• APRIL • 1950 • 25c GOWN BY PATTULLO­ JEWELS BY CARTIER. WITH SMOKERS WHO KNOW . •• IT'S - - - - amels for Mildness! Yes, Camels are SO MILD that in a coast-to-coast test of hundreds of men am! women who smoked Camels ­and only Camels-for 30 consecutive days, noted throat specialists, making weekly examinations, reported NOT ONE SINGLE CASE OF THROAT JRRITA TION due to smoking CAMELS! Matched! For land or sea ••• our smart go~together bathing suit and sun dress. Both by COLE. Both in metallicized striped cotton. Both designed to give you a wonderful slim figure. Both from Yoring's .. where else? So if you wont to look keen this summer better drop in soon •• • • • Course Supplies for Spring Fever 406 I:" = ~ -~ • I:" - '" Itta I :" ~ .. = = ();. = '" ~ ~ e e There was a funeral for a UT-ex, and one of his older friends came. After the services, the funeral director ap­ proached him. "How old are you, if I may ask, sir?" he asked. "I'm 99," answered the mourner. The funeral director's eyes narrowed as he said softly, "Hardly worth going home, is it?" • A graduate of the Texas University School of Law was looking for a 1ikely town in which to set up practice. "Do you have a criminal lawyer in this town?" he asked a certain native. "Well," answered the citizen, "we think so, but so fur we ain't been able to prove it." • "Son, after four years of college, you're nothing but a drunk, a loafer, and a damn nuisance. I can't think of one good thing it's done!" The son was silent a moment. Suddenly his eyes brightened. "Well," he said, timidly, "it cured Ma of bragging about me." • A young co-ed brought charges against an elderly professor and had him sen­tenced to jail for a long term. As he was led away, a friend approached him. "I know you're innocent," said the friend. "Why did you plead guilty?" "Well," admitted the professor, "The complaint was so flattering I just couldn't resist." • A little whiskbroom asked his parents, "How did I get here?" The mother broom answered quickly: "Your daddy and I swept together." • Two college girls went out to eat din­ner together. One heaped her tray, but the other took only a little bit of food. "Oh, eating makes me fat," she said, when t he two were seated. "Nonsense !" cried her companion. "Prove it!" "Well, I can't right now," the co-ed blushed. "I'm sitting on the evidence!" • A young man was trying out for the police force recently. One of the ques­tions was: "What is the quickest way to disperse a crowd?" Without hesitation the fellow wrote: "Pass around the hat." LET TERS To the Editor: . . I believe every post office that my Ranger goes through must read it from cover to cover. I really don't blame them; it's that good-but let them buy their own subscription. Why don't you put a wrapper around the magazine instead of sending it loose? The March issue arrived (??) with the front and back covers half torn off and finger smudges throughout. . . . May I congratulate you on this tops of college humor magazines. Even my Aggie friends up here enjoy it, al­though they won't openly admit ·it.... Al Schumann, UT '49 Gary, Indiana To the Editor: We at N.Y.U. feel a bit selfish at the moment, not being able to requite you for the fun received from the several issues you have sent us. Medley, though rein­stated as the school humor magazine, is again having trouble passing certain eyes. We hope the difficulty is soon cleared us, and by about the middle of this month should be able to restore happiness to the cultural void that is New York City. At best, we will get two issues this term. To the Ranger we give exclusive rights to anything worthwhile in these pages as we have lifted freely from you in the past. H. Prince, managing editor Medley, New York University • Maybe lifting from us is what got you in trouble.-ed. To the Editor: Quite a few of us Texas Ex's would like to have an issue on what our UT lovelies of bygone days are doing now, complete with pictures. Where are our ex-queens? I, for one, would like to know where that beauty of beauties, Bonnie Bland is-then there's Pat Cal­houn, Jackie McKay, Nell Walker, etc. • Good idea. Be sure to subscribe to next year's Ranger.-ed. To the Editor : "You Can Go To-" last month picked a lemon. Me, I'm gonna keep following the recommendations of the Steer Here committee. It takes more than a bottle of beer to convince those boys. Albert R. Elam e It took more than a bottle to satisfy us, too.-ed. AS SEEN IN TOWN &COUNTRY \~1.•1·_•••._••••••••••••••••••••• [':;, . i ,, ~e~cau~cl --j:ALIFORN IA ORIGINALS ~ TH CULPTURED SWIM SUIT WITH THE ~'.72'.....c-· ~•1h1 perfect fit-that /a1111md /1111J ITTiiil TEXAS RANGER CREATIONS The accentuated uniquely stitched 4 section "Carnival Cup" . .. the elastic underbust band ... meaning high nat­ural uplift . . . flattering youthful con­tours ... the figure adorable. Made of fine pr.e-shrunk cotton batiste . • . cups lined with imported net .. . 2 side sections double nylon leno .. . comfortable, stay-put self straps .. . elas­tic straps ... elastic back ... for ad­justable closing for perfect fit. A cup, 32-36 .................... 8 Cup, 32-38 C cup, 32-40 $2.50 Nude and White ....................Style #700 Same bra in nylon taffeta. "Carnival Cup" lined with nylon fa bric . . . comfort­able . . . pre-shrunk . . . for longer wear _................. Style # 703 $3.00 Open on Thursday Evenfogs Until 9:00 P.M. C~'tt fe111'inine fa6fiion6 2904 GUADALUPE YOU CAN GO TO- e UP THE RIVER for a different afternoon or evening is the River Boat Commodore, catchable at either Green Shores off Bull Creek Road or the Bennett Boat Docks, 3826 Lake Austin Boulevard. Games, dancing and less violent types of entertainment are available at the Green Shores picnic grounds, while dancing and romance are provided for on the boat. Necking, though not encouraged, seems almost inevitable. Captain and Mrs. Fowler, proprietors of the enterprise, also have applied for a beer license to add a little spark to a perfect outing. For a weekday trip on the boat, rates are $1.15 per person, with accom­modations for fifty persons. The large river boat may be leased during the weekend for seventy-five persons at $86.25 per trip. Green Shores also has provisions for eating, ranging from hot dogs to chicken and shrimp. Rates vary between $1 and $1.50 per person-or you can take your own chow. Hoist anchor! In the competent hands of Captain Fowler, the 75-foot vessel edges away from the picnic grounds. As the boat noses its way peacefully up the river, landlubbers are hesitant about trying out their sea legs. signifies satisfaction Whenever you see an auto bearing the tag-Howard Kuhlman, Austin­it signifies a satisfied car owner . satisfied because his automobile gives smooth, dependable performance satisfied because the capable mechanics at Howard Kuhlman put (and keep) his automobile in the best possible driving condition. HOWARD KUHLMAN \ \ Austin's Exclusive Lincoln-Mercury Dealer SC I WEST SIXTH ST. PHONE 8-9346 The double deck furnishes extra dancing space and vantage points for sight see­ing. After the vessel docks, Deacon Jones pr'.'pares chow, usually the climax to an en1oyable outing. TEXAS RANGER TH~hud ~ MOCCASIN The CAT-CAY as featured in Esquire Only hand-lasting, hand-sewing, hand-finishing give the fit, flex­ibility, and finish that, season after season, have proven the Tailored Moccasin unexcelled. ASK FOR OUR STYLE 244 AT $11.95 S. V. NORWOOD & SON "Men's Shop" 2548 Guadalupe THAT'S 2 BLOCKS NORTH OF TH E VARSITY THEATRE RANGING With this issue we bring to a close an­other Ranger year. Now that we are no longer pressed by future deadlines, we can take time out to reminisce. And as we do, our feeling of relief at having finished a job changes to one of sadness. Those problems which made us pull our hair at the time are fond memories now, ones we will recall time and time again in years to come. We'll remember how hard we worked to put over the subscription drive, how faculty members used to frown on the messy way the office looked and the clip­pings we tacked on the bulletin board, and how the censors got us so riled sometimes. We'll remember the time our camera fouled up when we were trying to get a picture of cartoonist V. T. Ham­lin drawing Alley Oop on the wall, and the time we disrupted a Texcin lab by shooting some cheesecake outside their window. ~!;) BoM<:.H"f vs (Ai...( Utt 1'_ We'll remember these and a hundred other things and picture ourselves back in the high-ceilinged old office clipping corny jokes from a stack of exchanges. Although right now we are a little weary from a hard year's work, we are happy that we had the opportunity and honor to contribute our bit to what we think is one of the best college magazines in the country. We learned a lot and had fun doing it. I would like to offer a hearty "thanks" to all the staff members who worked so diligently and to the faculty members who gave encouragement and advice. am grateful to the boys at Von Boeckmann-Jones for their patience and understanding and to the 6,500 ·students who contributed their dollars to make the subscription drive a success. If the same help and cooperation is given the incoming editor, Torn Carter, I am sure he and his staff will turn out a good magazine. -B.Y. .. c... .... Q • 3 ... )( :;· .. 3 ARTICLES + THEY PASS BY NIGHT BOB WHEELER STATE OF THE UNION FICTION THE MURPHY BED BARREL OF FISH :: !::r RANGER FEATURES LETTERS YOU CAN GO TO RANG ING GIRL OF THE MONTH. FACULTY CACKLES TEXAS FOLKLORE CARTOON CONTEST Printed by Von Boeckmann-Jones Co. Austin, Texas 3 4 6 13 21 26 28 wer, feature editor • harvey schmidt, art editor editor f. b. (bill ) ya tes associate editor tom carter managing editor bi 11 prince ?" 9 ~ ::r c;· 11 ~ c... 12 ~ [• TEXAS 0 c £ c;· ::> 'O c !!:: [ '< e ..'( 0 .. ~ <11 ::> '° ::­ ~j" 0 " g_ ~­ April, 1950 rowland wilson, cartoon editor • THE COVER joe capps, fiction editor Not only did June Grove serve as an eye-stopper in the tiger bathing suit re­fleeted in the glasses, she supplied the cover idea as well. June is a senior ap­ ~ plied art major from New London and a model in the art departme nt. The art ;;­ work came from the versatile hand of :;:: Rowland Wilson, cartoon editor. ~,.,. And for the technical mind ed who say .. a true reflection does not come out stag­ e;:­ gered in two lens, as pictured, might we ~ remind you that in the spring everyone • gets a little cockeyed . .. '° ~ • 3 0 ~ 0 ~ THE PICCADILLY HAS COME TO AUSTIN The PICCADILLY brings with it a record of satisfied customers everywhere and a policy of . .. . HIGHEST QUALITY . .. LIBERAL PORTIONS ... FAIR PRICES OpeP every day including Sunday 6:30 A.M.-8:30 P.M. PICCADILLY CAFETERIA 801 CONGRESS STANLEY is back from another party and ready to go again. Call him! 22752 2418 Guadalupe STANLEY DEPWE Phone 2-2752 We at the Capital National Bank wish to take this opportunity to express our appreciation to the many students and faculty members who make their bank­ing headquarters with us. We like our University friends, and are looking forward to seeing you next year. WALTER BREMOND, JR., President JNO. A. GRACY, Vice President E. P. ORAVENS, Vice President WALTER BOHN, Vice President LEO KUHN, Vice President and Cashier W. C. KENNEDY, Vice President JOHN S. BURNS, Vice President RAYMOND R. TODD, Vice President and Trust Officer AUG. DeZAVALA, Special Representative F. M. DuBOSE, Assistant Cashier WILFORD NORMAN, Assistant Cashier ROY B. STEWART, Assistant Cashier J . W. HAWKINS, JR., Assistant Cashier WALTER BREMOND, III, Assistant Cashier HAROLD R . JONES, Assistant Cashier CAPITAL NATIONAL BANK BUILDING NATIONAL BANK T.H E Seventh Street ... between Congress (:, Colorado MEMBER FEDERAL DEPOSIT INSURANCE CORPORATION MEMBER FEDERAL RESERVE SYSTEM PASS BY NIGHT by bill yotes 9 THREE YOUNG MEN wearing coveralls and carying tool kits entered the front door of a University building. With an indifference typical of repair­men, they ambled down the hallway and a short time later stopped in front of an office door. Selecting the proper tools from their kits, they proceeded to remove the pane of glass. The door was then unlocked from the inside and further inspection made of the handle mechanism. While two of the men continued their work on the door, the other stepped inside and took time out for a smoke. The repair job was evidently a simple one; for only a few minutes from the time the job was begun, the glass had been replaced and the workmen were gone. Gone also was a copy of a final exam from a desk in the office. Although this operation, pulled smooth­ly in broad daylight, was nothing short of fantastic, the fact that some students stole a final and got away with it is not unusual. It happens every semester. Dean of Student Life Arno Nowotny recently said that there isn't an exam period that goes by when attempts aren't made to break into some buildings at night. Last semester over a dozen stu­dents were caught for either stealing or buying finals. And there were at least that many stories circulating about other stealing operations. Unless the thief is caught, such stories are not authentically founded and may become distorted or exaggerated via the grape vine. But enough thieves are cap­tured, or enough finals are reported miss­ing, every semester to keep the University administration in fresh ulcers. A review of last semester would ap­pear to be an exam-stealing heyday. One radio station broadcasted, for everyone to hear, the announcem~nt that a gov­ernment final was out. Twelve students were suspended for buying copies of a stolen chemistry final. One student was caught in Geology Building at night trying to steal an exam., A professor in EBA School foiled an exam thief by switching questions at the last minute. Yet, Dean Nowotny said that cheating was then at its lowest point since the war. Before the war, more than 100 students were found guilty of buying a chemistry exam at $5 a copy. It had been copied from an old stencil reclaimed from trash by a student who was consequently sus­pended. Although stencil stealing at present has been all but eliminated by the burning of "potential" trash im­mediately, this means of obtaining the exam was one of the most frequently used methods for a. number of years. In 1946 a national furore was caused when Life magazine carried a reprint of a Ranger story about cheating at the University. The Ranger claimed that over half of the students interviewed in a campus poll admitted they had cheated on exams. No doubt there are students already laying the groundwork and making plans for the big push next month. But these advance planners aren't likely to be the ones caught. You will hear their story from one of your friends, who heard it .from someone else. Although the boldness of some of the ventures may grow each time they are retold, more incredible will be the amount of work and ill-used in­genuity put into the operation. In most cases, had the student spent half the time and effort studying, he could have made an honest A. One "Cloak and Dagger" veteran, ap­plying all he had learned from Uncle Sam, started his campaign of operations about two weeks before finals. He began by studying thoroughly the work routine and all the little habits of his professor. At prescribed OSS distance he would follow the prof to and from classes, ener- TEXAS RANGER getically taking notes on every move­ment. It wasn't long before he knew exactly where the prof-or the prof's briefcase-would be at any given time. He then made a similar study of the nightwatchmen, observing closely their routine and the exact times they always appeared at certain points. As if this wasn't enough, he obtained complete architectural plans of the building and thoroughly memorized them. The night before the final he donned his service uniform (a pair of black coveralls), picked up his special tool kit, and set his plans into action with clock-work precision. Timing his ap­proach just right, he entered the build­ing, proceeded along his well-memorized route, fitted the proper key into the prof's door, placed the proper papers into the proper pocket, and exited unno­ticed through the proper window in the basement. Mission completed. One story, coming from three inde­ pendent sources, relates how a student, using high-power binoculars, watched a professor in a Main Building office mak­ ing out his final. Seeing the prof put the exam in his briefcase, the student and a friend then followed him home. The prof was careless and left his briefcase in the car. Another final was out. One fraternity, according to an un­substantiated story, needed desperately a certain final but knew that it was se­curely locked in an office safe. One of the boys contacted an out-of-town "safe specialist," who quoted a job price which didn't seem to be too unreasonable. Though they made a game attempt, they were never able to raise the required cash. Probably the biggest boon to office breakers is a little gimmick called the "Jim Dandy" door opener. Reportedly brought back from the service by OSS veterans, the "Jim Dandy" is made of two coat hangers and a piece of inner tube. It is inserted in the mail slot of a door and hooked over the inside door knob. Students who have seen it demon­strated say you can open a door so quickly with it that you hardly need to stop walking. Some old-timers still insist on using the conventional door key. They say you have a better chance of talking your way out if you are caught. They also claim that keys are simple to obtain if you get to know the right grader or proctor. Some students in administrative positions are granted key,s. Others get hold of them by making a fast wax impression when they have to borrow a pass key sometimes. It is said there are students in school who now have pass keys to every building on the campus. A few less imaginative thieves still put their trust in the "transom" or "hinges" method. The hinges method paid off for a student last semester when he found a new lock had been placed on the cabinet holding the Chemistry 801a final. He removed the hinges on the cab­inet, took a final, and put the door back in place, no doubt chuckling at the naive­te of the prof. Crawling through the transom only works, of course, when the prof is careless enough to extend the invitation. While the careful planners usually de­pend on "cool talking" to get them out of a tight situation, some thieves carry camera flash guns for protection. Should a nightwatchman approach them, they would shoot the flashbulb in his face and turn on the speed, making their getaway while he is blinded from the glare. The majority of thieves, however, depend solely on their athletic prowess. One night a watchman on his rounds noticed a spot of moving light in an of­fice on the first floor of the Journalism Building. He called a helper, and the two slipped up on the office, one from the front of the building and the other from the back stairs. The man coming in from the front caught a student standing apparently as lookout. The other watchman gave warn­ing as he turned the key in the lock of the office door. The student inside, see­ing his retreat cut off, dived head first through the window, which is about twenty feet from the ground. He did a neat flip in mid-air, landed on his feet and ran away. He was never caught, and his confederate would not give him away. Last year two nightwatchmen stopped a student at the door of Sutton Hall about midnight. They asked him what he was doing and demanded identifica­tion. His. heart pounding against the final tucked inside his coat, he told them some spur-of-the-moment story about being out to get a bite to eat after studying for several hours. He ".Vas told to step inside where they could look him over in the light. As one of the watchmen stooped ·down to unlock the door, the student swung a fast left and right, one for each watchman, and made his getaway. A few minutes later the athlete's buddy came innocently along and ran into th1~ two highly irritated nightwatchmen Evidently groggy from the first experi­ence, they made the same mistakes again and had one more bruise each to show for it. Another slugging escape took place on a stairway inside Main Building. Two students who had just lifted a quiz out of one of the offices were about midway down the stairs when they met a young man on the way up. The man told them he was an instructor and wanted to know what they were doing there. For an answer they sent him sprawling down the steps; overtaking him on the way. They believe now that he was possibly another thief, who used the challenge routine to avoid having to answer any questions himself; for they never heard any report of the incident. Probably the funniest escape story is the one about two students being chased through Sutton Hall one night. The watchmen hot on their heels, these two boys were running up the stairs and down the halls trying to find an open office in which to hide. Outsiders said (Continued on Page 18) Bob WHEELer What do you know about the behind-the-signs men who make cam­pus politics 90 around? Here is the story of one of UT's most col­ orful. e ONE OF THE "BIG GUNS" behind campus political highlights, Bob Wheeler looks more like he drifted down from the hills to sell a wagonload of peanuts. First glance gives the impression of an amiable farm boy with freckles. But Wheeler, often referred to as "Wheel" for obvious reasons, has been tangled up in so many campaigns at the University that he is probably the greatest source of political information on the campus. He has as many sound­ing posts as the best of them. "And I've jumped the fence so often," he says, "that I'm welcome-or unwel­come-in either Clique or Independent meetings. The reason, I tell them, is be­cause I always support the best man." At this he grins and adds, "But of ' course that isn't right. I merely support my friends." Twenty-three-year old Wheeler, an economics major from Tilden, has been a senior at the University for three years. All that is keeping him from graduating is the foreign language re-· quirement. "I've flunked Spanish 407 five times," he explains, "and it looks like I'll never get by. I've even thought seriously about getting eligible and running for Texan editor. Then I'd run a crusade to do away with the Spanish department." He registered at the University in late 1943, and has been here ever since, ex­cept for a two-year interval in which he "served as a private in the infantry of Uncle Sam's army." He has held the majority of offices in the Hogg Debating Society and is a mem­ber (and of course a Clique representa­tive) of Phi Kappa Sigma fraternity. The most outstanding organization he ever made, however, according to Wheel­er, is Ten Most Hated. "I'm most proud of this honor," he says. "It may not be too hard to make TMH when in a big responsible office, but for someone virtually unknown to make it takes talent." Scholastically speaking, he states, "If you don't get education up here, you will at least learn a trade." Among such trades, he lists sign paint­ing, construction work and how to carry signs. Most important, however, he ex­plains, is that politics teaches a person how to handle people. · "Campus politicians as a rule," he smiles modestly, "are indeed very su­perior people." His first taste of campus politics came in 1944, when he and his roommate at that time, a student named Tommy West, managed a girl's campaign· for Student Assembly. She was beaten, but after that first whiff of the political realm of life, neither Wheeler nor West could quit. "Politics is a disease," Wheeler says. "It gets into you and you love it. I virtually live from one election to an­other. And during every campaign, I go on sco-pro. That's the reward of the politician." A noted campaign which Wheeler helped manage was that of "Pie" Wag­ner for Cactus Editor in 1948. Wheeler thought this was a hopeless battle and hated to enter into it. "But being as how Pie was my r~m­mate, I figured I'd better help." ' Wagner won by more than 1,000 votes. "And that's why," says Wheeler, "the picture of Bob Wheeler was seen in the cheesy Goodfellows section of the Cactus." Some of his most notorious election­eering has been in "railroading" candi­dates through the Student Assembly for appointive positions. He was largely re­sponsible for Bill Strassman's achiev­ing the vice-presidency in 1948 and for Marlin Thompson being appointed to the same office in 1949. He was a vital part of the campaign mechanism in the Bill Bruce-Mark Bat­terson fight for Texan editor and as­sociate, 1949. With such a record and reputation for putting his candidate into office, Wheeler has been nicknamed the "King Maker." He has even edged into national politics. (Continued on Page 25) II TEXAS RAN GER State of the Union Is it worth a few bucks out of your pocket to have bowling alleys. workshops. and abundant space all bound up in a larger union? How will you vote? by jeonine emm1on • AS MID-APRIL rolls around, bring­ing with it sprigs of new green, posters, spring fever and a rash of handshaking, students will go to the polls and choose their officers in an election that has al­ready been termed one of quiet confusion. The same might be said for one of the direct issues to be voted upon along with officers-a compulsory fee for long­heralded union expansion. If Texas Union expansion goes through, tentative plans call for twelve to eighteen bowling alleys, twelve billiard tables, a 30x50-foot room for table games, a bro,;sing library, a small ballroom to serve also as a banquet room, and two new lounges. Special activities such as music, crafts, darkrooms, and workshops will occupy 3,942 more feet, and meeting places will be expanded by 4,000 feet. This will include five small rooms, four seminars, and two rooms to seat up to 400 people. An art exhibit room will mean that the men can have their lounge to themselves again. Five new offices will be added. It has taken three years of back-of-the­scenes .maneuvering and administrative red tape to bring the issue to the stu­dents themselves. As early as 1947 union expansion began appearing on politicos' platfo1·ms and a union investigating com­mittee was appointed to study the needs of an increased enrollment. Temporary plans were submitted to the Faculty Building Committee in 1948, but ac­tion was never taken, and the Union Expansion Council appointed this fall by Ellis Brown and headed by Barefoot Sanders has spent more time waiting for the Regents to say yea or nay than in making concrete plans. When the Board of Regents finally got around to considering expansion plans at their Feb­ruary meeting, they gave the go-ahead signal, but checked it with two big "if's." The first is that the students must okay the compulsory fee, which would be not over and probably less than $4. Then the legislature must pass it, since com­pulsory fees can be leviEd by state law only. The question in the minds of the stu­dent officials that have pushed union ex­pansion is, now that the students have a chance to vote yes or no on this four­year-old issue, will they pass it or pass it up? ·And students, beginning to feel the pinch of post-boom years, are won­dering, what will my money buy? The need, for example of other schools, and the clamor for enlarged union facili­ties for several years would indicate an easy approval by the students, but the almighty dollar will be the deciding factor. The present union, built with $417,000 of ex-students' money in 1932 to ac­commodate a student body of 6,408, began to shrink in 1946 when the veteran­swelled enrollment hit 17,000. A survey last year showed that 83 clubs met weekly there, 25 met occasionally in screened-off parts of the Main Lounge, and 32 other groups were on the waiting list. Eight clubs were served by five offices, but eight more were on the waiting list. Sixty-two large dances and 12 confer­ences were held in the Union last year, and the Main Lounge is often the scene of hurried activity when the furniture is being rearranged to take care of three different uses in one day. Texas isn't the only school with an in­creased post-war enrollment, of course, but judging from replies to a question­naire sent out by the Union Expansion Council, it is one of the few that is doing nothing about an inadequate union. Students at Purdue, Cornell, Minne­sota, Michigan State, and Iowa State al­ready take for granted such union fa­cilities as browsing and lending libraries for popular books, music listening rooms and lending record collections, arts and crafts shops, special game rooms, dark­rooms complete with enlargers and de­veloping chemicals, and dozens of guest rooms for visiting parents, dates or celebrities. The Toronto union's 500-seat theater would be the envy of Texas' Curtain Club, and the Canadian school also has (Continued on Page 22) \ .. GIRL OF THE MONTH A glowing red suntan, received seven years ago in girls' camp, secured for Marilyn Ray the nickname of "Rusty." And the name well fits this girl of the outdoors whose hobbies are swimming, horseback riding and picnicking. Of course, dancing-anything from a jitter­bug to a rhumba-also comes in as a favorite pastime. A 19-year-old sophomore costume de­signing major from Houston, she is five feet five and one-half inches tall, with 124 pounds distributed along 34-24-34 lines. Rusty, a Navy ROTC sponsor, was in the top twrnty-five of TSO, the top twenty Aqua Carnival finalists and was a Blue Bonnet Belle Finalist. She also is a member of Spooks and Alpha Delta Pi sorority. Josephine Shelley is sitting on the couch using the coffee table for her type­write~ and working busily. She is dressed in a s~tin lounging robe, and has a high­ball on the table and a cigarette in a long holder is resting on an ash tray. The tel­ephone on the table at her left elbow rings. She answers withoufJ changing her position. SHELLEY: Shelley-Kelley residence. Who? No, you have the wrong number. Good afternoon Mr. Kelley. KELLEY: Good afternoon, Miss Shelley. SHELLEY: Some woman just phoned you. KELLEY: Did you tell her she had the wrong number? SHELLEY: Of course, darling. KELLEY: Thank you. (Crosses to her and picks up her cocktail, finishes it and puts glass back on coffee table.) SHELLEY: There's more in the kitchen. (He starts out) Make it two, bar­tender. (He returns for her glass and exits) And Joey, don't forgt to put lemon in mine. KELLEY: Where did you hide the bottle? SHELLEY: In the liquor closet. KELLEY: Do we have any ice? SHELLEY: You might try the oven. KELLEY: The obliging Miss Shelley, as usual. (Angrily) Josephine, you did not wash the coffee pot. SHELLEY: Why Joey, I was saving the last cup for you. KELLEY: I wouldn't touch you~ lousy coffee, if I were dying. SHELLEY: I wish you'd say that every morning at 6 a.m. KELLEY: (Entering with t w 0 glasses) And just who made the coffee this morning? And who washed the Sun­day dinner dishes? SHELLEY: You did, Joey -three weeks i:go. (He crosses over behind her an_d tries t.o read what she is writing without being obvious) It's not polite to read over people's shoulder. KELLEY: (Suspiciously) Then what are you writing? SHELLEY: Just a story. KELI:EY: Jo, if you've jumped me on the Christopher story­ . SHELLEY: No, not quite. But by this time tomorrow, the answer will be yes. KELLEY: What makes you so sure i Ever hear of marriage on a busin s!eepi~g couch, and Y?U come up first hve drama televised in Cent SHELLEY: I met him today and he's fascinated with my irresistable charms. KELLEY: That still doesn't get you the story. SHELLEY: No. But I'm having lunch with him tomorrow in his hotel suite­just the two of us. And that, my dear Joey, will give me ample opportunity. KELLEY: That is exactly why I ob­ject to career women. SHELLEY: Why, Joey? I never can remember your reason. KELLEY: You are capitalizing on your feminine wiles for professional pur­poses and I don't like it. SHELLEY: It puts you at rather a disadvantage, doesn't it darling. KELLEY : That does it! I am sick of competing with a typewriter. SHELLEY: Oh, come now, Mr. Kel­ley, it's not really the typewriter that's bothering you, is it? KELLEY: No, I can cope with a ma­chine; but wives! Marriage is a muchly­over-rated luxury. And furthermore, the ancient and honorable institution of mar­riage is outmoded. SHELLEY: A popular habit never­.theless. KELLEY: Marriage is wholly illogical and unreasonable. It's groundless, un­scientific and psy;·hologically unsound. SHELLEY: Yes, dear. KELLEY: Are you listening? SHELLEY : Yes, dear. KELLEY: What have I been talking about? SHELLEY: Yourself. KELLEY : No! I have been _giving you an objective discourse on matnmonY· SHELLEY: I beg your pardon. What did you say? KELLEY: I said I am damned fed up with marriage. SHELLEY: I'm sorry, darling-do you want a divorce? KELLEY: I do not! Divorce is a masses, bl common device of the unsta e ch and I refuse to be associated with su insipid weakness. e SHELLEY: Just what do you propos then? row out the rules, roll out the e-act play by Ann Priddy-the KELLEY: I have liere a most unique solution. (Shows her a big sign which reads "Liberty Hotel") For the front door. SHELLEY: I'm fascinated, but come to the point. KELLEY: From now on out, baby, this place is a hotel. Strictly a business proposition. You go your way and I go mine. We are under absolutely no ob­ligations to each other. No questions asked. It's time marriage was broadened to include the basic ideals of democracy, equality, and freedom. There have been pioneers in every field; and in marriage, we are it. SHELLEY : (Picks up the phone cmd starts to dial) KELLEY: What are you doing? SHELLEY : I am reserving you a room at the Y.M.C.A. KELLEY : Put that phone down. I am not leaving. SHELLEY: Am I to presume you are staying for love of me? KELLEY: You are to presume no such' thing. To put it grossly, two can live cheaper than one; and besides, somebody has to rout me out of bed at 6 A.M . SHELLEY: This is a business propo­sition. What do I get for my services? KELLEY: You may live here rent ~ree. And I hope you realize the salary is far above union scale wages; but it's worth it because at least you're some­thing alive around the house. SHELLEY: Let's leave personalities out of this, shall we? (Picking up the cards) What are these for? K E L L E Y : Property identification tags. And this is the constitution under Which our hotel will be managed. (Has Pulled paper from his pocket) ~H~LLEY: Now I understand why soc1ahsm cannot exist without a dictator. . KELLEY: Listen to this. You have to sign it. That the Liberty Hotel may live up to its name and reflect the spirit of ~emocracy, the following rules are hence­borth in ~ffect. Rule one-the household t~dget .will be proportioned according to e ratio of our salaries with the excep­tion of the rent. Two-Fanny May con­ tinues as chief janitor. Three-al! prop­ erty is to be equally divided. Respectfully submitted, Joe Kelley. Sign here Jo Shelley. SHELLEY: Most willingly. Give me your pen. (She signs with his pen) KELLEY: And furthermore, all per­ sonal items, such as fountain pens, soap. and toothpaste, et cetera, are to be re­ garded as private property. SHELLEY: (Hands him the pen and papm') That's fine. And we start here. (Crosses to the colset and shoves the roll-away-bed into the middle of the floor) If this is going to be a hotel, it's going to be a respectable one. (She unlatches the lock and both ends hit the floor with a bang) KELLEY: Now, don't be childish, Jo. There is nothing in the contract that says you have to sleep on the roll-away-bed. SHELLEY: Not me. You! KELLEY : (Furious) If I sleep in here, then this entire room is mine. That closet is mine. (Crosses to closet and hurls her coats to the floor) And these are yours. (Shelley calmly picks up the coats and exits into the bedroom. The scene quickly changes from that of a dignified living room to one of disorder and confusion. Kelley continues his outraged removal of her things from his 'l"OOm and closet. First he m