According to a recent llitt1onw1de suro9: MoRE DocroRs SMOKE CAMELS THAN ANY OTHER CIGARETTE • Like the rest of us, doctors smoke for pleasure. Their taste recog­ nizes and appreciates full Aavor and cool mildness just as yours does. And when l 13,597 doctors were asked to name the cigarette they smoked, more doctors named Cam Is than any other brand. Three nationa lly known independent research orga nizations con­ H, J. Rl'~'nolds ducted the survey. They queried doctors in every branch of medicine. h. \\ ~urT-ZoneII 7 willtelly()u T for Taste... T for Throat... •Taste and Throat. .. your "T-Zone" . . . that's your proving ground for any cigarette. See how your own critical taste responds co the rich, full flavor of Camel's choice tobaccos. Suits with a flare for looking all dressed up at night ... as casual as you want them on sunny afternoons. An outstanding col­lection in both high fashion and pastel col­ors. Sizes 10 to 18, 9 to 15. 39.50 and 49.50 SCARBROUGH'S FASHION SHOPS, SECOND FLOOR Compare These examples of our Cash & Carry prices on DRY CLEANING MEN 'S SU ITS 40c MEN 'S PANTS 20c LADIES' DRESSES (Plain) 64c 2 to 3-DAY SERVICE W e also have a prompt Pickup and Delivery Service BY.'-:tt.D•. 1.s.unm DIAL3566 • t.lc ·~""'4Mlrf•DIAL3566 1514 LAVACA STREE'T: . Rest is a surcease from worry and care, Sleep is a blessing no one of us mocks; Thinkers and statesmen agree on this fact, I move we eliminate all eight o'clocks. -Froth. Bert-And now I'm going to steal a little kiss. Flo-Let the crime wave begin. -Varieties. Senior : "There are some 60 odd teachers in this school." Freshman: "So I've noticed." -Widow. Rockabye baby In the tree top; Better not fall, It's a helluva drop. -Log. Salesman: "Do you wear nightgowns or pajamas?" Young Lady: "No." Salesman: "My name is Bowers. John Bowers." -Frivol. in his Does your husband snore sleep?" "I don't know; we've only been mar. ried a few days." "I suppose you dance?" "Oh, yes, I love to." "Fine-that's better'n dancing." -Sundial. Here's to the girl with the turned up nose. The turned-in eyes and the turned-down hose With the turned-on heat and the turned-down light-­The hunch I had turned out all right. -Ski-U-Mah. A beauty, by name Henrietta, Just loved to wear a tight sweater. Three reasons she had: To keep warm wasn't bad, But her two other reasons were better. -DoDo. He: "I'm feeling a little frail to­night." She: "Will you stop calling me that?" Here is a Bank that Understands University People and Their Needs When University People .. . students, assistants, professors, employees . . . need the services of a bank, they come to the Capital National. When you need assistance, come in and discuss your needs with these understanding officers. WALTER BREMOND, JR., President JNO. A. GRACY, Vice-President E. P. CRAVENS, Vice-President WALTER BOHN, Vice-President LEO KUHN, Cashier W. C. KENNEDY, Ass't Vice-President AUG. DeZAVALA, Special Represent­JOE S. DUNLAP, Assistant Cashier ative WILLIAM KUHN, Assistant Cashier F. M. DuBOSE, Assistant Cashier WILFORD NORMAN, Assistant JOHN S. BURNS, Assistant Cashier Cashier • THE CAPITAL NATIONAL BANK Seventh Street between Congress and Colorado • MEMBER FEDERAL DEPOSIT INSURANCE CORPORATION MEMBER FEDERAL RESERVE SYSTEM JANUARY. 1947 marvelous little Jantzen de-inchers they take down your wa ist, firm your hips, increase your rhythm, give you more glow, more glamour, more freedom for living. Girdles and panty-girdles even more wonderful than .. in light­ TEXAS RANGER • This issue stinks. We admit it, we apologize, but the psychiatrist told us there would be months like this. Maybe it was the exams, maybe it was the Christmas hangovers, maybe it was the bad weath­er. Everything seemed to go wrong, so all we can do is apologize. If we're still eligible next month, we promise to do better. This is a good time to explain how the Ranger works. So far, we have car­ried on with a rather small staff, sup­plementing them with a great deal of work handed in by interested spectators. The staff, which uses the office mainly to help ease the housing shortage, weaves this material together into what may or may not constitute the magazine. One mistaken impression we would like to correct; journalism majors do not run things around here, and it is not a prerequisite to working on the magazine. Even if you can't write or draw or photograph, if you just have good ideas, come on in and tell us. The only key to popularity in the Ranger office is to laugh at the jokes. The thing is, the so-called staff of the Ranger is not a select, fixed group. As we once said in the Daily Texan, the Ranger staff is very fluid. We need, beg, beseech, plead, and ask, for con­tributions and help. This is a big Uni­versity; it takes a lot of people to put out any kind of magazine which pur­ports to represent it. If you are an artist, writer, photog­rapher, poet, or just plain character, come by, with samples. The same applies to prospective Girls-of-the-Month. Speaking of Girls-of-the-Month, we are interested in seeing any pretty young things who are interested; it is best to bring in photos so we can see how you photograph. It ain't hard to be Girl of the Month. Any of the staff members will be glad to help you. For the Cheating story in this issue, we are very indebted to the many friends who gave us so much data on it. Espe­cially do we thank the Journalism Lab­oratory which ran the poll; without their help it would have been impossible to get an impartial cross-section of the campus. The many requests for membership in the Rustlers swamped us for awhile, and just the idea seems to have done its work, so we will let them lie dormant for awhile. Besides, a bunch like that couldn't organize in the open, anyway. We wouldn't be safe from the Retail Credit Assassination. Looks like we'll have to go underground. THE UNIVERSITY OF TEXAS STUDENT MAGAZINc CONTENTS RANGING 7 THE CHEAT COMPLEAT --8 BUZZ SAWYER'S PAPPY .12 _ POETRY _ _ __ ___ VERNON NELSON FERGUSON GIRL OF THE MONTH THREE GOT OFF _ I WAS DREAMING, WASN'T 17 _ JEFF GUTHREY'S PARTICULAR FRIEND IN CHANGING TIMES, UNCHANGEABLE __ 14 __ 15 ---_lb __ 17 __18 --­-­__ 28 ________30 STAFF JOHN BRYSON JR., Editor Humor Editor: Paul Skillman. Art Editor: Charles Schorre. JUNE Cartoon BENEFIELD, Associate Editor: Steve Rascoe. Makeup Editor: Bill Bridges. Staff: Howard Vineyard, Ben Jeffrey, Ralph Marks, Joan Walker, Tom Erwin, Joyce Thompson. Writer Contributors: Bill Rips, Ben Hartley, J. A. Summers, War­ren French. Art Staff: Tom Shefelman, Billy Taylor, Earl Young, Ed Miller, Jesse Br~wnfield Bud Morris. Photographs: Stanley Depwe. Editorial Supervisor: Tom Farmer. Advertising Man­ager: Dempsey Allphin. JANUARY, 1947 VOLUME FIFTY-NINE NUMBER FIVE Published by Texas Student Publications. Inc. Editorial Office : ,Journalism Building 5. Business and Advertising Offices: Journalism Building 108. Application for second class mailing permit pending al the Post Office, Austin, Texas. Printed by Von Boeckmann.Jones Co., Austin, Texas JANUARY, 1947 TWO THIRDS OF THE STUDEITS . DO IT AIYWAY, SO YOU MIGHT AS WELL DO IT RIGHT • • • THE CHEAT COMPLEAT TWO out of every THREE students admit cheating on examinations, so look around, the odds are that th.-fellows on either side of you are paper-peeking. The choice of most cribbers ( 47.1). this method merely involves extending the Good Neighbor policy to the next guy's paper. 8 When you sit down to take an exam­ination in the next few days, look around. Over two-thirds of your classmates will probably be cheating. Statistic3 prove that on the Forty Acres the gentle art of cribbing is more than a hobby, and it isn't confined just to the fellow over in the corner. When three students get together, the odds are that at least two of them have had ex­perience cheating on an exam. In a poll taken by the TEXAS RANG­ER, results showed that 66.8 per cent of the student body of the University of Texas has cheated on exams. In cold figures, that means approximately 11,700 of your classmates. What's more, 1500 of them do it often. In such an intellectual haven, methods of raising the grade points via dishon­esty range from the simplest to the most devious. Cheating has been fraternized, commercialized, and even plagiarized, but above all, it seems to have been success­ful. Though statistics show over 11,000 students who have cheated, the Disci­plinary Committee only convicted 155 students last year. Various reasons are given for the rise in cheating in recent years. Many au­thorities blame the war, and this may be borne out by the fact that of the 155 students convicted by the Disciplinary Committee, 131 were men. This could a'.£0 be due to the fact that women are harder to catch, as will b~ explained be'.ow. Arno Nowotny, Dean of Men, believes that the overcrowded condition of the University is one of the main reasons for the growth of cheating. "Students are human,'' says the dean, "and these crowded classrooms just put temptation in their way." Younger and more care­less instructors are another factor, ac· cording to Dean Nowotny. The University once operated exami­nations on the Honor System, such as practised at West Point and Annapolis, requiring students to sign a pledge with each quiz paper, swearing that they had not received or given aid, or observed anyone else doing so. With the growth of the University, the system became impracticab'.e, and the student body asked that the system be dropped. (Continued on p. 10) ON THE COVER is one reason why s2ddle-oxfords have been so popu· lar in collegiate circles for so many years. Indispensable to the campus cribber, they are non-expendable and can Ice used forever. STANLEY DEPWE took the pic­tures. CHEATING· The Honor System is still practiced in the Law School, where there has not been a case of cheating reported in the last five years. This, however, is largely due to the type of questions given in the Law School, which are not of the type which can be easily cribbed. Methods of cheating are outnumbered only by excuses for doing so. According to the TEXAS RANGER survey, the most popular method of cribbing is the time-honored prac­tice of copping a look at someone else's paper. Closely following is the use of notes brought surrepti­tiously to class. This method, of course, has numerous varia­tions vdth notes being smuggled in on saddle-shoes, finger­nails, palms, cuffs, blue books, etc. It is a variation of this method that makes women almost invulnerable in the crib­bing competition; the silk-stocking method leaving the male cheater completely in the cold. The silk-stocking method involves notes hidden above the knee, held in a stocking. To view them, the girl merely lifts her skirt slightly, pulling it down if a proctor strolls by. A University of Southern California professor called this type of cribbing, "The most fool-proof system I have ever encountered; the professor is obviously stymied in the matter of proof or investigation." Of complicated and devious methods of passing exams sub rosa, probably the most costly is the wrist-watch con­verted into a miniature encyclopedia. Several years ago, these watches were sold in college towns for thirty-five dollars ON THE CUFF refers to more than credit. With white shirts back, new territories can be staked with everything from poetry to nuclear fission formulas. This is supplanting the past methods of false pages in the back of blue books, member: "The professor is obviously stymied." each. With the works removed, the timepiece was fitted with a small spool of paper which rolled through the watch dis­playing a semester's notes for any examination required. Getting examinations ahead of time has been developed to a fine art, hut the present stenographic system at the University has almost wiped out this method for pass posi­tive. All waste paper from the Stenographic Bureau is now burned by a full-time employee, so there is little chance for getting a mimeograph smudge from the waste-basket. One student did so several years ago, but in attempting to sell copies to an entire class, he only resulted in being the star of the biggest case the Disciplinary Committee has ever handled. Penalties ranged from reprimand to three-year dismissals. A poll of the faculty reveals that the majority of pro­fessors have a tendency toward leniency for first-year stu­dents on the first offense, but for upperclassmen their views range from dismissal to loss of credit and probation. As a variation in penalties, 16 per cent of the faculty recom· mend an increase m the number of courses required for graduation. There is no faculty answer for such mass cheating on the pe.rt of two out of every three students. Some critics will decry it as an indictment of our civilization. Undoubtedly someone will mention the Younger Generation. There's one thing, though. With 66.8 of the students doing it, it certainly is democratic. Story:-Johnny Bryson Pictures:-Stanley Depwe THE MOST FOOLPROOF way of cribbing is, like mother­hood, strictly a female functlon. The notes are hidden in the tops of stockings directly beneath the skirt, which is shyly and slyly raised when help is needed. Said one faculty member: "The professor obviously stymied." , ULTIMATE in complex cheating is shown on this Having secured a WINDOW seat in the beginning, OUTS! DE, an aide de camp is waiting, sees the littl0 19e, taken from a case that actually occurred. With he makes a copy of all the examination questions, ball of white paper descending. Catching it, ho look of Innocence, the student goes to class and wads it up, and throws it out the window, laughing knows it is time for him to go into action. This par ctives his examination paper. slyly to think how he is outwitting all them smart-alee should not be given to a dullard; this man is the on• communist professors. who passes the examination. t STOOGE takes the examination questions and Ill for the library, where he checks out all the ct11ary text books for passing the examination. Go­1through these, he answers the questions and puts 1m into a regulation blue book. With the SWITCH complete, the professor does part and gives the student a good grade, makin everyone happy and proving that it was worth trouble and better than silly, old-fashioned ways cheating. GOOD HUNTING. EXPLAINING his error, and laughing at his own stupidity, the student explains that he made a mis­take and left an unused blue book on the desk. De­positing the answer-filled examination, he switches a blank blue book for a guaranteed grade of "A." BUZZ SAWYER'S PAPPY, THE FORTY ACRE'S OWi • • • MOST universities and schools keep public relations agents busy plug­ ging their famous alumni, but the Forty Acres possesses an ex-student, who, in his usual vein of breaking rules, has kept busy plugging his Alma Mater. Roy Crane, world-famous creator of "Buzz Sawyer," and "Wash Tubbs," has, in his comic strips, visited or mentioned the University perenially since he de­ parted twenty-four years ago, by request. In a society where academians and professional professors preach a formula that hard work and good grades plus a degree equal success, Crane's scholastic records are enough to start a mass hair­ tearing frenzy. Though he never pledged Phi Beta Kappa, his yearly stipend now probably equals the combined wages of the 1922 chapter. In spite of the fact that he has been gone from the University since before the present student body was even into thought processes, Crane's exploits are still familiar stories on the campus. The fact that he broke all the rules for suc­ cess has only enhanced the glamour of his career, and it is impossible to say where reality ends and legend begins, for sure. A native of Sweetwater, Crane arrived here from Hardin-Simmons University; the reasons for his departure from that center of Baptist civilization are hidden in the mists, but the following summer he worked as a cartoonist on the Fort Worth Record. He was fired at the end of the first week for asking for a raise. Crane had already been working at the business of cartooning for years. His father, well-known as a jurist in West Texas, had allowed his son to pick his profession at will and had encouraged the embryo cartoonist to keep an illus­trated diary for the purpose of improv­ing his work. His first published work was in his high school annual, and it was but a short jump to his first printed newspaper cartoon, in the old Dallas Evening Journal on the day of Amer­ica's entry into the first world war. Dissatisfied with his first year in the University, Crane departed for a year at the Chicago Academy of Arts, return­ing here in 1921. Besides the various escapades attributed to him, he found time to work for the Austin American as a reporter and artist, and to include as extracurricular activities work on The Daily Texan, The Cactus, and The Long­horn, father of the Texas Ranger. It was the Golden Period of college life in America, with coonskin coats and hip flasks vying with flappers for the eyes of the local jellybeans. Crane par­ticipated in the annual March 1 fights for B Hall, the Germans, and the picnics to Bull Creek, immortalizing most of them in drawings in his capacity as Art Editor of the Cactus. A member of the local chapter of Phi Kappa Psi, he helped decorate the walls of the house with cartoons which were proudly shown to visitors, until the building was recently redecorated. In a recent comic strip where "Buzz Sawyer" revisited the University, the comic strip character visited the Phi Psi house, stating, "Gee, the old house hasn't changed a bit." Besides fighting the battle of the grades, Crane's extracurricular exploits were of no small interest to the deans. His scholastic record here is still well remembered in some quarters, and viewed with some awe. Of his grades Crane only says, "I had a lot to do." One of the campus deeds attributed to Crane, but never proved, were the tying of the Pi Phi pledge ribbons to the rear of a well-known large dog which made the Forty Acres his home. For some days the canine paraded the campus, much to the dismay of the sisters. Drawings by Crane from the 1922 edition of the CACTUS, made while he was Art Editor. He also worked on the Daily Texan and the Longhorn, predecessor of the Ranger. Crane drawing his famous characters, "Bun Sawyer," end "Sweeny," on the walls of the Texas Ranger office, dur­ing his lest visit to the campus, in Oc­tober. from school. Another year passed, and Bullington met the boy in Chicago; his name was Crane. "What are you doing for a living, son?" asked the future regent. The ex-student rt•plied that he was drawing a comic strip and at that time was making $10,000 a year. "Three years after busting out," says Mr. Bull­ington, "and he was getting more than we paid the University president then." After leaving the University, Crane had bummed all over the Southwest with a friend, then shipped out from Galves­ton on a tramp steamer. While in Ant­werp, he missed his boat and was left penniless and on the beach. Sleeping in boxes and almost starving, he finally borrowed a few francs from a good Samaritan on the United States Shipping Board. With this money he made his way to England and on home. On the way, the ship almost sank; the day it arrived in New York it blew up. In New York, he took samples of his work to various newspapers, and ended up working for H. T. Webster, creator of "The Timid Soul." From that job, he was called to Cleveland, where he began drawing "Wash Tubbs" for a syn­ I dicate. For twenty years, Crane drew the world-wide exploits of adventure­loving "Wash Tubbs," and his pal, "Cap­tain Easy." Changing syndicates in 1943, Crane began drawing the adventures of "Buzz Sawyer," which have carried on his love for the unusual and romantic. Syndicate press agents have said that Crane's comic strips take the trips and enter the conquests for glory which Crane would like to have made, if the world did not demand that man settle down and go to work. Another side of Crane's University He has travelled widely in doing ex­ life were revealed two years ago by tensive work for research and authen­Regent Orville Bullington, who described tically, having hit the road on tramp an event which took place when Bulling­steamers, box cars, mule treks into Mex­ton was president of the Ex-Students' ico, and even with safari into Africa. Association in 1920. (Continued on p. 20) The student loan committee, of which he was a member, had stipulated that students must have a B average to re­ceive aid. Bullington had dissented, stat­ing that a student working outside of school would very likely not have a B average, but the motion had passed any­ way. Shortly thereafter, a student applied for the loan, but was turned down be­ . cause of his grades. Mr. Bullington was informed by some of his fellow board­members that he could make it as a personal loan if he desired, and he did so, mailing the boy a check for $150. Several months later the boy flunked "Bun Sawyer" is a Texas ex, re-• turns to the Forty Acres ofien. This scene shows "Bun" and his girl walking by the Memorial Fountain. BUT I'D HOPEO YOU WERE COMH'\G .. BACK 10 SCHOOL AND PLAY FOOTBALL. ·. I'D HOPE'O THAT WE-WE COULD HAVE ~ SOM£ GOOD TlMES ~ TOGETHER. W~LL, YOU SEE, I HHtO( I HAVE A JOS L\N'C.D UP IN N£W YOR\<• rpffOl'(JlfT1'i' 0 FLYTYG 'PHJE ITLAN'PIO "I CflJJW like 1rnler, (Ind li/i' (~ 1 •i11 d I .r;o." T he UUB 11 YA 'f1. JJ lt.·tless, dw;tle ss in l/1e Ii olto w room lVords like silence penetrate the soimd 0 f 'JJeed expa11ding on a waste of tinie. ()/ten into singin9 r II' ill go, Pregnant 1with so 119, wflo once knew silences Sterile as water and the change of tfrle. (} ri'YI d of the garbled 111oto1· 1·asps tli e air In 7)(tlter11 · only mentally defi'Yled. (Ylick of lhe rcilchel in the cracki11.';}, empty seats to the Jong single narrow row across the back of the bus. In a flash, every nerve in her body seemed to jangle at once, like a series of burglar alarms. Huge black eyes, a wide fat sulky mouth. Coldly, evenly those eyes returned her stare. The cor­ner of two full lips turned down in an open insult. She turned hurriedly back around in her seat, her body trembling, control of her hands completely gone. Rape! She shuddered. That only hap­pens to other people. Never to anyone you know. You just read about it in the papers. It couldn't-a Negro-. Her stomach seemed to do a complete flip and she felt all strength slowly ebb from her body. She sat limp, helpless in her seat. "Don't worry, I'll be here." His voice seem to come from a long way off and seconds passed by before the full mean­ing of his words crept into her numbed brain. Her eyes, glazed with the sheen of fear, turned to his and held. "Maybe he'll get off now, now that I'm sitting here,'' he said, his voice still soft, still gentle and reassuring. "Thank you. Thank you so much." She felt better. He'll never bother me as long as I'm with a white man. He'll -Bzzzzzz. The stop signal. Maybe he'll get off. Maybe-get off you damn black fool. Get off! She turned and watched a woman laden with grocery bundles stumble through the back door. She sank back in her seat. Three, four, five blocks sped by. Zip, zip they seemed to pass, each one drawing her nearer-nearer home, nearer to the time when she must leave the bus. She looked at her companion. He had unfolded his (Continued on p. 32) BENEFIELD THREE GOT OFF (Dedicated to the University girls, but for whom this would have never been written.) "Here it is ·even o'clock and I haven't g·ot a date for next Saturday yet," I thought as I pocketed my last dollar's worth of nickels and headed for the pay-telephone our house-mother had ju t installed. "It's damn expensive just trying to get a date." After thumbing through my address book and last year's Cactus without a decision, I finally started with the A's in the Student Directory. When I had spent all of my change, I walked back into the living room and sat down in an easy chair. "Oh, well,'' I thought philosophically, "I did wait until pretty late in the week. After all, it is Titesday." I stretched out comfortably. It was pretty cozy. No studying to do, might as well relax.... Pretty sleepy, could go to bed.... Be an effort to get up· now. . . . I'll just rest.. .. Slowly I became conscious of voices. The voices steadily grew louder, though not closer, like turning up the volume of a radio. Bodyless, sexless voices engaged in a half-rhythmic, staccato-like chant. "If you feel blue, a little downcast, Or discoura,ged, try getting a date. The fernin,i.ne touch- Ha?·d and calloused-will toughen you." The voices died, and in their place there appeared a lounge with several girls seated in a partial circle. One girl, seemingly the leader, assumed a remarkable nonchalance as she sucked spasmodi­cally on a cigarette and blew out quick, fluffy puffs of smoke between shots of Coca-Cola. Another girl had a box full of flies on her lap. She opened the box tenderly, caught a fly and slowly ripped off a wing. The girls were talking, their voices blended almost indiscriminately. "We shall organize all of the independent girls first. The sororities are fairly well organized and will quickly fall in line with us." The leader spoke in the manner of a trade-union organizer. "Each man must spend at least $5 a date," spoke up a voice from the corner. "If he wants a date two consecutive week-ends, he must spend $10 on the second date." As this girl finished speaking, she carefully placed one wingless fly in the cage, and caught another. The girl in the corn r saw the house-cat enter the room. She got up, closed the door, turned around and started speaking. "The boys should have to spend more money on u charter members." She picked up a small bow and several anow made of match­ stems and needles. "After all, we deserve some recognition and distinction." She edged toward the cat. "Yes," the leader ejected a stream of smoke. "Where the boys spend say $10 MINIMUM on date with us charter memb rs, they will have to spend only $5 on dates with the common variety." "The boys must make their dates a specified number of days ahead of time,'' came from a girl on the divan. This girl had picked up (Continued on JJ. 21) 0 0 f~ ~~~ . -J.B. ly dropped into double talk. WELL-PREPARED DISHES EFFICIENT SERVICE MODERN FACILITIES CONVENIENT LOCATION Closed Sundays REAL HOME.STYLE COOKING ON THE DRAG Then. extract and wampf them gently for about a tii:ne and a half. Fwengle each one twice, then swiftly dip them in blinger (if handy) . Otherwise diR­criminate the entire instrument in twetchels. Are there any questions?" "Yes," came a sleepy voice from the rear. "What are twetchels?" Active: "They tell me that you pushed a wheelbarrow down the street last night right after our fraternity party. Is that right?" Pledge: "Yes, sir! I was pretty well crocked." Active: "Well, how do you think I feel over the possible loss of prestige that your actions may have brought up­on our fraternity?" Pledge: "I never thought to ask you, sir. You rode in the wheelbarrow." -Sundial. She stroked my hair; she held my hand. The lights were dim and low. She raised her eyes with sweet surprise, And softly whispered, "No." -Sir Brown. "Is there anything you want to know?" "Yes, is it true that raisins are just worried grapes?" I studied abroad for a year and then I marri ed her. -Medley. TEXAS RANGER I WAS DREAMING­ (Continued from p. 18) one of the needle-arrows and was going through The Ladies Home Journal, pricking out the eyes of all the pictured babies. "Why not get a complete roll of all the men and we can notify them when their turn comes?" The girl with the bow-and-arrow asked as she sent the third arrow into the running cat. "That would be too much trouble,'' the leader snapped. "Yes, and it would leave the men al­most care-free to spend their $65 while waiting the time for their dates," the girl with the flies murmured. "And they wouldn't appreciate our ef­forts," affirmed the girl as she dropped her bow and started chasing the cat to regain her arrows. "But we might let the men keep their own records." "Why not just let the girls ask the boys for dates?" The girl with the mag­azine wanted to know. She saw a par­ticularly attractive baby and scratched out the mouth and nose also. "Oh, no! The men would object," ex­claimed the girl as she started pulling the arrows from the cat. "And woman should always strive to please man." "Besides,'' said the girl with the fly­ cage as she caught a seriously injured fly and crushed it between her fingers, "It wouldn't be ladylike." The scene with girls dimmed, and the chant began anew : "The feminine touch­ Unresponsive, cold, unfeeling, Will harden you, will brace you." The dirge-like, monotonous chant died, and was replaced by four masculine voices, labeled Naivete, Experience, Cyn­ ic, and Philosopher in neon-lights. "What is a woman, hey?" asked Nai­ vete. "She's the female of the human spe­ cies," replied Experience. "She was created so man would know the difference between heaven and hell," filled in Philosopher. "Oh, I saw a number of them over­ seas, I guess, a kinda lumpy sort of people?" Naivete questioned. "Yes, those were women. But didn't you have a mother?" Cynic wanted to know. "I don't know for sure," Naivete sounded doubtful. "I had parents, but they were around so seldom and dressed just alike, and I never did learn to '•ell them apart, or notice there was any difference in them." "I learned to tell my parents apart by smell," Experience related. "Mother always smelled worst in the morning and the best at night. Also, I even had a sister." "Well, what's an American woman look like then?" Naivete interrogated. "Physically they look like a water­colored copy of a small, ill-shaped man,'' Experience said. (Continued on next page) JANUARY, 1947 Wke'te LJouth ?neets lxpe'Liettce The Bank Of Personal Service FIDELITY STATE BANK 9 13 CONGRESS Member Federal Deposit Insurance Corp. U. S. GOVERNMENT DEPOSITORY Specialists in the Examination of the Eyes and the Fitting of Glasses. W here the Students Get Their Glasses I WAS DREAMING­ (Continued from p. 21) "And usually dressed so as to cover up most of the middle and leave both ends bare," added Cynic. "Well, you really can't say how they look. Their skillful employment of paints and pads gave our general's staff many valuable ideas on camouflage," supple­mented Philosopher. "And if you show any curiosity around them, and ask for a date while standing up straight and looking them in the eye, they'll laugh in your face," Cynic continued. "What's a date?" Naivete inquired quickly. "That's a short interval between two long waiting periods in which it is your turn to try to make life interesting for some physically exaggerated female," Experience told him. "Several of us boys in my physics class heard there were two girls in an­other section," said Philosopher. "We tried to transfer, but the section was so full they wouldn't let but one of us in. We drew names, but I lost out." "I found out once that a certain girl had an eight o'clock class,'' Cynic con­fessed. "I'd get up an hour early so I could watch her go into the class room. I got to see her several times." The masculine voices faded, and once again the chant sprang up: "The feminine touch, It gets in you, it insures you Against breaking Under any nervous strain." The interlude passed, and the scene with the girls reappeared. "No dates unless he has a car," the leader asserted, "and no junk heaps either," she added bitterly. "Any man observed dating a non-club girl will be blacklisted as long as he is in school." The girl had collected all of her arrows and was locking for the cat again. "Forever," put in the girl with the flies in her lap. "Yeah, and all their sons too," the g-irl on the divan added. "Long periods are more effective." "Any man breaking a date will be blacklisted." The leader spat out a mix­ture of syllables and ~moke. "No excuses whatsoever," suggested the gfrl on the divan, "Unless it's his own death warrant sig·iwcl by the cor­oner. In that case he has to include us in his will." •·And blacklist any boy who gets fresh or independent." The girl started re­moving the legs from her flies. "Sure," agreed the girl with t he bow­ and-arrow. "Dr. Painter may have some objec­ tions." The girl on the divan remarked as she started through The Ladies Home Journcil again. This time she was re­ moving the upper lip of all t he men. "Oh, we'll elect Mrs. Painter as an honorary vice-president," answered the leader. Then the chant, like a radio commer­cial, supplanted the scene of the girls again: "If you feel blue, a little downca.st, Or discoura.ged, try getting tt date. The feminine touch- Hard arul callou8ed-will toughen 11011. The cold, unfeeling, the uniH1pas­ sioned, the insensate touch, The feminine touch, Stimulates you, encourages 11011, crn­ sures you Against weakening under <0