One of America's most popular singers ... star She has scored brilliant successes with the for many years of the Metropolitan Opera, New York City Opera Company, at Covent motion pictures, concert, radio and recordings, Garden in London, and in concert. The famous mezzo-soprano and opera's brilliant, new coloratura agree••• In a recent test of hundreds of people who smoked only Camels for 30 days, noted throat specialists, making weekly examinations, reported NOT ONE SINGLE CASE OF THROAT IRRITATION due to smoking CAMELS! Millipns of people who have smoked Camels for years already know about Camel's cool, cool mildness. ·1r you're not among those Camel smokers ... if you've never given Camels a real, day­to-day trial ... start your own 30-day test of Camel mildness today! Try the mildness and rich, full flavor of Camels in your own "T-Zone" (that's T for Taste and T for Throat -your proving ground for cigarette mildness ... for smoking enjoyment). Try Camels and test them as you smoke chem. If, at any time, you are oot convi need rhat Camels are the mildest cigarette you ever smoked, return the pack· age with the unused Camels and we will refund its full purchase price, plus postage. (Sig11ed) R. ]. Reynolds Tobacco Com­pany, Winston-Salem, N. C. I AGREE, MISS SWARTHOUT-EVER SJNCE I MADE THAT 30-DAY MILDNESS TEST, ITS BEEN CAMELS WITH ME! AND WHEN You'VE SMOKED CAMELS AS LONG AS I HAVE, VIRGINIA, YOU'LL APPRECIATE Tl-JAT MILDNESS AND FLAVOR EVEN MORE! According to a Nationwide survey: MORE DOCTORS SMOKE CAMELS THAN ANY OTHER CIGARETTE Doctors smoke for pleasure, too! And when three leading independent research organizations asked 113,597 doctors what cigarette they smoked, the brand named most was Camel! \ \ ··-.....• ····................. ·· ·.··.·.... · ··... .. .. ..,...... ...... ···· ,. ............................,i ····· \ ' " \ " :: \ \ \ \ \ " TEXAS RANGER TAILOR-MADE for YOU -AT A PRICE YOU CAN AFFORD. • Burmil Fabric, Wrinkle Resisting Rayon Suits-37.50 T rousers-11.50 All Wool Tropicals Suits-45.50 Trousers-12.50 • A GOOD FIT ALWAYS ASSURED. • finest imported & domestic woolens. LOUIS N. ROSE Across from Driskill b09 BRAZOS JOQUES A priest saw one of his parishoners hanging drunkenly on a lamp post. "For shame young man, what's got­ten into you?" "Three Fathers, feather." -PM • An amoeba named Joe and his brother Went out drinking toast to each other. In the midst of their quaffing They split their sides laughing And found that each one was a mother. • Timid Diner: "Must I eat this egg?" Gruff Cook: "Yo ordered it, didn'tcha!" Silence. Timid Dinei·: "The beak, too?" -Antoine • SHAGGY FISH STORY The small boy had fallen into the stream but had been rescued. "How did you come to fall in?" asked a bystander. "I didn't come to fall in," the boy ex­plained, "I came to fish." -Bite • G. S.: "Will you marry me, Dode? " D. W.: "No, Gene, but I'll always ad­mire your good taste." -1001 • Then there was the girl who soaked her strapless evening gown in coffee so it would stay up all night. -Sanka • Girl: "Don't you think that Ethel looks terrible in that lowcut gown? " Squirrel: "Not as far as I can see." -American Optical • Don't you know which side your bread is buttered on Department: Barbara Bi­ble, ·daughter of D. X., raised her hand in a class the other day to pose a ques­tion that was bothering her: "How do you spell 'athlete?" she fum­blecL-Daily Texan Who fumbled? • "Do you know what they call a man who doesn't believe in birth control? "No, what?" "Daddy."-Mama Blues • IS GEORGE STICKING HIS NECK OUT ? • George doesn't seem to be worried any. He just laughs and keeps giving away prehels by the bushels. And the fact that not one cent of profit is made off that popular seller, GEORGE'S ENCHl·MALES, doesn't bother him at all. How far can George stick his neck out before his wife chops it off? After all, she is trying to save up enough money to buy George a new strait· jacket. George says, "I want to give away everything in the joint, but she won't let me. She's crazy." Quiet Student: "Something came into my mind just now and went away again." Bored Roommate: "Perhaps it was lonely." Everybody likes George and the way he runs his place. DROP BY AND YOU "TOO WILL SAY "BY GEORGE" YOU CAN'T BEAT The NEW D & B CAFE 2508 GUADALUPE 2 APRIL, 1949 hambray . .. in two parts Twice as wonderful. Tissue chambray to wear this way and that -here and there­with a flick of acces­ sories. In brown, grey and aqua. Sizes 10 tb 16. Blouse 5.98 Skirt 6.95 A short story Playtime in Jantzen tee shirt and shorts. Striped tee shirt in gay spring colors. Small, medium and large. Cuffed shorts in white, green, black, navy and yellow. Sizes 10 to 18. Tee Shirts 2.95 Shorts 4.95 Linen ... summer footnote The lovelie t coolest thing afoot. Our linen wedge with ankle strap to be tinted to match your fa­vorite spring ensemble. Get in the swim With this Rose Marie Reid satin Lastex swim suit with faggoted seams. Pet­al pink, powder blue, ivory green and yellow. Sizes 32 to 36. 14.95 "We'll have dinner at the Milam!" And for a meal of delicious meats, vegetables ... appetizing salads, and a tempting variety of desserts . . . you'll enjoy the friendly atmosphere at the Milam. You'll eat wonderful food se.rved in a background of soft music. · TWO AIR-CONDITIONED .MILAM CAFETERIAS CONVENIENTLY LOCATED 21ST AND WICHITA BTH AND CONGRESS EXTENSION-SOLE SPECTATOR · Parimode classic ... extension sole spec, with high or mid-heel. Brown and white, Blue and white. $1 Q9 5 SHOE SALON-Street Floor JOOKS Football Coach (to player stretched out on the ground) : "Are you a contor­tionist?" Player: "No." Coach: "Well, then, you have a broken arm." -Blair Cherry • Teacher: "What is the shape of the earth, Willie ?" Willie: "It's round." Teacher: "And can you prove that it's round?" Willie: "All right, it's square. I c!_on't want any argument." .-Quiz Kid • "Is Lobree a confirmed bachelor?" "He is now. He sent his picture to Lonely Hearts Club and they sent it back with a note saying: 'We're not thcit lonely!" -Miami News • Wife: "If you hadn't deceived me into' marrying you, I wouldn't have to pawn my rings to pay the rent." Husband: "Huh! If you hadn't done a little camouflaging you~·self, I never would have bought them." -Arlene Judge • "Hard work never killed anybody," said the father. "That's just the trouble, Dad," re­turned the son, just out of college, "I want to engage in something· that has the spice of danger." -Ivy League • Cynthia: "I have broken my glasses. Will I have to be examined all over again ?" Optician : "No, only your eyes." -Farewell to Arms • "You shoulda seen the look on his face when I turned left again." APRIL, 1949 BY BEYERLY HUIE To the Editor: Far be it from me to appear petty, but the ping-pong table situation at the Student Union is about to get me down. It seems to me that by the time people are old enough to come to college, they should have developed some considera­tion for others, but unfortunately that seems not to be the case. For two weeks now, I have tried to get a ping-pong table, and for two weeks I have seen the same people playing, hour after hour. It seems that there is a monopoly on the ping-pong tables. If worst comes to worst (and I be­lieve it has), I should think that the price of a few more tables could be spared from the student fund; if not, at least a time limit could be placed on playing . .. Despairingly, J. T. To the Editor: Far be it from me to appear petty, but it seems to me that the worthy Mr. J. T. is becoming unduly excited about "the ping-pong table situation at the Union Building." First, I should like to ask where the gentleman would suggest putting the additional ping-pong tables he recom­mended. He must have noticed the scarcity of space there now. Perhaps, then, he should be reminded that "the early bird catches the worm." However, I have had little difficulty in securing a table at any time, nor have I noticed anyone abusing his privilege there. Mr. J. T.'s suggestion concerning a time limit seems entirely unnecessary, and his idea of there being a "monopoly" on the tables is, to put it as politely as possible, absurd. I fear that perhaps he has been taking his economics courses too seriously ... Disgustedly, R. M. To the Editor: I should like first to state that my remarks and suggestions concerning the deplorable ping-pong table situation in the Union Building were meant as con­structive criticism, and were not di­rected toward any specific group or person. Furthermore, I wish to explain that my use of the word "monopoly" in connection with the tables was purely figurative. I should say ' that perhaps Mr. R. M. has overlooked his "exact sciences." However, since we seem to be dealing in trite expressions, I feel inclined to say, "If the shoe fits, wear it." Obvious­ly Mr. R. M. felt some pangs of con­science or he would not have written such a vehement denial of the existing situation. The mechanism he used, I believe, is known as rationalization, and is defined as "justifying one's actions to himself and others." As for me, I am still trying unsuccessfully to play a game of ping-pong at the Union Building. There is one other point I would like to clarify. Mr. R. M. has flattered me by assuming that I am a member of his superior sex. I'm afraid he had made another false assumption. If Mr. R. M. has no trouble in secur­ing a ping-pong table (which I'm sure he hasn't, if he says he hasn't), I'm certain that others, as well as myself, would be delighted to know his secret formula. So there-edly, J. T. To the Editor: My most abject apologies to Miss J. T. for failing to detect from her letters concerning the ping-pong table situation at the Union Building that she was a member of the fairer sex. How undis­cerning of me! If Miss J . T. must persist in believing that a minority group is plotting against her and the other fourteen thousand students in the Uni­versity, I should like to remind her again of the maxim, "First come, first served." And ignoble as I'm sure it is of me, I'd like further to remind her that, dia­bolical and inconsiderate as we are, we pay our dime an hour for the . tables, which, I believe, entitles us to use the tables as long as our dimes hold out ... Apologetically, R. M. To the Editor: I was certainly gratified to see Mr. R. M. admitting that some people do use the ping-pong tables in the Union Build­ing as long as their dimes hold out, rather than limiting their time, as he previously stated. His continued and deliberate twisting of my constructive criticisms clearly indicates the kind of person he must be. I should like to reiterate that I would like to know his formula for just walk­ing up and securing one of those "easily secured" tables ...I'm still trying ...Per­haps I lack his personal magnetism, or at any rate, pull of some kind .. . I'm from Missouri-edly, J. T. P.S.-I accept Mr. R. M.'s gracious and heartfelt apology... To the Editor: First, I should like to congratulate you, Mr. Editor, on your note concerning this unfortunate correspondence concern­ing the ping-pong table situation at the Union Building. You are absolutely justified, I think, in saying that the tone of some of the letters is taking on an air of personal, rather than all-student, concern, and in limiting their publication to this letter. Since this is the last of these letters to be published, then, I should like to ask to do a favor for Miss J . T. The poor girl is obviously becoming fanatical on the subject of ping-pong tables. Since she feels that she is being viciously de­nied her rights as a student by myself and a selected other few, I suggest that she meet me Tuesday afternoon at two at the pirig-pong tables, and I shall try my best to find the poor child a table. I would suggest that she not bring the entire student body wi~h her this time, although it would, of course, 15e a noble gesture. I will be wearing a bright red shirt... Solicitously, R. M. To the Editor: If at first you don't succeed, try, try again-that's my motto. About two months ago I wrote some letters recommending that a time limit be placed on the ping-pong tables at the Union Building. Nothing was done. I'm not complaining, you understand, but I thought I would give the column one more try. In fact, the column really has a re­sponsibility to meet. It is responsible for my getting married come June, be­cause, had it not been for the column, I probably would never have met my fiance. That being the case, I thought perhaps it could bear the responsibility of finding an apartment for us. Honestly, this lack of student housing on the campus is getting me down. Couldn't something be done? Phone 2-0547. Hopefully, J. T. P. S.-If someone can find us an apart­ment we will devote our living room space to a free ping-pong table-no time limit... Imploringly, R. M. TEXAS RANGER For the very finest in custom made clothing 2262 GUADALUPE Phone 6-5253 6 APRIL, 1949 Vote for Carlye Cottons . . . and Win! You'll SECOND Carlye denims, chambrays, and calicos ... You'll DRAFT Carlye's exclusive dressy cottons, organdies, and piques ... You'll ELECT Carlyes-with cheers-when you try them on at-­ EXCLUSIVELY AT 240-4 GUADALUPE TEXAS RANGER S HAKESPEARE'S Hamlet hit town this month, as produced by Sir Lau­rence Olivier. Leaving a string of cliches a mile wide. "Something rotten in Den­mark,'' yet! "Neither a borrower nor a lender be." And a whole raft of book titles-"Leave her to heaven,'' and "This above all." Well, we say Nunally Johnson could have spruced that script up con­siderably. A professor of English took his son. Afterwards they dis­cussed it, the prof going into some of the finer points. "Say," said the boy, somewhat sur­prised, "you know a lot about that movie, don't you?" PARTIES S PEAKING of parties, as we did last month, Texan oldsters really threw one at the Shamrock opening. Any one in Houston will be forced to admit that Glenn McCarthy's party was the greatest in Houston's history, past and probably future, since the hardy breed of Texas party people is slowly giving way to the invasion of-you should pardon it-the cocktail drinker, and the two-scotches­before-dinner type of Easterner. Many Texans, always a little over-anxious to accept Eastern mores as being more civ­ilized and cultured than their own (and more traditional) ones, have eagerly ac­cepted these overvalued tastes as the price for being called-by Easterners­more sophisticated than their neighbors. By the time these Texans discover that such stuff invariably subordinates good conversation and good companionship in the race to outstrip the Joneses, it will be too late, and thereafter all of Texas' sweet branch water will flow into the Gulf untasted by any but mewling babes. The Shamrock party, with its beef­steak smothered in chopped pheasant livers, and its specially labeled (solid green with a gold "S") copfous quanti­ties of champagne, was typical of an affair given for show instead of enter­tainment-except in one important re­spect: it was thrown by a vigorous Tex­an who doesn't call a party successful unless everybody has a good old rousing Texan time. This trait, when you give a fancy champagne party, can run into money. It also results in quite a shindig. The Shamrock affair shows · what can happen when the Eastern-type party is carried out to its logical end. Constitu­tions grown weak by years of attending fancy entertainments with lots of glitter and little substance came in violent con­tact with free-handed Texas hospitality as dispensed by Mr. McCarthy, who of­fered them all they could eat and drink for a period of some days. It was a case of getting to them with their own poison, and the effects were startling. Four hundred house detectives (at­tired in tuxedos) weren't able to keep things in check, as gleeful communiques on the radio, in the papers, and in the magazines subsequently reported. We had a man there. He was told by an insider, a brother of his who as a free lance publicity agent had a piece of the show, to come in from the garage en­trance and keep walking, fast, until he got to the ·Emerald Room, where he was to find the first vacant place at table and sit. This he did, perhaps in Mayor Holcombe's place. Who knows. At any rate he had a $33 (Shamrock valuation) steak, and all the trimmings, before he was asked for his mealticket. By that time, using the wiles he had learned in Journalism 12, he had in­gratiated himself with Russ Morgan, the bandleader, and was invited with others up to Mr. Morgan's $18-a-day room. Purely in the interest of reporting, our man went up. "The carpet was so thick,'' he says, "I had to go out in the hall to rest my feet." Our reporter was fortunate in hearing part of that now famous broadcast, which was still going strong on the hotel­wide PA system after it had been cut off • the air. Like Dorothy Lamour, he allows that there was profanity. An interview he parti.cularly remembers was conducted by a roving reporter who went from room to room asking celebrities how they liked the Shamrock, etc. Most of them liked it fine, and had been enjoying them­selves on a spectacular scale for some days. In the room of a Hollywood starlet (a term much used by pressmen assigned to the affair) he asked the young lady if she didn't truly think this was the most beautiful place she'd ever been in. "Honey," she answered effusively, "I think Hialeah is just wonderful!" "But lady,'' the reporter stammered, "this is Houston!" "You come over here beside me, honey," the starlet said, "you're just lookin' out the wrong window." After such up-stairs goings-on, our man and Russ (it had reached that stage'), finally got back down to the Emerald Room about 3 a.m. By that time everyone had been cleared out but the long, long table of VIP's (dubbed the "Last Supper" by cynical press agents). Russ let himself wearily down into his chair and prepared to pour himself a glass of beverage as a refresher. It was then that an arm circled him from be­hind, forced him to his feet, and pro­pelled him away from his momentary peace toward the now-empty bandstand. As they departed, our man could hear one silver-haired guest saying, "Russ, I wanta hear 'The Eyes of Texas.' C'mon Russ, play the 'Eyes of Texas.' Please Russ .. .'' More c:hit c:hat on Pa ge 10 • APRIL, 1949 MISS KASSY FOX Mica Sweetheart TOP:. Kassy models a linen sunback with Irish lace trim and matching stole 17.95 RIGHT: Kassy in a chambray sun dress with stole to match-from our cotton shop 14.95 . '. LINCOLN MERCURY Friendly Service Convenient and Expert • • Reasonably priced • Promptly handled • Courteously rendered • Just four blocks from the heart of downtown Austin • HOWARD KUHLMAN Austin's Exclusive Lincoln-Mercury Dealer 501 WEST SIXTH ST. PHONE 8-9346 JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING (Continued from Page 8) A CCORDING to Dr. Henry Nash Smith, a recent visitor to the campus, Emily Post has something to learn from the Europeans. While teaching last summer at the Salzberg seminar on American civiliza­tion (which most Europeans don't seem to think exists), Dr. Smith learned how proper etiquette can get. As a sample, Dr. Smith tells about a friend (connected with the .French army and therefore able to pull his rank) who was anxious to be helpful to Dr. and Mrs. Smith in their travels. He offered to secure a seat for them on an over­crowded train by flashing his identifica­tio.n on the French M.P. riding the train. At the crucial moment, however, the helpful soul blanched white. "I've forgotten my gloves!" This didn't seem an irreparable loss to Dr. and Mrs. Smith, but their friend ex­plained that he could not possibly reveal his identity with the proper eclat if he didn't have a pair of white gloves grasped in his left hand. Not to wear, just to hold. Did Dr. Smith have a pair of white gloves along? No. It seemed hopeless. "Mrs. Smith," the friend asked, "per­chance . .." She had gloves. They got seats. • M R. BROWNIE McNEIL has brought out four 12-inch records in his al­bum of nine songs (mostly western) which are very good listening indeed for those who like their ballads straight. The best, to our way of thinking, are "Lone Prairie,'' "The Buffalo Skinners," and "Jack o' Diamonds." But they will all have special appeal for a lot of peo­ple around Austin who've been listening to Brownie and his guitar for years. James Tolbert, M.B. 2303, can supply the records to Austin listeners. • FROM the Houston Post, Mar. 19, 1949. STALIN PASSES VODKA London, March 18.-Radio Moscow an­nounced Friday that Premier Stalin played host to a North Korean delega­tion at a Kremlin dinner Thursday night, attended by Deputy Premier V. M. Mol­otov and other top politburo members. APRIL, 1949 a tip to • seniors after sweating out four land in some cases five or sixJ years at the univer­sity of texas, you'll naturally want something to prove you got an educa­tion. place your order today for a custom made balfour ring fashioned from fin­est .quality materit;Jls by the world's finest jewelers. man's ring 8 pennyweight black onyx -$27.00 garnet, ruby or blue spinet -$34.80 11 pennyweight black onyx -$31.20 garnet, ruby, or blue spine) -$37.80 ladies' ring 6 pennyweight black onyx -$21.60 garnet, ruby, or blue spine) -$24.00 all prices include 20% federal tax encrusting on any stone additional TEXAS RANGER ;;:::;;;;:;;:;;;;:;=J1!!iil nUDEll1' OWlt STORE-------­ U H IVERI ITY ID·DP GfNUINf FACTOltY IEPLAC•MfN'i; PAln IPfCIAUZfD TOOLS AND fQUIPMfNT YOU ARE GREETED IN 30 SECONDS OR LESS AT "Over 20 Years of Courteous Service" 5th and San Jacinto Dial 8-6655 JERKS He had been bitten by his dog while studying, but he didn't give it much thought. But when the wound failed to heal properly, he began to worry and consulted a doctor. The doctor took one look at the wound and orde-. ed the cloo­brought in. Just as the doctor had sus­pected, the dog had rabies. It was too late to give the young man a erum, so the doctor had no alternative than to 'tell h:m that he would have to die of hydrophobia. The poor young man sat down at the doctor's desk and began writing. The physician sought to comfort him. "Perhaps it will not be so bad," he ~aid . "You needn't make out your will now.'' "I'm not making out any will," replie·I the young man. "I'm just writing out a list of people I'm going to bite." -PBK • Wife: "George, what do you think-· my mother wants to be cremated !" George: "Where is she?" -Dante • He kissed her and said, "Darling, will you marry me?" "Will you always kiss me just like that, even after we're married?" "Always, Darling, always," he replied fervently. "Then the answer is 'no'!" -Prince Albert • When Lady Macbeth says, "Out damned Spot," why does she want the clog to leave? -Bacon • Client-I lent a chap five hundred dol­ lars and he won't give me a receipt. What shall I do? Lawyer-Write and ask for the return of the thousand dollars. Client-But it was only five hundred. Lawyer-He will soon write and tell you it was only five hundred, and that shall be your receipt. -Clarence Darrow • "Do you know what good clean fun is?" "No, what good is it?" -Yuk APRIL, 1949 12 Here Is a Bank that Understands University People and Their Needs When University People . . . students, assistants, professors, employees . . . need the services of a bank, they come to the Capital National. When you need assistance, come in and discuss your needs with these understanding officers. WALTER BREMOND, JR., President RAYMOND R. TODD, Vice-President JNO. A. GRACY, Vice-President and Trust Officer AUG. DeZ A VALA, Special Representative E. P. CRAVENS, Vice-President WALTER BOHN, Vice-President F. M. DuBOSE, Asst. Cashier LEO KUHN, Vice-President and WILFORD NORMAN, Asst. Cashier Cashier ROY B. STEWART, Asst. Cashier W. C. KENNEDY, Vice-President J. W. HAWKINS, JR., Asst. Cashier JOHN. S. BURNS, Vice-President WALTER BREMOND III, Asst. Cashier HAROLD JONES, Asst. Cashier • THE CAPITAL NATIONAL BANK Seventh Street between Congre~s and Colorado .. • MEMBER FEDERA_L DEPOSIT INSURANCE CORPORATION MEMBER FEDERAL RESERVE SYSTEM TEXAS RANGER JOCKS When Doctor William C. Judd was asked whether or not he could identify two murder victims he went to the coun­ty morgue. Doctor Judd had known one of the vic­tims, Miss Hedvig Samuelson, for many years. The body of "Sammy" Samuelson was in three pieces-the head and shoulders, the middle section and the legs. Doctor J udd took but one look at Hed­vig Samuelson, "It's Sammy," he said in a shocked tone. "She looks different without rouge or lipstick, but it 'Sammy' without a doubt." • If more than one mouse is mice, And more than one louse is lice, Then you must agree, Obviously, That more than one spouse is spice! -Lousy • A justice of the peace in a small town was called to perform his first marriage ceremony. The bashful couple remained standing after the finish of the rites, and · in a brave attempt to round off the af­fair, the justice said: "It's all over now. Go and sin no more." -Judge Roy Bean • "Why are you sprinkling that grass seed all over you, Miss Garbo?" "I want to be a lawn." -Nijinski • Scotchman (meeting an old friend): "Mon, I'm glad to see ye. I want ye to come to my house soon-1948 Glasgow street. Ye press the button with your elbow, go in side where ye'll see my name on the mailbox. Just press the butt.on with yer elbow. When you reach my door, just press the button with your elbow and" Friend: "Fer the love of Mike, what's all this pressing the button with my elbow?" Scothman: "Heaven, mon, ye're not coming empty-handed, are ye?" -Phil Harris • Professor to section: "If you men will pay attention to the blackboard, I'll go through it again." -Finnegan RADIO ON THE BLINK? NO DISORDER BAFFLES OUR EXPERTS. CALL 3128 FOR OUR A-1 '"FIX IT" MAN. RADIO REPAIRS ... SERVICING SALES New & used • Home Sets • Phonographs • Portables • Car Radios All at prices you con afford. Conveniently located for fast service to the University area. JETT'S RADIO SERVICE 3511 Phone Guadalupe 3128 APRIL, 1949 SO YOU ARE GETTING MARRIED Of course you will want a good photogra­pher on hand to record every step of your wedding on film . You will treasure and enjoy such a record For many years. If you want the very best in candid photos of your wedding, make arrangements with 2514 GUADALUPE AUSTIN, TEXAS (State-wide wedding coverage) One wonderful costu'me for a complete week-end wardrobe! Imagine a sunback playsuit, jacket play­suit, sunback dress, two-piece dress, and sepa rate skirt ... five tubable garments all in one! H igh­lighted with contrasting stitch an·d button trim! In pastels and high shades. Sizes 9 to 15. 14.95 --\ >1wy \ ~ ___ 24TH AND GUADALUPE APRIL, 1949 C HOOSING a girl of the month got to be such a problem that we gave it up. Here's our staff making a last noble effort. THE TEXAS RANGER APRIL FIRING 5 LINE Floyd Wade: editor Ben Jeffery: associate editor Bill Bridges: managing editor <( x w GUIDE BED 18 20 BOOK RIDDEN z KEY 22 CHAIN Bill Yates: cartoon editor George Warmack: humor editor TWISTED 24 TUBE Alice King : picture editor C . W. Nelson : art editor POETRY 25 POSSIBLY Lynwood Abram : musicologist Liz Smith, Charles Row, Bernard Myers,Jim Cockrum : writer contributors Hugh Stevenson, James Embry: staff assistants Rowland Wilson, Bob Wygant: cartoonists Peppy Blount, Lillian Lassiter: models Harrell Lee : editorial supervisor <( x w • ON THE COVER : On one of the warm sunny days between cold spells, our photograph~r .,.;ent out to observe the flowers and other flora and fauna of springtime. So did a member of the local constabulary. Cal ,Newton: business manager F. R. Moerke: advertising manager Bill Logan, Bill Yates: advertising salesmen LL 0 • >­f-­ PHOTO CREDITS : Cover, John Wolvin; page 17, Betty Wal­lace; 18, John Wolvin; 19, Alice King ; 22-23, Alice King . Published by Texas Student Publications, Inc. Edi­torial Office : Journalism Building 5. Business and Ad­vertising Offices: Journalism Building 108. Applica­tion for second class mailing permit pending at the Post Office, Austin, Texas. Subscription rate: $1 .50 w > The Ranger bathing suit • is indebted to Yaring's pictured on page 19. for the Schiaperelli per year. Single copy: twenty-five cents. • Printed by Von Boeckmann-Jones Co., Austin, Texas S TUDE NT MAG A Z N E w I f-­LL o WITH A DEEP BOW to the censors, we end another year of the Ranger. And with a deep bow to Dean Parlin, most of the staff ends its rather hectic University career. Don't think it ain't been etc. TEXAS RANGER IS THAT ONE? The.-e has been some talk a.-ound the campus, and even mo.-e down at the Legislatu.-e, of subve.-sive activities. Appa.-ently it has .-eached the stage where you can't t.-ust even t.-ied and t.-ue f.-iends. So, to those who wish to ioin ou.-statesmen in the sea.-ch fo.-un­de.-g.-ound activity, and at the same time avoid being innocently involved in the pu.-ge, he.-e a.-e a few pointers. Peppy Blount, student, le9islator, great Lon9horn end, is shown in action suppressin9 subversives. "Academic freedom?" snorts Peppy. "The only isms we want in Texas are Texasism and Americanism." DAGUERREOTYPES BY ALICE KING H E lay down for a long time on his back on the unmade bed, staring at the faded brown paper on the ceiling of the hotel room. It was a sticky warm day, with-no breeze to stir the dirty brown curtains at the open window, al­though the room was seven stories above Austin. A half-smoked cigarette hung loosely from his right hand as it lay across his chest, and the rising curl of blue-white smoke hazed off into the air at the ceiling, undisturbed. He watched the thin smoke column flatten against the faded, once-gaudy floral pattern of the ceiling paper. A long, dumb-bell-shaped, dark-edged stain showed where water had seeped through from somewhere on the floor above. He watched the smoke eddy across the stain. In the street below he heard, subcon­ sciously, a mixture of harsh, discordant traffic noises which filtered into his room in an annoyingly monotonous buzz, and he was involuntarily depressed. Solitude, silence-he couldn't find them. He mo­ mentarily considered closing the window but knew the heat would be stifling and abandoned the idea. Wearily he shut his eyes, trying to think coherently, and at once felt sorry for himself, sorry that it had all hap­pened. The events of the last three weeks spun kaleidescopically in his mind. She had laughed and told him he was too jealous, but his present hate for her was not based on that, he knew. Not on jealousy. She didn't begin to understand. Suddenly he was conscious of the pain stabbing his hand as the cigarette burned by charles row illustrated by C. W. Nelson low into his fingers. He hurled it violent­ly across the room, cursed furiously, and leaped from the bed to thrust his burned fingers beneath the cold water faucet of the dirt-crusted basin in the corp.er. The water helped a little, but in an oddly detached way he couldn't . help thinking, wha't difference does it make now? Smoke haze lay heavy across the room and he went to a switch in the peeled plaster wall by the door and turned on the ceiling fan, wondering why he had not done so before. The fan clacked la­boriously to a start. One of the blade ends was broken, disrupting the balance of the mechanism, and the fan's throb­bing irritated him as it gained speed. He walked the few steps to the open window and looked out and down, to the crawling street below, as he had done • numberless times before during the aft­ernoon. Cars, buses, taxis, trucks, and ant-people, inching their paths through civilization's pandemonium. He smiled to himself and wondered if they were luck­ier than he, or just more stupid. He watched the creeping threads of passers-by on the sidewalk: clerks put­ting covers on thousands of typewriters . .. another eight hours gone; thousands of housewives waiting for the thousands of typewriter-coverers. She would have been one of those housewives, although their house would not have been small, and there would have been a maid to sweat and get tringy-haired over the stove. After all, ~idn't he have a good job waiting after raduation? But he knew she would ~ave laughed at him behind his back, even stepped out on him if she thought she could get away witli it. He knew she would have tried. He looked down at the milling ant­people again and thought how much more fortunate, really, he was than they. They would have to face another sunrise and another dreary, stereotyped day. From the limp pack in his shirt pocket he shook a cigarette, Lt it, and turned back to the room. The cheap, bare walh; made him feel small, and it brought more resentment welling to the surface. He flicked the cigarette angrily .out the window. He looked around the room again, at the tawdry curtains, at the brown stain on the ceiling, and at the unbalanced, noisy blades of the whirring fan. On the scarred top of the dresser he saw a small, much-handled Bible. It was funny to realize that probably most of the people who saw hotel Bibles were people like himself who had no use for them. Something made him think of the com­mandment: "Thou shalt not kill," and he wondered rather guiltily if suicide could be called killing. He picked up the book, sat down on the bed, and thumbed through the gilt­edged pages. The Song of Solomon, he thought-that was the only book in the Bible he had ever found worth reading. He looked it up in the index, turned to the right page, and began reading. It was five-fifteen, and the sun had already extinguished itself behind the curtain of buildings. He read on steadily for several min­utes. Then, in one place, his eyes brakerl their rhythmic scanning, and he went tack and picked up the verses he'd just read. "'Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm; for love is strong as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave: the coals thereof are coals of fire, which hath a most vehement flame.' " His eyes shifted from the book to the window. Early twilight hovered over the eastern part of the city, turning lumi­nous orange. remnants of daylight into the deeper-toned grays of evening. A chill wind had sprung up from some­where, and the drab curtains floated aside to let it in the room. Again he rose from the bed, carrying the Bible, a forefinger marking his place. He turned on the room's one light and switched off the fan. The wind made him shiver, and he slammed the window shut and turned away quickly, feeling inordinately weary. For the first time since he had entered the -room, the drabness of it depressed h;m shockingly. He lay again across the rumpled bed, thinking of her. She wasn't worth all the love he had for her, he knew, but he couldn't help himself. It angered him to sense his own lack of emotional control, but it was something in him separate from rational reasoning. Jealousy. He opened the Bible and in the dim light of the yellow bulb he read the line again. "... jealousy is cruel as the grave; the coals thereof are coals of fire . . .'' He felt acutely tired as he pushed (Continued on Page 26) There is one girl for every two men in Phi Beta Kappa. PHI BETA A Harvard poet i"n a trance had a vision in which a little band of Phi Beta Kappas visited the Kingdom of Heaven, inspected the throne, and were granted an audience before the Almighty. After­wards, he wrote a poem ending with these lines: "And God was vleased with them; And they were vleased with God." Is it the layman's contention that Phi Beta Kappas, those "mentally elite," have no sense of humor? Let such rash suppositions die a'borning. The Fly-baits told this heavenly gag on themselves in 1940 as one of the ten best PBK jokes of the year. True enough, N ewsweek stated with some solemnity concerning these erudite funnings that "they were hardly hilarious." Nev:ertheless, in an organization where members have been known to say that "anyone who possesses one would rather sacrifice half an . estate than lose his Key" or "I had rather part with my Doctor's Degree than to be deprived of this Key," the slightest touch of whim­sicality among its own clan is appre­ciated by those on the outside looking in. While most written histories of the origins of Phi Beta Kappa at the Col­lege of William and Mary are as digni­fied as can be, elusive stories tag along behind the facts to keep us interested. Time Magazine has asserted that the five founders were merely bored with the "patriotic hullabaloo" of colonial Amer­ica, back in that December of 1776, so they went to an inn (that's early Eng­lish for bar) and founded the first Greek letter fraternity, complete with key, mot­to, initiation ceremonies, and a salute. The salute was, in fact, so secret that when Lord Cornwallis'. redcoats came plundering into Washington, the found­ers smudged out the description of it from their original minutes and it wasn't until 1935 that curious members had it all figured out again with the help of Treasury Department cameras. Phi Betes digested the intelligence "Flybait," key-wearing monster created by "Whiskey" Har­per, Ranger editor in 1941-42, was the most popular cartoon c:haracter ever to appear in the magazine, reflected very little credit on the lodge. KAPPA Liz Smith has climbed to the scholar's ivory tower and come away with as many facts about Phi Beta Kappas as you and I will ever need to know. "Got a styvtic vencil, chum?" 22 APRIL, 1949 that the salute consisted of clasping hands with ring and little finger inside palm and then wiping the back of the hand across the mouth. Most of them forgot it promptly, because half a cen­tury after their founding, they had al­ready completely discarded youthful so­cial trappings and had become the na­tion's number one honorary scholastic fraternity. Even the most violent anti-Greeks can find no quarrel with Phi Beta Kappa, for it is neither a rival of social frater­nities nor much akin to them. In fact, it takes in more independents than Greeks. Weighed against every story one hears about people for whom Phi Beta Kappa and its Key are both the alpha and omega, there is a perfectly mated tale debunking this same attitude. People working for their B.B.A., B.J., B.S., B.F.A., or Law degrees are not even eligible for consideration by Phi Beta Kappa, no matter how stratospheric their grades may be. Yet there are always rumors of folks who came to college primed to carry off a Key; people who will even take an extra degree ( B.A.) just to get in "the brain-trust." The Alpha chapter of the University, accepted by Phi Beta Kappa in 1904, has received letters from students asking to be invited into the organization and has likewise sent letters to studious inno­cents who did not even know about the Society. In the book "M1;1p.. ~nP. Days in PBK," it is noted that FRI'! Alpha chapter of UT struck a "qul}il')t qote of Lone Star in­dependence'' wl:ien it once reported that out of 97 11ersons asked to join, a few decline' • ,, .........~ ....~ ····:·>:.·.-.....,.. ::::;:::~·:-:-. • Disc jockeys around town have become pretty well known by local hipsters as a group of boys who, in order to make a living, lounge around radio stations, spinning some of the saddest wax etched. Bound by the commercial limitations of Austin's four stations, most of these platter-spinners admit that their tastes don't run along the syrupy lines usually requested by radio audiences. But, after all, which comes first-music or scoff (of the edible variety) ? Some of the stations have records and transcriptions envied by the most discriminating collector, but durfog the years of "clover crazes" (of the four-leaf variety), these discs have gathered more dust than a copy of Ogg and Ray in the spring. One fellow who garners his cigarette money at a downtown station says that a strict rule prevails which literally knocks the better music in the head: "No 'noisy' records will be played during our regular programs." Our boy interpreted this to mean no Kenton, no Her­man, no Gillespie-in other words, no jazz. So to keep eating he re­solved himself to the dreary fate of furnishing so-called "dreamy tempos" for the station's listeners. But the usual formula which mixes a few soggy pressings with nu­merous commercials and a canned script doesn't work in the case of one amb~tious lad. He is Ted Nel­son, creator and general supervisor of Austin's only "real live" jazz­record show --KNOW's "After Hours," heard from 12 to 1 o'clock nightly except Sundays. The "After Hours" title is a natural; the show was the first activity on the local airwaves after the 12 midnight curfew, and for most jazz addicts' coin, it is the only activity on the airwaves­ period. Radio-pollster Hooper doesn't think too much of audience response after 12 o'clock, but Ted-as his show reflects-shuns convention. Hooper's opinion is no handicap to this boy. With his fresh jazz recordings and informative dialogue, he still gets a fair share of listeners, most of whom lean toward the radical when it comes to music. "After Hours" may not be the most demanded show in the air, but undoubtedly it's one of the most stimulating. Strictly jazz down the line, it nonetheless offers a diversity of styles, from Dixie to bop. Middle-of-the-roaders don't get many kicks from "After Hours" be­cause Ted stocks his sixty minutes of air time with the greatest jazz available-and in satisfying quantity too. Something happens every night here. It's more than just playing good records in an unorganized fashion. Carefully selecting each disc, Ted fits every number into the show's pattern. For example, he might trace the development of piano stylings, illustrating the trend by playing records of every notable pianist from Jelly Roll Morton to Lennie Tristano. Or "After Hours" listeners may get an opportunity to look at changes in jazz during a ten-year period by hearing representative pressings of the Metronome All-Stars. Again he may devote one night's show to a study of bop, or he may merely play the better records of one particular unit. (Continued on Page 39) The place that's different for food that'1 better. BLUE WILLOW PLENTY OF PARKING SPACE You who know good food will be at home here. You'll enjoy our good, crusty, hot rolls; delicious meats; and your favorite pie. Blue Willow 29th & Rio Grande B-5992 CLOSED ON SUNDAY Expecting A Baby You will need more than a diploma from college to see you thru. Depend on us to advise you on layettes, etc. ABC SHOP Austin's Bazaar for Children 809 w. 12th Just West of Austin Hi TE:XAS RANGER MUSIC: VINTAGE I LUBY'S CAFETERIA Featuring Home Style Cooking at Reasonable Prices. SERVI NG HOURS 11 -2 :00 5 -7:30 CLOSED SUNDAYS ALSO IN 915 CONGRESS AVENUE DALLAS, WACO, AUSTIN SAN ANTONIO SEE THE. •• Most economical full-size car; 25-30 miles per gallon at average highway speeds. NATIONS (Continued from Page 30) the tit1e role and the great Ljuba W elitsch singing the relative minor part of Chrysothemis. Schluter, an unreliable soprano, does not have the sensati~nal passion or dramatic ability of Welitsch. Paul Schoeffler as Orestes is quite good, but some of his high notes show strain. Beecham conducts the London Philhar­monic with the usual success. The re­cording, naturally, favors orchestra over singers. In the strictly symphonic field, the new waxing of Beethoven's First Symphony on Columbia is twice b1est: first, by a beautiful job by Bruno Walter and the New York Philharmonic-Symphony and, secondly, by a nicely resonant recording by Columbia's engineers. These same engineers, however, revealing a broad and black stripe of barbarism, have split the first movement into three sides, the second of which contains approximately one inch of recorded sound. For the favored few, there is the consolation that the performance is obtainable on LP records where, of course, this trouble does not exist. ~'alter's conducting of the work leaves little to be desired. It is hard to believe that this is the same conductor who gave us so routine an account of the same piece over the air several weeks ago. He is not guilty this time of occasional confusion of orchestral voices which has detracted from his work before. The new version easily replaces the rushed one by Toscanini and the poorly recorded one by Weingartner. While this symphony is one of Bee­thoven's more popular in the larger form, the Consecration of the House Overture, opus 124 is one of the least familiar. It gets a good going-over this month by Toscanini and the NBC Symphony. It easily noses out the older Fiedler and Weingartner performances. The repro­duction is not up to snuff, however. It was done in Radio City's unspeakable Studio 8-H and all the accoustical horrors of that place are present-general dead­ness, piercing louds and inaudible softs. Listening to Toscanini's masterful handl­ing of this impressive music is a treat not to be missed. Alas for the collector with limited funds, it is packaged with Schumann's Manfred Overture. Nothing Toscanini can do prevents this lemon from being a dreary bore. Rubinstein summons all his bravura and plays the Rachmaninoff Rhapsody for Victor in an altogether satisfactory way. The sheen and gloss of his playing is matched only by that of the superfine Philharmonic Orchestra of London under Susskind. For the judicious buyer, it might be pointed out that not even ten years of progress in recording technique have dimmed the lustre of Rachmaninoff's performance of his own music. -LYNWOOD ABRAM Now on display in our showroom P. K. WILLIAMS NASH CO. "On the Avenue" CONGRESS AT SECOND 8-4688 32 APRIL, 1949 RENT A BRAND NEW SUMMER TUXEDO AUSTIN 'S COMPLETE SELEC.TION OF FORMAL WEAR. RENTAL CHARGES Summer Tuxedo __________________________________ $5.00 Complete with dinner jacket and trop­ ical worsted trouse rs Winter Tuxedo ----------··---------$4.00 White Dinner Jacket $3 .50 Formal Shirt ···----------------------______________$1 .00 Ties furnished free with all rentals. LODGHORD CLEANERS 2538 Guadalupe "No, let's see-I think it would look better in this corner." TELEPHONE 3847 SHAGGY SCHICK STORY PUSH-PULL-CLIQUE-CLIQUE One Englishman is a gentleman. Two Englishmen are a club. Three Englishmen are a colony. One Frenchman is a patriot. Two Frenchmen are a couple. Three Frenchmen are a political party. One American is a tramp. Two Americans are a gang. Three Americans are a corporation. One German is a peaceful peasant. Two Germans are a singing society. Three Germans are a bund. One Austrian is a patser. Two Austrians are a coffee house. Three Austrians are a-well, there is no such thing. One of them is always a Czech. One Russian is a peasant. Two Russians are a class. Three Russians are a comintern. One sorority gil'l is a sorority girl. Two sorority girls are two sorority girls. Three sorority girls are the first scene in Macbeth. 802 RED RIVER MUST BE GOOD BECAUSE • DUNCAN HINES • GOURMET • COURTING AMERICA recommend it. And the eating public approve it. Their facilities for private parties are unex­celled. CALL 8-1888 TEXAS RA~GER '\ \ I I TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOON ERV! LLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOON ERV! LLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOON ERV! LLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOON ERV! LLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONE RV ILLE TOON ERV! LLE TOONERVILLE TOON ERV! LLE 3'4 1kE °R £N1>£"Z.Vo uS OF \e.)(AS U TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE THE TALK of THE TOWN <:>~/~ - Good Food Friendly Atmosphere Dallas TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVI LLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOON ERV! LLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOON ERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOON ERV! LLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOON ERV! LLE TOONERVILLE TOON ERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOON ERVILLE TOON ERVILLE TOON ERV! LLE TOONERVILLE TOON ERV IL LE TOON ERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOON ERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOONERVILLE TOON ERVILLE TOON ERVILLE TOONERVI LLE TOONERVILLE MODERN A_RT (Continued from Page 24) abstract developments, so that the cor­poration or company may come there for ideas in display, packaging, and other forms of presentation. Of course, modern art does not con­sist solely of Cubist and post-Cubi~t experiments in abstract form and space. Other schools such as the one called Fauve, a highly colorful and rhythmical form of patterning which stresses the emotional impact of these color arrange­ments, have also become part of om· everyday Jives. The pictures of Matisse, Vlaminck, Derain and Dufy are staples in home decoration, either as originals or color reproductions, depending on the pocketbook. The Dufy-Laurencin type of Fauve painting has passed into ad­vertising and its affiliated forms long ago. Similarly Surrealist ideas, particularly abstract variants of that Real-Unreal method of thinking (Miro, Masson, etc.) have been absorbed. We cannot hope to explain the various modem techniques in a short piece of this type, but we can see to what extent we meet these things in the most ordi­nary places as well as in stage design, dress patterns, and even certain types of movies. The fact that we have split per­sonalities and shy away from the very same ideas in frames will ultimately be overcome. Already all the above in­novations are part of our subconscious thinking. The fact that there is so much fuss in the public prints about these innova­tions, these somewhat "dubious" charact­ers, is a reflection on the attackers them­selves. That they are not prepared to accept new ideas in culture (this will of course also include new music, literature, or drama) is not always their fault since our educational system in many areas is still slightly out of date. A person brought up on the sacred cow of the copied picture and taught that the great­est masters are the dead ones is very apt to kick up a fuss when told that Picasso or Orozco are also Masters. Maybe he can't help that, but if the ideals of fair play, democracy, free speech, mean anything at all he should be willing to give the other fellow his day in court. To deny an artist citizen­ship in the museums and exhibitions solely because we disagree with his point of view is dangerously close to totalitarian thinking. In fact, that is precisely what we are complaining about in those areas at this very moment. Our leading newspapers and magizines carry gleeful accounts of the suppression of individual expression in countries like Russia and cite the attacks on what the Russians call "bourgeois decadence." In this case we must admit we find our­selves on the same side, at least to the extent that we condemn and even sup­press the very same things in art as they APRIL, 1949 I~­ MODERN ART do. (Continued on Page 34) Someone might object at this point (and this he blushes to admit is a some­what embarrassing coincidence) that we may very well be attacking the same kind of art that the Russians do, but, says he very firmly, we do not suppress and for­bid. If the gentleman will think back only a year or so to the exhibitions set up by our own State Department to be sent to Europe and Latin America and then withdrawn under fire of the more conservative press, he will hav