Browns, 19-point underdogs, were more fodder for a team that has made a remarkable transformation after entering the year 45-99 for the decade. The Rams (6-0) led 14-0 before the Browns (0-7) had run an offensive play and it was 21-3 — and game over — at halftime. Browns rookie wide receiver Kevin Johnson had brashly predicted a vic­ tory. In particular, he was treated roughly. Warner, so lightly regarded before Trent Green's season-ending knee injury in August that the Rams had a shot at him in the expansion draft, hiked his league-leading touchdown pass total to 18. He was 23-for-29 for 203 yards. mmwmmiicwa FOXBORO, Mass. — The sign on the Foxboro Stadium wall was prophetic: "When Elway retired it was a sin, but now maybe we can win." Two things the Patriots needed — a running game and John El way's retirement — came together for the first time in 19 years on Sunday and New England beat the Broncos 24-23 when Jason Elam missed a 59-yard field goal try with 1:38 left. "You work hard and you hear this Denver thing hanging over your head, and the Elway thing/' Patriots tackle Bruce Armstrong said. "To get it over and done with is huge." Craig Morton was Broncos quar­ terback the last time they lost to New England, 23-14 in 1980. The Patriots' 11-game losing streak against Denver began in 1984, the year after Elway was the NFL's top draft pick. Terry Allen ran for a season-high 106 yards and two touchdowns before he left with a concussion in the fourth quarter. The Patriots gained a season-high 133 yards rushing after totaling just 108 in their last two games. The Broncos had an opportunity to continue their turnaround with­ out Elway and the injured Terrell Davis and Shannon Sharpe. Brian Griese threw for 316 yards and a touchdown and ran for another, and rookie Olandis Gary ran for 90 yards. But they couldn't get the Broncos close enough on their last possession. "This year we're learning who wants to be there when things aren't going well," wide receiver Rod Smith said. "Anyone can go out there and celebrate when you're winning." SiU M H S 26. BILLS 16 SEATTLE — After his conserva­ tive game plan backfired in a loss to San Diego last week, Seattle coach Mike Holmgren decided to turn quarterback Jon Kitna loose against Buffalo on Sunday. Kitna responded by passing for two touchdowns and Todd Peter­ son kicked four field goals to lead the Seahawks to a 26-16 victory. Kitna, in his first full season as the Seahawks starter, helped his team move into a three-way tie for first place in the AFC West. Kitna completed 17 of 30 passes for a season-high 276 yards with no interceptions. 6KH6MB261N1U16 OAKLAND, Calif. — The Raiders signed Rich Gannon to provide steady, mistake-free leadership at quarterback. On Sunday, he added a dose of heroism as Oakland rallied from a 17-point deficit and beat the New York Jets with 26 seconds left. Gannon, who led the Raiders to three touchdowns in the final 16 min­ utes despite a sore left wrist, threw a 5- yard pass to James Jett to give Oak­ land a 24-23 win over New York, which got 123 yards rushing from Curtis Martin and a solid perfor­ mance by quarterback Rick Mirer. The Raiders (4-3) have had all their games decided by a touchdown or less this season. "This football team is killing me," Oakland coach Jon Gruden said with a grin. "It was a great win. It wasn't always pretty, but w« knew it would come down to the fourth quarter." Trailing 20-3 late in the third period, Gannon threw a 45-yard scoring pass to Tim Brown and then led the Raiders on an 83-yard drive capped by Zack Crockett's 3-yard scoring run. After John Hall's third field goal for the Jets (1-6), Gannon led a 90-yard drive in the final two minutes. N M B S n e M M B S ! SAN DIEGO — That disaster in Denver was just a hiccup for Brett Favre and foe Green Bay Packers. A week after his worst game as a pro, Favre threw three touchdown passes and foe Packers exposed San Diego's weak pass defense and awful offense in humiliating foe Chargers 31-3 on Sunday. Green Bay (4-2) had six interceptions in winning for foe first time in three road games. In foe 31-10 loss at Denver Favre was 7-of-23 for 120 yards with three interceptions. Against foe Chargers (4- 2), who were shakier than usual on pass coverage because of injuries, Favre was an efficient 12-of-22 for 173 yards, with one interception. After Chargers starter Erik Kramer threw his third interception, Favre put it away by leading foe Packers on a 99-yard, 14-play drive. A 3-yard TD pass to Antonio Freeman made it 28-3 with three seconds left in the third quarter. The Chargers were brutal in flunk­ ing their first big test under rookie head coach Mike Riley. All three of Kramer's interceptions set up Packers touchdowns and Jim Harbaugh was picked off three times. The Chargers lost sole possession of first place in foe AFC West and had their three-game winning streak ended. IU U T S II, SA IN T SI EAST RUTHERFORD, N.J. — It was so bad, Mike Ditka was almost speechless. Kent Graham ran for a touch­ down and then broke foe game open by throwing for two more scores in the final 63 seconds of foe second quarter as foe New York Giants routed the New Orleans Saints 31-3 Sunday. New York's usually inept offense in handing looked spectacular Ditka's team its fifth straight loss. "Obviously, there is not much you can say about today," Ditka said in a prosígame news confer­ ence that lasted 80 seconds. "We were disorganized offensively and played just as bad on defense." New Orlean's worst loss of the season came just a week after the team fined the emotional Ditka $20,000 for making obscene ges­ tures to fans at the Superdome after they booed the team. Ricky Williams' 111-yard effort was his first time to reach the cen­ tury mark in the NFL. His previous best was 84 against Chicago. — compiled from Associated Press reports AP photo St Louis Rams tight end Roland Williams celebrates after he scored a touchdown dur­ ing the first quarter against the Cleveland Browns. "We came into this game with the idea that we'd be a little less conser­ vative and we'd throw the ball around," said Holmgren, Seattle's first-year coach. "I think Jon had a pretty good game. He felt as bad as anybody did last Sunday." In last week's 13-10 loss to the Chargers, Kitna didn't complete a pass over 25 yards. Against the Bills, he had four completions over 25 yards, including a 43-yard TD pass to Derrick Mayes. "Hopefully, coach is getting more confidence in me," said Kitna, who was 13-of-21 for 190 yards and two TDs in the first half when the Sea­ hawks took a 23-3 lead. Cowboys outshoot rival Redskins Associated Press IRVING — The Dallas Cowboys were woozy coming into Sunday's game. At halftime, so was Deion Sanders. But with Troy Aikman leading foe way, Dallas snapped out of a two- game slide with a 38-20 victory over Washington that Sanders capped by overcoming a head-spin­ ning hit and returning a punt 70 yards for a touch­ down. Aikman, who led the Cowboys to scores on their first three possessions, threw two touch­ down passes and ran for one. It was quite an awakening for an offense that had scored two touchdowns and 20 points over foe last two games. "Considering foe fact that we lost foe last two, this game might have been a little bigger. Every­ body knew that," said Aikman, who finished 20- of-32 for 244 yards. "I don't think anybody was questioning themselves. We just needed to go out and do it as a group." The Redskins, who had won four straight since losing to foe Cowboys 41-35 in overtime in foe opener, are tied with Dallas (4-2) for foe NFC East lead. The Cowboys have a five-game winning streak against their top rival for foe first time since 1979-81. "We didn't get it done," comerback Darrell Green said. "Everything was out of sync today." Sanders got things going by tackling Stephen Davis for a 4-yard loss on the game's first play. The crowd, which included former Nobel prize winner Nelson Mandela, went crazy and kept it up as foe Cowboys took a 17-0 lead. The cheers were silenced a bit when Sanders was crushed between Dan Turk and Mike Sellers on his second punt return. He went to foe locker room with a mild concussion and didn't return until the third quarter. When he did, foe Redskins were threatening to pull off a comeback similar to foe 21-point rally Dallas had in foe season opener. They got within 24-20 early in foe fourth quarter on a 44-yard touchdown pass from Brad Johnson to Albert Connell. "We were able to get close," Johnson said. "Then they broke foe door down and ran away with it." The runaway began with foe Cowboys at their 7 and Emmitt Smith and Raghib Ismail also in foe locker room with injuries. But Dallas still had Aikman, and he found a way to move 93 yards in 13 plays. Aikman scrambled foe final yard for foe touchdown, which made him a 1,000-yard rusher over his 11- year career and gave Dallas a 31-20 lead. Then, it was Sanders' turn to shine. On his first punt return since foe one that knocked him out, he ran 70 yards for a touch­ down. "I knew the doctors weren't going to let me go out there, so I ran in straight from foe tunnel," said Sanders, who apparently convinced them he was OK because they let him remain in after he returned to the sideline. "But I don't remember half the game." AP photo Dallas Cow boys Deion Sanders (21) celebrates with teammate Nate Hemsley (58) after Sanders scored on a 70-yard punt return against the W ashington Redskins. Flyers goalie unshakable in third straight shutout Associated Press PHILADELPHIA — Philadelphia's John Vanbiesbrouck tied his own club record with his third straight shutout as foe Hyers defeated foe Florida Panthers 2-0 Sunday night. Jody Hull scored an unassisted goal in foe first period and Eric Lind ros added an empty-netter with 37.1 sec­ onds left in foe game. Vanbiesbrouck stopped 22 shots in recording his 38th career shutout. It was foe fourth straight win for foe Flyers after going 0-5-1 in their first six games. The Panthers lost their second straight after starting out with a 5-1-1 mark. Vanbiesbrouck, who has not allowed a goal in foe last 214:27, is close to his club record and career high scoreless string of 218:42 established last season when he had three consecutive shutouts for foe first time, also a Flyers record. Vanbiesbrouck rarely was tested as he thwarted Horida's four power-play attempts. request music online ss STANDINGS Overall L W 6 2 4 2 2 4 3 6 L 0 1 3 3 5 5 3 3 1 W 7 6 4 4 3 3 BIG 12 Conference W 3 2 2 2 1 U w 4 3 3 1 1 n L 1 1 2 2 2 4_ L 0 1 1 3 3 4 SOUTH DIVISION Texas Oklahoma Texas A S M Texas Tech Oklahoma St. Baylor NORTH DIVISION Kansas St Nebraska Colorado Iowa St Kansas Missouri Next week’s games Baylor at Kansas State Nebraska at Kansas Oklahoma at Colorado Oklahoma State at Texas A&M Texas at Iowa State Texas Tech at Missouri AFC EAST Miami New England Indianapolis Buffalo N Y Jets AFC CENTRAL Jacksonville Tennessee Pittsburgh Baltimore Cincinnati Cleveland AFC WEST Kansas City San Diego Seattle Oakland Denver AFC W 5 5 4 4 1 W 5 5 3 2 1 0 w 4 4 4 4 2 L 1 2 2 3 6 4 6 L i 2 2 2 3 5 PRO FOOTBALL T 0 0 0 0 0 o ’ 0 T 0 0 0 0 0 % 833 .714 667 571 .143 % _ 833 .833 500 333 143 000 % 667 667 .667 571 286 NFC EAST Dallas Washington N Y Giants Detroit Green Bay Jampa Bay Chicago NFC WEST St Lous San Francisco Carolina Atlanta New Orleans Philadelphia _ 2 NFC CENTRAL W __ 4_ L 1 ±_ 3 T o ~~ T o ___ NFC W 4 4 4 2 4 3 3 3 W 6 3 2 1 1 L 2 2 3 4 5 L 2 2 3 4 L 0 4 4 5 5 T 0 o 0 0 0 T 0 0 0 0 0 T 0 0 0 0 0 % SSI 667 571 333 286 % 667 667 .500 429 429 % 1000 429 333 .167 167 < <• O X D C/3 o ' D 10 c Cl o ! V) $ r < • kvrx club nites • tues • emo's wed • red eyed fly MONDAY’S LINE-UP: 3:00 UT Women’s Volleyball (R) 5:00 W hat’s the Cover? 7:00 Film Pimpers 7:30 Slamdance Shorts 8:00 Classic Sneak Peek 8:30 Vox 9:00 KVR News 9 9:30 College Press Box 10:00 Videos for Ron UT AUSTIN’S KVRA/E YOUR CAMPUS, YOUR v o x This weok: Abortion Bites the Bullet Contact KVR-TV to be on this issues talk show. Tonight at 8:30 FM * KVR-TV BROADCAST9 1 DORM 15/CABLE 16 Watch shart films by OT Students a Undent haw yen can net yams shown on FILM PIMPERS Tenlglttat7NI is the way you get to campus and g r o u n d Austin about to change? We II tell you the future of lightrail In Austin. You may have gotten your flu shot - but officials say you should have one more - a shot for Meningitis. Halloween is this Sunday. What are you going to wear? We II tell you what s hot and what $ not H , .¿x KVRX ■ K , - ' ^ , ¡ight at 9 PM, Your News LIVE! m SP m m m * ■ c w ' . ■ -; College Press Box - 9:30 LIVE KVR9-TV: T e levision for the U n iv e rsity of Texas at A ustin - http.//www.ut*exas.edu/students/l< Yankees Continued from page 7 Series has no bearing on this Series as far as I'm concerned." Atlanta's hitters are looking down­ right silly against New York's wily pitchers, very much aware that they can get just about everyone outside of Chipper Jones to swing at offerings beyond foe limits of foe strike zone. "It's one of those contagious things," hitting coach Don Baylor said. "Guys are starting to press, even at this level. TTtey're trying to do some­ thing, but nothing is happening." Game 2 was basically over after foe top half of foe first. Chuck Knoblauch led off against Millwood by lining an 0-2 pitch to center field for a single. Derek Jeter and Paul O'Neill followed with singles as well, foe latter driving in a run. Millwood, foe Braves' most consis­ tent starter during foe regular season, had a chance to escape when Bemie Williams hit into a double play. But Tino Martinez singled in another run, Ricky Ledee walked and Scott Brosius made it 3-0 with yet another line-drive single. In foe third, foe Yankees finished off Millwood, whose first World Series appearance became his shortest stint of foe season. Wiliams singled, Mar­ tinez singled and Ledee doubled in a run. Manager Bobby Cox walked slowly to the mound to remove Millwood, who had gone at least five innings in every start — 33 in a row — since last­ ing just 31-3 innings at Los Angeles on April 20. Of they eight hits he surren­ dered, five came with two strikes. "I didn't make any out pitches," Millwood said. "I would get ahead in foe count, then throw it down the middle of foe plate. You can't do that." After Millwood departed, it was time for foe defense to fall apart. Guillen, inserted for offense, cost a run at shortstop when he inexplicably dropped David Cone's soft liner in foe fourth with two outs and a runner at looking on from foe third. Cox, dugout, held his hands over his cap in disbelieving anguish. "I just made one mistake," Guillen said. "We didn't lose foe game because of my mistake. We lost die game because we didn't score any runs." I HE D a i l y 1 EXAN Monday, October 2 5 , 1 9 9 9 Page 9 Defense Continued from page 7 dandy, but it isn't Nebraska. Crouch m ay have outpassed his Texas counterpart, but as he did, he played right into the Horns' hands. When they w ere forced to open up their offense, the C om huskers' w ishbone attack became about as Husker-like as three-straight losses to the same team. Crouch rarely reached the outside com er on the option. The sophomore QB totaled a m eager 35 yards on the ground and averaged only 2.1 yards per carry. If they beat us, it w asn't going to be w ith the option," Brown said. "They were going to have to beat us on trick plays and the passing game." Which Crouch did a few' times, but it the H orns d id n 't w asn t anything expect. "Anytime you try to stop the run, you've got to put 9-10 people on it," Smack Continued from page 7 Nebraska running back or flinging him back over quarterback Eric Crouch's way. Raiola eventually quieted down, but only after the then-No. 18 Horns (6-2 overall, 3-1 Big 12) had knocked the then-No.3 C om huskers (6-1, 3-1) from the ranks of the unbeaten. "He didn't speak to me after the game," Rogers said. He m ust have taken it a little person­ al. Rogers know s the feeling. Those are really personal issues to me," Rogers said of the H uskers pregame smack. "We try to be classy at Texas and avoid m aking comments like that. That just kind of show s w here their focus really was. I think it show ed a lit­ tle worry on their part." Speaking of w orries, rem em ber N ew com be's lack of apprehension about Texas' ability to stop the run? He must have seen som ething in the Texas gam e tapes that led him to believe the H orns were soft on rush defense. It just didn't show up on Saturday. Texas held Crouch, the key com po­ nent in the H uskers' wishbone attack, to an average of 2.1 yards per carry. The Huskers did managed 192 total nishing yards, but that's 247 less than the 439 they ran up on the ground against Iowa State in their previous game. It was also the third lowest rushing output the Huskers had produced this season. As for Newcombe, he had one carry for negative two yards, and one final going-away remark for the Longhorns after the game. "We go into every gam e thinking w e re the better team," said Newcombe, w ho had three catches for 22 vards and one 33-yard toss. "We go into every gam e w ith a lot of confidence. We came out today thinking w e were the better Texas defensive coordinator Carl Reese said. "W hen you do that, every once in a while you let a big play go." A nd w hen there w as no big play, chances are some H usker was being corralled for a loss. Texas had 14 tackles behind the line of scrimmage, including five by defensive tackle Shaun Rogers. Rogers almost single-handely had more tackles for a loss than the whole (7). The sam e N ebraska defense Nebraska defense that w as recognized as one of the nation's best and received all the hype heading into game. A nd the sam e Nebraska defense that Rogers feels he and his team m ates couldn't and didn't let outplay them. "We've been recognized as a good defense, but there has always been someone to overshadow us," Rogers said. 'This was our house and we were going to dem and respect." team. I still think w e are. We just didn't get it done on the field today. Texas proved they w ere the better team today." As a m atter of fact, the H orns played so well in one facet of the game, that they ended up messing themselves up. That inconsistent Texas offensive line that Polk had hounded before the gam e w as so effective in its pass blocking that the Nebraska front four's best defense was to throw their hands up and hope to bat dow n a Major Applew hite toss. "The offeasive line wras blocking so well that Nebraska's defensive line quit rushing, p u t their hands u p and knocked dow n som e of my passes," said the Texas QB. "If they're standing five yards away from you, I don't care how tall you are, they're going to knock passes d o w a " he added. Polk did record one sack. It was the Huskers' only sack of the day. It came on a fumbled snap by Applewhite, w'ho chimed in about the C om husker chatter following the game. "We knew they were talking a lot during the week," Applew hite said. "We knew to do our talking on the field." Which the Horns did to the tune of Texas 24, Nebraska 20. And th e a if they had chosen to, the Horns could have done some off-the-field talking after the game. Something like 'three peat.' What about 'th u d time is a charm, just like the first and second." O r 'w e m ust have their number.' But they didn't. They'll just let the Com huskers use their imagination. I don't know," Texas w ide receiver Kwame Cavil said. "If I lost to someone three times in a row, I w'ould think something." The Top 25 team s in college football as voted by The A s s o c ia te d P r e s s . First place votes are in parenthesis. Record. Pts Pv f 1 Florida St. (55) 8-0 1,733 1 2. Penn St. (10) 8-0 2 1,684 3. Virginia Tech (5) 6-0 1,603 4 4 Tennessee 5-1 1,515 5 5. Florida 6-1 1,456 6 6. Kansas St. 7-0 1,412 7 7. Georgia Tech 5-1 1,329 8 8. Mississippi St. 7-0 1,180 12 8. Nebraska 6-1 1,180 3 10. Georgia 6-1 1,072 14 11. Wisconsin 6-2 17 1,010 12. Texas 6-2 992 18 13. Marshall 7-0 921 15 14. Alabama 5-2 805 10 15. Michigan 5-2 9 649 16. BYU 6-1 634 19 17. East Carolina 6-1 545 20 18. Purdue 5-3 511 16 19 Michigan St. 6-2 446 11 20. Southern Miss. 5-2 434 21 21. Ohio St. 5-3 388 22 22. Texas A&M 5-2 13 264 23. Miami 3-3 244 23 _ 24 Oklahoma 4-2 174 25. Mississippi 5-2 171 25 Others receiving votes Notre Dame 119, Stanford 67, Utah 59, Syracuse 57, Minnesota 47, Arkansas 25, Illinois 10, Clemson 3, Louisiana Tech 3, Maryland 3, Air Forte 2, Oregon 2, Washington 1 Qaity (Erxmt The Top 25 teams in college football as voted by the Daily Texan sports staff Pts 123 122 115 107 105 100 96 89 81 78 76 72 1. Penn St. (3) 2. Florida St. (2) 3. Virginia Tech 4. Tennessee 5. Florida 6. Kansas St. 7. Georgia Tech 8. Mississippi St. 9 Georgia 10. Nebraska 11. Texas 12. Wisconsin 13. Marshall 67 14. BYU 56 15. Alabama 52 16. Michigan 50 17. East Carolina 45 T18. Michigan St. 37 T18. Southern Miss 37 20 Purdue 34 21 Ohio St. 27 22. Oklahoma 21 23. Mississippi 13 24 Notre Dame 9 25. Texas A&M 8 Others receiving votes Miami (6) Record 8-0 8-0 6-0 5-1 6-1 7-0 5-1 7-0 6-1 6-1 6-2 6-2 7-0 6-1 5-2 5-2 6-1 6-2 5-2 5-3 5-3 4-2 5-2 4-3 5-2 Pv 2 1 4 5 6 T7 T7 11 14 3 18 17 15 19 10 9 20 12 21 16 122 _ 24 725 13 Play Unlimited Golf All Year Round M EM BERSÍ11P PriVILEC. ES Save 50% o lí g re e n a n d c a rt fe e s d u rin g 6 m o n th s o f N o v e m b e r-F e b ru a ry a n d Ju ly -A u g u st. Play a n v tim e w e e k ­ d ays a n d a lte r 1 0 :0 0 a.m . o n w e e k e n d s at m o st c o u rse s. Save 20% o ff g re e n a n d c a rt fee s d u rin g 6 m o n th s o f M arch- J u n e a n d S e p te m b e r-O c to b e r at m o st c o u rs e s M e m b e r s h i p F ee Join by October 25 fo r only $199 pins tax (sure $100) Day Phone( State Z ip_____________ C heck o r Credit Cart _________Expires___________ M EM BERS H IP A PPLIC ATI O N ! Name i i ¡ A d d ress_____________________ ____ i J City________________________ ___ i ! 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P A R A D I S E G O L F N E M I t l l H U An O utback Sports C om pam P A R T IC IP A T IN G C L U B S ! | C o l o V is t a C ir c l e C B l a c k h a w k M il l C r e e k L e g a c y H il l s W h i t e W in g T h e B a n d i t L a g o V is t a H i g h l a n d L a k e s F o r m o r e d e t a i l s a n d t o j o i n C a l l (800) 605-2582 O ffice H ours: M onday - Friday 7:30 a.m . - 7:00 p.m. W eekends 9:00 a.m . - 4:00 p.m. If yo u are not satisfied fo r an) reason w ith y o u r m em bership u itb in tbe first J 0 days o f tbe m em bership yo u m ay receite a 100% refund „ _ Andrew loehman/DAILY TEXAN STAFF Case, Hampton. 64. «covers a fumble by Nebraska's Crom.ll Buckhalter near tbe Longhorns' own goal line to save a likely touchdown. , a good football team and expect not to get stu n g by it." aw a y N e b rask a the fum bled p ig skin three tim es to the H orns defense, b u t the turnovers d id n 't kill N eb rask a as the B lackshirts o nly allow ed the H orns to tu rn those mis- cues into three points. The H uskers even regained the lead after B u c k h alter's fum ble as N ebraska quarterback Eric Crouch, w ho rushed for only 35 y ard s on 17 carries, ran the ball nine y ards for a to u ch d o w n to give N ebraska a 20-17 lead w ith 7:52 rem aining in the gam e. But S aturday had been Texas' day. W hen it seem ed to be destined that p u n te r Ryan Long w ould have his p u n t blocked, he w as able to kick it 37 y ards w hile being obliterated by N eb rask a 's M ike Brown. W hen it seem ed that N ebraska w as rolling on offense, the H orns defense w ould m ake a stand. O ne w ay or another, Texas w as going to find a w ay to win. "It just seem s like w e have their num ber," Texas receiver Ryan N unez said. "We w e re n 't in tim id a ted by them an d w e felt like w e could w in this gam e. We d id n 't get do w n w hen w e fell behind an d w e just kept com ­ ing after them ." So the H orns w ent deep for glory. S tanding at his ow n 40-yard line, A pplew hite launched a pass in the air to N unez. For a m om ent it had appeared that the receiver w o u ld n 't be able to ru n it d o w n as he w as held by a defender, b u t som e how he got it. "The su ck er w as h o ld in g and p u shing m e," N unez said of N ebras­ ka defensive back Ralph Brown. "I d idn t know w hether to dive at first, b u t then the ball just landed in m y hands." A couple of plays later, Jones found him self in the endzone and Texas had regained the lead for good at 24-20 w ith 5:51 left in the gam e. N ebraska h ad a shot to return the favor, but C rouch's pass on fourth do w n fell to the tu rf incomplete. Texas had w on a classic and w hen the gam e ended, Jones looked for his mom. "I just looked u p at her in the stan d s and she blew kisses at me," he said. "We both knew the dream cam e true." th in k m y life c o u ld g et a n y b etter. B ut to d o s o m e th in g else." tim e i t 's T he 11-tim e A ll-S tar h a s g a in e d fa m e fo r h is g a m e — h e w a s n a m e d o n e o f th e N B A 's 50 b est a ll-tim e p la y e rs in 1997 — a n d in fa m y fo r h is m o u th . B arkley h as b e e n o n e of th e le a g u e 's m o st co l­ o rfu l p la y e rs — o n a n d off th e c o u rt, k n o w n for e v e ry th in g from 0 d e n o u n c in g a th le te s as role mod-* to o n c e e ls th ro u g h a b a rro o m w in d o w . th r o w in g a m a n T h e r e 's b e e n so m e n e g a tiv e th in g s th a t h a v e h a p p e n e d th a t p e o p le are g o in g to a c c e n tu a te ," H o u s to n coach R u d y T om janovich sa id . " H e 's a re a lly g o o d p la y e r w ith a g re a t h e a rt. I lo v e th e guy." to b e m is s e d ," a d d e d P isto n s g u a r d G ra n t H ill I h e re 's n o t g o in g to be a n o th e r " H e 's g o in g C h a rle s." Barkley calls it quits, again Classic Continued from page 7 Texas struck again to take its first lead at 17-13 by going to receiver K w am e Cavil, w ho finished the gam e w ith eight catches for 84 yards, on three consecutive plays. A pplew hite com ­ pleted passes of 18 y ards and 27 y ards to Cavil on the three-play drive before hitting the receiver for a 13- yard scoring strike. "It's a priority to get the ball to K w am e in o u r offense," said A pple- w hite, w ho com pleted 17 of 30 pass­ es for 213 y ards and a couple of touchdow ns. But like Texas, N ebraska did not fade aw ay after falling behind. The H usk ers took their next drive an d m arched 71 y ard s to the Texas 4- yard line in eight plays. From there, C orrell B u ckh alter th en the handoff and looked to be on his w ay to the en d zo n e until he w as m et by the A h m ad Brooks, w h o p o p p e d football loose. C asey H am p to n m ade a divin g recovery on the fum ble and halted the N ebraska drive. took "We h ad o u r chances, b u t w e m ade too m an y errors," N ebraska head coach Frank Solich said. "In football, you cannot tu rn the ball o ver against A ssocia te d Press B IR M IN G H A M , A la. — T h is tim e h e m e a n s it. N o joke. C h a r le s B a rk le y e v e n h a d a th e h a lf tim e c e re m o n y b e fo re h o m e to w n fan s at S u n d a y n ig h t's H o u s to n R o c k e ts-D e tro it P isto n s e x h ib itio n g a m e to p ro v e it. T h is s e a s o n , h is 1 6 th th e in N BA , w ill b e h is last. B arkley, w h o h a s te a se d fan s a n u m b e r o f tim e s in re c e n t y e a rs w ith th e th r e a t o f c a llin g it q u its , fo rm a lly a n n o u n c e d h is p e n d in g th e B irm in g h a m in r e tir e m e n t ju s t a h a lf - h o u r C iv ic C e n te r, d r iv e fro m h is h o m e to w n of L eeds. W ith h is tr a d e m a r k flo u rish , h e a n n o u n c e d he w o u ld g iv e $1 m il­ lio n e a c h to a lm a m a te rs L eed s H ig h S ch oo l a n d A u b u rn U n iv e r­ sity a n d to a p r o g ra m fo r in n e r- c ity B irm in g h a m y o u th c a lle d C o r n e r s to n e S chools. "I d o n 't th in k G od g a v e m e th is g ift so I c o u ld p la y b a s k e tb a ll a n d h a v e $50 m illio n in th e b a n k a n d live h a p p ily e v e r a fte r," B arkley, 36, sa id . "I d o n 't th in k th a t's w h a t m y life is for. to re tire "I m a d e u p m y m in d th a t I w as g o in g la st s e a so n ," he to ld th e c ro w d a t h a lftim e of th e R o c k ets' 98-96 v ictory. "A r e p o r te r a sk e d m e, You h a v e a th le te s m a k ­ in g a b s u rd a m o u n ts of m o n e y b u t w h y a r e n 't th e y d o in g g r e a t th in g s w ith it? It re a lly a n n o y e d m e, b e c a u s e it w a s tru e ." H e w a s jo in e d a t c e n te r c o u rt by h is m o th e r, C h a rc e y G le n n , an d g ra n d m o th e r , J o h n n ie M ae M ick- en s, w h o ra is e d h im to g e th e r. " I t's tim e fo r m e to d o so m e ­ th in g e lse ," h e sa id . " I t's tim e for m e to h a v e so m e fu n now . I d o n 't Firehouse Custom Bicycles FALL MTB BLO W O UT!!! JA M IS • R O C K Y M OUNTAIN ALL 1 9 9 9 I n v e n to r y MUST GO! 2 5 - 4 0 % <*,, bikes starting at $225 901 B. W 24” r me Big Bed Fire Hyd Look for the Big Bed Fire 4 8 2 8 8 1 1 rant ‘ ‘ h ttp ://fire m a n .h o m e .te x a s.n e t I i i/i O 0 £ 1 £L o o u Want a chance to win two tickets and an all-expense paid trip to the football game on Friday, N ovem ber 26th, w here the Horns battle the Aggies? The University COOP wants to send you! W e ’ll even throw in a free limo ride to and from the game. All you have to do is... Texas volleyball captures win in five-set thriller over Huskers Mario Zavala Daily Texan Staff It may not have lasted as long as one of those three-hour Oscar-winning movies, but the tenth-ranked Longhorns' match with No. 13 Nebraska was certainly not missing any of those pictures' dramatic elements. In what was a hard fought offensive slugfest from beginning to end, Texas rallied from a 2-1 match deficit and an early 4-1 Nebraska fourth game lead to defeat the vis­ iting Comhuskers in five sets 15-11, 7-15,12- 15, 15-9,15-13. "This win is huge in terms of confidence because no matter what you gotta win to have confidence, and this is real big in terms of keeping us where we need to be," said Texas head volleyball coach Jim Moore. "In my three years here I can't remember being more proud of what this group did." What the Longhorns actually did was defeat a team that has cost them a national title (in 1995) and a great deal of pain over the last few years. With the win, Texas beat the Comhuskers for only the second time in 11 opportunities and kept themselves in position to grab the Big 12 Championship. Texas (15-3, 9-1 Big 12) jumped out to an early 1-0 lead with a victory in the first game by continuing their recent offensive relent­ lessness. Led by senior Erin Aldrich, the Longhorns racked up 27 kills and forced three Huskers into negative hitting percent­ ages and a dismal .156 team hitting percent­ age. Nebraska (15-5, 7-3 Big 12) responded to the Horns' challenge in impressive fashion in the second frame. TEXAS VOLLEYBALL U In my three years here I can’t remember being more proud of what this group did.” — Jim Moon, Toxoo hooi cooch With Texas ahead 4-3, the Huskers took advantage of Longhorn miscues and quick­ ly strung together six of the next seven points to grab a 9-5 lead. The Horns would answer with a pair of Kathy Tilson kills to cut the Nebraska lead to 9-7, but that would be as close as they would get. Nebraska put together an 8-0 run, with the last four points coming off Longhorn hitting errors* to grab the game and even the match at one. In the third game, it would be more of the same as Nebraska seemed to have an answer for every Longhorn offensive attack. The Huskers built an early 9-4 lead behind a pair of Mandy Monson aces and a dominant front line that blocked everything in sight. Texas eventually evened the match up at 10 behind back-to-back Aldrich kills and a 3- 0 spurt sparked, by Gipy Duarte's crafty serving, but were eventually done in by All- American Mandy Meendering's three kills in the game's final six points. "The game is basically a game of adjust­ ments and we came out with a little differ­ ent look than they expected. They didn't adjust at first, but when they did, we didn't adjust back," said Moore of Texas' efforts in the second and third games. The Longhorns did adjust to Nebraska's defensive efforts in the fourth set. With the match evened up at six, Texas capitalized on a Meendering hitting error to build a 9-6 advantage. From there, the two teams trad­ ed points before two of Tilson's game-high nine kills pushed the Longhorn advantage to 13-8. The Huskers would grab one more point before a block by Jill Gremmel and another Aldrich kill gave Texas the game and tied the match at two games apiece. In the fifth and final game, the deadly duo of Tilson and Aldrich proved to be too much for the Comhuskers to handle. Needing sure-fire points during the rally scoring (when every sideout scores a point) for the clincher, the Longhorns turned to their two top guns for an offensive punch. Aldrcih got Texas off right with a couple of kills and a block to help the Longhorns build a 7-5 lead, and Tilson finished the Huskers off with three of her career-high 31 kills coming in the game's closing moments to end the Horns' comeback in dramatic fashion. "We came in tonight knowing we had to redeem ourselves for last year and I'm real­ ly proud of the way the team played and fought real hard," said Aldrich. "People expect me to put the ball on the floor [all the time], but Tilson is the key to our attack and it's so awesome to have a teammate that can put the ball on the floor like Kathy can." Win asserts Texas’ dominance Scott Roister Daily Texan Staff By topping the 100-point plateau and cruising to victory at the 1999 Big 12 Relays and Invitational over the weekend, the No. 3 Texas men's swimming and diving team wasted no time in asserting itself as the team to beat in the Big 12. The always-confident Texas team dominated the field on Saturday in Ames, Iowa. Senior Bryan Jones led the way for the Horns, being a part of eight winning relay teams. Junior Nate Dusing did his share by com­ peting on seven victorious relay squads. All in all, Texas won 12 of the 15 relay events. Diving also went well for the Horns, as the sophomore combina­ tion of Jarod Carter and Harold Hyde captured the title on the three- meter springboard after coming in third during the 1-meter competí- TEXAS SWIMMING AND DIVING tion. Entering 1999, the Longhorns had won their conference championship for 20 consecutive years. Based on Saturday's results, Texas will once again be the team to beat in the con­ ference. But the Texas swimmers aren't exactly overjoyed by their unsurpris­ ing win. Instead, they are more excit­ ed about where the team stands in its training for nationals. "This was more of a stepping stone meet for us," said Jones. "It's a great step towards achieving the goals we want to accomplish this year, which are continuing our win­ ning streak in conference, swimming the best we can and winning nation­ als." So, until nationals arrive in March, training is the name of the game for the Longhorn swimmers and divers. Coach Eddie Reese swam a lot of swimmers in many different events this weekend to test the abilities and stamina of his players. "Coach was treating this more like a workout than an actual meet, whereas the other schools were treat­ ing it more like an actual meet," said Jones. "It really tested our endurance and ability to get up for every event." In whatever light it was viewed, it was a successful trip for the Long­ horns. Dusing was happy with his team's performance, but recognizes there is a long way to go before nationals. "We swam pretty well overall and did a good job," he said. "We used this meet to work on a lot of the little things that hold us back. We still wanted to win, but we know that we're focusing on a greater prize." LOrtGUiO/Zrt \nAf\T A D S w o r n , s DAys OHLV $8.ZO See d etails below. P age 10 Monday, October 25, 1999 T h e D a i l y T e x a n With Saturday's win over Nebraska, the Horns are 9-1 in conference and have a good shot at the Big 12 title. N a th a n L a m b rec h t/D A IL Y T E X A N STAFF Soccer earns postseason berth Zev Shulkin Daily Texan Staff TEXAS SOCCER Going into the last weekend of con­ ference play, Texas women's soccer coach Chris Petrucelli said that his team needed to do what it could to clinch a berth in the Big 12 women's tourna­ ment. With two ties in last weekend's action, Petrucelli got what he wished for as the Horns clinched a spot in post­ season action. Texas tied Kansas 0-0 on Friday behind Texas goalkeeper Cami Var- nadore's nine saves. "We had our chances this afternoon, but we just could not put the ball in the goal," said Chris Petrucelli. "We hit the crossbar and had a couple of our chances cleared off the goal line by Kansas players. Much like our match last weekend against Colorado, the wind played a big factor this after­ noon." On Sunday, the Longhorns tied No. 17 Missouri 0-0 in Columbus. Petrucelli considered the game a success since his team was facing a tough Tiger team. Texas was able to shut out an explo­ sive Missouri offense, ranked 13th in the NCAA with 46 goals in 16 games. The Horns were the first team to shutout the Tigers this year. "We played very' hard and defended very well this afternoon," Petrucelli said. "I would have liked to pick up a win today, but this is a very good result against a quality opponent on the road. It is great anytime you can reach the postseason, and we did that today by earning a berth in the Big 12 Tourna­ ment." Vamadore recorded another shutout against Missouri, leaving her just one shutout shy of the Longhorn all-time record. Former Horn Jamie Strong is the cur­ rent record holder with 16 shutouts. Var- nadore will have the chance to break Strong's record next weekend when Texas closes out its regular season with a road trip to face TCU and North Texas. CACTUS YEARBOOK PORTRAIT STUDIO Call 471-9190 for an appointment to have your portrait taken for the Cactus Yearbook. The studio is located in the Texas Student Publications Bldg., corner of 25th Street & Whitis Ave. Room 3.302, beginning Monday, October 25 from 9:00 a.m. - 5:00 p.m. Offer lim ited to private part (non-commercial) MERCHANDISE ads only. Individual items offered for sale may not exceed $1000, & a price m ust appear in the body of the ad copy. If items are not sold, five additional insertions will run at no charge. A dvertiser m ust call before 11am on the day of the fifth insertion. No copy change (other than the reduction in price) is allowed. j I GOT LADYHNGERS, BABY T h e D a il y T e x a n Monday, October 25, 1999 Page 11 The Lim ey Continued from page 12 rem inding the audience of a dozen better m elodram a characters. In a • c o u p le of sc e n e s, W a rre n c a lls Stam p on his failings as a father, but you can hear the cracks in the narrative, feel D obbs' im patience to get on w ith the story. W arren and G uzm an, the tw o m ost talent­ ed a c to rs in th e ca st, a re u s e d strictly as sounding boards. P e r h a p s S o d e r b e r g h lik e s D o b b s' w o rk (h e a lso s h o t h is script for Kafka) because he p ro ­ d u c e s s u c h b a r e -b o n e s a f f a ir s th a t it's easy for th e d irec to r to hurl w h ate v er visual and au d ito ­ ry flo u rish es h e can m anage. In th e s e d u c t i o n s c e n e b e tw e e n G e o rg e C lo o n e y a n d J e n n if e r L opez in O ut o f Sight, w h en the c h a r a c t e r s ' d ia lo g u e d i d n 't m atch the scene b u t flashed for­ w a r d th e n b a c k w a r d , it w a s e x h ila r a tin g ; S o d e r b e r g h h a d (caught the head in ess of helpless lu st. H e re , th e sa m e te c h n iq u e m akes no em otional sense — you get the feeling S oderbergh uses it w h e n e v e r h e se n se s th in g s a re startin g to lag. The colors blu r in and o u t at ran d o m and the film ­ m aker goes-so far as to incorpo­ r a te s c e n e s f ro m K en L o a c h 's 1967 S tam p vehicle Poor Cow to use as flashback scenes. E v en if y o u ca n ta p in to th e a w f u lly th ir r r e v e n g e d r a m a fra m e w o rk , its e n d in g sq u irm s o u t of im plicating S tam p. It's as if a Jim T h o m p so n n o v e l g o t a last-m inute rew rite by H allm ark. A ll e n d s w ith h u g s a n d g o o d ­ byes am ong S tam p, W arren and G uzm an. S o d erb erg h 's next project is a la b o r u n io n d r a m a w ith Ju lia R o b e rts . R o b e r ts , t a le n t e d rom antic com edienne th at she is, h a s b e e n th e a lb a tr o s s a r o u n d several talented directo rs' necks. T hink S tephen F rears' M ary Reil­ ly o r N e il J o r d a n 's M ichael C ollins. B ut h e r e 's h o p in g she h e lp s S o d e rb e rg h le av e b e h in d h is silliness — at least u n til his next "personal" film. Thursday night, the ladies of Luscious Jackson proved that their skill and expertise outshine many of their male counterparts. Lead singer Jill Cunniff, right, moves La Zona Rosa with Lus­ cious Jackson's special brand of hip-hop/disco/rock, while her bandmates, above, strum along. Australian rocker Ben Lee opened the Thursday night show. Elizabeth Treviño/DAILY TE XA N STAFF Surprise venue hosts awesome rap showcase p r is e s fro m DJ P re c y s e , c o m p le ­ m en tin g the g ro u p 's alread y ta le n t­ ed DJ a rs e n a l h e a d e d by DJ S tizo and DeeJayBird. It w as all com plet­ ed b y a b r e a k in g c irc le th a t w a s highlighted on stage by one breaker bro u g h t by the group. The h ig h en erg y of the a u d ie n c e c o n tin u e d th r o u g h o u t th e n ig h t, especially in the A pollo-style judging of th e c ro w d in th e e m ce e b a ttle . W ith only a m in u te to estab lish an id e n tity a n d flo w , th e 12 e m c e e s q u ic k ly g av e w ay to local sta r Tee D ouble and A tm osphere's Slug. The m aster of cerem onies, Zee, asked the c ro w d if th e y w a n te d to see th e m b o th g e t a m in u te ea ch , o r if th e audience w an t to see them go toe-to- to e u n til so m e b o d v falls off. T h e au d ien c e ex c ite d ly re s p o n d e d an d m ore than 20 m inutes later, the tw o continued to battle until the audience finally called a draw . W ith the battle tied, the tw o em cees com bined their talents as a d u o to entertain the a u d i­ ence for another 20 m inutes. A s m a ll, s a tis f ie d c r o w d w i t ­ nessed one of the best u n d erg ro u n d h ip - h o p s h o w s in A u s tin . T h e A u stin c ro w d s a n d h ip -h o p h e a d s need to w ake u p and start checking o u t th e s m a lle r , c h e a p e r u n d e r ­ g r o u n d th a t s u p p l y a resource for better alternatives to the hoopla of m ore expensive venues. If not, sm a lle r v e n u e s a re su b je c t to lose u n d er the pressu re of the larger v e n u e s th a t u s u a lly m iss th e tru e context of hip-hop. s h o w s Rubberoom a n d e n g r o s s e d th e m in c h a n tin g ch o ru se s an d h arsh ly stro n g lyrics. T h ro u g h ly ric s th a t s tr e s s e d th e ir balance betw een evil and perfection th e y d e s c rib e d th e p e n e tr a tio n of their striking concepts into the a u d i­ en c e 's p syche w ith lines like "even w h en I'm evil, I'm godly." The lyrics w e re a c c o m p a n ie d by sp e c ia l s u r ­ A 7an Mote Canes • More Variety • More Fun! BUSINESS OR PLEASURE? Out of the slammer and looking for revenge, W il­ son (Terence Stamp) seeks answers in the mysterious death of his daughter SPECIAL ADVANCE SCREENING "A One-Of-A-Kind Masterpiece* Leaves every other movie around looking clueless.” - Tom C arson, ESQUIRE Christopher "Chuck" Coletti Daily Texan Staff T h e h a lf-fu ll F la m in g o C a n tin a w as not a tru e reflection of the quali­ ty sh o w case th a t took place T h u rs­ d ay night. H ip -H o p M ecca snagged an early perform ance by the h ea d lin ­ ers, R ubberoom and A tm osphere, for a pre-show before the 12-hour sh o w ­ case in D allas that w as to take place a few d a y s la te r. In a d d itio n to th e H o u s t o n 's w e r e h e a d l i n e r s UKALIPTHIS, DJ Precyse and a b at­ tle th a t in c lu d e d o v e r 12 ta le n te d emcees. Flam ingo C antina seem ed to be an unorth o d o x setting for a rap sh o w / em cee battle, b u t w ith rap id ly clos­ in g h ip - h o p c lu b s , u n d e r g r o u n d events have been struggling to find a hom e. It tu rn ed o u t that the relaxed setting of F lam ingo C antina w orked well w ith the relaxed vibes from the m ingling p erfo rm ers and the crow d. T h e lo n g tr ip fro m C h ic a g o to A u stin o b v io u sly h a d no effect on th e e n e r g y o f h e a d lin e r s R u b b e ­ room T he trio cam e o u t w ith fero­ cious en erg y th at ca p tu red the rage of th e ir su p e rb ly d a rk m usic. T hey rip p e d th ro u g h track after track of th e ir a lb u m Architechnology, w h ich easily grabbed the cro w d 's attention «lto.MaW.MrlK». i ¿ssssstiss. W r l t o t o H n i M . i n a ■ Located twenty miles from the Texas border. ■ I ■ Always o p e n t ill 4am NEW MILLENIUM, NEW MUSIC, NEW fribmds l.a. Machine Gun; 2200 Guadalupe N E E D C A L E N D A R G I R L S ! $1,000 plus FREE PORTFOLIO fo r Rhino 2,000 Cirl Local restaurant promotional bathing suit calendar. All monthly winners get free portfolio. Need girl-next-door look or glamour. Photography by Leann Collins as featured on Playboy Cable TV. Call 37 7 -5 5 7 4 for full details. N# 3 * \ i 'f}! «V j ■ E 2L1 llfevr‘ Ready to Live, Learn and Earn in the most magical place on earth? Then become part of the Walt Disney World College Program. It’s your opportunity to spend a semester making friends, making magic and making a difference. MONDAY, OCTOBER 25™ 8:00 PM TEXAS UNION THEATRE Sponsored by the Texas Union Multi Media Committee Tickets available at the Student Activity Center Desk,4 " Floor, Texas Union A dm ission is fre e ' Arrive e a rly1 Seating is available o n a first com e first-served basis. November 8,1999 J O H N CUSACK C A M E R O N DIAZ CATHERINE KEENER BEI NG J O H N M A L K O V I C H STOP BY AM I DISCOVER A W OftiD OF OPPORTUNITIES AT PiSNSY. wwwMwdwcotUtgcprogrfl H: .8 *’ 4 / V t> 1/ - vllllliM) HIM IK ■ M ill B U I c , G R A M I R C V Ml! Kill IJICIl ill “ I I I S I mb SKI 511 SUM I 1 1 1 1 1 Ilf K ill ® iSPIKf JIÍE Maas* .. USAl Exclusive Austin Engagements Start Novem ber 5 th T h e D a i l y T e x a n MONDAY, OCTOBER 25,1998 ENTERTAINMENT BEST AV*JL£SLi COPY Lynch finds his lost highway his Entertainment Editor: Peter Debruge peterd@mail.utexas.edu Quirky director embraces Americana in G-rated Disney film Ben Trollinger Daily Texan Staff "T h e w orst part of being old is remembering when you was young," says Alvin Straight, die hero of David Lynch's new him The Straight Story. The film is a meditation on death and aging tiiat is terrific when Lynch relies on his considerable talents as a visual lyricist but frustratingly bland when the script's sentimental leanings (as seen above) seep through. In 1994 an elderly man named Alvin Straight traveled 300 miles on a John D eere law nm ow er from Laurens, Iowa, to Mt. Zion, WI, to visit his sick brother Lyle. Alvin is the kind of hero you might see in the same local news segment alongside a farmer who grew a 50-pound turnip. His character repre­ sents an American ideal that is usually categorized as m yth, like G eorge Washington's feat of honesty or Davy Crockett's precocious hunting skills, but his story is true. Richard Farnsworth plays Alvin and is so natural and authentic that one would never suspect that he was a veteran actor with more than 40 films under his belt. His wrinkled and crag­ gy face is a visceral depiction of a hard-knock life. It's the kind of face cowboys are supposed to have. The kind of face they have in old Saturday Evening Posts and in Norman Rock­ well paintings. As Alvin, Farnsworth is almost saint-like with his glowing home, home on the range melancholia. Hie Straight Story is a peculiar choice for David Lynch; it's a crowd-pleaser and isn't at all ironic (it's a G-rated Dis­ ney production). Rather, the film is a sincere hom age to the values and virtues that make America American — loyalty and determination. It's a strange choice because it seems to fly in the face of Lynch's earlier work, which seemed determined to scrape off America's sheen with razor-sharp fingernails. Now Lynch seems content adding a few coats himself. The first shot in the film is reminis­ cent of the n o to riou s opening in Lynch's 1985 film Blue Velvet. The cam era slow ly (very slow ly) pans toward a typical small-town cottage LAWNMOWER MAN. Richard Farnsworth putts cross-country in Lynch's unconventional roadtrip movie, The Straight Story. THE STRAIGHT STORY Starring: Richard Farnsworth, S issy Spacek Director David Lynch Playing at: Arbor, GC Barton Creek Square Grade: 2.9 (on a 4.0 scale) eventually stopping at a window. We hear a loud crash, but it isn't some­ thing disturbing or bizarre like you would expect from Lynch. Rather, we are introduced to Alvin, an increasing­ ly feeble but strong-willed geezer. His daughter Rose, played by a stuttering Sissy Spacek, takes care of him and they share a close relationship. In one beautifully photographed scene, Alvin and R ose w atch a th u n d erstorm through a bay window. The rain is projected onto A lv in 's face, á la Richard Brooks' In Cold Blood, as if he were crying. D uring the storm A lvin gets a phone call telling him that his estranged brother has had a stroke. As he is told this, lighting crashes dramat­ ically — a little glim pse of the old Lynchian sense of irony. No one is able to drive the elderly Alvin — Rose doesn't have a driver's license and nei­ ther does he. Wielding two walking canes, an old lawnmower and a basket of hot dogs Alvin sets off on his way. Throughout the journey, Lynch seems to be more interested in the intricacies of Alvin's character and not necessari­ ly broad plot strokes. In one terrific scene, on Alvin's way out of town, an 18-wheeler roars past him, blowing off his cowboy hat. The camera patiently watches Alvin as he creaks and craw ls his way off his lawnmower and slowly, but surely, picks up his dusty old hat. In the same way that Stanley Kubrick made us look patiently at his slow but over­ w helm ing vision 2001: A Space Odyssey, Lynch wants us to observe and ponder and not to be distracted by the narrative drive of a conventional story but of something transcendent. The film is a visual m arvel. The heartland h asn 't looked this good since Terrence MaJick's Days o f Heaven and is p erfectly accom panied by Angelo Badalamenti's beautiful score. The only thing tying Lynch down is Mary Sweeney and John Roach's com­ pone script, which is in constant ten­ sion with Lynch's creativity — it's mediocrity versus brilliance. The two cancel each other out and what Lynch ends up with is a film that is perhaps a bit too easy to watch. It's the same kind of feel-good America that Robert Zemeckis envisioned in Forrest Gump — fine for a general audi­ ence but ingratiating for the fringe cynics. In one scene a woman actually says, "What7s the number for 9-1-1?" I don't buy Lynch's new take on Ameri­ ca, its too sw eet and treacley. Still, there is a lot to like in The Straight Story and it is refreshingly presented with an earnestness that most films are too hip to have. POOL SHARK. Peter Fonda plays a slimy record exec in the hyper-stylized The Limey. Blimey! Not much to Soderbergh’s ‘Limey’ Thomas Kearnes Daily Texan Staff I bow to no one in my admiration of Steven Soderbergh. For one, he jum p-started the '90s independent film revolution with 1989's (som e­ what overrated) sex, lies and video­ tape. Also, he's responsible for one o f the b e s t s tu d io film s o f th e decade, last year's Out o f Sight, in which he, screenwriter Scott Frank and a crack ensemble achieved the impossible — they gave an Elmore L eo n a rd n o v el d ep th . In re ce n t years, however, Soderbergh lets his nuttiest and most irritating notions o f "film a r t" flap in the b re e z e w henever he slips away from the big studios. The Limey may be his worst film (and, hey, I'v e seen Schizopilis), a d esp e ra te co lla g e o f film sch o o l g im m ick s. If I had n ev e r seen a w o rk by h im , I w o u ld d ism iss Soderbergh as just another m ovie nerd with a lot of technical know ­ h ow b u t n o t an o u n ce o f k n o w - why. But after seeing the masterful Out o f Sight and the slight but per­ fect King o f the Hill, I've come to the even m ore d istressing conclusion: he fa n c ie s h im s e lf o n e o f th o se painfully self-involved artistes who m u st g rin d o u t a stu d io p ictu re every three or four years to finance his "p e rso n a l" film s. Personal, in this instance, would mean movies that you couldn't hope to possibly access, let alone enjoy. In this latest scrapheap, Terence Stam p p lay s a B ritish m an w ho, u p o n h is r e le a s e fro m p riso n , THE LIMEY Starring: Terence Stamp, Peter Fonda, Luis Guzman, Lesley A nn W arren Director: Steven Soderbergh Playing at: Dobie Grade: 0.5 (on a 4.0 scale) arrives in America to investigate the d eath o f h is d a u g h te r, w h ich occurred w hile she w as involved with a record producer/drug dealer (P eter Fonda). Stam p en co u n ters tw o of his d au g h ter's friends, an aging actress (Lesley Ann Warren, nice to see but not in this) and an e x -co n (L u is G u zm an o f B oo g ie N ights) w ho agree to help. W hile Stamp and Co. track down Fonda, w e're treated to endless scenes of Fonda fretting to his new squeeze (Amelia Heinle), but never once do we believe he fears for his life. Of course, when you're an actor who believes every scenario requires lit­ tle m ore than m ild p e n siv e n e ss, you're better off sticking to Victor Núñez snoozefests like Ulee's Gold. Screenw riter Lem Dobbs, whose praises Soderbergh every chance he gets, g ives us on ly a sk etch o f a reven g e plot. Even for pu lp, it's undernourished. It's easy to imagine this script as a quick, fun read for a director, but the dialogue is so blank and self-consciously hard-boiled, it dares an actor to deliver it without THE LIMEY/Page 11 The Checking Package Preferred B y True Longhorn Fans Finally there’s a checking package designed just for Longhorn fans. You get a Bevo Bean Bag, a special Longhorn checkbook cover plus, U T collegiate licensed check designs that let you show your team spirit with every check you write. All you have to do to get Longhorn Checking is open any checking accounti \ at any Texas Norwest or Wells Fargo location. H ook ‘Em Horns! , A portion of the proceeds will be used to support the UT Athletic scholarships. Proud sponsor of UT athletics. W E L L S FA R G O m i ltS NORWEST n m mm^muj vs*» Offer good on new or existing checking accounts. © 1999 Norwest Bank Texas, N.A. 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Great Working Environment Good $ Come Be A Part Of Our Team! 459-0258 STUDENT N EED ED to heip six y e ^ old specie needs child with H.s neu- *o-muscula* (feed'ng and speech) de­ velopment program Prefer specie education or speech therapy studen- Call 263- 3 days per week, 3-7 0772 790 - Part fin» 790 - Part time W O R K ON C A M PU S T H I S S P R I N G ! N o w a c c e p t i n g a p p l i c a t i o n s f o r C a m p u s R e p . a t The D a i l y Texan On t he j ob t r a i n i n g D u t i e s i n c l u d e c o o r d i n a t i n g a d v e r t i s i n g f or U n i v e r s i t y D e p a r t m e n t s and S t u d e n t O r g a n i z a t i o n s H a n d l i n g wa l k - i n and t e l e p h o n e c u s t o m e r * , c o m p l e t i n g f o r m a and f o l l o w i n g e s t a b l i s h e d p r o c e d u r e s M u t t be d e t a i l o r i e n t e d a nd d e a e n ^ fai; w i t h p l e a s a n t p h o n e p e r s o n a l i t y a n d e x c e l l e n t c u s t o m e i s e r v i c e s k i l l s S h i f t s A v a i l a b l e : 9 a m - 1 p m & 1 p m - 5 p m $ 6 . 0 0 / h r . M u s t b e a b l e t o b e g i n w o r k J a n u a r y 1 0 , 2 0 0 0 . A p p l y In p e r s o n st T h e O s i l y T e x a n T S P R o o m 3. 210 T e l e p h o n e I n q u i r i e s not a c c e p t e d A p p l i c a n t s mu s t b * s U n i v e r s i t y s t u d e n t . 7 9 0 - P o r i lim a 790 - Part time 1 0 V £ Y 0 U Z T RU EARLY MORNING PEOPLE REWARDED BY TEXAS STUDENT PUBLICATIONS. Part-time drivers Eire needed to deliver The Daily Texan weekday mornings beginning ® immediately. Hours are 4:00 - i * 8:00 Eim, M - F. You must have your own vehicle (vzm or pickup), a valid TX driver s license and provide driving record and proof of insursmce. $ 7 . 8 0 per hour plus per mile. For more information, call Art or Mike at 471-5422, 8am - 5pm. The Untvm tty of Texas Is an Equal Opportunity Affirmative Action Employer A M or 7 nights 620 - Legal Services EDUCATIONAL 590 - Tutoring Looking for Dependable, Energetic Person to do Behavior Modification Training with Adorable 3-year old Autistic Boy, approximately 9-12 hours per week. Training Provided. Prefer Psychology, Child Development or Speech M o p r Call Karin at 345-2455 610 - Misc. Instruction VOLLEYBALL TUTOR to give private instruction to middle school volley­ iddle sc ball hopeful Salary negotiable 452-4432. SERVICES A TTO RN EY AT L A W , Former Police Officer/State Prosecutor Kevin M a d i­ son 708-1650 Visit our web-site w w w kevinmadison com 750 - Typing Z I V L E Y The Complete Professional Typing Service T E R M P A P E R S E D IT IN G • R E S U M E S D IS S E R T A T IO N S A P P L IC A T IO N S W O R D P R O C E S S IN G L A S E R P R IN T IN G F O R M A T T IN G 27th & Guadalupe 472-3210 P 760 - Misc. Services L A W STUD EN T S An Upcoming Deadline? Legal Document P*oo; Reading Blue Book Citation Format Reaso nab le Rates/Specials BRIEF DEADLINES-345-6742 Steamboat Winter Park Breckenridqe < Vail/Beaver Creek Aspen/ Snowmass Lodging Parties ■ jjfls Taxes Jo, 2-17 5 6 or T name’s Ticket City Travel 520 - Personals In Dobie Mall *1291 Call Today to Place Your Ad! 4 7 1 - 5 2 4 4 EMPLOYMENT 790 - Part time PART-TIME LITIGATION DEPARTMENT ASSISTANT Prestigious downtown law firm seeks part-time litigation department assistant (case clerk) Previous filmg or other administrative office experience preferably in a law firm, a plus Must be organized and have excellent filing skills Type 35wpm 20-25 hours per week; schedule flexible Please send resume to JH-CO, 1 1 1 Congress Ave., Suite 1400, Austin TX 78701, or fax to 479-1 101, or e-mail to resumes@bmoh.com. N o phone calls, please E O E / M / F PART-TIME CO PIER O PERATO R Prestigious downtown law firm seeks a part time copier operator This individual will be responsible for performing a variety of copy functions and assist in maintenance of copiers throughout the Firm Strong organizational skills dependability and attention to detail are essential Ability to stand and walk throughout entire shift and ability to lift 25 pounds are required Pleqse send resume to JF-CO, 1 1 1 Congress Ave , Suite 1400, Austin, TX 78701, or fa x to 479-1 101, or e-mail to resumes@bmoh.com N o phone calls, please E O E / M / F IT EM PLO YEE Familiarity W ith W in d o w sN T Workstation 4 0, Peer-to-Peer Networking, and Shortcut Path Statements Bosic TCPIP Networking, Configuration of Multiple Euaora Email Accounts, M S O ffice and Norton Antivirus Ability to Convert D BaselV to M SAccess Jo d y 482-8651 locksin@habitatnunters.com NATURAL BREAST e n h a n c e m e n t / e n l a r g e m e n t , S a f e p r o v e n , r e v o l u t i o n a r y g u a r a n t e e d , a s s e e n o n ABC News, 20/20 D'scover for yourself, 1-877-777-9477 or at www.glmpi.com/eyi 530 - Travel’ Transportation WINTER SKI BREAKS •800-SUNCHASE ■ . * 2 0 6 ■ January 3-10 M 4 ,3 ,6 o r 7 n i g h ts www.sunchase.com Oosoct @oes - by booting I Ucnrtliill' * Wtemiuai Spring Brut with Spring Bnu with Sunchas* M I MlhtiEMNIUM WINTER SKI BREAKS 1-600-SUNCHASC -*2 1 7 . >14 ‘------ 144 A M or 7 eights v www.sunchase.com EMPLOYMENT 790 - Port time D O Y O U have the spirit and vison of an entrepreneur? Bu a a global empire during your study breaks 389-3763 w w w noniusers co m /4 7204 7 PAID INTERNSHIPS7 Marketing, W e b Development, C opy Writing & Customer Support $10-15 per hour + Stock Options 20 hours per week - Visit w w w smartfrog com to apply HURST HARBOR M A R IN A o'- loke Travis Accepting applications for P/T cashiers and general dock hands Fie> bie hours weekdays and wee-ends $6-8/hr Stop by the S! os Store next to Sam Hill W aterfront Grill for an application or Call 512-266-1800. THE GALLUP POLL Now Hiring T e le p h o n e In te r v ie w e r s N o S a le s V e ry F le x ib le S c h e d u le G r e a t p a y - $ 9 . 5 0 / h r a v a . Call 454-5271 to apply www.gallup.com E A S Y $$$ work 4 30-9 00 M- Thur>, $ 7 / Hr plus great bonuses C all C ra g 3-5 at 453-8783 TEXACO” F O O D M A R T S I M M E D I A T E O P E N I N G S F O R FU LL T IM E / P A R T T IM E C L E R K S 28 A U S T IN /M ET R O L O C A T IO N S - M e d ic a l Insurance —Re* rement —Paid Vocation —Tuition Assistance A PP iY IN P E R S O N 491 ' EAST 7TH STREET (Austin) 8am-4pm M O N / E R I *E O E PLAN TN ERD S & PLANTN ERD W A N N A B E E S Small "famous G ard en Center & Gift Shop >n W e s t Lake Hills is looking for Part t'me and full time workers from Aug 1 thru Christmas - hopefullly aga-n in spring To h e lp cu sto m e rs a n d w a t e r p lan ts O R to w a t e r cu s to m e rs a n d help p lan ts. Must have keen appreciation of Piast e Pink Flamingos W ill tram Contact Jenna A S A P 327-4564 p a r t t¡m e i n t e r n e t SUPPORT T EC H N IC IA N O ne of Amer ca s largest internet rechmcai support companies is expanding and needs qualified technicians W e provide framing but knowledge of W in d o w s 95/98 and M a c O S a must, Internet Explorer Netscape Eudora and modems strong plus If you need training, yo- iT make $6/hr while If not, you'll start at $8- you leam 10/hr diagnosing and solving customer s internet connectivity problems W orking hours are flexible with d ay weekend and mght shifts ava .able You’l De learning valuable skills in a casual environment and workrnq someplace that looks nice on your resume G o to this site online to apply M A R K E T R E S E A R C H . Its hot outvde you need extra green come work part-time in a casual scene Phoning the public from an oir-condifioned sec* Interesting co-workers, central office can ' be beat Evenmgs weekends, some daytimes -no soles of any kind If you read, write and speak w ef you II do just ffne W e ve been here 15 years w e re not going aw a y O h. and $7.5 0 /tv s our starting pay. 637-4936 (9 30-4 30 if possible or eave msg) H Y D E P A R K B A P T IST C H IL D D E V E L O P M E N T C E N T E R Needs teaching assistants for preschool childre" Just north of UT Campus 0" speedway Shifts M-F 8 00-12 30 and/or 2 30-6 00pm EO E 465-8383 HOST & WAITSTAFF STUDENT JO B S N o exp. necessary. $7/hr. No lips. Drug screen. Mopac and Bee Caves area. 328-3775 ext. 202 Greg 620 - Loga! Sanacos 620 - l ogo! Sorvkos i f 1 iNFOBM AT ION I mtmi l ONS 1-800-SUNCHASE _ www.sunchose.com _ 560 * Public Notico WINTER SKI BREAKS 1 -tOO-SUNCMASI m S t e a m L o a t i n w s i i u i i v a i . J a— nr >17 M A M « 7 ■ | C h ris D o rb a n d t A ttorneys CS2 Counselors at Law W h a t y o u d o n ’t k n o w a b o u t y o u r le g a l r i g h t s c o u ld h u rt y o u ! C riminal Defense Jail R e l e a s e Available • Misdemeanors & Felonies • Free Initial Consultation • Federal & State Charges Personal Injury • Death/Serious Bodily Injury • Auto/Truck Accidents • Motorcycle Crashes • Nursing H om e Negligence www.sunchase.com • Payment Plans EDUCATIONAL 590 - Tutoring G O V E R N E S S LIVE-IN fo kid» w w w smoors@ie««.org afterschool jr 6 great 345-4676 Office Located at Mopac *32 Steck 3 4 0 - 2 3 4 5 MERCHANDISE MERCHANDISE 345 - Misc. GIRLFRIENDS & W IVES Surprise your boyfriends & husbands, 6-ft Longhorn BudLight Neon Bud Coors MillerLighf. Lighted/Metal signs and others. Also, assorted glasses 833-5998 FREE C D of cool Indie music when you register at m yb ytes.co m , the ultimate website for your college needs. e G R E E K .C O M FRATERNITY & So- rorify Sportswear and Jewelry. Fast ond professional. http://www.egreek com RENTAL RENTAL 420 - Unf. Houses SU B LEA S E S P R IN G Semester 2-1 $82 5/m o 236-9348 AVAILABLE N O W ! 1 to 5 bedrooms $525-$ 16 0 0 For 24 hours infor­ mation- call 477-LIVE EN FIELD SU BLEA SE private room walk-in-closet, built in bookcase Fe­ males only $400/mth plus bills 791 5922. 425 - Rooms N EED 2 people to sublease room at^ Dobie $3 800/semester 505-2102 !4m eais/w k Includes 435 - Co-opsICO-OP HOUSINGI Now taking Applications 440 - Roommates ROOMMATE (female) AND ASSISTANT to manager for a small apartment complex near campus. Share large 2 B R /2 BA apartment for $200/m o rent Serious student complex, good experience Phone Karen 476-3629. 470 - Resorts WINTER SKI BREAKS 1 -800-SUN CHASE $184 BRECKENRIDGE www.sunchase.com ANNOUNCEMENTS 510 - Entcrtainment- Tkkets LONGHORN W A N T AD S FULL SIZE C an o p y Bed w/matching pillow shammies. Perfect for cute air! ^ $3 0 0 O B O #990-4889 Ask for Chelsea PAIR O F O rion XTR3 1 2 ” subwoof­ ers with box & MTX Thunder 280 Power Amplifier $300 Carpet cut to fit Jester dorm room $50. Call Ja ­ son 452-2791 leave message M O V IN G ! M U S T sell tanni ng mem- bership, $16 0 Freezable during winter. tronsfer fee C all 441 -8951 Expires Jan. 2001 I will pay 88 O LD S Cutlass Supreme miles A / C , no speedometer mail henricns@mail.utexas edu 115k Auto, very reliable but no e- $555 GIRLS BIKE for sale Mountain Trek G re at condition $225 o.b o Call 481-0118 TRANSPORTATION 10-Misc. Autos 5-speed '9 6 H Y U N D A I Accent manual transmission, 4-door, A C , A M / F M Cassette, 3 0 ,0 0 0 miles, very clean $ 4 ,0 0 0 469-7693 '9 0 M A X IM A Red V6, 120K, cold A C , runs great $ 3 8 0 0 C all 335- 7748 4dr, '87 A C C O R D , automatic 153k, A C , cruise control, runs well, little work, $ !7 0 0 / o b o needs a 452-3903 1988 M A Z D A 323 4doors, cold A C , new tint, bike rock, reliable $ 2 ,1 5 0 / 0 6 0 Coll 762-7907 or 731-3133 F R O M $50 0 C A R S pounds & tax repos 1-800-319-3323 ext 4 6 2 0 Police im­ for listing coll 20 - Sports-Foreign Autos '95 3 0 0 0 G T 5^pd, tires, great cor 244-0620 2 ,5 0 0 60k, red, new N O R T H S T A P I i l t i - L - i i SP E C IA L IZ IN G IN JAPANESE AUTO R EP A IR 4 9 0 0 N . IH 3 5 J E 4 5 4 - 7 2 0 0 '9 3 - N IS S A N 3 0 0 Z C O N VER TIBLE, Well-maintained blk, w/ton runs trans 103k/m,, $ 1 1 ,5 0 0 Coll 491-5299 int. like new new auto 30 - Trurki-Vans 1993 N IS S A N 4x4 ext cob Sport package witti C D player, alarm sys­ tem, 8 8 ,0 0 0 miles $10 6 0 0 303 630 8 1995 C H E V Y Silverado 1500, cab, long bed, V8, 5.7Liter, < condition $ 1 4 ,8 0 0 708 193* ext ireat MERCHANDISE 200 - Furnitvrg* Household Beds, Beds, Beds The factory outlet foe the top lOmonufocturers We carry dose-eats, dhrestissi d cavers, styles «d nadéis. A l l m w , c o m p U t c with warranty. Twte eel, $ * 9 . M i sst, $19 0 m m set, $119. K i a f t e t , $ 14 9 UT student» a n d fam ily receive a n a d d itio n al 5% discou nt w ith o d . 4 5 4 - 3 4 2 2 LONGHORN W A N T A D S 2 W IN D O W A / C units C H E A P 2yrs old $2 5 /each or $50 for both 462- 0 3 0 7 Dining A R M O IR E $100, Liquor cabm et/bar $55, Tab le/C abinet w /8 chairs -$900, G o lf Clubs $50, Vacuum $50, Table $20 474- 1 106 56K- FLEX modem $10 95 Unlimit­ ed nation w ide access $9.95 873- 5168 G IA N T S O N Y Satellite dish $40 0 Econowater W a te r Softener $30 0 303-5917 C O M P A Q LAPTOP 333 mhz, 6 Barely been used months old $ 1000 obo 458-4152 C O M P A Q LTE5380 133M Hz Penn urn multimedia laptop, docking sta­ tion, printer, accessories, & more $95 0 3 3 9 8 2 3 7 SH A R P H A N D H ELD computer model H C 4 1 0 0 built-in modem, voice re­ corder PC card for digital camera, W in d o w s 97 Paid $650 Must sell $225 C all M .ke 699-0498 84 A R IE S Perfect single mother's car O n e owner new condition in 6 out AT, A C , 4dr, 4cyt 29 ,0 0 0 miles (original), all records included $35 00 obo C all 587-7405 B O S E 901 Senes 6 speakers with equalizer Still under warranty $70 0 O B O . 587-7405 360 - Fum. Apts. corner suite D O BIE C EN T E R $ 4 ,542/semester m eals/week C all A d rian at 505-0252 14 For spring semester Includes EFF FO R Rent Park. Quiet. C all D avid 707-1465 385Sq-ft Hyde 2 B E D R O O M A N D Í- BED R O O M A PA R T M EN T S availab le immediate­ ly Pool, shuttle, shopp ng Coll for appointment 452- 436 6 452-6518 370 - Unf. Apts. A PA R T M EN T C O N V E R S IO N Con­ dos! 49tti & Burnet Street I bed­ 2 bedroom $625 & room $525 up January $725 KH P 476-2154 Croix 1 bedroom K E N W O O D REC EIVER Pionee- CD player dual cassette player, Ig Cer win V ega Speakers 223- 482 5 $60 0 1BD /1BATH APT w / d connections carport located in quiet neighbor­ hood IH35 183 $48 0/m o call 719-7923 near and 7 DAY Florida Resort Vocation & B a­ hama Cruise to Nassau up to 4 peo­ ple plus unlimited mileage rent carl Value $3000, asking $ 1 0 0 0 Jenny 416-9789 BEA UTYREST SO FTSID E waterbed full-size $ 125 perfect condition 328-0001 4 FULL Size sleeper sofas for sale! Excellent condition, $15 0 each Coll Days Inn University 478-1631 Q U E E N IN N E R S P R IN G Mattress set tOyr warranty N e w , firm, quilted 442- (Retail $450) Selling $185 88 3 0 PR ESA R IO 1220 laptop W in 95 Cyrix-200MHz, 2 1G Dnve 3 2M B RA M , 20X, CD-ROM, 56K Modem M int Cond. $ 90 0 O B O 329- 6 07 2 34 5-M ist. WINTER SKI BREAKS www.sunchase.com ACT N O W ! 88 people needed to lose weight by holidays C all 888- 868-1033 IN T ER N A T IO N A L CALLS F R O M 9 4 / M IN C all C an o d a for 94, UK for 104, Hong Kong 114, France Germ any & Netherlands 124 Australia 134 Ja p a n 164 M alaysia, M exico 234 Dial 10-10629+01 H C o u n try Code+ Num ber (Enter 209 4 5 7 at the prompt on your first call only) w w w worldxchange com / og en t/2 0945 7 N E W A Hard to find printed music for all instruments A voice Thou­ sands of tiHes. Alpha Music Center 611 W 29th 4 7 7 5 0 0 9 IN C R E A S E Y O U R Strength. Power A le a n M uscle 1 0 0 % Pure German Contact Physical Resolu­ Creatine tions 282-5393. at w w w.angelfire com/biz2/Phy$i calResolutions 2/1 AVAILABLE NOW . Unexpected move-out left us with a spacious 2/1 900sq ft Lease for $82 0 Pets welcom e 2 Pools Small community in Hyde Pork. Aspen W o o a Apartments. 4539 Guadalupe Contact Kimberly or Melissa at 452-4447. 390 - Unf. Duplexes N EA R M O P A C on 222 2 before Dry $875 2-2-1 Carport O n Creek Evergreen Proper­ F M 2 2 2 2 / 3 6 0 6 ties 331-1122 400 - Condos- Town homes S P A C IO U S 1 2 3 bedroom towrv Located at 183 /M o p ac homes Paid gas. heating, woter, and basic cable C all 345-1768 1/1 C O N D O off Riverside 1-story Fully Furnished, pool *enms, gated community Lease $65 0 A vailable N ov. 1st. 327-7229 W A T E R F O R D C o n d o PRELEASE miniums $ 14 25 to $22 50 478-3905 O w ner 2000-2001 miniums $2 2 5 0 478-3905 O w ner Prelease W A T ER F O R D Condo­ to $1425 PRELEASE W A T E R F O R D C o n d o miniums N o w $1425 to $2250 478-3905 - O w ner PR ELEASE mmiums $2 2 5 0 478-3905 - O w ner W A T E R F O R D Condo- $1425 to 2000-2001 2BR-2BA CONDO Vaulted ceilings, W /D Conn., Microwave, Gated. $725/mo. WREI 326-8066. 2 5-2 ZILKER PARK A R EA CLOSE-IN N e w contemporary TH built 1999 FP fenced yard, garage, cat 5 wir­ ing $ 1 3 0 0 457-0029, agent 2-5 Blocks from Campus A LL B IL L S PAID Singles and doubles 24-hour kitchens No R Vs You make the Rules Veggie, Vegan, & Meat friendh Pool Member Control YOU OWN IT Inter-Co operative Council 510 W. 23rd. St. (512)476-1957 iccaus!in@ m indspnng com iccaustin com E st. 1937 440 - Roommates UT/RED RIVER near Law School. Roommate wanted to share LARGE completely furnished (bring your own bed) 2 bedroom 1 5 batfi apartment, fireplace W D , ceiling fans brand new carpeting throughout front A E>ack porch $450 + 1 /2 utilities. Call 4 / 7 4098/leave message on voice mail 2 for Corbelle ROOM ATES WANTED at The C a s t i 11an 4 7 8 . 9 8 1 1 4 B LO C K S to I N ice! Large Room Private Bath, Walk-in Closet Q uief Non-smokmg Upstairs W / D , Big $475 Shored Kitcher C A / C H A B P 1-Year 474-2408 w w w abbey-house com Lease 220 - Computers- A a p e n Equipment I* H I‘ 4,5,$ *7 • 1- >228 o w m a a a S n PEN T IU M II 3 3 3 M H z and 4 0 0 M H z with monitor, C all 335-7072 fully Internet ready FEM ALE R O O M M A T E needec 4 bedroom 3 both. University Com­ mons $330/m o C all 385-0049 r r r r r i STEAMBOAT B E N E F I T S HI LASVECAS QQ!pQ(? Í 0 T ) 4 j :ÍJ íE)?LfJ A - J i D / d ü / fvfm Order by Mail, FAX or Phone P.O. Box D Austin, Texas 78713 FAX: 471-6741 Classified Phone #: 471-5244 2 0 words 5davs$8 2° words ü days Additional Words...$0.25 ea. 1 7 13 19 25 2 8 14 20 26 3 9 15 21 27 4 10 16 22 28 5 11 17 23 29 6 12 18 24 30 N A M E . MERCHANDISE ads only Individual items offered for sale may not exceed $1,000. and a pnce must appear in the body of the ad copy II items are not sold, five additional insertions will be run at no A D D R E S S charge Advertiser must call before 1 1 a m on the day of the fifth nsertion No copy change (other than reduction to pnce) is allowed reauchonm price) ts allowed C I T Y C I T Y P H O N E . S T A T E Z I P will be available on-line by 3 p.m. today.l ■*■*!■■» maam m mm mam ■■■ mm mm hm amm a a aaam mma mam a a a a aaai mam mm amm warn a a j • X hfcx certified by «tie Texas Board of Legal SpociafczatKx- Page 16 Monday, October 25,1999 T h e D a i l y T e x a n EMPLOYMENT 790 - Part tima A M F C U E M P L O Y M E N T O PPORTUNITIES C o n ve n ie n t to UT c a m p u s & bus line G re a t Benefit P a c k a g e for full time e m ployee s Please a p p ly by com pleting a n a p p lica tio n ot Austin M etro p o litan Fin an cial C re d it U nion 9-5 M o n d a y -F rid a y , 6 1 0 E I 1th St, Austin. E O E TELLER T R A IN E E S FT & PT $ 8 3 4 hr. W e a re lo o k in g for smiling, friendly a n d resp on sib le p eo p le with g o o d com m u nica tio n a n d interpersonal skills. Retail, w a it perscti or gro ce ry c a sh ie r e xp e rie nce o f o n e y e a r + will benefit the ap p lica n t N e e d light ty p in g / k e y b o a rd in g at 3 0 w p m . Professional a p p e a r a n c e a n d conduct n e c e ssa ry S c h e d u le s FT: 8 : 3 0 - 5 3 0 M -F, o cc Sa t 7 :3 0 - 2 : 3 0 , PT sched ule 1 -M id d a y M -F 1 0 3 0 to 3 :3 0 , e very S a t 7 : 3 0 - 2 : 3 0 Sche d . 2 M & F 8 : 3 0 -5 :3 0 , e very Sa t 7 : 3 0 to 2 . 3 0 PT & FT FILM C LE R K 7 . 6 9 hr. Sc he d ule M o n d a y - F r id a y PT 8 : 3 0 - 1 : 3 0 , FT 8 3 0 - 5 : 3 0 Films record s a n d p ro c e sse s requests for c o p ie s of filmed records. M u st be d ep end-able, h ave attention to -detail, ability to prioritize w o rk a n d w o rk ind ep e nd e ntly with repetitive w ork. N E A R UT, $8-9 .00 . Legal services firm, flex, hours, will train Fresh, soph, e arly g r a d levels invited. PT/FT. C a l f p a ra le g a l courier 4 7 4 - 2 2 4 6 ; tvpist/clerical 4 7 4 - 2 2 1 6 , b o o k k e e p in g trainee 4 7 4 - 0 8 5 3 . O r a p p ly online! w w w . L a w y e rsA id Se rvic e c o m / jo b s E A R N $ 1 2 - 1 6 / H R . W a lk in g d is­ tance from cam pus. E ven in g hours, 6-9. N o selling a n d no gim m icks C a ll 2 3 6 - 1 5 0 7 KYOTO JAPANESE' RESTAURANT now hiring for SU SH I CHEF trainee and H O ST STAFF PT/FT G o o d benefits. A pply inperson 3 1 5 Congress Ste 2 0 0 4 8 2 -9 0 1 0 or 4 8 1 5 W . Broker Lane Ste 5 8 0 3 4 6 -5 8 0 0 . EMPLOYMENT 790 - Part time C A M P I N G F IS H IN G H U N T I N G Retail sa les or data entry positions. G re a t fun job O u td o o r e xperience essential. 3 2 7 - 1 6 0 5 . PT W E E K E N D flow er delivery per­ G o o d son n ee de d d rivin g record. C a ll 4 5 0 - 1 1 2 2 immediately. R U N N E R " D O W N T O W N Law of- fice n e e d s part-time runner m o rning h ou rs Fax resum e 4 7 6 - $ 7 / h r 4 4 0 0 or call 4 7 6 - 4 3 4 6 . S T O C K P O S IT IO N A T C A L IC O C O R N E R S W e re lo o king for a reliable, o r g a n iz e d stock assistant to w o rk in a retail fabric store. P osition requires h a n d lin g h ea vy bolts of fabric a n d store m aintenance. W e e k d a y afternoons Call manager 467-9462. N o w A c c e p t i n g A ppli c a t io n s For T H E D A IL Y T E X A N S p r i n g C l a s s i f i e d C l e r k D u t ie s in c lu d e t a k in g v o lu n t a ry a d s b y p h o n e , filing, ty p in g c o o r d in a t in g p ro je c ts, a s s i s t m g s a l e s a n d s u p e r v is o r y staff w ith c le ric a l t a s k s . E x c e lle n t p h o n e , c o - w o r k e r a n d c u s t o m e r s e r v ic e s k ills n e e d e d . 790 - Part time C O U N S E L O R I - Adult Outpatient, M-Th 6pm-10pm, BILINGUAL, needed immediately A U S T IN R E C O V E R Y 1 9 0 0 Rio G ra n d e Austin, TX 7 8 7 0 5 Fax 5 1 2 - 4 7 7 -2 0 9 5 E O E - D ru g Free W o r k p la c e R ESEARCH SUBJECTS N E ED E D to rate voice sam ples for overall sp e ech quality Requires a p p ro x 1 .5 hour- $ 3 0 0 0 on com pletion. M u st h ave English a s first la n g u a g e , g o o d h e a rin g a n d c an no t h a ve p a r­ ticipated in a study d u rin g the past 3 m onths Se ssio n s are sch ed u le d for Oct. 2 7 a n d 2 8 (W ed . a n d Thurs, at 6 : 0 0 - 7 : 3 0 a n d 7 3 0 - 9 -00 p m ) For further a n d to reserve a sp a ce p le ase call John between 9a m -5 p m DYNASTAT, INC. 2 7 0 4 Rio G rande, Suite 4 4 7 6 - 4 7 9 7 M A K E A DIFFERENCE C le a n W a te r A ction is n o w hiring students to help us sa ve mother earth. W o r k on c a m p a ig n s to: •stop toxic w aste •prom ote recycling • fight corrupt politic ion s Flexible schedules Located in W e st n osph $ 9 $ 1 2 / h r C a ll T o d a 4 7 4 - 1 9 0 3 C O U N T E R P E R S O N n ee d e d at PHu- gerville cleaners, 2pm -7pm , M -F $ 6 $ 8 / h r. A p p ly in person: 1 5 8 0 3 W in d e rm o r e Center, 2 5 8 - 4 2 4 9 . M o n d ay - F r i d ay 8 a m -1 1 a m 800 - General Help W anted M u s t b e a b l e t o b e g i n w o r k J a n 1 0 , 2 0 0 0 $ 1 5 0 0 W E E K L Y potential m ailing N o Expe rie nce Re­ our circulars. q uired. information packet C a ll 2 0 2 - 4 5 2 - 5 9 4 2 Free $ 6 . 0 0 P e r H o u r A P P L Y IN P E R S O N T H E D A I L Y T E X A N T S P R o o m 3 . 2 0 0 CLERK, A F T E R N O O N S a n d Satur­ d a y s G o o d math skills a n d custom­ er G o o d p a y N orth. 4 5 2 - 5 3 9 1 service a plus T e le p h o n e i n q u ir ie s n ot a c ­ c e p t e d A p p l ic a n t s m u s t b e U n i v e r s it y o f T e x a s st u d e n t o r t h e s p o u s e o f a st u d e n t. PT C A S H HANDLER N EED ED to m a n a g e high-volum e c ash events on e ve n in gs a n d w e e k e n d s at the Austin C o n ve ntio n C enter & Palmer Auditorium M u st h a ve high-volum e c a sh h a n d lin g a n d m a n a ge m e n t e xpe rie nce Please subm it resum e & references to: P O B ox 6 8 4 5 9 2 , Austin TX, 7 8 7 6 8 or F a x 4 0 4 - 4 1 3 3 Attn: A n g e la 1 h ou r/d a y, FART-TIM E PE A ssistan t for junior 5 d ays/w ee k, h igh 12 5 0 - 2 : 0 0 C on tac t D o n n a M a b e at 4 6 5 - 8 3 3 3 or 2 7 2 - 8 3 6 0 after 6pm . SP O R T S LO VER S D R E A M Ever wanted an even playing field to show wnat you can d o ? Flexible schedule & training! Call now 933-1233 G O T O S c h o o l d u rin g the day... be our N a n n y o n the e ve n in gs a n d w eekends, this is a gre at opportunity tor co lle ge students! C a ll 2 4 8 - 8 5 5 3 for m ore info P ART-TIM E S A L E S C L E R K North Aus- t.n hospital gift sh o p G re a t e nviron ­ ment hourly plus bonus. A s k for Carl. 9 0 1 - 2 7 4 4 D O G T R A I N I N G facility seeks ken­ nel help. M u st be a b le to w o rk eve­ n in gs C a ll 4 4 2 - 3 4 1 6 ext. 3 1 0 or fax resum e to 4 4 2 - 6 9 7 0 . _ PART-TIME RECEPTIONIST/ A D M IN IST R AT IVE A SS IST A N T Duties include: answering telephones, filing, typing, sending/receiving mail; knowledge of WordPerfect preferred. Small, friendly law office. Call Jane at 4 9 4 -1 4 8 1 . THE G EN ER AL SERVICES C O M M IS S IO N is se e king qualified app licants for the follow in g position T E L E C O M M U N IC A T I O N S S P E C IA L IST I (PAR T/TIM E) S A L A R Y $ 1 , 1 4 7 / M O N T H . (2 positions) Perform s a n a ly sis a n d support of voie, d ata a n d v id e o network W o r k includes installation, c onfiguration, repair, a n d m ain te n an ce o f G S C a n d / o r custom er e qu ip m e nt a n d / o r circuits. W o r k s u n d e r clo se su p ervision of se n io r technicians. Requires Tw o (2) y e a rs accre d ited course w o rk in com puter Science, Te le com m un ication s Engin ee rin g or a related field from a n d accredited four (4) ye ar c olle ge o r university. Successful com pletion of a c om m u nica tio ns netw orking course such a s Telecom m unications N e tw o rks-C o u rse E E 3 9 7 K -(u n iq u e 1 4 3 2 0 ) offered at The U niversity of Texas. For consideration, a pp lican ts must com plete a n d subm it a State of Texas A p p lic a tio n form. Refer to job posting # 0 0 9 9 2 4 2 . Return it to the G e n e ra l Se rvic es C om m issio n , H u m a n Resources Office, 1 7 1 1 S a n J acinto Blvd., Rm 1 2 3 Austin, TX 7 8 7 1 1 , b y 5 :0 0 p .m . on N o v e m b e r 3, 1 9 9 9 . The G e n e ra l Se rvic es C o m m issio n is an Eq u al O p p o rtu n ity Employer. W o m e n , minorities, a n d p ersons with disabilities a re e n c o u ra g e d to a p p ly PT D A T A Entry p osition for a b usy re- a ! estate office Positive w o rkin g en­ Fax re­ vironm ent 1 O h o urs p/w k. sum e to Linda S c h o o le y 4 4 8 - 4 8 2 2 . REAL E ST A T E O ffice n ee ds part-time 12 h rs/w k, flexible schedule helper $ 8 5 0 / h r. C om p u te r/lig ht typinq nee de d 4 5 8 - 1 7 0 0 D A T A E N T R Y Tem p p b 1 0 -2 0 h rs to­ tal E ve n in g s South location $ 6 h r C a ll 3 2 8 - 4 3 3 3 . M A L E S O C I A L D R IN K E R S N E E D E D . Earn $ 7 5 or m ore participating in research e valua tin g at UT p roq ram 4 7 1 - 7 3 8 5 W EB-TECH 10-15 H R S / W K Bo s k H tml, Ftp & M a c skill necessary. $ 1 0 / h r Fax resum e to 3 7 3 - 7 7 0 5 or call 3 8 3 - 1 6 6 1 L A W O F F IC E 3 blocks from cam pus has o pen ings for runner/ office clerk. G reat work environment. O p e n in g s for W F 1-6. Transportation required. Please call M e lissa 4 7 7 -7 5 4 3 . FA M IL Y L A W A H O R N E Y se e king so p h o m o re for P/T cssista n c e in g e n e ra l office duties W ill train. $ 6 7 5 / h r N e a r UT. M u st be a v a ila b le 2-3 hrs M o n d a y - F n d a y betw een 8 : 3 0 a m a nd 1 3 0 p m (hrs need not b e the sam e e ach d ay). M u st a ls o be a v aila b le for e m ploym en t in spring. Fiu en cy in S p a n ish a plus Please fax resume, references, transcript, a n d c la ss schedule to 4 7 6 - 2 9 9 1 . N E E D KEY B O A R D IST to hold the ro te s w h ile I tune the pipes, o c c a ­ sio na l m o rn in g s $ 8 / h r 4 7 6 - 2 3 0 6 . DEPENDABLE P E R M A N E N T file " c lerk/runner n eeded for d ow n to w n la w office 3 0 hrs/w k. Flexible Duties inclu d e m a in ta in ing firm filing system, a n sw e rin g phones, c op ying , e rra n d s etc. Law office filing e xp e rie nce preferred must have transportation g o o d attitude, o rg a n iz a tio n a l skills a n d a desire to d o things right the first time Fax resum e to 4 7 2 - 0 2 0 6 . C H U R C H N U R S E R Y w orkers w anted Pleasant en- for N W Austin church v ronment Sional w e ek m gh ts $ 7 / h r M e g a n 3 7 2 - 8 9 2 8 S u n d a y m o rr n g s & occa- Starting sa lary M u st be 18-yrs.-old. C oil CLERKl (Capitol Information and Tour Guides) The Sa te Preservation B oa rd seeks friendly, courteous p e o p le to serve a s part-time inform ation a n d tour g u id e s in the b u ild in gs of the state C a p ito l a n d C ap ito l Extension. C o n d u c t sch ed u le d tours for the ge n e ra l public a n d a ssist at the C a p ito l G u id e Desk, a n sw e rin g phones, re sp o n d in g to inquiries, a n d d irecting callers a n d visitors to a p p ro p ria te p ersonnel or locations Training provide d . G ra d u a tio n from a sta nd a rd se n io r h igh school required. M u st be com fortable s p e a k in g to la rge g r o u p s o n d have excellent com m unication skills. Previous custom er service a n d research e xpe rie nce preferred; ability to w o rk o ne w e eken d a month required Fluency in a fore ign la n g u a g e h igh ly desirable S a la r y $ 6 9 1 /hr., plus state benefits. Subm it stand ard state ap p lica tio n to: Slate Preservation Board 201 E. 14th St. S te # 9 5 0 (Sam Houston Building), Austin, TX 7 8 7 1 1 - 3 2 8 6 C all 4 6 3 - 5 4 9 5 for complete posting or additional information. E O E ALL G IR L S Dorm itory n eeds night courtesy officer 2m g h ts/ w e e k 10pm - 6am . A p p ly in p erson w e e k d a y s 8- 5 at 2 8 1 9 Rio G r a n d e 4 7 6 - 5 6 5 7 P E R S O N A B L E C O F F E E lover morn- m g s/ a fte rn o o n s/ e v e n in g s a n d alter­ nate w eekend s. Trianon- The C offee Place 3 2 0 1 A p p ly im m ediately Bee C a v e s Rd 3 2 8 - 4 0 3 3 A ls o p o ­ sitions N o rth a n d alternate w e e k e n d s W e st 3 4 6 - 9 6 3 6 M o r n in g s 3 7 4 2 Far location L A W Firm D O W N T O W N c o u rie r/ c o p y clerk A p p ly Ave, # 1 8 0 0 seeks l-6 p m , M on-Fri. in person, 3 0 1 C o n g r e ss D E L IV E R Y 1 : 3 0 to 6 0 0 p m M on-Fri H o u rly plus m ile age N e a t a p p e a r ­ a n c e a n d d e p e n d a b le vehicle re­ quired. 1 1 7 4 0 Jollyville or 3 3 1 - 5 1 5 1 EMPLOYMENT EMPLOYMENT EMPLOYMENT EMPLOYMENT EMPLOYMENT EMPLOYMENT 810-O flfce-C lerieal 8 5 0 - 800 - General Help W onted C H IL D R E N 'S CENTER O F AUSTIN. N e w center, beautiful N W Austin location, se e king innovative creative in d ivid ua ls for: Part-time tea ch in g p osition s (2-6pm). (infants through pre-K). M-F, Flexible H o u rs Excellent w ages. C all 7 9 5 - 8 3 0 0 . D R Y C L E A N E R S N E E D m orning-coun­ FT/PT. ter help (computer-literate) S W / A u s fin location A sk for Jenie or K a y o r M a x . 3 2 7 - 7 6 9 0 . FRONT DESK CLERK NEEDED full and part time all shifts, 7am-3pm, and 3pm-1 1pm, 1 1pm-7am. Apply in person. Days Inn University. 478-1631. HELP! N E E D part-time help with c le an in g a n d c o o k in g 6 -9 hours per w eek Please call K arin 3 4 5 - 2 4 5 5 . FULL-TIME W O R K I N G in a mail order home-brew shop in North Austin. O w n transportation essential. Home-brewing/beer knowledge helpful. Start immediately. W ill train if necessary. $9- 10/hr 9 8 9 -9 7 2 7 . N E E D E D 1 7 p eo p le w h o will get p a id to lose w e ig h t 1 0 0 % natural! C a ll C e c ilia at 1 - 8 8 8 - 9 1 2 - 0 5 9 6 L O O K IN G FO R EXTRA I N C O M E ? Se e k in g native sp e ak ers of B ra zilia n Portuguese French, G e rm a n , G reek, H e b rew , Dutch, a n d Italian to w ork part or full-time in a fast-paced Translation A g e n c y . B a c k g ro u n d in C om p u te r Sc ie n c e or E ngin e e rin g a plus. Se n d resum e to rarellano@adamslrans.com Part-time C O U N T E R P E R S O N N E L . & full-time- 1 0 locations. G re a t p a y 3 2 7 - 9 6 8 8 a v a i l a b l e n o w T E L E M A R K E T IN G P O S I T I O N S Student friendly, afternoon & e ven in g shifts, n ea r UT c a m p u s in U niversity Towers. N o selling involved, a ppointm ent setting only. $ 8 -$ 15 per hour. C a s u a l atm osphere. E xpe rie nce d or will train. C a ll C J at P B C 8 6 7 - 6 7 6 7 A«ount Raps SS EXTRA CASH && EARN $9 TO S12+/HR That's what our team members average every day @ Dial America K>y: Part-Time Am /PM Hows 17 to 25 hrs, per week Weekly Paydiecks Clean, Relaxed Environment Service Existing Accounts 800 - General Help W anted FE M A L E M O D E L S / D A N C E R S need­ ed for w ebsite H u g e incom e poten­ tial N o e xpe rie nce necessary. C a ll V alh a lla System s Entertainment 4 1 8 - 8 9 1 6 . Is now accepting applications/resumes $ 7 .0 0 -8.50/hr based on experience Part-time and full-time positions available. 3320 S. FM 973 DEL VALLE, TX 78617 (512) 386-5722 EOE H O M E W O R K E R S w anted. E a sy a s­ sembly! C a ll toll free for m ore info 1 - 8 8 8 - 8 4 1 -3 1 3 1 T A IW A N E S E G A M E SUPPORT REPRESENTATIVES D o y o u like to d ress casual, h ave fun a n d w o rk with others w h o reflect u nique p e rso n a ; styles? If so, O r ig in is lo o king for y o u to represent their custom er service department. O r ig in is a cutting-ecjge leader of online g a m in g experiences, creating w o rld s of im m ersed sim ulation a n a te c hn o lo gica l innovation. W e create w o rld s with u nparalleled attention to detail, setting new sta n d a rd s in Interactive entertainment, but most of all, w e create w o rld s of fun! Y o u 're p rim a ry responsibility will b e to p rovide in-gam e su p p ort for layers w h o h ave critical questions or p rob le m s in g a m e The ideal c a n d id a te will h ave excellent custom er service skills a n d be proficient with M ic ro so ft Outlook, W o r d , a n d Excel The ability to sp e a k a n d write T a iw a n e se is a must. Located in the scenic hills of N orth w e st Austin, w e offer a unique c a su a l w o rk environm ent a lo n g with com petitive salaries. At our facility, y o u will find a n on-site fitness-center, cafe, free v id e o ga m es, pets a nd m ore For im m ediate consideration, p le ase se n d resume a n d sa la ry requirem ents to: O r ig in s Systems, 5 9 1 8 W C o u rty a rd D rive, Austin, TX 7 8 7 3 0 or fax to 5 1 2 - 3 4 6 - 7 9 0 5 o r em ail jo b s@ o rigin .e o com . E O E . D E L IV E R Y D R IV E R S nee de d im m edi­ ately from 1 la m -5 p m ! Rockets Bur­ gers, Sp u d s, a n d S a la d s hiring driv­ ers $ 9 $ 1 5 / h r A p p ly 2 8 2 6 -B Rio G ra n d e . 4 7 3 - 2 2 6 1 C O N T R A C T TYPIST W o n te d Re­ q uires g o o d typ in g skills a n d hom e com puter system with w o rd perfect software. W a g e s $ 8 - 1 0 / h o u rly C a ll Steve at 2 3 6 -1 3 0 0 L IQ U O R S T O R E in W est-central A u s ­ tin hiring part-time, perm anent clerk, Im mediate e v e n in g s a n d Saturdays. o p e n in g. 3 2 7 - 7 9 2 0 $3-12-1-/HR F O R on hon orab le , reliable & detail oriented student w h o w o u ld e njo y a lo n g term job c le a n in g neat S W A ustin hom es C a r required. Training. Flexible, part-time hrs. C all Kate at 2 8 0 -6 7 4 3 . P R E -S C H O O L M on-Fri, 8-1 2 T E A C H E R C a ll 4 5 3 - 5 5 5 1 needed; A SCHEDULE YOU CAN LIVE WITH Work evenings 5:30-9:30 and Sat. 10-2 with Zack Scott Theatre s phone sales subscription campaign. Earn $7-$ 15 per hour. Call 512-476-0594 x250 C A M P U S R E P R E S E N T A T IV E S to sell S p rin g Break B e a ch & Ski Trip p a c k ­ a g e s Sell just 1 5 a n d g o F R E E 1 1 - 8 0 0 - S U N C H A S E or w w w .su n c h a se .c o m . 8 0 0 - Ganara! Help W anted R E T E N T IO N A D V IS O R S $ 1 1 .1 0 / H R + C O M M IS S IO N Inb o un d custom er service for a financial services co. located in N orth Austin. N o sales o r outbound calls A ssist custom ers with credit c a rd inquiries. Bus. C a s u a l & new facility. Full time jobs. Paid training M u st p a s s a crim inal b a c kgro u n d , credit a n d d ru g check. Q ua lificatio n s: job stability, cus.se rv./sales exp. D a y shifts: 9a m -6p m , 10 am -7 p m & 1 1 am -8pm inclu d in g d a y s o n the w e ek en d N ig h t shift: 3 p m - 12am . C a ll A S A P for a p h o n e screen L.K. Jordan 3 4 2 - 0 3 0 2 DELIVERY DRIVERS WANTED! up to $ 7 / hr + tips Full & Part Time Wanted 4 7 2 - 3 2 8 3 ask for Steve 11 P iz z a w o rk s J R ESID EN T IA L IN S T R U C T O R Half-time overnight position, Friday & Saturday. H ig h sc h o o l d ip lo m a or equivalent. E xpe rie nce w o rk in g with children preferred S a la r y is $ 7 3 0 . 5 0 / m o n th with excellent benefits. Apply at Texas School f/t Blind & Visually Impaired, 1 1 0 0 W . 45th, 206-9129. D E S K C LE R K R o d e w a y Inn a ccep tin g full-time position a pp lica tio n s 3 p m - llp m , W e d s-Su n . in p erson at 2 9 0 0 IH -35 N orth. A p p ly for A D V E R T IS IN G S A L E S Rep for Study B re aks M a g a z in e Part-Time. Flexi­ ble hours Inherit solid accou n t b ase, h igh c o m m issio n C a ll 7 8 9 - 7 5 3 4 E A R N $ 5 3 0 W e e k ly Distributing p h o n e c a rd s N o e xpe rie nce neces­ sary. Full or Part time. C a ll 1-800- 5 7 2 - 3 3 6 1 G R A D U A T E S T U D E N T S n ee de d for unique o p in io n g ro u p s E asy/F un . $ 8 /h r. 8 0 0 - 8 8 6 - 2 7 9 5 . focused 8 1 0 - Office-Clerical IN S U R A N C E O F F IC E near Highland M all has part-time clerical position. Flexible schedule, M-F. Duties include filing, telephone, computer entry,mail prep., erranas with company vehicle. Call Dottie 4 5 4 - 5 2 6 6 . LITIGATION"” LEGAL ASSISTANT Prestigious d ow n to w n la w firm seeks a jr. level litigation le ga l assistant. 2-3 + ye ar civil litigation e xp e rie nc e required, prefe rab ly in p e rson injury a n d m e dical m alpractice defense D e g re e a n d / o r certificate preferred. M u st h ave ability to e xercise ind ep e nd e nt a n a ly sis a n d judgm ent with m inim um su p ervision S a la r y a n d benefits com petitive Please send resume and salary requirement to JF-LA, 1 1 1 Congress Ave., Suite 1400, Austin, TX 787 01 fax (5 12 )47 9-1 101, or e-mail resumes@bmoh.com. N o p h o n e calls, please. E O E , M / F E X E C U T IV E S E C R E T A R Y , com pute literate, must type 3 5 w p m a ccurate fy. Flexible hours, g o o d sa la ry C a ll extension 1 4 2 for app o in tm e n t 5 1 2 - 4 6 7 - 9 0 1 2 or 1 - 8 0 0 - 9 3 4 3 7 4 1 . FREE B A B Y B O O M B O X EA R N $ 1 2 0 0 1 fundraiser for student g r o u p s & or­ g a niza tio ns. Earn up to $ 4 per M a s t e r C a r d a pp . C all for info or visit our w ebsite Q u a lifie d callers receive a FREE B a b y B o o m B ox 1 - 8 0 0 - 9 3 2 - 0 5 2 8 ext 1 1 9 or ext 1 2 5 w w w .o cm c on ce p ts.co m H ELP W A N T E D A p p ly in p erson C h r is 's Liquor 5 2 0 1 C a m e ro n Rd 4 5 1 - 7 3 9 1 ATTENTION: CREATIVE IN D IV ID U A LS se e kin g o fun w o rk environment. D o yo u understand the need to be treated with dign ity a n d respect? If so, com e assist our staff with the p la n n in g a n d im plem enting of ind ivid ua lize d Dem entia care P ay training FT/PT a v aila b le Contact Kim Keutzer @ 833-9253. • Penthouse < • M en’s Club < i Austin's newest & largest < 1 gentleman’s club • is now hiring 4 4 Entertainers, 4 Bartenders & TABC 4 certified waitresses * F T /P T . « Flexible schedules. Pay for • school working only 2 days 4 a week. Call 238-7700 • DUVAL O A K S G U E S T H O M E A ssisted Living b y Marriott. D u v a l O a k s is a friendly, attractive com m unity that p rom otes the w ell-being of se n io r citizens. W o r k w here y o u r c a rin g heart will m a ke a difference. N ig h t shift differential Personal C a re Attendants. M e d ic a tio n Supervisors, C o o k s, F o o d Service Assistants, H o u se k e e p e rs Acfivities-Volunteers W e lc o m e Arboretum A re a S ig n on Bonus. Part-time a n d full-time p ositions G re a t benefits a va ila b le for full-time associates. 5 3 1 0 D u val Ro ad , 4 1 8 - 8 2 2 8 . Our team is the best in tbe tusiness. Call today to learn how you can become a part of this exciting opportunity. 339-6070 www.Didamerica.com/Aastin P O S T A L J O B S to $ 1 8 .3 5 / h r. benefits, no expe rie nce e xam ext.7 6 2 2 , 8am -9p m , 7 -d a y s fds.inc. Incl. For a p p . & info, call 1 - 8 0 0 - 8 1 3 -3 5 8 5 , 800 - Genera! Help W an ted 800 - General Help W anted W O M nLI ü = j ¡ T O Earn Up To $800.00 Are you a healthy non-sm oking man or w om an between the ages of 18 and 45? If so, you m ay qualify to participate in a pharmaceutical research study and receive up to $800.00 The dates and time of the study are listed below; you must be available to remain in our facility for the entire period to be eligible. Check-In Fri., Nov. 5 Fri., Nov. 12 Check-out Sun., Nov. 7 Sun., Nov. 14 To qualify, you must pass our free physical exam and screening tests. Meals, accommodations, entertainment, and recreational activities provided free of charge. For more Information, please call 462-0492 PPD DEVELOPMENT, INC. R E S E A R C H P A R T IC IP A N T S n eeded for unique o p in io n focu se d group s. E a sy/ F u n $ 8 / h r. 8 0 0 - 8 8 6 - 2 7 9 5 S E C R E T A R Y M U S T h a ve p ro fe ssio ­ nal attitude A b le to a n sw e r p ho n e s & type 3 0 + W P M . FT with benefits C a ll 3 8 0 - 7 3 3 9 . 800 - Genera! Help W anted 800 General | Help W anted y n n i m i r m i ; n ' i ... i .. I...jmuil Part time positions available. High Energy Extremely popular nightclub. All positions available: PR, Security, hostesses. Apply in person @ 5th & Trinity Thurs. - Sat. 7-9pm 800 - General Help W anted 800 - General Help W anted W a n t s D r . PERFECT STUDENT JOB!!! ATC provides the shuttle bus service for the University of Texas, and is looking for YOU! We need safe, responsible people to become professional bus operators. ATC offers full paid training, starting at $8.74 an hour. Come grow with us - build your seniority as you develop your skills! Please apply in person at ATC, 8300 South Interstate 35, or call 282-5770 ext. 105 for more information! Must be 21 to apply. We look forward to meeting you! Work full-time or part-time with schedules that fit your individual lifestyle, 840 “ Sales LITIGATION DEPARTMENT ASSISTANT Prestigious dow ntow n law firm seeks entry-level litigation department assistant (case clerk) to provide support to the product liability area. Full-time, Monday-Friday 8:30am -5:30pm 1 + years experience required, preferably in a law firm supporting multi-case litigation. M u st h ave so m e com puter skills. G o o d o rg a n iz a tio n skills a n d ability to h an d le multiple tasks a necessity M * t be fam iliar with va rio u s legal d ocum ents a n d type 3 5 W P M S a la r y a n d benefits competitive Please send resume and salary requirements to JF-LDA, 1 1 1 Congress Ave Suite 1400, Austin, TX 7 8 7 0 1 , or fax to 479-1 101, or e-mail to resum es@ bm oh.com . N o p h o n e calls, please. E O E / M / F JO BS FOR the Fall. Call Today! C ustom e r Se rvice To $ 10 / h r Legal Secretaries - To $ 13 / h r A cc o u n tin g C lk s - To $ 1 1/hr Collectors - To $ 9 / h r, W o r d Processor - To $ 10/h r, D a ta Entry O p s - To $ 9 /h r, CXffice C le rk s - To $ 8 . 5 0 / h r M u st be a b le to w o rk at least o n e full d a y M -F 8 o -5p , h ave stable w o rk h istory & h ave g o o d com puter skills. Free C om p u te r Training! Call for 3 4 2 -8 6 6 2 fo r appt. wvAv.officespec.com N E A R UT, $ 8 -9.00. Legal services firm, flex, hours, will train. Fresh, soph, e arly g ra d levels invited. Pl/FT. Call: p a ra le g a l cou rie r 4 7 4 - 2 2 4 6 , typist/clerical 4 7 4 - 2 2 1 6 ; b o o k k e e p in g trainee 4 7 4 - 0 8 5 3 O r a p p ly o nlinel w w w . L a w y e rsA id S e rvic e c o m / jo b s O F F IC E M A N A G E R / P E R S O N A L A S S I S T A N T Proficient: Q u ic k Book, gre at o rg a n iz a tio n a l skills, filing, bills. De sktop p u b lish in g com puter g ra p h ic s stills-plus. References required M u st h avp o w n trans. N W Austin PT flex hou rs 1 0 -2 0 h rs/ w k $ 9 / h r. em ail resume: m a rsh a lln o v a 6 9 @ a o l.c o m prefer students w illin g to com m it at least 2 semesters. " LAW LIBRARY ASSISTANT NEEDED. Full-time clerical position. W o r k requires meticulous attention to detail. Tasks include: processing mail, maintaining automated catalog records, o rgan izin g paper publications, a nd running errands to local libraries. P le a se s e n d re su m e to Deborah K Meleski, P.O. Box 1 148, Austin, Texas 787 6 7 A D M IN IS T R A T IV E C L E R K n e e d e d for Products Liability section of d o w n to w n la w firm. Position involves filing, photocopying, special projects and other duties as needed, a s well as opportunity for travel. Som e know ledge of office equipment and computer skills preferred. Starting salary is $ 8 .00/hr. N on-sm oking environment. P le a se s e n d re su m e s to Mary Walton at P.O. Box 1 148, Austin, Texas 7 8 7 6 7 or fax to 474-1 129. R E C E P T IO N IS T / F IL E C LE R K Part-time M -F flexible hours. M u st h ove valid driver s license & cor, sa la ry n e g o ­ tiable W e stla k e area. 3 2 7 - 8 9 3 2 , a sk for M a r s h a . PART-TIM E O F F IC E A S S IS T A N T C on su ltin g firm seeks d e p e n d a b le ind ivid ual for part-time p osition 1 p m -6pm M o n-Fri (som e flexibility). Requires excellent computer, o rga n iz a tio n , & c o m m u nica tio n skills a lo n g with strong attention to details G re a t w o rk in g environm ent. Fo rw a rd resum e to D M A , 5 1 0 0 Bee C a v e s Rd , Austin, Texas 7 8 7 4 6 F a x 3 2 8 - 4 5 8 4 no- Bookkc BOOKKEEPER HOURS QUALIFY FOR CPA. FAX RESUME 467-8684. 20 HOURS W EEK Flexible hrs. N E A R UT $ 8 - 9 . 0 0 B o o k k e e p in g Trainee 4 7 4 X 3 8 5 3 . P a ra le ga l C o u rie r 4 7 4 - 2 2 4 6 ; Typ- ist/ O e ric a i 4 7 4 - 2 2 1 6 ; Smoke-free, freshm an w elcom e! W ILL T R A IN , w w w L a w ye rsA id Se rvic e c o m / jo b s A C C O U N T I N G 10h rs/w k. b ud ge tin g, m sm ith @ sw im K o rp .c o m . PART-TIM E Invo icing, bill paym ent, C on tact Funl J SP O R T S L O V E R S D R E A M Ever wanted an even playing field to show what you can d o ? Flexible schedule & training I Call now 933-1233 850 - Retail S A L E S A S S O C I A T E for gift store Pt- time afte rn o o n s/e ve n in gs w eekend s. Flexible hours A p p ly Sa n R io , H ig lv la n d M a ll P t A N T N E R D S & P L A N T N E R D W A N N A B E E S - Sm all infa m ou s G a r d e n Center & G ift S h o p in W e s t Lake Hills is lo o king for Part time a n d full time w orkers from A u g 1 thru C h ristm a s - hopefullly a g a in in sp ring. T o hefp customers and water plants O R to water customers and help plants. M u st h ave keen a pp re c ia tio n of Plastic Pink Fla m in go s. W ill train C o n ta c t Jenna A S A P 3 2 7 - 4 5 6 4 CLERK II (Giftshop Sales Clerk) The State Preservation B o a rd is hiring friendly, courteous ind ivid uals to perform sales a nd custom er service tasks part-time In the beautiful giftsho p s of the T e xas State C a p ito l a n d C a p ito l Visitors Center. Duties include p rim a ry customer contact, com p le tin g sales transactions, sto ckin g or inventory, a n d g e n e ra l store m aintenance Aftern oo n p osition s available, n o nights. Successful a p p lica n t must have e xp e rie nce in custom er service a n d / o r m o n e y h a n d lin g a n d b alan cin g, a n d be a va ila b le to w ork som e w e e k e n d s a n d most holidays. This p osition requires frequent p ro lo n g e d stand ing, w alkin g, a n d the ability to lift m erch an dise o f up to 50 lb s. $ 8.01/hr plus excellent benefits In c lu d in g insurance. Su bm it state ap p lica tio n to: SPB Human Resources, 201 E 14th St. Suite#950 Austin, Tx. 7871 1 5 1 2 / 4 6 3 -5 4 9 5 E O E 8 6 0 - i n f o S Y ST E M S TECH PT/M-F N O O N -5 P .M . D O W N T O W N A U STIN . PAY D O Q C a s u a l w o rk environm ent. Assistant to the Director of Information System s K S A - Install, troubleshoot, repair P C 's w / W in d o w s 9 5 / 9 8 W in N T P ro g ra m m in g expe rie nce V isua l B asic, V isu a l FoxPro, S Q L W o r k in g k n o w le d g e o f M icro so ft W in d o w s N T a n d Linux. Trouble­ shoot a n d b a sic m ain te n an ce on all system s Ap titud e a n d interest in le a rn in g n e w technologies. Fax Cover letter with resume for interview appointment to HR M a n a g e r (5 12 ) 3 2 0 - 0 3 1 7 or 1 -8 7 7 -3 2 9 -7 5 2 8 G E T P A ID 2 SU R F THE N ET! less incom e possibilities w w w a lia d v a n ta g e com . 0 2 8 . ID # E A N - End- 870 “ M edical 2 P O S IT IO N S available direct care in M H M R group home. W a k e staff needed. Hours 10pm-8am. Great job for students. Call 282-6090. B IL L IN G A S S IS T A N T . D a ta entry, in­ vo ices/b illing , 3-yrs P C experience, m edical te rm ino lo gy helpful Flexi­ ble schedule 4 7 8 - 2 6 3 2 or 8 7 7 - 3 0 2 - 3 9 0 3 880 - Professional PUT YOUR COLLEGE DEGREE TO W ORK! M e a su re m e n t Inco rpo rated is a n edu catio nal testing c o m p a n y that hires h u n d re d s o? p eo p le on a tem porary b a s is e a c n y e a r to K o r e student e ssa y s B a c h e lo r 's d e gre e in a n y field req uired P aid training. N e x t project is K h e d u le d for N o v e m b e r 8 -2 4 . H o u rs are 8 1 5 o m -4 :0 0 p m , M -F P a y $ 8 5 0 / h r Su ccessfu l e m ployee s will b e offered w o rk o n a related proiect in D ecem b er. A d d itio n a l projects a v a ila b le Jan ua ry-A u gust All work is done in our north central Austin facility. C all for an application: (512)835-6091. TEACHER JOB FAIR Lare do In d e pe n de n t S c h o o l District Sa tu rd ay, O c t o b e r 3 0 , 1 9 9 9 1 0 : 0 0 a m - l :0 0 p m M artin H igh School Library 2 0 0 2 Sa n Bernardo Laredo, Texas 7 8 0 4 0 • 1 8 C a m p u se s-a ll levels •C u rren t a n d S p rin g 2 0 0 0 va c a n c ie s • S ig n o n b o n u s for 2 5 reduce class size v a c a n c ie s g r a d e s 1-3 •C o n tra cts a v a ila b le o n site V a c a n c ie s V a c a n c ie s V a c a n c ie s Elementary: Bilingual Counselor Early Childhood Librarians M usic Reduce Class Size Special Education Middle: Counselor Math Social Studies Special Education High: Language Arts Math Social Studies Special Education " S t i M t e r g i i i i PLUCKERS IS N O W HIRING: Deliveiy Drivers ($10-17/hr) C o oks & Dishwashers ($7/hr) Waiters/Phone Personnel ($10/hr+) A pply at 2222 Rio Grande or Call David at 236-9112 DELIVERY DRIVERS $10-14/hr. flexible schedule, lunch/ dinner, guaranteed income. Take O ut Taxi. Apply: 600 W. 28th St., Suite 109. J O Y , D A N C E R S a n d waitstaff Be­ g in tom orrow , debt free next w eek! C a ll/ c o m e b y FT/PT. T A B C cert. Jo y of Austin IH 3 5 exit 2 5 0 N B o u n d 2 1 8 - 8 0 1 2 . BARTON CREEK Looking for a job? A re you a People Person? •Security Agent •Golf Associates •PBX Operators •Front Desk Clerks •Kids Club Attns •Spa Desk Attn •Bell Staff A p p ly in person M-F 8:30-5pm . 0 2 1 2 Barton C lu b Dr. W e st of Loop 3 6 0 . Fax your resume t o (512) 3 2 9 -4 0 1 4 for complete listing of all positions. B A R T O N C REEK Loo kin g for a jo b ? A r e y o u a p eo p le p e rso n ? •G rille C o o k s •Hoststaff •W aitsta ff A p p ly in p e rson M -F 8 :3 0 a m -5 p m . 8 2 1 2 Barton C lu b Drive W e st of Loo p 3 6 0 Fax your resum e to ( 5 1 2 0 3 2 9 - 4 0 1 4 for a com plete listing o f all p ositions S A L O O N BILLIARDS B A R N E Y 'S n e e d s bartenders/servers to w o rk in a n upK a le & fun atmosphere C a ll 3 3 9 - 7 4 2 4 " t h e k i t c h e n d o o r IS N O W H IR IN G FO R C O U N T E R HELP, A p p ly in person at 3 7 4 2 Far W e st Blvd. or 2 5 0 4 Lake Austin Blvd. Contact G ra y at 794-1 1 0 0 or C o re y at 2 3 6 -9 2 0 0 . HIRING BONUS!!! ‘ W E 'L L PUT $ $ IN Y O U R PO C KET! FT/PT D A Y & E V E N IN G SH IF T S O r d e r Takers, C a sh ie rs & C ou n te r H e lp Apply @ Jason's Deli 3 3 0 0 Bee Cave Road In W estlake Hills ” ZEN " H IR IN G H A IK U " Ze n is J a p a n e se Fo o d Fast Ze n is w a n tin g yo u Z e n is n e e d in g sushi rollers. Ze n is n ew Zen is in n ee d of p re p s/ c o o k s Ze n is flexible. Ze n is n e e d m g front counter help. Ze n is at 2 9 0 0 W A n d e rso n Ln Ste 2 5 0 . Interview ing 9a m -5 p m M o n -S a t 900 Domestic - Household A F T E R - S C H O O L C A R E for two chil­ d ren in N W Austin. So m e d rivin g n e e d e d M W F or M-F. Please can 8 3 8 - 5 8 5 6 (day) or 3 3 6 - 2 5 5 8 FULL-TIME N a n n y / M a r y P o p p in s n ee de d N o rth A u stin 3 4 5 - 4 4 4 1 E X P E R IE N C E D in N E E D C H E E R F U L m others' helper part-time for 1 l/ 2 y r .o ld b a b y Bilin­ g u a l preferred Sche d ule n e go tia ­ ble C a ll M a r y 4 1 8 - 9 4 1 I PART-TIM E C H IL D C A R E n eeded af- ternoons N o n sm o k e r. G o o d driv­ in g record. 3 2 8 - 5 9 0 0 , N A N N Y REQ U IR ED for after school 3 h ap p y, a n d so m e w eekend s. healthy kid s a g e s 6 ,8 ,9 . M u st have car. Ple ase call W e n d y at 2 6 3 - 1 4 4 3 . DID YOU TAKE A LOOK AT THE HALLOWra PAGES For inform ation contact M s R aye Lokey Executive Director H u m a n Re sou rces 1 - 8 8 8 - 5 2 7 -3 3 0 8 , 9 5 6 - 7 9 5 - 3 2 0 1 , fax num ber 9 5 6 - 7 9 5 - 3 2 0 5 or y o u m a y e-mail at rlokey@laredo.kl 2.fx.us 890 - Clubs- Restaurante W A IT S T A F F C O M E D Y C lu b hiring waitstaff a n d b a r p ositions. C a n C o m e d y -7 ( 2 6 6 - 3 3 9 7 ) TODAY'S DAILY TEXAN? Comics Editor Matt Howell, mkh@mail.utexas.edu r r r r r v n VUJLLLJCAJ Crossword Edited by Will Shortz N o .091 T h e D a i ly T e x a n Monday, October 25, 1999 Pa ge J ACROSS 1 Leader opposed by the Bolsheviks 5 Stockholm native 10 Prefix with distant 14 Gymnast Korbut 15 Like some kitchens, in real estate ads 16 Moscow’s land: Abbr. 17 Rosy, as a complexion 20 Dwindles, with “o u f 21 Surgeon’s assistant 22 “Tinker t o Chance” 23 Manicurist’s board 25 To th e ___ degree 28 Moines, Iowa 29 Rude look 30 Peek-___ 31 Entree fowl 33 Alaskan islander 34 Speckled, as hair 38 Nun’s wear 39 Fussy relatives, stereotypically 40 Take apart 41 Montana metropolis 43 Egyptian cobra 46 Architect I. M. to 47 Someone (not mine) 48 Trattoria sauce 50 Madame with a Nobel ANSWER TO PREVIOUS PUZZLE A N K A R A w A G s ■ G R 1 P E H U R T 1 R 0 T 0 R 1 T E R 1 E V E N S r E V E N I f L A P L 1 L 1 M 0 N A S T E R Y D 0 D G Y E R 1 E s ■ £ 1 N E | B E E R C A N | T 0 R■ R 1 0 T ■ R E E V E s A C R E D s T R 1 V Ej■ ■| 1 F S O N 1 A o V A R Y G E M M A c A R P P 0 ■ Ü C C u P Y | A R T U R 0 S A U T E C Y B E R S P A C E | A C E S R E S T S C A R E C R O W 0 A T H 0 A K E N 1 A T T Y t |1 T A 0 S w R E S 52 Detects 53 Fundamental, as issues 57 Baby-faced 58 Spanish mistress 59 W riter___ Stanley Gardner so Hot tempers 61 Jack who would eat no fat 62 Numbered rds. DOWN Surpassed Record holder Glass marbles Soapbox derby entrant Visits Lived Fraternity letter 8 Sit-down affair 9 Hang on 10 Bumbles 11 She has lots of workers 12 It’s between Can. and Mex. 13 Theory suffix 18 “48 ___ ” 19 Boo-hoo 23 School with historic playing fields 24 Authorization 26 Take the show on the road 27 Sizzling 29 Health resort 30 Hannibal’s challenge 31 Muse of history 4* CLUE: How to get to the good stuff. R ll-M ilfP UUnnrknn / Mackbird@mail.utexas.edu ■” • w v 1 1 U U U u U I I http://wnt.cc.utexas.edu/~ifqy3d2 - 'HEY. WHERE'S SK YNE T7 H OO KE D HIM UP MY OLD ATARI A N D MADE H/M PLAY MISSILE COMMAND F O R E V E R . YOU ALWAYS sa y that/ for m Mú5 T POWERFUL SUPERCOMPUTER, YOU HIVE REACLY l o u s y a d v ic e EUES5 50 ^WHY M or PUT 1 ME IN CHARCE OF A NUCLEAR M IS S IL E SYsrm iv BE BETTER AT THAT. ¡ a . & r SREAK If' By T h o m a s P. R e id y I I I ska fu 1 lkraslapun k a m ail itfcxas.edu Rem em ber k id s T his s tr ip is made by th e stran ge f o r th e stra n g e f o r th o se s tin k in alie n scumbags fro m the planet Dmgoanoa N o t T n H o v 'c .today s quote, o q c m fjtk m sfew m " ~ l f.aolpkmtnmii. VesL-Klav sansw er: "It is better to be w ise than to seem v >ise* -O r ig e n "N M Q R IM C M N A JG M , C M W P R E A Z Q O IW K W M M S a y W hat?- something R A N D O M One o f these things is not like the others. One o f these things does not belong. Can you guess ^which one? A f r a t guy shown sober and somewhat competent in this s trip , I think not. Puzzle by Fran and Lou Sabin 32 Longdistance inits 33 Suitable 34 Not loco 35 Step down 36 Implants 37 WSW’s reverse 38 Drill sergeant’s call 41 They're often pulled at night 42 Exhausted 43 Categorize 44 British essayist Sir Richard 45 Sheriffs'aids 47 Time to remember 48 Shooter ammo 49 “Step right in1” 51 Western tribe 52 Rebounds, e.g. 53 Long distance inits. 54 Where Switz. is 55 The “p” of m.p.h. “Put _ Face” Happy 56 Answers to any three clues in this puzzle are available by touch-tone phone: 1-900-420-5656 (95c per minute). Annual subscriptions are available for *he best of Sunday crosswords from the la s tr years: 1-888-7-ACROSS. ■ 1 n Bustin.eUys9aieh.c0m Can you decode this quote ’ Each letter corresponds to only one letter tn the alphabet To be or not to be Ap qt pm spa ap qt - Shakespeare -C jo v tce to m t “ by Natasha Solee so le e a m ail utexas e J a ~ Longhorn Horoscopes 20-M ay ARIES (Mar. 21-Apr. 19): It is important not to focus on other tasks while talking with your main man or woman. Be attententive to their needs for a change. It is hard, but single life is your other option. If that sounds better, make decisions. T AU RUS 20): (Apr. You've got plenty of things you would like to do today, but it is vital to be selective. If you attempt them all, you will scatter your shots. The evening promises the kind of get-together in which a gcxxd time will be had bv all, especially you. G E M IN I 20): Whatever your problem, it is time to seek help. Be it a counselor or finding a neutral friend, the woes you carry can consume your everything- including all the successes vou have earned. It is best to be safe and happy rather than sorry. 21-June (M ay C A N C E R 21-July 22): (June Money is here for the taking if you act BY NATALIE B u r g in bunsburgin@hotmail.com on your thoughts. Partners may be a bit burdensome today, but do unto oth­ ( ers as you would have done to you. LEÓ (July 23-Aug. 22):Your smarts are showing today, both the brain and social. Improve your status with others through a little intellectual conversa­ tion. They will be impressed. \ IRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): You've got plenty of energy, and you may be called on to use it to deal with a minor problem that involves someone else. It may throw you a bit, but you should be able to get to the rixit of the problem quickly and solve it. (Sept. 22): Shopping need not be on your list today. View your finances with skepti­ cism and m ake sure you aren't overzealous. Have fun through inex­ pensive things in life. 23-Oct. LIBRA SCO RPIO (Oct. 2 3 -Nov. 21): Avoid w ielding your influence too heavily; people might take it the wrong way and think you're trving S A G ITT A R IU S to change them. Possessive lovers are out of place in your open world. (Nov. 22-D ec 21): As soon as you understand the predator, you can prevent you rself from becom ing easy prey. Your day- to-day survival now w ill lead to tri­ um ph later. C APRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Don t overextend your resources, no matter how much you want to do. If you neglect health, money and friends, when all is said and done with, vou will be unhappy. A Q U A R IU S (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): You may tap into the perfectionist that lurks inside you, so don t make the mistake of biting off more than you c a n chew financially. Be aware of your lim­ its today. PISCES (Feb. 19-Mar. 20): lo u r best-case scenario tonight is to nudge j yourself into a friend's place for a little fun Then just sit back, relax, and play I guest. You deserve to be pampered. j SfVMDWiaa ‘//v hDrr'erxdo-masfto 'ioo/L w / n & C A 9 ; wftVAC oiu W h e e l DON'T WORRY NOh T U. 7JUT TV wa> AM YOU ZWN6 ? J&W ¡T LffBf* U£ is an ADULT or cojasé r $AU c m . to ya- jUfMK T h STUPID 7 \ by Clay & Tereza Weatherford mt£ olrl jhb WtlBcttS OFT W ILCMiTM. U m.TFCUO to ¡1AWMTINC AND TU£ tiSUtiiS TV hR J Wts> Of I THE LAST option, a o $ t h f FW R kS ANO IKWSASZ H i HCWtNSZ /n HiCPCSOFT I NC. J h SOPxv 100 HJCT HA/t m v m * UVH&E8. l h TJfyiNG W OCT IN TOXk Wi9f itt ACCQUNWff Crl NO JHERÍ ? ( OH 7)f£x£ LAST couftL of [yjcF I CANT m - U T T O «£*JK getting a o sik SCfhhSNAC ) I FEU THE 5 /fíe WA'Y A M D S * i l E N C £ o v e r c a m e S o u t h m a l e o » Jv5 : J o t h e n S h t V e /, i t s e b u ic u s i k a i l l / i H e p i h Á ( b(Cclu$¿ UCj c ¿ a j o s i C a n ce l { U S ' / e s ! T y 0 y c w iik t h é ? W H A T IP /P N T K N O W VOU W E R E (BBT- A R B YOU TALK]N O 7!NO ¡N V O IV E P A B O U T * ¡N P R BO iP BN - /U HAD PO LITICS T H /e Y E A R , fí j BOO P S IE . 1 ^ , S L E E P A RECYCLE YO UR TEX AM ! G et The D aily T exan 24 h o u r s a d a y! - h t t p://w w w .d a il y t e x a n.u t e x a s.ed u I O T h e D a il y T e x a n MONDAY, OCTOBER 25,1989 F O P T T ^ W - / Features Editor Jennifer Valentino jenval@mail.utexas.edu Late-night restaurants and delivery services give a unique flavor to the Austin scene Lisa Matsumoto Daily Texan Staff The late-night delivery business has been an in te re stin g exp erien ce for Jason A sh ­ more. As th e k itc h en m a n a g e r for M id n ig h t Tacos, an Austin business that sends drivers in recreational vehicles to cook and deliver M exican food, A sh m o re h as seen tru ck s catch on fire, h e ard of people d riv in g off w ith the d e liv e ry vehicles an d has d ealt with d ru n k and row dy college students. “W e d e a l w ith th e la te -n ig h t, u n ru ly crow d," he said. "W e've called 911 a few times, filed a couple of police reports." Ashmore is one of the m any people w ho work the late shift at restaurants and deliv­ ery services around campus. In a college tow n like Austin, the dem and for late-night and 24-hour restaurants and d e liv e ry services is fairly high, said Rob Balon, president of the Benchmark C om pa­ ny, an A ustin-based m arket research firm. People — especially students — often go to late-night eateries after parties or to study, and em ployees of these restaurants said the num ber of students and young people can m ake for an in teresting crow d, especially after w eekend parties. Shawm Fagan, an advertising junior, said he usually goes to late-night restaurants on w eekends and often has to w ait in line to be seated, even at 3 a.m. "I go to places like M agnolia [Café] and Kerbey [Lane] to eat after everything else is closed," he said while eating at Star Seeds, another 24-hour restaurant. "I go with my friends, alm ost alw ays after parties." Liz Buchanan, a public relations junipr, said she goes to late-night establishm ents like S p id er H ouse and Jim 's prim arily to study. I t's a c h a n g e of e n v iro n m e n t w h e n you're studying," she said. "There tends to be a lot of other people doing it. That keeps yo u m o tiv a te d . It's a lm o st like a g ro u p effort." Buchanan said she has found that m any places in Austin cater to student preferences. . n Jerem y Liebman/DAILY TEXAN ST M Natasha Quiroga, marketing senior, and Lonnie McCullough, computer science senior, enjoy a late-night meal at the original Kerbey Lane restaurant. Kerbey Lane, open 24 hours, has been a popular Austin hangout for several years. . . . . . . . . Mary Sledd/DAILY TEXAN STAFF Jim Minor, an Austin resident, eats a late dinner at Star Seeds. This East Austin restaurant offers a large smoking section and 24-hour breakfast, lunch and dinner, making it popular with UT students. L L W W Especially on the weekends, you’ll wait on a lot of drunk people. Sometimes they’re funny and sometimes they’re annoying.” — Bina Sciarrillo, radio-television-film senior and waitress at Kerbey Lane ------------------------------------------------------------- "If you w ant som ething, you get it," she said. "If you w ant to smoke, you can. They let you do w h a t you w a n t to do. People kind of respect that yo u're studying." Balon said m any cities with large student populations have a high num ber of 24-hour coffee sh o p s an d re s ta u ra n ts . A lth o u g h exact statistics are not available, he said the num ber of 24-hour restaurants in A ustin is actually low w hen com pared to other col­ lege tow ns and that m ost late-night b u si­ ness goes to a re la tiv e ly sm all g ro u p of e stab lish ed re sta u ra n ts and d eliv ery se r­ vices. Fagan, w ho w orked at G um bv's pizza for three years, said the w o rkers at all-nig ht restaurants are used to dealing with drunk people. "You just try to un derstand w here they're com ing from," he said, adding that there is an advantage to w orking late hours. "Peo- pie tend to tip pretty good because they're d ru n k . E v e ry b o d y k n o w s it su ck s to be w orking at four in the m orning." G ina S ciarrillo , a ra d io -te le v isio n -film senior and w aitress at Kerbey Lane, has had h e r sh a re of d ru n k c u sto m e rs . She said a lth o u g h they d o n 't all tip w ell, they are typically m ore laid-back on her shift, which usually runs from 8:30 p.m. to 3:30 a.m. " The custom ers and e n v iro n m en t are a lot m ore casual," she said, explaining that the p e o p le — m any of them college s tu ­ dents — are generally younger than those in th e d a y tim e c ro w d . " E s p e c ia lly on the weekends, you'll w ait on a lot of d runk peo­ ple. S om etim es th e y 're fu n n y and so m e ­ times they're annoying." S ciarrillo said she te n d s to m ake m ore money on the late shift because fewer places are open into the early m orning hours. She added that her shift is also more interesting. "W eird stuff h ap p en s all the tim e," she said. "People get into fights. People dance in the lobby. The em p loy ees d o th at too, though. The staff is pretty crazy." Juan Lozada, a L atm -A m erican stu d ie s and Spanish literature junior wrho has been w orking at Papa John's pizza for two years, h as a lso ru n in to so m e u n u s u a l p e o p le while on the job. W'hen he was delivering at a hotel, a lady a n sw ere d the d o o r in h e r un d erw ear. Fie said he w as flustered, b u t that the w om an just laughed at his em bar­ rassment. Lozada said he enjoys delivering to cus­ to m e rs late at n ig h t b e c a u se p e o p le a re friendlier and m ore interesting things h a p ­ pen. "It m akes things a little happier," he said. "There's a factor of surprise." Lozada said the m ain reason he w orks the late shift — which can last until 4 a.m. — is so he can have tim e during the day to p ar­ ticipate in extracurricular activities and play rugby. \ ou w on t h a v e a life o th e rw ise ," he said. "You w on 't enjoy college at all. By get­ ting involved, you can meet people because that's harder to do in your classes." A lthough Lozada adm itted that he rarely gets enough sleep, he said he drinks a lot of coffee and m otivates him self by rem em ber­ ing that he has just one m ore year of col­ lege. "W hen I graduate, this will all be over," he said. "I sleep a lot on the w eekends, but y o u g et u se d to [th e lack of sle e p ]. I t's am azing w hat your body can get used to." Christine Pennington, cook and d ispatch­ er for M idnight Tacos, said she loves work- ing the late shift, even th o u g h it d o e s n 't allow’ her to have a norm al sleeping pattern. "W e're all frien d s," she said. "W e care enough to help each other out. I w ork my ass off, but you get to have a hell of a lot of fun." A shm ore agreed and ad d ed that the job also keeps him on his toes. "There are lots of chances for things to go w ro n g /' he said. "Every day you com e in, and there's som ething new to deal with. It m akes for an interesting place to w ork." ^ I ■ W rite XTripon ♦ out ♦ Share. Discuss. Learn... Change. Decide how you'll shape the Web. Download a FREE copy of Third Voice - takes less than two minutes - and you're ready to make the web groove to your words of wisdom. And you could win a power trip in our “Feel the Power" sweepstakes. Be part of the revolution. Write on! Third Voice. .com 1199 The Third Voice lo g o is a tra d e m a rk of Third Voice Ño purchase necessary V o id wh< i t p i d . i b it e d S w e e p stak e s ends 11/22 99 O pen to leg a l residents o f th e U n ite d S ta te s and Canada, e ncepl H o n d a and Quebec e ig h te e n years o f age or old e r as o* S e p te m b e r 27 1999 Tor d e ta ils an d o ffic ia l rules go to w w w th ird v o ic e com F o r s o m e stu d en ts», t h e r e is d e f i n i t e l y l if e o u t t h e r e b e y o n d < a m p u s . W hic h w o u ld e x p la in w h y t h e y g e t < a m p u s d e l i v e r y <>t I h e N e w 'i o r k I im e s . S t u d e n t s w h o w a n t to k n o w w h a t ’s g o i n g o n in t h e w o r l d , a n d h o w t h e y ’ll fit in w h e n t h e y g o t t h e r e . S t u d e n t s w h o a r e h u n g r y l o r a n s w e r s . S t u d e n t s w’h o t h ir s t l o r k n o w l e d g e t h a t d o e s n 't j u s t c o m e f r o m b o o k s , b u t f r o m life , if t h a t s a s t a t e o f m i n d y o u h a p p e n to li v e in. t h e r e ’s a n u m b e r y o u s h o u ld < a ll. i 800 N Y T I M E S . e x p e c t t h rid' Stye ¡NVUf JJork Simes w w w . n y t i m e s . c o m Vol 2 No. 2 The official student humor publication of The University of Texas at Austin Monday. October 25, 1999 IS READY FOR Y2K? Is God Y2K-Compliant? The Almighty may still be using Windows 3.1, sources say While countless industry EXPERTS, computer engineers and consumer advocates DEBATE the potential impact o f the Y2K computer bug, analyzing the readiness o f every utility company, corporation and governmental network down to the finest DETAIL, not one has gauged the preparedness o f the most important link in the information chain: GOD. By Jeff Sherman 1 he Bible hints that G od m ight not be ready tor the year 2000 date rollover. Jer. 3:12 reads ‘‘And thy G reatness has blessed you and will ensure you m any years o f prosperity with tw o w ell-chosen digits ol His divine decim al presence.” W hen asked if God would be using a 2K com pliant operating system by Jan 1, renow ned faith expert Pastor Ron B urkeholder replied that, “God was real­ ly frustrated w ith W indow s 95. I ’m afraid He still m ight be using 3.1. U nfortunately we could be in for som e trouble: I believe that Satan runs Linux.” God s oldest son, Jesus Christ, told us that “D ad is really slow with the tech­ nology, you know ? He was even afraid ol turning [the com puter] on before I show ed Him that He co u ld n ’t break it C over Photo that easily. H e ’s a quick learner though. He really kicks m y tail in Sim C ity these days.” Jew ish students across cam pus voiced their opinions on the issue last Thursday on the West M all. O ne student shouted through a m egaphone: “ If G o d ’s com ­ puter resets, Jew s all over the world stand to lose over 5,000 years, while C hristians will only be set back by 2,000 years. W h at’s up w ith that?” G od has apologized to the students, and prom ises to upgrade His technology in tim e for the changeover by creating a w ondrous rainbow that will catch the eye of every m an, w om an, and child w alking the face o f the earth. Am en. God sits at his PC ruminating over the future o f the world. If his computer were to crash, it could mean the end o f civiliza­ tion as we know it. Which, God says, “may not be such a bad thing when you think about it.” -photo by Jason Rodriguez JANE LE Aus 111 Ramt Austin, Te: www.acrs AC R S omputér ystems er Repair Services (512)441-5611 Fax (512) 441-2630 5m Email acrs@bga.com • r\ Dad is really slow with the technology. He’s a quick learner though. He really kicks my tail in SimCity these days.” -Jesus C hrist The Texas Travesty Founder Kevin “ If h e ’s a 'ro c k in ’ d o n ’t com e a ’knock in ’” Butler Editor Brad Big Sexy Butler Managing Editor M ichael “ M eep ’ Laussade A ssociate E ditors Barry “ Snow W easel” B ishop Sum m er “ Snow W easelette' Cacciotti Advertising Coordinators Jennifer “Jenny Pie” Cabrera Jason “Photo God” Rodriguez Artists Kurt “Crotch Monster” Hothan Krisna “Monica” Wymore Publicity Director Ben “Spanky” Stroud Web Goddess Christy “We love you” Schier Staff Marissa “Regulator” Bass Mike “Da Boss” Daross Sly “Null said” Guodiana Clay “Hunka hunka bumin’ love” Hackett Erik “The Tall Guy” Holt Jeremy “PG-13” Howell Laura “2.3 Seconds” Jordan Stephanie “Bruce Wayne” Myers David “Pseudonym” Norton Cameron “Mr. Me” Russell Juan “Y2J” Rodriguez Athena “Busty" Shindelheim Jeff “Three L lllama” Sherman Priti “Am I getting paid for this?” Ubhayakar Affordable rs Remarkable Service The Next Generation Free ( annon, Kathleen Galvan, Nick Gonzalez, Leslie Hall, Melissa Heath, Katie Howrey, Chase McNeil, Zohreh Ordou, Jonathan Patrick, Andrew Rivers, John E. Rodriguez, Irevor Rosen, Elaine Schroeder, Tiffany Seaman, Brian Spolans, Rachel Starnes, Henry Tang, Sydney Veeder, Erica Wilson Registration Canceled TEX not ready for Y2K Registration has become yet another casualty to the Millennium Bug. U T discovered TEX was not Y2K-compliant after a routine test, causing an indefinite postponement o f registration. TEX was quoted as saying, “T h ere’s only room for ... O NE acronym in t h i s town. G oodbye and good luck.” When registration does occur, it will most likely be done by hand in Gregory Gym. President Faulkner is unsure who will take over this daunting task but said he is currently talking to “that W endy’s guy.’’ Faulkner also issued a Course Schedule Supplement to help celebrate the Millennium. Below are the new course that are being offered. Millennium Course Schedule Supplement SOL 321 The Four Horsemen The life, time and moti­ vation of Death, Plague, War and Starvation and their general plans for the new millenni­ um. A prerequisite in SOL 301, General Hades-American Studies. SOL 344 The Physics of turning your urine into water. How to turn your own urine into water, plys great fruit flavorings and added spices to give the punch at your post-apocalyptic party just the right flavor. SOL 356C Tactics of Giant Ants. Learn the tactics of the giant ants that will infest and devour every­ thing on the earth once the year 2000 hits. Prepare yourself for the fighting and destruc­ tion that will ensue. Will also partly cover Giant Grasshoppers and Cockroaches. Prerequisite: one big ass sugar cube. SOL 379 Significance of the Omega Man in modern cin­ ema. Also crosslisted as RTF 345. Analyze the 1970’s movie starring Charlton Heston based on survival in a post-apocalyptic world populated by one man and lots of zombie goons that parade around at night in their souped up hotrods causing havoc for the lone Heston and raiding defunct Piggly Wiggly’s for food. Prerequisite: One ruffled shirt just like Heston’s in the movie (hint: the ruffles deflect the radiation and voodoo that will be pervasive in the year 2000.) the basic components of our present govern ment with emphasis on property rights, vigi lantism and the every-man-for-himself clause M 301 Geiger Counter Reading. Although this is ar essential survival skill used to detect radiatior from nuclear fall-out, M 301 cannot be count ed towards the Area B requirement. the way you SHOULD R S 666 Introduction to THE religion Follow me in a new age class that will teach you life. Prerequisite: relinquishment of all posses­ sions, high susceptibility to propaganda and E306 or equivalent live ANT 805 Starting Your Own Society. Learn how t become the king or queen of your new civi lization with readings from Lord of the Flies Robinson Caruso, The Republic and Howan Stern’s Private Parts. Prerequisites: loincloth knowledge of French and a magic wooder spear. tools, GOV 300 Issues and Policies in Anarchical Government food, ANYTHING YOU CAN Fee: SPARE!!! Contains a substantial writing component and fulfills second half of legislative requirement for six hours of American government. Learn HE 301L The Joy of Cooking Roaches. Brief discus sion will also be given to the cooking of grubs snails and spiders. Prerequisite: H E 3011 The Joy of Eating Roaches The Goatsville Gazette brings you.. Texas Millennium News By Barry Bishop Hicks’ hoe-down D oyle Hicks is having a M illenium Hoe- dow n on D ecem ber 31 in his bam by the old diy-goods store. G o dow n CR 316, and take a left by B en ’s Ditch. You c a n ’t m iss it. Billy Spencer and his B luegrass band will be providing m usic, w ith Billy on fiddle and C ross-eyed Joe on the w ashtub. Bring your ow n ju g o f spirits and a live chicken to wring in the N ew Year! Prize potatoes The annual w inner o f “the largest sw eet potato that looks like Elvis aw ard” is M iss Virginia Duvall. M iss Duvall was last y ea r's w inner o f the aw ard and som e o f the ladies in town are suspicious. “Just between you and me, I think she kept the one from last year,” said Jessie But M ae C om bs, another lady who will rem ain anony­ m ous (Florence Peters) w as quoted as saying, “ Let the old spinster have her prize. She can keep her cats and her sw eet potato for all I care.” tow n gossip. the Bob sows seeds, neighbor Bob Joh nso n’s w ife w ants to publicly apologize for B ob driving his tractor through R ed M cC orm ack’s house last Thursday. Sources say that R ed got all “ liquored up” and started yelling at Bob w hile he was plow ing on his tractor. So Bob started chasing Red on his tractor and when Red tried to hide in his house Bob decided to plant som e peas right sm ack through the m iddle o f it. As everyone in tow n knows, the tw o m en have been enem ies ever since Red done Bob w rong on a hog trade. to Millennial picnic, panic Parson Josiah Stubbs invites everyone this S unday the S econd B aptist C hurch for a celebration o f the com ing N ew Year. There will be a covered dish picnic on the ground after the service. (R ed M cC orm ack will be bringing the peas!) Parson Josiah said he w ants to preach love and gentleness in a tim e o f m illennial panic. S unday’s serm on is titled “H ellfire and Eternal D am nation.” Dog Predicts Coming of Antichrist By Laura Jordan B L A C K C R E E K , T E X A S - Residents o f a sm all, central Texas town were caught in the m idst o f a religious frenzy last week when a local m an claim ed that his dog had been possessed by the rein­ carnated spirit o f St. John the D ivine. R obert B uckley, a part-tim e bartender, also claim ed that with the advent o f the new m illennium w ould the thousand-year reign o f th e A ntichrist, show w ho w ould his face as fading teen idol Kirk Cam eron. com e “ H e ’s been in hiding so that he could gather pow er for the com ing battle o f A rm ageddon,” Buckley said. R esidents o f B lackcreek responded to these claim s by gathering in front o f the local television station as a chaotic m ob and burning pictures o f C am eron while rhythm ically chanting “H osanna.” The m ob then set up lawn chairs on the court­ house square and drank beer for the rest the o f the aftern o o n , “ ‘cause w hen A pocalypse com es, we w anna be the first ones resident explained. it,” one to see B uckley said he knew that som ething was w rong w ith Red, a golden retriev­ er/collie mix, w hen the dog refused to eat or play fetch, and began to w rite the num bers “666” w ith his nose in the dirt o f B uckley’s trailer park property. You pick the Antichrist! Will the Dark Prince return as a. Ricky M artin b. Joey M cIntyre c. Kirk Cam eron VOTE TODAY! “ I alw ays knew that dog was som e­ thing special,” said Buckley. “ It w ould ju st figure that the p ro p h et o f R ev elatio n s w ould to ch o o se the w ord sp read him about the com ing Day o f Judgm ent.” There is a large portion o f the Texas com m unity that have their doubts about B uckley’s dog. They believe instead that the A ntichrist will probably take the form o f Latin pop singer Ricky M artin or ex -N ew K id on Joey M cIntyre. the B lock “ I ’m th in k in ’ it’ll be Joey,” one resi­ if you w ere the dent said. “I m ean, A ntichrist, y o u ’d want to go w ith the curly hair and the baby blues, right?” R eporter Barry B ishop goes undercover to get the low dow n on what is happening in East Texas. The answ er? N othing. -photo by Jason Rodriguez Do you like what you see? Then keep reading us on the Web at www.texastravesty.com A new URL, a new issue, a new beginning. rsi GOP, DNC: Y2K OK In our never-ending struggle to provide you with the most accurate coverage o f events that effect your lives, The Texas Travesty’s Erik H olt went to great lengths to dig up information on the Democrats and Republicans ’preparation fo r the turn o f the millennium. C3PO After the technical apocalypse o f Y2K, many fear that the inventor o f the Internet, A1 Gore, will have a malfunc­ tion in his android circuitry and begin displaying personality and m aking sense. To prevent this, the Democratic Party has hired hundreds o f computer scien­ tists to start programming inane verbal content for the presidential hopeful. After the year 2000, Gore is expected to claim that he is “the father o f Viagra,” as well as “the second incarnation o f C hrist,” and “the only person who knows the Colonel’s secret blend of herbs and spices.” The Big W. The drug factor is an inevitable detour in Governor George W. Bush’s road to the White House. Wanting to avoid a tarnished image, Bush will use the Y2K glitch to wipe out any negative or critical propaganda that is threatening his cam­ paign. In a recent interview with 60 Minutes, Bush told Morely Safer that his “youthful indiscretions” should conve­ niently disappear from the public record, along with all documents pertaining to his alleged involvement with Analecta, a University o f Texas humor publication. Mac Daddy Bradley The Democratic Party has been hesi­ tant to endorse Senator Bill Bradley. One reason that has not been revealed to the public is that having been a profes­ sional basketball player Bradley will continue “bangin’ and bouncin’” the K nicks’ cheerleaders. However, the Democrats are hoping that the Y2K rollover will de-evolutionize the nature o f sex, taking it back to the beginning of the 20th century. The theory is that Bradley will be so depressed over his inability to “skeef hoes and mac on skanks” that he will completely lose his libido, ridding the White House of sexual scandals once and for all. Ha! Ha! Ha! Seeing how she doesn’t have a chance in hell, Elizabeth Dole w ill use the wide­ spread panic that will ensue come January to help her win the a place in the White House. Her new campaign manager, Martha Stewart, is ready with numerous slogans, including “I can bake a wonderful batch of chocolate chip cookies without the use of electricity,” and “I find that the best time to chum butter is right after I get done setting oft'a few warheads.” The Contenders A1 Gore: Father o f the Net? Paternity test says “no.’' Gore George W. Bush: The N ew Year could mean a N ew Bush. Bush Bill Bradley: Sure he got game, but will he get the nomination? Bradley Elizabeth Dole: Oh Liddy, it would just be too easy. Dole There’s more on the way... Three more exciting issues from the Travesty are in the works. So be sure to look for us on these dates: Monday, November 8 Registration Guide Monday, November 22 Aggie Special Edition Thursday, December 2 Holiday Shopping Guide Millennium Manifesto A message from Ben Stroud, your friendly, neighborhood cult leader preaching about the death and destruction awaiting us all in the coming New Year ;-) B rothers and S isters o f C haos, I address you not as equals but as, oh, alright, equals. Soon, destruction and death and scary things will rain down upon us. W hen the clock strikes tw elve on that fated night in Decem ber, confusion will be let loose upon the land in the form o f stopped w atches, com p u ter m alfu n c­ tions, and confused toasters. The world will stop, and it will be ours to start again. Join me, for I know m uch o f strat­ egy and tactics. (I have, after all, been playing StarC raft for three years.) I was bom to lead, and I shall lead you into an eternity filled w ith boxed w ine and Cheetos. Join m y army, and ride with me to w ealth and victory. D uring the first w eeks o f the Year o f C haos, w hen the slapping o f hands upon faulty com puters will ring through the air in unison like so m any fake, clappy things, we shall take our positions. We will pillage the cow ering and the not so cow ering. We will bum vil­ lages and hijack rickshaws. We will consolidate all o f the oil, diam onds, gold and C alifornia K ing Snakes in our area. Then, when the second month (w hich w e will call the m oonth) daw ns, we will take to our cool Post-A pocalyptic D eath D esert hot rods (I'v e w atched M ad M ax a thousand tim es; I sw ear that I can build one) and ride through C entral Texas, laughing at danger and taking all that w e survey. And w hen the surveying and taking is finished, we shall retire, all o f us rich as kings, to a villa outside o f Waco, and the governm ent will have to deal w ith us, because som ew here along the road we will have taken a nuclear weapon. And they will give us am nesty, and we will live out our days in luxury. Share in my let us all dream , join m y army, and becom e gods and goddesses, leaving behind our m ortal shells and our form er sham es to seek the glory that we so rich­ ly deserve. The Travesty wants to know... Students are preparing for Y2K in their own special ways, and we wanted to know just how special those ways were. So we sent our very own Mike Laussade out to talk to people, and here’s they said: “Well I'm really looking forward to it, actually. The w ay I figure it, there will be thousands o f girls around cam pus that are going to need their system s looked at after the crash. A nd th at’s w here I com e in. The Post-Y 2K repair period will finally give me the chance I ’ve been w aiting for, the chance to see the inside o f an actual g irl’s dorm room . In my book, th at’s like at least double. M aybe even a hom e run if she m akes eye con­ tact w ith m e.” - Steve, Senior, C om puter Science “ I ’m so prepared. I ’ve been stocking up on A bercrom bie stu ff for about a year now. G ranted, the girls m ay end up look­ ing a little dated (i.e. ju st a tad too April '99), but if the electricity goes out like 6 everyone says it will, then we should be fine. A nd w e 'll save a fortune on m ake­ up. We do have back-up generators, but they'll be used prim arily to pow er the electric fences and the targeting m echa­ nism s for the roof-top g u nn ers’ nests. The last thing we need is to be invaded by hordes o f CS m ajors that w ant to ‘help us fix our I-M acs.’ You know ?” - C harice, Senior, G eology “Dude. I have it so figured out. R ight now, w hen I go to a club, and the bounc­ er looks at m y ID, h e ’s all ‘H ow com e it says y o u ’re only eighteen?’ and I ’m like ‘D ude, please d o n ’t kick m y a ss.’ But after the m illennium , h e ’ll be like ‘Hey, you were bom in 1981. G o aw ay.’ And I’ll be like ‘N o way. It’s not my fault. The Y 2K bug screw ed up my fake ID .’ A nd then h e’ll have to let me in.” - A lan, Freshm an, Philosophy “W hen the Y 2K com es, I will be ready to rock, and I will be ready to roll. For the last six m onths, I have spent the wee hours o f the m orning at W endy’s, having my trainer put me through the paces. Currently, I am able to hold up to one hundred orders, along w ith up to fifty credit card num bers, inside m y geneti­ cally-enhanced ca sh ie r’s brain. This will allow m e to handle the entirety o f the restau ran t’s transactions w ithout the aid It is o f a com puter. Yes, I am the man. now Show T im e.” - The Fast Food M agician Glitz! Glamour! F ashion! Pizazz! It’s all awaiting you on the West Mall in two days. Join us for the Texas Travesty’s Fashion Show. Wed., Oct. 27 High Noon West Mall Party-poopers postpone millennium Anal-retentive faculty, staff insist on ‘accuracy’ By Dr. Jason Rodriguez J.D ., M .D., B.E.B., S.O.B. It is w ith the utm ost disdain that I report to all o f you unw ashed peasants that the new m illennium will not begin until the year 2001. T h at’s right, so all o f your celebratory events are as w orthless as the eight electron shell on the 2+ ion o f Ytterbium . If any o f you infidels had ever bothered to claw your way out o f the thick cesspool o f ign orance and advance y o u r m ental prow ess beyond the desire to reproduce and fall, then w ith no sm all am ount o f help you would have learned to count and had that happened you would have prom ptly learned that there is no year zero (w hich con­ trary to m uch public belief, does com e before one.) Ergo the new m illennium will be starting quite a bit after you all have recovered to you norm al state o f stum bling consciousness. W hile I am quite sure that there will be enough suck­ ing face to m ake an Etruscan blush, there will be no barbarians to kill you off, so I m ust rely on m ore stan­ I would dard w ays o f clearing the gene pool o f you. have thought that m y m aster plan to have all the com ­ puters fail in the year 2000 w ould have gotten many o f you, but unfortunately one in your ranks had the good fortune to stum ble upon it, m ost likely w hile searching the Web for porn o f poor taste and low caliber. So I have decided to ju st start offing you people. One way or another, I will get you all. For those o f you w ho feel that this is a harsh (but effective way) o f dealing with im pudent fools like yourselves then look at the local stop-and-rob and read the tabloids. “ Batboy to expose he is Jesus in the year 2000.” Any on o f you hairless m onkeys with even a small bit o f m ental capacity w ill sim ply fall o ff a cliff for the good o f the entire race. Had B atboy waited until the appro­ priate year to share his little secret then I w ould be more inclined to believe him. However, because his prem a­ ture annunciation, I w ill never get o ff and believe it. The rest o f the fellows o f academ ia (those are the sm art ones am ong the ones o f you who still feel strangely com pelled to smell your own defecation), feel the sam e way. We all feel the decadence in order for an otherw ise w orthless and am biguous evening are more than enough to have inspired Dante to reconsider adding a 10th and perhaps 11th layer to his epic and m ost likely prophetic story. W hile it is com fortingfor me to think that the vast m ajority o f you will reside the rem ainder o f eternity in the grasps o f agony to m ake Prom etheus feel as if he were at a trendy Aspen health spa, the thought o f con­ tinuing a sym biotic existence at least for another year is enough to drive one to renounce C opernicus and begin to entertain the thought that C olum bus was the first to reach the N ew World. So like the Huns and Vandals you, the slim y and decom posing residue o f hum anity have swept down from far aw ay where we thought you would stay and destroyed the know ledge o f the day and set the hum an race back hundreds o f years. Fools. Manor, Buda spared Most others expected to perish in Y2K By Athena Schindelheim Scientists at the Institute for Paranoid Brainiacs w ith Too M uch Tim e on Their H ands released a statem ent Tuesday declaring what lifeform s are expected to survive after the devastating m eltdow n C h ie f tu rn in g m illenniu m . o f the E xecutive o f H yperbolic P ropaganda Jeffrey W iglom at held a recent press conference to con­ firm public w orries o f m assive death tolls. nance in corporations such as banks or other com puter run facilities. C om m unities living in the M onolith Dom e (the caterpillar housing project painted w ith festive cow boy boots on 135 betw een Waco and D allas) and resi­ dents o f C a rl’s C om er (landm arked by a junk 18 w heeler cab, on a three-story pole), for instance, will rem ain living. Also scheduled to live are all re si­ dents o f M anor and Buda. ‘Everyone you know will die as a result ofY 2K .” -Jeffrey Wiglomat Chief Executive Hyperbolic Propaganda Even w ithin the m ajor cities such as A ustin and P f l u g e r v i l l e , ex p erts report, individuals som e can attem pt to sur­ vive. Em ployees o f tren d y coffee retail shops and stores w ho have little know ledge o f co m pu ters how w ork (because th ey ’re not “cool” ) will survive if they about “Ju st you ev ery o n e inclu ding know , friends b elo v ed and fam ily, w ill probably die as a resu lt o f Y 2 K ,” said W iglom at, “ In fact, each o f you can expect not to see your next birth­ day as w ell.” Notably, 98 per­ cent o f the hum an population will be fatalistically affected by the Y 2K bug. Pets and w ildlife are also predicted to extinguish. H owever, there is a glim m er o f hope. The people w ho are relatively techno­ logically blunted will probably survive because they d o n ’t need to keep suste­ stay ignorant o f Internet capabilities. O ther people expected to outlive the rest o f us are hippies, the hom eless, Third-W orld cultures, and those who call including the a peninsula hom e (not Sw edish). O h, and intelligent hype ignorers. LACKEYS WANTED The Official Student Humor Magazine o f UT is looking for dedicated salespeople with no lives to sell ads for both print and web publications. Thankless job pays no salary, only commission on ads sold. You'll have the opportunity to work for people who ridicule and mock for a living, and you'll be selling to people who are consis­ tently unhappy to see you. Job requires roughly 10 hours o f work a week, which may or may not be shifted around to screw up your personal life. There are no benefits, no opportunities for advancement, and having our name on your resume is o f dubious value. You will, however, be invited to our parties. All inquiries should be e-mailed to travesty@uts.cc.utexas.edu H a i l o ween f o r t he MíMenníoo* Co*+e* This Halloween, more companies have been gearing their costumes toward specific cultural groups and nationali­ ties. Personally, I ve found them to be a huge improve­ ment over the usual witch, ghost, giant man-eating eye­ ball, and vampire lawn gnomes. Heres what you can expect to see this year: By Cameron Russell The D N C ’s Starr The Democratic National Com m ittee has ordered a costume to be made that will “scare the bajeezus out o f any free­ dom-loving citizen” : The Kenneth Starr. This costume not only comes with mask and glasses, but includes a cute little subpoena as well. While it will cost your child next to nothing to own, it will cost taxpayers millions. The Am ish go to Heck is The Am ish have their own costume designs this year, though they d o n ’t cel­ ebrate this holiday. Or any others, for that matter. The first the “ Butter C hurner from Heck. “ Not exactly scary, this costume is basically a butter chum er with two horns on it. Rather pathetic, actually. The next is the “ Bam Raiser lovely ensem ble trom H e ck .” This comes with an entire side o f a bam that also has a set o f horns on it. Basically all of the Amish costumes are very unimag­ inative. As a matter o f fact the “Cow Milker from Heck” that comes with a cow and horns was intentionally left out o f this article for that reason. Bob Vila and his Chicken to those friendlier N ew England states have a popular new costume out this year that is meant to timid appear Bostonians and Rhode Islanders. This costume consists o f a plaid shirt, jeans and a beard. Yes, they have finally churned out what the 13 colonies have been waiting for: The Bob Vila Halloween costume. Additional acces­ sories include a hammer, leather tool belt, and a waxed chicken. Apparently we d o n ’t knowr as m uch about good oT Bob as we thought we did. TeleTubbies Exposed O th er costum es we can expect this include a British com p an y ’s version o f the Anatomically Correct TeleTubbie. it’s But frightening as it may sound, nothing compared to Bob Vila’s chicken. Y2K C ostum es Bottom Left: Bevo as Bob Vila Center: TeleTubbie exposed (som e things are better left unshown.) Left: TeleTubbie exposed again -illustrations by Krisna Wymore Watch the Ben Stroud Power Hour Miniature Donkey Love and so much more Wednesdays, 10:30 p.m. Dorm 15 Broadcast 9 > J / r Benefit concert for the millennium Big names, breasts come together for Y2K-Aid By Clay Hackett Just when you thought w e’d run out o f products to be the “Official Whatever of the M illennium,” the music industry is proud to present the Official Benefit Concert o f the Millennium! Yes, Y2K- Aid is on the way, and with it come some big names and even bigger pairings. The original theme for the concert was to be a '5 0 s/’60s retro-futuro look (think Jetsons and old reruns o f Lost in Space), but that caused a huge schism between factions o f the planning com ­ mittee; half the group thought that it was the best idea in ages, while the other half thought it was dangerously passe. “ Why don’t you just go ahead and go for the Early 90’s Day-Glo Retro look instead?" they screamed. After much bickering and gnashing o f teeth, it was decided instead o f one set theme, they'd have different themes on each o f three Y2K-Aid stages. Stage One will be the Century Club stage, consisting o f artists who are - or at least appear to be - over a hundred years old and have difficulty with normal speech. Keith Richards, Bob Dylan, and Lou Reed will be playing, amongst oth­ ers. Unfortunately, there’s actually a court order demanding that anyone who gives away any o f the other artists’ names be crucified on a PVC pipe cross and dragged behind an Amtrak train from here to Dallas and back. But I digress. This stage will be entirely analog, just in case the power goes out, or the com­ puters blow up, or your blender starts getting a little fresh with the other appli­ ances. Anything could happen, you know. Stage Two consists o f more modem acts, who would rather not play sans- electronic equipm ent, but will if it becomes necessary. Here w e’re looking at Rage Against the Machine (w ho’ll go a cappella if the power goes out), Nine Inch Nails (with a grand piano and 12 angry, speed-crazed Germans fighting a Volkswagen), Les Claypool (with an upright bass), and Ozzy Ozboume (who jum p will forgo all his music and straight into biting the heads off of pigeons). There’s still some confusion as to whether Ozzy is on Stage One or Two, but that’ll be cleared up before the concert. Stage Three is not actually on the same grounds as Stages One and Two, but at a military base near White Sands, New Mexico. If I remember right, it’s Matchbox 20, Backstreet Boys, ‘N Sync, 98°, Ricky Martin (w ho’s moving away from Latin to Polka, because that’s the next big thing) and Britney Spears (with taped footage o f her breast augmentation on three 50-ft screens!). There’s some talk about saving the future generations the embarrassment o f . . . never mind. So if you go to this one, try not to pay any attention to the armed guards or the identification tattoos (because they’re really cool, everybody’s getting them), and when they start mowing people down with .50 caliber machine guns it’s all just a part o f the show. Stand up and be counted; they’re not really going to hurt you. I promise. Y2K-Aid Lineup Stage 1 Keith Richards Bob Dylan Lou Reed Stage 2 Rage Against the Machine Nine Inch Nails Les Claypool Ozzy O zboum e Stage 3 Matchbox 20 Backstreet Boys kN Sync 98° Ricky Martin Britney Spears MC Manson? The rocker is proving that his flexibility goes beyond the missing rib By Priti Ubhayakar Following the lead o f Garth Brooks, who has found an alter ego in rock star Chris Gaines, goth superstar Marilyn Manson has created a new rap persona. Using an old trick, Manson will combine the names o f his dog and a favorite actor from the sitcom world, to become Snoop Doggy Danson. His first album will be entitled Three Men and a No-Good Ho, and the first single o ff the album is a danceable tune called “Danson, Danson, Danson...I’m a Danson M achine.” Not to limit his creativity, Snoop Doggy Danson (SDD) will also enter the Fall 2000 TV lineup. Taking notes from such sitcom-savvy rappers as Will Smith and LL Cool J, SDD is hoping to get more than cheers from the audience with his UPN show Can I Get an . . . Igloo? The show will co-star Steve Guttenberg and Kelsey Grammar as loudmouthed yet loveable drunks, and Tom Selleck as a lowly, one-eyed (something to do with a gun cleaning incident) postman. Igloo is set in a bar with both rap and gothic influences, right in the heart o f Inuit country. A must see for the millennium, UPN is sure to have a mega-hit on its hands with this one. A dditionally, the A rtist Form erly Known as Marilyn Manson will have a pop star alter ego. Using the name o f a notorious serial killer and an equally notorious boy band, Manson will go by the name o f Son o f Wham. Riding the wave o f such artistic pioneers as the Backstreet Boys, SOW hopes to capture a market that hasn’t yet conformed to market trends. As Marilyn Manson the artist was able to create an entire herd o f “individ­ uals” each with their own unique style (yet who were somehow unaware o f the 30,000 other kids being unique just like them.) He will release his first single, “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go (Removing My Ribs)” in January, with a full-length album “Baam ...it’s Son o f Wham” set to ship in early March. A Special Thanks... The Travesty would like to thank the follow­ ing organizations for showing their love: University Co-Op Student Services Fee Committee Multi-Media Committee Co-Sponsorship Review Board Cabinet of College Councils and The Daily Texan % Where will they be? As everyone preps fo r the most over-hyped disaster in world history, we must get our priorities straight and ask “What will happen to the most important people on Earth — our celebrities? ” To answer this question, we have tapped into the mind o f the most prominent foreseer o f foreseers, Juan Rodriguez (who’s not an actual fortune-teller, but he saw a documentary on Nostradamus one time and got the gist o f it). He shall now reveal to us his incredible findings: By Juan Rodriguez Arnold Shw arzenegger (1/15/02) A m old's bid for the governorship C alifornia is a com plete success under the slogan “ Vote for Me, or Y ou’ll be Term inated.' Im m ediately, his political rivalry w ith the governor o f M innesota Jesse Ventura begins during a national in his hom etow n, and nam es h im self the Tom H anks (3/28/03) first ever o w n er/G M /co ach /p lay er league history. Percy, along w ith the rest Tom H anks wins the third O scar o f his career for his role as a m entally chal- of the New O rleans No Lim it Soldiers, lenged astronaut w ho acquires the AIDS o f wins the w orld cham pionship the follow - virus from a m erm aid nam ed Z oltar ing year. M iller had the front offices o f every team saying “ U h” two years earli- (played by M eg Ryan) during his stint in eL w hen he m anaged to sign every play- W W II. C ritics tout it as “THE GREAT- er w ho thought it would be cool to have EST M O V IE EVER M A D E !!!” a rapper as an agent. g u b ern ato rial Arnold lacks one vote to pass his pro- Backstreet Boys (2/5/00) con ven tion in w hich Ben Stroud (8/21/01) posed bill officially m aking Last A ction Hero the national m ovie. Things got ugly w hen Gov. Ventura proposed a fili- buster . . . on S hw arzenegger’s ass. The m em bers o f N ’sync and 98 degrees-w ere m iniature donkey craze spreads ensuing cage match becom es the high- est-rated broadcast in C -S p an’s history. The Ben Stroud Pow er H our becom es one o f the highest rated nationally syndi- cated show's in television history, as a like Scandal breaks out when scientists dis- cover that the B oys-along w ith all the from a strand o f Jordan w ildfire at the turn o f the century . B en’s spaw ned album N em o L ovin’ soars to the top o f K night’s hair. Soon afterw ards, som e follow ers o f M illennium ism (a religion the charts w ith the hit single, “ If I Only started soon after the bands latest album Had a B urro.” Unfortunately, his am az- ing success com es to an abrupt halt when w ent quintuple platinum ) com m it mass suicide as a form o f protest. O thers, feel in pictures surface from an lost and distraught after these findings. T iju an a look tow ard a new' group o f saviors for Buttercup and a bottle o f tequila. salvation — M enudo. in vo lv in g a donkey nam ed incident M aster P (6/17/04) Yes, Percy M iller finally realizes his dream o f entering the NBA when he rais- es the m oney to bring a franchise back to Your favorite stars have a lot in store for them in in coming millennium: Arnold Shwarzenegger: Soon to be Governor? Master P: NBA All-Star? Backstreet Boys: Bad case o f Acne? Tom Hanks: Another Oscar? Ben Stroud: Who? LACKEYS WANTED The Official Student Humor Magazine of UT is looking for dedicated salespeo­ ple with no lives to sell ads for both print and Web publications. Thankless job pays no salary, only commission on ads sold. You’ll have the opportunity to work for people who ridicule and mock for a living, and you’ll be selling to people who are consistently unhappy to see you. Job requires roughly 10 hours of work a week, which may or may not be shifted around to screw up your per­ sonal life. There are no benefits, no opportunities for advancement, and having our name on your resume is of dubious value. You will, however, be invited to our parties. All inquiries should be e-mailed to travesty@ uts.cc.utexas.edu Prepare for the end today! Travesty offers Y2K products to safely get you into 2000 Y 2K -com pIiant dog O ur Y 2K -ready dog will still be able to lick him self, drink out o f the toilet and eat feces after the year 2000. Price: $49.99 S&H: $0.99 Delivery: 4 days Y 2K -com pIiant Y 2K com pliancy test kit This test kit will be able to effectively test if everything you ow n is ready for the year 2000 after the year 2000. Price: $459.99 S&H: $19.99 Delivery: 3 w eeks Y 2K -com pliant soft pretzels M m m m , warm , soft pretzels, even after January 1. Price: $56.77 S&H: 4.5 rubles Delivery: every other Saturday Y 2K -com pliant Travesty A ssured to offend and verbally violate well into the 21st century. C om es with “ natural’ political incorrectness and is 75 percent class-free. M ay be unsuitable for ju st about anyone who can read. cafeteria crap? Price: $0.10/lb OBO S&H: C arefully Delivery: 444-4444 now lor a three-m onth guarantee. Price: First Bom S&H: $4.99 Delivery: 10-100 days Price: $29.99 S&H: A ny w ay you want! D elivery: 30 m inutes or less Y 2K -com pliant w easels W hile other w easels will lose their fur and w iliness in the year 2000, you will still have the type o f w easels we have all grow n to love and cherish. Price: $42.50* S&H: W e’ll pay you! Delivery: C om e get them yourself. * Texas and Illinois residents add 2 per­ cent state w easel tax Jester food stuffs Hey, when you are trapped in the endless m ayhem of the apocalypse during w inter break, aren 't you gonna m iss the bitter and som etim es unidentifiable taste o f Y2K bath accessories Show er curtains, towels, sham poo/con­ ditioner, toliet paper, you-nam e-it. All com e equipped w ith personalized Y2K m onogram s and digital readouts o f m ois­ ture thresholds and adequate tem perature for full enjoym ent. Battery operated and already adjusted for the new m illennium . Y2K cleaning utensils V acuum s, m ops, sponges, am m onia, y ou-nam e-it. T hese sp ecialty goods com e in handy after y o u r com puter explodes and the town you live in is dem olished by the Y2K bug. Even if y o u 're hom eless, y o u ’ll be clean. And you know what they say, “C leanliness is better than sm elling bad." Price: $19.99 S&H: $3.99 Delivery: All the way to your bathtub, baby! Price: $17.79 S&H: $2.00 Delivery: If your nice. Y2K kitchen appliances B lenders, m icrow aves, can openers, m easuring spoons, you-nam e-it. T here’s nothing worse in a com plete electronic m eltdow n than not having anything elec­ Introducing the tronic for your hom e. Y2K kitchen accessory set. Includes col­ orful handles and convenient easy to use labels for all your cooking needs. Buy Y 2K candles Pretty self-explanatory. Price: Soul S&H: $6.66 Delivery: into the hands o f Satan. -com piled by Kirk Cam eron Children of Y2K: in their own words The Texas Travesty has gone to great lengths to bring you views o f the millennium from our younger readers. Here are three children to tell you about their plans for the New Year. Lance Vanderheiden Age 6 Palo Alto, CA This N ew Y ear’s Eve, my daddy says that h e ’s going to take me to Tijuana. 1 have never been to M exico before. I told daddy that I w ould love to see a bullfight and som e hat dancing and m ariachis and m am m acitas and m aybe even try to visit Speedy G onzales. D addy said that I m ight get to do that stuff' after the New Year, if w e 're all still alive. He says that h e ’s going to take me to a w horehouse and get me drunk and laid before the end of the w orld because he d o esn 't want me to die w ithout getting drunk and laid. I that m om m y already m ade me said drunk and laid when she gave me my apple ju ice and then m ade me take a nap this afternoon. D addy said that the way m om m y laid me w asn 't the sam e as the way the w hores w ould lay me. I asked w hat kind of ju ice I would be drinking, and daddy said it would be gin and juice. I hope the ju ice is apple juice, cause that's my favorite. I ca n ’t wait to go and get drunk and laid with my daddy and the w hores in M exico. Jamie Hurrdly Age 10 Black Mountain, CO For the last year my family and our neighbors the Sm iths have been building a nuclear bom b shelter for our New Y ear's party. M om m y and Daddy have been stockpiling it with all sorts o f neat things like canned foods, bottled water, plastic explosives, sem i-autom atic rifles, two tons o f am m unition and an electrical generator. M om m y and Daddy says that our fam ily and the Smiths will be the only ones left after the apocalypse and we have to create the new world. 1 hope I the new world d o esn ’t have school. hate school. My teacher Mrs. Johnson is a real big meany. Daddy says I should­ n 't w orry about Mrs. Johnson because at the New Year the fire from above will tear her pasty flesh away from her body and leave only a sm oking, ashen skele­ ton. 1 hope my daddy is right, cause I hate Mrs. Johnson. Happy New Year! Julian Poe Age 7 W illiamsburg, \ A I am going to spend my New Year's I w atching television with m y family. keep hearing people say that the world is going to end on New Y ear’s Day, but my parents say that it w o n ’t They say that the only reason that people think the world w ill end is because they are stupid, ignorant and paranoid. They say that all of these people w ill feel like fools when they wake up New Y ear’s Day and see that the world is still here. They told me to stop w orrying and w atch Pow er Rangers. My parents are sm art, so I’ll just keep w atching Power R angers now. -Com piled by Jeremy Howell ATTENTION STUDENT URBANIZATIONS: P T Y ? The Cosponsorship Review Board can help fund your Spring 2000 programs. If your student organization needs help funding a program or programs for Spring 2000, we can help. Pick up an application from • The Program Office (4th floor of the Texas Union) • Online at www.utexas.edu/student/txunion/tuc/crb Deadline: October 29th by 5p.m. in the Texas Union Program Office £ (n| z Of ^ (njj * CoSponsorship Review Board