1E%PE£IEHCE18 TllE BEST,, TEACHEttl SAYS BETTY SKELTON , 11 IN PRECISION FLYING ••• AND IN CHOOSING A v WITH BETTY-ANO MILLIONS OF OTHER SMOKERS­CAMELS ARE THE "CHOICE OF EXPfRJfNCf.11 BRANDS . COOL, MILD CAMELS SUIT ME TO lll!••f",... NTlYSA'~.OZ:WS ll)(APHOT" STT/IYT--USING HER WING TIP TO PICK UP TWO SILK RIBBONS-500 FEET APART-EACH STRETCHED BETWEEN TWO POLES, ONLY TEN FEET ABOVE THE GROUND! Let your "T-Zone" tell you why! T for Taste ... T for Throat ••• thaI's your proving 1round for aiiYcigarette. See if Camels don't suit your " T-Zone" to a "f.tt'° NoRC PEOM I/RC SMO!(fNS TURKISH il. DOMESTIC BLEND . CIGARETTl!S ~ at/Mt/.STllllN BfR BUORC THE CHOICE OF EXPERIENCE brown. 9 to 13. · fashion shop • street floor 35. TEXAS RANGER JOIN THE GA NG AT VARSITY INN friendly student atmosphere b208 DALLAS HIGHWAY Phone 2-0477 for reservations / ~t CH IE F attraction" ~ at whatever you're doing ... and too ... at making you com­By BEYERLY in BROWN or RED ELK. • In Boccaccio, it's frankness; In Rabelais, it's life; In a professor, it's clever; But in a college magazine, it's smutty. -Police Gazette • It is all right to tell a girl that she has pretty ankles, but don't compliment her too highly.-Emily Post. • His wife, determined to cure him of his evil ways, with the aid of a sheet and an electric torch, transformed her­self into a fail' resemblance of a ghost. She went in and shook the drunkard. "Wash that," he murmured. "This is the Devil," came the answer. " hake hands, pal, I married your ister."-Dante. • Alan Ladd, starred in Paramount's "Whispering Smith," owns a stable of horses, also dhrdly etaoi shrdlu etaoin • NOT DIE I SADDLE Though Wanda Hendrix at 19 has a long life expectancy, the amazing new dramatic tar of Paramount's "Now and Forever" says she'll retire when ~om­paratively young rather than shrdlu shr dlr hrdlu shrdlu shrdlu etaoin etaoin et SEPTEMBER 1948 It's BUTTREYS for College Bound tlothes At BUTTREYS you'll find all the wonderful styles for college life .. . tailored school dresses, smart suits and coats, bouffant formals and lovely date dresses. A Casual Time of Calif or­nia Original. Soft wool jer­sey in ombre shades of grey and coffee. Sizes 10 to 16. 24.50 Loose-weave all-wool sweater by Brownie in grey, green, brown, aqua and black. Sizes 34 to 38. 7.95 Koret of California all-wool straight skirt, in black or brown. Sizes 12 to 18. 9.95 FREE DATE BOOKS There's a free date book waiting for you on our second floor! Just come in, give us your name and we'll put it on the front of your book in gold letters. W•t Slxtll off Consr­p..._ &.Uaf ''Smash Hit'' e RED e BLACK e GREEN e BROWN e TAN 9.95 The ever popular Sabot Strap a Johansen Jr.-Exclusive at LEON'S SLIPPER SHOP 618 CONGRESS ONE hour for lunch! Time to enjoy our delicious meats, vegetables ... appetizing salads, desserts from our tempt­' ing variety ... served in a bgckground of soft music. TWO AIR-CONDITIONED MILAM CAFETERIAS CONVENIENTLY LOCATED An inmate of the lunatic asylum was to be examined for dismissal. The first question he was asked was: "What are you going to do when you get out of here?" The inmate replied: "I'm going to get me a lingshot and come back and break every damn window in this place." After another six months in the padded cell, he was again examined, and the same question was put to him. "Well, I'm going to get a job," was the reply. "Fine," said the examiner. "And then what?" "Then I'm going to buy a big car." "Good." "And then I'm going to meet. a beau­tiful girl." "That's wonderful." "Then I'm going to take her out driv­ing on a lonely road." "Yes." "Then I'm going to grab her garter, make a slingshot, and come back here and break every damn window in the place."-N eurotica. • A fraternity had sent ils window cur­tains to the cleaners and there was some delay in having them returned. One morning a note a rrived from the girls' rooming house across the street. "Dear Sirs," it read, "may we suggest that you procure curtains for your windows. We do not care for a course in anatomy." The chap who left his shaving to answer the door and receive the note sent back the following· answer: "Dear Ladies: This course is not compulsory."-Peek. • Betty Grable entertained a five-year-old niece for a Hollywood week-end. She was in the tub when the little girl entered the bathroom and asked if she could climb into the tub wit.h her. "Come ahead," said Betty, and then noticed that the girl was staring very intently at her. "What's the matter?" she asked. "I am wondering," said the niece, "why is it that I am so plain and you're so fancy."-Happy Hollywood . • It seems that the gate broke down between Heaven and Hell. St. Peter ap­peared at the broken part of the gate and called to the Devil, "Hey, Satan, it's your tmrn to fix it this time!" "Sorry," replied the boss of the land beyond the Styx. "My men are too busy to worry about fixing a mere gate." "Well, then," growled Peter, "I'll have to sue you for breaking our agreement." "Oh yeah," said the Devil, "where are you going to get a lawyer?" -Texas Law Review • 21ST AND WICHITA BAG PUNCHER STH AND CONGRESS Alan Ladd, starred in Paramount's "'The Great Gatsby," keeps in trim by walloping a punching bag each day. SEPTE MBER 1948 Sketched : suede leather cardigan 19.95; matching suede vest in exciting new colors, 8.95. (;lassie broadcloth shirt, 7 .98. All wool gabal'dine skirt, 14.95. Casually elegant casual shoe by f'eualjo, 9.95. at last/ ((I've found a place that caters to me. " It's a stai'ement we've heard often from college girls who arc excited to find a store well-stocked with the finest coordinated wearing apparel and accessories. For Goodfriends is synonymous with the finest. This means more than fine merchandise made by really importa nt designers; it means more than a really beautiful store where each de partment excells in clothes for you. It means a place where the people who serve you are wJrm and friendly. It's the store where you WANT to shop! TEXAS RANGER THE TOWER AUSTIN'S PERSON­ ALITY RENDEZVOUS U.T. STUDENTS PAID FOR THIS ESTABLISHMENT. You are Welcome 407 S. CONGRESS PHONE 2-1>382 THE TAVERN WHERE NEW AND OLD FRIENDS MEET. • 12th at Lamar Phone­2-31>20 HOW HIGH THE SCOFF For Solvent Students, Our Own Duncan Hines W e want to point out now that these para­graphs probably do not include every good place to eat and be merry in Austin. The establish­ments mentioned here are personal favorites which we visit whtm.ever we're able. and rec­ommend in varying degrees. We have the inclination, but not the means. to judge every bistro in Austin. It's getting farther and farther between meals out, and w hen we do have the price of a check, we tend to go to a place we know and trust. W e thought newcomers and others might like to have such a saniple itinerary. Enthusiastic supporters of other eateries, etc.. can feel free to call us out to partake of the proof of their particular puddings at the convenience of their pocketbooks. CHOP HOUSES: THE HOFFBRAU, 613 West Sixth, won't let you in unless you call (2-0822) and reserve your steak beforehand-and steak's nil y<>u can get. One of the secrets of this establishment's success is the mouthwatering wait in the lemonbuttersteak­onion-laden atmosphere before you are served. The place is literally soaked with it, inside and out. The salads are delicious, if you care to take the keen edge off of an apetite whetted for rare beef, but above all, don't miss the French-fried onions. Summer nights, try for a table outside; in the winter, the smoky, pungent interior is just right for a chilly night. Inside you can see as well as smell the steaks, weighted down with flat­irons, sizzle on the fire. The Boffbrau people are very individualistic. They serve from 11 :30 until 2 in the afternoons, from 4 :30 until 9 evenings, and not at all on Sundays. A good meal for two will cost around five dol­lars, or less, if you take water with your steaks. And don't let the prices scar2 you into coat and tie. You'll look funny among the rest of the clientele, attired functionally in shirts!eevcs and loosened belts, if you do. Not that they'll notice. At TOONERVILLE, out on the Dallas high­way (5412 Georgetown Road-2-0417) they are proudest of their barbecued shortribs, and justly so. If you like ba rbecue, you've probably dis­covered that there's barbecue and bar-b-q. Th~y do it in the traditional manner here, without re­sort to "smoke-flavored" tomato sauce, et al. Another nice thing about this place is that you can ~ct a dish of ribs for eighty cents, which leaves twenty cents from a dollar to buy two bottles of milk. Considerably more than you can buy out of a dollar's change lots of p!aces, we've noted. Last time we were there, the place was crowded with, besides the usual frat boys, people we recog­nized as faculty members. This may mean some­thing. No one-dish place this. Besides our favorite above, you can get the usual, and/or a huge wop salad. At the SPANISH VILLAGE, we remember when you could get the finest tacos anywhere (bi-lingual and much-traveled people to the con­trary) and at a price which let you eat without a guilty conscience. The Village still serves about the best Mexican food you can find nowadays, we'd imagine, and at about the same price you'd be charged elsewhere. The address is 802 Red River (8-1888), and there's lots of atmosphere, consider­ing that the place started in life as a five-room cottage. SPANISH VILLAGE NO. 2, across the bridge at 1121 South Congress (8-8461), is owned by its employees on a co-op basis. We mention this for the benefit of the liberal-thinking lovers of good food (of whom we suspect there are too f.ew), and others who might enjoy eating in one of the shadiest patios in town. KOPEL'S DELICATESSEN, 135 East Sixth. is cramped in behind a doorway leading onto the street, and has hot pastrami sandwiches on rye with beet-colored horseradish and the best-suited accompanying beveraires, sometimes quite cold. Kosher food aficionados and experimenters can try the bortsch with sour cream, or the beer cheese. Even plain vanilla appetites will go for the cheese cake, which comes high at thirty cents a slice, but not considering the ingredients. Stick­lers for atmosphere will find that Kopel's has missed the gravy boat. It has a juke box interior · of plastic leather, pickled pine, and chrome. Also on Sixth, 311 West, is CARUSO'S, which once specialized in Italian dishes, but which has recently and unhappily emphasized Mexican food on its menu. This inevitably leads to everything tasting like Mexican food for some reason, we've ~iscovered. We go there for the Michelob, and antipasto. You can have any amount of this last (of either, for that matter), which consists of wedges of cheese, thin slices of salami, anchovies and ripe olives-depending on your hunger at the time. Fifty cents will buy enoueh, along with crackers and malt rye bread, to make a very presentable snack. Caruso's has some of the b~st and best-natured waiters in town, by the way, and we think the proprietor's O.K. (see JAE.) THE CHICKEN SHACK is out on the Dallas Highway too (5240 Georgetown Road), and is crowded, especially on week.ends, so it doesn't hurt to call beforehand (2-4149) and ascertain table space• In spite of its hospital atmosphere cf tile, chrome and e-lcss (we do not believe that cleanli· ness necessarily connotes goodness-where food is concerned), the fried chicken is surprisingly good. They've put the wash-basin part of a bathroom right out among the dining tables, for show­offs, and there are three rather dyspeptic murals, whose one saving quality is that they keep the place from looking completely like an operating theater. One is of some cattle, one a tinted post­card view of the University, and the last of a bright, bright biue pond we'd hazard to be Lake Austin. Chicken runs under a dollar, everything else (Continued on page 8) SEPTEMBE R 1948 town and campus fashions ... be it at class, on campus or dates, you'll need all three of these, (left) plaid zepher wool with Peter Pan collar, (center) Classic gabardine in red or green with french cuffs, or (right) rustley faille date dress with french lace trim­all in our college shop at Snyders. AUSTIN'S ORIGINAL 802 RED RIVER is the only eating place in Austin listed in Dun­can Hines, Gourmet, and Courting America, the three eating guides of America. Our food and service must be good. Copied by all but equaled by none. We serve in the patio if the weather permits. GR~EN PASTURES 811 WEST LIVE OAK 8 BLOCKS WEST OF THE AUSTIN THEATRE A heavenly place to dine in the atmosphere of the old South. • "AFTER THE GAME" BU·FFET SUPPERS • SUNDAY NIGHT BUFFET SUPPERS • WEDNESDAY NIGHT SMORGASBORD • LUNCHES AND DINNERS for reservations call 8-6424 HOW HIGH (Continued from page 6) is extra, including good salad, French fries, on­io111s, etc. Filet mignon fanciers will find them excellent at the AIRPORT COFFEE SHOP. It's a little off the beaten path, being at Municipal Airport, but if you've got the price of a couple of steaks ($1.75 -for one) transportation should offer no difficul­ties. Filets are their specialty as far as we're con­cerned, howev·er, so order anything else at your own risk. There is little to offer in the way of atmosphere, unless you get some sort of thrill watching air­liners land and depart. Inside decor is strictly Fred Harvey. No reservation necessary, unless you want to fly somewhere. If you like a place where you can't see the griddle, take your date to GREEN PASTURES ( 811 West Live Oak). Dinner is served in the front portion of what must have been an early Texas mansion, in an atmosphere which the management ref·crs to as "'old South." You can chat with your companion in a very moderate tone of voice, without fear of being disturbed by raucous table chatter or the cackle of "Two steins-.'' Service and ta hie settings are efficient and dis­ci:eet., and a pianist sometimes unobtrusively aids digestion. Reservations, coat and tie are neces­sary. Call 8-6424. Dinner for two comes with all the trimmings, and will crowd hell out of five dollars. There are turkey and ham steaks, filets, and chicken­ Southern fried, of course. COFFEE HOUSES: EISENBEISER'S, 1500 East Twelfth (3146), has absolutely the most comfortable chairs anywhere, and a don't-give-a-damn attitude ab011t opening and closing hours. These things, along with its cool, dim, cave-like interior in the summertime, the heat from the big stove in the middle of the floor in the winter, and walls lined with ancient postets like "IITUWUl'IAD ?" and Robert E. Lee on horseback huckstering for Mint Springs Bour­bon, give the place a mellow character only time and conviviality can bestow. For all its settled, time-stands-still quality, so restful after the sometimes noisily immature goings-on -elsewhere, don't plan on staying very long after 7 p.m. They close early. Everybody knows the TAVERN at 922 West Twelfth. The number is 2-3620, in case you ever want to have a friend paged. The amplifier merely whispers when the place is full, however. George (just George) manages the place, will cash checks-once-and has the singular quality of remaining on friendly terms with even the cus­tomers he has to throw out regularly on the first of each month. Anyone will admit that this takes an extremely likeable man. Takes nice customers, too. You can get an order of Roquefort cheese and crackers here, or great big hamburgers for a quarter, which ccme with a distinctive dressing reminiscent of the famous Brockle's--unusual on a hamburger, to say the least. SCHOLZ', at 1607 San Jacinto (8-2048), is the only place around which has a ••true" biergarten atmosphere. Also there is a rather thin bock, and an even thinner variety of the plain on tap, at prices higher than most, considering what you get. Probably on!y one customer out of ten has ever stopped to think about it, but Scholz' has food, too. The w ienerschnitzel is fine, and inexpensive, and this "is one of the remaining places in town where the dish can be had. There are also elec­tronic hot dogs. for unhungry novelty seekers or fascinated engineers who order them ~ike crepes­suzette, with a ftouri~lt. to impress their dl!tes. The service cwld be 11111ch better. (Continued Oil f&ge lO) SEPTEM B~R I ?4~ TEXAS RANGER HOW HIGH THE STECK COMPANY will be happy to assist yoy in the preparation and planning of­ • INVITATIONS • PROGRAMS • ANNOUNCEMENTS • PERSONAL STATIONERY The facilities of a complete engraving and printing establishment are at your disposal to render you efficient service on all of your requirements for social and personal stationery. The Steck Company wi ll appreciate the privilege of serving you. THE STECK COMPANY 205 WEST NI NTH 7-4411 SOCIAL STATIONERY DEPARTMENT STREET FLOOR (Continued from page 8) ICEHOUSES: You can dance at the TOWER, just across the bridge on South Congress (407, 2-6382), and it'll only cost half a rock taxi fare to get there­ from the University district. Jazz lovers should catch the Sunday afternoon jam sessions scheduled to start Sept. he prayed, in foreign lands and in the "States," ai; residents in foreign lands put it-deliver me from women who talk about the Servant Problem. "She really was too much," Sarah Norris said, "and it goes to show what trouble Americans who don't know the country can make. Dan and Suzanne had her first and thought it terri~ly cute for Maria to take sunbaths while Suzanne did all the housework. So Maria told everybody who came into my place all these cute, cute stories." Mr. Elliott knew that now she was going to say that al­though awfully bright Dan and Suzanne were a couple of screwballs and he tried not to listen or think about it. He went into the kitchen to make himself a drink and looked very carefully at a painting hung there. " 'Duco on Mason­ite,'" he quoted to himself. "'Mr Jabones' personal state­ment rich with the traditions of Tarascan folk art.'" He thought again how Mexican it was to have blue ice. Then he put the blue ice into his glass, poured into it two jiggers of tequila and some of the bottled ~irnonada, and came back into the room. "-how Don always called Maria to massage him and tuck him in at night,'' Sarah was saying, "and how none of the three of them ever wore a stitch of clothes around the house. A lot of such anecdotes. And telling them to everyone who came in. Of course if it ever got back to the priest-" There is Mr. Romavic over there, Mr. Elliott thought, sighting wildly about the room. I just do believe, he mused, I just do believe I wili ask him whether he thinks Tito should have been executed or not. He is from Yugoslavia and I just do believe I will ask him that question. He heard Sarah's voice continue. "Look at that woman in the post office. She's had three children, all baptized, by that fellow who runs the Imperial, but she won't marry him. He's a Protestant. Some of us may think ·they're liberal but when the priest gets them in confession he makes them tell every word that's gone on in our houses. So when Maria kept telling these stories and saying all over town that I was paying her a hundred pesos a month and that we were like sisters and I was going to take her to the United States -they all want to go to the United States-well, you know the interpretatio11s people in this town-" Methil)~:;; she doth protest too much, Mr. Elliott said to himse}f1 moving hts lips and shaking his head to himself. That's wP.at Andy Bates said about her. And she said some­thing aqoµt him, too. Said that he had an analysis and didn't finish it itnd that was what was the matter with him. How nice and how interesting, he thought, how interesting and how perfectly damn nice. There was a lot more, Mr. Elliott remembered afterwards, but it was happening in the background. It was vague be­cause this party 4vas every party; it was the party he had been at since enrollipg as a freshman. He remembered look­ing at another p11inting-"two dimensional Archipenko," the gallery notes had said. Also Sarah had come over and said she had come back to the house from Chapala unexpect­edly and found none of the cleaning done and Maria and two friends drinking with their feet on the livi_ng room table. Then when she had let her go Maria had gone into the front yard and thrown pebbles ·at the house for two h~urs. And an importer from Bishop's Head Road, Santa Fe, with a card that said that on it, was telling about his old philosophy teacher at Ann Arbor. Once after he had asked someone to define religion and a girl had, for five minutes, .the old fellow had adjusted his pince-nez on its black ribbon," looked straight at her and said, "The hell you say!" It was after that, right afterwards, that it happened. S ARAH and Andy were sitting on the couch, and he was ribbing her about her size. He spoke at length on her qualifications to be acclaimed the Marie Dressler of the American colony. At the same time he was saying things with that bantering tone which always indicates something serious behind it. "Well," Andy Bates said, "I don't know why, Mother India, but that psychoanalyst here last sum­ mer told me you and I ought to make good mates. Can you-" Sarah interrupted him with a stinging drunken retort and Andy's face and thick neck began to get red. The room stirred nervously as people tried to laugh it off by saying what a sharp tongue Sarah had," and Mr. Elliott tried to comment jocularly on the psychonalyst's advice. But Andy Bates was shouting, shaking his fist over Sarah, who glared up at him vaguely. "You deadbeat, you," he screamed, "I don't know how many times my wife and have lent you money in Mexico City! Or how often I've sworn I'd ·never let you in our house again! Everyone knows abo~t you.· 'The Duchess!' I don't mind your talking about me, but when you say the things you do about my wife, (Continued on page 853) • SEPTEMBER 1948 ODE OF OUR HDEECAPS 15 m1ss1nG veteran backs and the highly-publicized sophomore, Kyle Rote. Passer Gil John­son and Frank Payne will again be around to do most of the passing, All­Conference Dick McKissack will do the power running from fullback; fleet Paul Page will again be dangerous at wing­back, and Rote will display his triple­threat talents from tailback, wingback, or fullback. The Ponies will have a good starting line, but lack of top-flight reserves up front may get them into trouble in later tough gam!!s. Another handicap is their schedule. The Mustangs meet their two toughest opponents, Rice and Texas, away from home. Too, both the Longhorns and the Owls will be burning for re­venge for last fall's defeats, and other teams will be shooting for an upset over the defending champions. Of the big three, the Mustangs have the most ob­stacles to overcome in their title bid. Jess Neeley's Rice teams have long . been noted for their slow starts, but the Owls expect to get away fast this -fa-H. Their ball-handling combination of Cen­ter Joe Watson and Quarterback Tobin Rote is rivalled only by the Texas two­some of Harl.'is and Campbell. Watson, a rock-em and sock-em 225-pounder, was all-Conference last season, and his battle with Harris for all-Conference and all­American recognition this fall will be a great individual duel. Rote, tagged as the man with the bal­let step, took over the Owl's upback duties in mid-season and had Rice click­ing in championship form at the end of last fall. The Owls will field a rough, ex­periencesf line, with the only question . mark being at the tackle positions, where only three lettermen return. Speedy Huey Keeney, playing his fourth year at left halfback, will again be the top running threat. The Owls' chief handicap seems to be a lack of talent at fullback. Powerful Buddy Russ is scholastically ineligible, and Dick Hoerster passed up his last year to enter the UT Law School. Young Bobby Lan­trip will be counted on to plug the gap, but he has shown a distressing tendency to fumble in the past. If he overcomes that weakness, the Rice backfield will be a well-rounded and continual threat. Even the weakest team is capable of beating the best in the unpredictable Southwest Conference, and TCU, Arkan­sas, Texas A&M, and Baylor might sneak up on one of the favorites some fall afternoon. TCU lost much of its potential when its two fine tackles, Weldon Edwards and Harold Kilman, departed. But the Frogs will offer two of the better backs in the Conference to lead the quest for their annual upset over some unsuspect­ (Continued on page 50) Texas will sink or swim in the water on Paul Campbell's knee, says ROY EDWARDS T E~AS' stampeding Longhorns, Rice's WISe old Owls, or SMU's unbridled Mustangs-take your pick. The 1948 Southwest Conference football race will be that close. This fall should bring out the South­west's best football in years, and the championship race should be a battle right down to the wire. Although there is a slight drop in class from the big three to the next four, all seven teams will be at least as good as they were last year, and most will be better. Statements that defensive tactics are catching up with the T formation appar­ently haven't bothered Southwest Con­ference coaches. Texas, Rice, and Baylor will stick with this explosive, ground­gaining formation. Texas A&M, under new coach Harry Stiteler, is returning to the T. And John Barnhill has hinted that he may mix in a few T plays with his Tenne~see version of the single wing at Arkansas. That leaves only defending­champion SMU, with Matty Bell's single wing, and TCU, operating off Dutch Meyer's spread formations, holding out. Texas joined the ranks of T teams last year when Blair Cherry stepped up to the head coaching job. For Cherry and the T, it was Jove at first sight. The Long­horns beat nine regular-season opponents, dropping only a 14-13 decision to SMU, then flattened Alabama in the Sugar Bowl. , The Longhorns promise to be bigger, better, and faster than ever this year, with their success predicated upon Paul Campbell's performance as a replace­ment for all-American Bobby Layne at the all-important quarterback position. Everything looked rosy in spring train­ing when Campbell, a far better ball­handler than Layne, was hitting his pass receivers with amazing regularity and Layne-like accuracy. However, Campbell was bothered by inflamed muscles and excess fluid in his knee in mid-summer, and any trouble it gives him this fall will be just that much trouble for Texas. If Campbell's legs return to normal, the Longhorns will be hard to beat for the conference title and the host spot in Dallas' Cotton Bowl New Year's Day. To work with Campbell, the Longhorns will feature a backfield rated as the best in the Conference and probably the fast­est in the nation. Byron Gillory and Billy Pyle, the starting halfbacks, ran as re­placements on Track Coach Clyde Little­field's unbeaten 440-yard sprint rela,y TEXAS RANGER team in 1947. Perry Samuels, Gillory's probable first-line replacement, was Con­ference 100-yard dash champion in 1947 and has a low time of 9.5 seconds in that event. H. J. (Bubba) Shands, Pyle's chief substitute, had done the 100 in ten seconds flat in intramurals, and Frank Guess, Co-captain Tom Landry, and Ray Borneman, also cover ground in a hurry. In addition to being fine passers and runners, Landry and Guess punted for a combined average of 40.6 yards last season to give the Longhorns fifth place nationally in that department. If Campbell is unable to handle the quarterback duties, Cherry can caJ.l on Bobby Coy Lee, who missed most of last season because of a broken jaw, or Bill Allen, up from the 1947 freshman team. Landry may be put in at the upback spot if the necessity arises. He started out last season as a reserve quarterback and showed great promise. However, he was switched to fullback after two games and performed so well that Cherry kept him there the rest of the season. Clearing the way for the lightning Longhorn backs will be a veteran line that could well be the best in Texas history. Focal point of the fine Longhorn forward wall will be 216-pound Co~ captain Dick Harris, back at center after a year as an all-American tackle. Harris was all-Conference pivot man in 1945 and 1946, chiefly because of his spec­tacular line-backing performances. SMU hopes to gallop to its second straight title on the magic feet of All­American Doak Walker, winner of the 1947 Maxwell trophy as the nation's best college football player. Aiding Doak, who scored more than half the Mustang~' points last year, will be a quintet of 179 Yankee sports writers have picked SMU to win the Southwest Conference this year. But a former Texan sports editor chooses Texas. Like the old lady who kissed the cow ... SPECIALIZING IN PRINTING AND ENGRAVING Dances are quite different today from what they were years ago. In days of old, when a woman had nothing to wear she stayed at home.-Margie Hart. • IN FORMALS INVITATIONS NAPKINS MATCH FOLDE RS SOCIAL STAT IONERY COMPLETE LINE OF OFFICE SUPPLIES CARBON PAPER RIBBONS DUPLICATOR SUPPLIES FILING SUPPLIES FOUNTAIN PENS FURNITURE GR EETIN G CARDS COME IN TODAY von eoecHmAnn-Jones co. He: "Is this a picture of your fiancee?" Him : "Yes." He : "She must be wealthy." -U. S. Camera • Mat: Do you read Poe? Denny: No, I read rather well. -Scholastic • Oliver was careless about his personal effects. When his mother saw clothing about on the chair and floor, she in­ quired: "Who didn't hang up his clothes when he went to bed?" A muffled voice from under the cover murmured, "Adam."-Parent's . • Law Prof (at registration): "So you are a pre-legal, eh?" Student: "Like hell. I'm the youngest in our family."-Perigrinus. • "Vegetable soup? What's that?" "Ever eat hash?" "Yes." "Same thing, only looser."-Campbell's • A sweet old lady, always eager to help the needy, spied a particularly sad old man standing on a street corner. She walked over to him, pressed a dollar bill ·in his hand, and said, "Chin up." The next day, on the same street cor­ ner, the sad old man shuffled up to the old lady and slipped ten dollars into her hand. "Nice pickin'," he said in a low voice. "Paid nine to one."-Racing Form. • On the last day of school for the year, the kindergarten teacher decided to pre­ pare her class somewhat for the first grade, and hence drew a large "A" on the board. "Now," she remarked, "this is 'A.'" There was a dramatic silence in the room. Then little Harry Berger, in the first row, said, "My God, so that's 'A'!" -PTA • TOTTER AGES STATIONERS -PRINTERS -BOOKBINDERS 110 EAST NINTH ST. TELEPHONE 2-1163 Versatility is the key to Audrey Tot­ter's success. Teamed with Ray Milland in Paramount's "Strange Temptation," she shrdlu shrdlu etoain etaoin shrdlu sh rdlu 34 SEPTEMBER 1948 patty s •:arey. ~ :-r, TEXAS RANGER BLUE ICE The Best Darn Reading and study light you ever used! We challenge you to make your own test of this NEW ERA improved non­glitter fluoresc2nt, swanec~ adjustable table or desk lamp, right in your own room! Your study and reading lamp is a very personal utility, contributing much to the efficiency of your work and pleasure in literary indul­gence. Select and purchase it with the idea of good service, good vision, and long life. Try it out right in your own room under nor­mal, practical conditions of contemplated use. If you recognize need of a better study and reading light, not just "something cheap", fill in the form below and take it to one of our dealers or mail to AM-CO-EX, Inc., and our representative will bring a NEW ERA lamp to you for a trial demonstration with no obligation to you. Your satisfaction comes first in this transaction. ACT NOW! AM-CO-EX, I™!., TD Dept. TR, P. 0. Box 451, Austin, Texas. Without obligation I would like to have a trial demonstration of the NEW ERA improved non-glitter fluor.escent study and reading la mp at the address given here: (Please Print) Name .-----------------------------------------------------·--------·------------------------------------------------------------------------------·-----------------------· Address for Demonstration ·---·-------------------------------------------·············--·············---------·······---------------------------------· Telephone............. ----·--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------· SEE ALL MODELS OF NEW ERA IMPROVED FLUORESCENT LAMPS AT ALL RENFRO DRUG STORES or CALCASIEU LUMBER CO. (Continued from page 31) who has been the best friend you could ever have. Everybody knows about you and Maria." He went on to say that she knew intimately every man, woman, and dog in the village. He called her a mus­tachioed Lady Chatterley and when she protested that they were really friends, he shouted as petulantly as a little boy in a temper tantrum: "I am not your friend! I am your damn well enemy !" It was all over in half a second. ' I T was the next day, the time of re­hearsals, of the partial recall, the re­viving memory, the day of resolutions. "It really was pretty awful," Mrs. Elliott said. Her husband suffered a little more cocoanut oil to be rubbed into his back and shifted on the straw petate. "My god," he said suddenly, remembering. "An awful thing. When it began I was going to make a crack about Andy and Sarah-to ease things up, you know­:;omething about 'vaccinating a volcano' _ ,, "Yes, dear," his wife went on, "and it came out 'vaccinating an elephant.' Yes, that was pretty bad too. But don't worry about it." After a minute she said, "I found a good line for charades today: 'So we drove on toward death through the cooling twilight.' " Mr. Elliott settled back down and shielded his face from the sun with his handi, "Yes, that is good," he said. "Just ten words, too." -THE END • e ELGIN WILLIAMS, author of "Blue Ice," finished his Ph.D. at Columbia, now teaches economics at The University of Washington. A diligent Texan and Ranger worker during his undergraduate ·days, Elgin was then referred to as "Bow" or "Wild Man" Williams. Showed up with wife and daughter named Brett (after the Hemingway heroine) to teach in the University's eco department this sum mer. SEPT EMBER 1948 53 YEARS OF CONTINUED SERVICE TO THE STUDENTS AND FACULTY OF THE UNIVERSITY BOOKS -STATIONERY -SCHOOL SUPPLIES -RECORDS R A D I 0 S -S P 0 R T 1.N G G 0 0 D S ------'THE STUDENiS OWN STORe-------­ UUIV-ERl ITY (O·DP 2246 GUADALUPE STREET • AUSTIN TEXAS RANGER LISTENING IS A HABITI A GOOD LISTEN ING HABIT IS K v ET IN AUSTIN. LOOK TO KAY-VET FOR TOPS IN­ * MUSIC DIVERSIFIED MUSIC PROGRAMMED FOR EVERY LISTENING TASTE. * FULTON LEWIS JR., CEDRIC FOSTER, HENRY J. TAYLOR, GABRIEL HEATTER, WM. L. SHIRER AND KAY-VET'S LOCAL NEWSCASTER STUART LONG. * SPORTS FULL AND COMPLETE COVERAGE OF LO­CAL STATE AND NATIONAL EVENTS-U.T., AUSTIN HIGH AND NATIONAL FOOTBALL GAMES-DAILY SPORTS COVERAGE WITH CARL MANN -AUSTIN'S ONLY RAD I 0 SPORTS EDITOR. * MUTUAL NATION-WIDE FACILITIES OF MUTUAL BROADCASTING SYSTEM BRING OUT­STANDING ENTERTAINMENT, EDUCA­TIONAL AND NEWS BROADCASTS TO AUS­TIN LISTENERS. BY ACTUAL COUNT: MORE UNIVERSITY STUDENTS LISTEN TO KVET THAN ANY OTHER AUSTIN STATION "YOUR BEST LISTENING BET KAY-VET" 1300 ON EVERYBODY'S DIAL AUSTIN (Continued from page 29) demonstrates his superiority if not his breeding by kicking a Negro woman in the stomach on a street bus, and oc­casionally they jail her instead of jailing him. Austin could still stand some study of the bill of rights. Morally, Austin is pretty good. That may be disappointing to some Range1· readers, but if they scout around care­fully enough, they'll be able to find some trouble to get into, most of it outside the city limits. There's nothing here to compare with Sam Maceo's Galveston and wide-open gambling. But Austin has some big-time gambling out of the reach and range of the average University student. Austin's gambling, outside the Friday night penny ante games, consists of and subsists on an occasional stripping of a sucker oilman or rancher. This requ!res quiet and respectability and the careful use of build-up and shills, and the local ring has all those things. Somehow, when a detective gels up enough energy to make a case on these big boys or their East Austin policy writers, the indictments languish on the district court dockets untried. The browsing type will find Austin's architecture most interesting. Let me rec­ommend Brazos Street, from Sixth to Eleventh, for a display of all the types. From the Driskill's 1880 gingerbread up past the beautiful limestone Gothic of St. Mary's Church, by the 1860 cottage (just about to be razed) and the 1920 brown brick apartment house, and finally to the modern State Highway Bu:lding, Brazos has everything. My pet hate is the covering up of the beautiful and characteristic Austin limestone with blue plate glass from Pittsburgh. But some Austin architects are going back to solid limestone in some of the new doctors' of­fices in the Fifteenth Street neighbor­hood. And if they cover up all of the limestone with glass fronts, you can al­ways walk along Bradford's Alley, and see the limestone from the rear. Austin is a lot of thingJ . .Most Uni­versity students see only the University neighborhood, the drag, Guadalupe Street to the night clubs out north and South Congress to the ones out south. A little browsing on the side streets, among the liveoaks we let grow in the stree~s and among the fine old homes and bright new ones, will give you a taste of the Austin that we who live here know best. And having a cup of coffee at the Stephen F ., or lunch at the Driskill, with someone who can point out Frank Hamer, who shot Bonnie Parker and Clyde Bar­row, or with someone who will show you where the Iron Front Saloon used to be, (Continued on page 42) SEPTEMBER 1948 40 .~. 21ST AND GUADALU~ ~ for dinners ond luncheons of perfection invite your guests to the Georgian Tea Room. For entertaining a special friend or a sorority, club, organi­zation or fraternity, the handsome back­ground, perfect service and excellent food are all that you could desire. Telephone 5532 for reservations. In the beautiful Federated Women's Club Building ~EOR®-IAN G£EA RooM 24th AND SAN GABRIEL AUSTIN (Continued from page 40) will give you a flavor of the Austin we who live here have learned to love. Austin has busied up a bit since came here in the early thirties. It isn't as comfortable as it was then, because it's busting out at its seams. But bear with us a few more years, and we'll try to catch up with our growth. A lot of Austin people think that all University s.tudents are sons of country bankers, sent down here to get the hell. raising out of their systems where it won't disgrace their parents. The flood of postwar convertibles has added strength to this legend. Others think, with gentle urging from the oil and sul­phur lobbyists, that all University stu­dents are Reds from Russia. But in spite of those misapprehensions, Austin is mighty glad to have you here. And we'll yield to no man in our allegiance to the Longhorns-when they're winning. -THE END • e Former PM writer STUART LONG is a University ex whose "Texas at Ten" broadcasts over KVET are pointed out by Radio House professors as model news scripts. Leisurely, chatty, Long's in· formative programs are a must even for Austinites who object to his flat Texas drawl. He is very active in city and state politics, and wife, Emma, is now running for the city council post vacated by Homer Thornberry. Two sons are named Jeb Jackson and Jef­ferson Paine. CREDITS THE RANGER is indebted to the fol­lowin.g st~res for lending equipment ap­pearing on the football game picture story: Texas Book Store, Co-op, University Drug Store. Models who posed in the summer sun are Jean Simmons and Tommy Jones. SEPTEM BER 1948 Here ls a Bank that Understands University People and Their Needs When University People ... students, assistants, professors, employees . . . need the services of a bank, they come to the Capital National. When you need assistance, come in and discuss your needs with these understanding officers. WALTER BREMOND, JR., President W. C. KENNEDY, Ass't Vice-President JNO. A. GRACY, Vice-President and JOHNS. BURNS, Ass't Vice-President Trust Officer AUG. DeZAVALA, Special Representative E. P. CRAVENS, Vice-President F. M. DuBOSE, Assistant Cashier WALTER BOHN, Vice-President ROY B. STEWART, Assistant Cashier LEO KUHN, Cashier • THE CAPITAL NATIONAL BANK Seventh Street between Congre~s and Colorado • MEMBER FEDERAL DEPOSIT INSURANCE CORPORATION MEMBER FEDERAL RESERVE SYSTEM TEXAS RANGER An Invitation to all old and new Students to visit the . . . Collegiate Shop 2322 Guadalupe Three tiers for the outstand ­ing silhouette of this season! Gentle cascades i n th e straight sha ft of skirt promote fluid motion .. _ the precious 'gem' belt is news in itself. Junior Guild designed it from rayon crep e Joe was dead, and John called on the widow to express sympathy. "Joe and I were mighty close friends," John said .. "Isn't there something I could have to remember him by?" Tearfully, the widow raised her eyes and whispered softly, "Would I do?" -John's Other Wife • The fellow who thinks that "evening" means the same thing as "night" should note the effect that it has on a gown. -Chemise • Customer: "This coat you sold me is an awfully poor fit." Tailor: "Well, what do you want for five dollars-an attack of epilepsy?" -Esquire • "Waiter, bring us two orders of Spu­moni Vercelli, please." "Sorry, sir, but that's the proprietor." -Duncan Hines • From our files, cross-indexed under both "aquarium" and "gender," comes this little household hint on how to tell whether your goldfish is a boy or girl: To the water in the goldfish bowl add one­half ounce of sulphuric acid. If he comes floating to the top, he is a boy; and if she comes floating to the top, she is a girl.-Encyclopedia Britannica. • Mother: "Do you like your new gov­erness, Jimmy?" Jimmy : "No, mom. I hate her. I'd like to grab her and bite her neck like daddy does."-Homemaker. • A stethoscope is a spyglass for looking into people's chests with your ears. -Chiropractor • . The man who characterized the British as having the ability to fly into a great state of calm had the right idea. We are thinking now of an Englishwoman who came upon her husband murdered in the bathtub. She called the police at once, and these are the stern words the desk sergeant heard : "Police department? I wish to lodge a protest . .."-Punch. • "She looks like she was made for that coat, but she should have held out for a mink."-La Prensa. • GIRL OF THE WEST Although Paramount's "Whispering Smith" is Brenda Marshall's first film with an Old West setting, she is no stranger to the wide, open spaces. She was born on a shrdlu shrdlu shrdlu etaoin shrdlu 44 SEPTEMBER 1948 • Before subjecting unsuspecting Ranger readers to our views and opinions on modern American jazz, we feel that it is only fair to give you some idea of what to expect from this column during the next few months. First, to clarify our own position, we strongly favor the latest music trend, bebop. To us, it is one of the most satisfying (and least commercial) musical experiences now on hand. It offers jazz en­thusiasts what classicists say has long been lacking in American jazz -skillful structl)re and a profundity of ideas. Differing from early jazz, called Dixieland, bebop allows both composer and soloist equal opportunity to present his idea. We consider Dixieland as a mere stepping stone to the ultimate goal of jazz. It is more interesting historically than musically; there­fore, no one can dismiss too lightly the efforts of the Bunk Johnsons, the Biederbeckes, and other musical pioneers. But it's futile to try to sensibly compare JOHN BUSTIN did Dizzy Gillespie to Louis Armstrong. the chatty piece The styles of the alongside this two men are so one. We're giv· different that a ing him a free working compari­ hand to write son is impossible. Each man is pro­ interesting stuff ficient and pro­ about jazz where lific in his own he finds it-on realm, and in that records, around realm they should town, or else­be allowed to re­ where, if it so main. To appre­ pleases him. ciate Dixie, one must keep it in its proper perspective. The discs of the early 20th century have a certain vague historical value in that one can see the basic function of early jazz. However, platters made in the past few years by cobweb-covered worshippers of an earlier era will be regarded by us as being strictly nowhere. All of this is to say that even music progresses, so why try to hold it back by living in the 1920's? In another department, we might say that Stan Kenton has our admiration as a personable guy, as an able musician and composer, and as a courageous experimenter in the type of music in which he believes. Some of what he calls "progressive jazz" seems highly unlike any jazz we've ever heard, although most of Kenton's scores are technical! flawless. To us, though, the greatest thing, aside from his musical ability, is that he sticks firmly to what he thinks right, seldom being driven to blatant commercialism (except to make money). So here, then, are the three major types of American jazz--bebop, Dixieland, and progressive jazz. Now that we have briefly catalogued them, we turn to so-called "popular music." At this time popular music seems to mean anything that is continually slugged on juke­boxes and demanded by the public. Into this banal limbo we quickly cast Guy Lombardo, Sammy Kaye, Vaughn Monroe, and a great many more. Usually there are t.he lads who latch all the loot, but they also put down the least inspired music. Since this music is strictly for dancing and/ or pecuniary purposes, we will touch the subject as infrequently as possible. We are aware that many will pounce on these words, so we hasten to add that jazz won't be the only form of music to get our nod. (Continued on page 60) The latest hits as well as the old favorites are at Maurine's, one of the most ·extensive stocks in the entire Southwest. BIG SALE NOW GOING ON. VAST SAVINGS! MAURINE'S "A NAME TO REMEMBER" RECORD SHOP 819 Congress Ph. 2-4679 Open 9 A.M. Close 6:30 P.M. TEXAS RANGER TO YOUR EARS 15% REBATE on all record purchases. Paid on the l st and 2nd day of each month. Example: September receipts to be presented October l st or 2nd. Look over the JUST PRESSED and VINTAGE columns in the RANGER and come to see us for your selections. • RECORDS • INSTRUMENTS & ACCESSORIES • PHONOGRAPHS & RADIOS • SHEET MUSIC PORTABLES FOR FOOTBALL GAMES . 2530 Guadalupe On the Drag Phone 9398 Opposite Hogg Auditorium + Among the more signal of the in­iquitous devices of the record companies, and certainly a practice the dismal con­sequences of which visit even the most penurious of record purchasers, is the packaging together in an album of one or two selections appealing to the gen­eral ear, with rnme appalling belly-wash designed to make life increasingly turbid. Victor is the chief culprit in this artis­tically dubious but financially brilliant enterprise. Examples : Operatic Duets, A Treasury of Grand Opera, Gems from Madame Butterfly, Great Songs of Sal­vation, etc. An almost classic case is a recent al­bum of Eleanor Steber's called Mozart Arias. This veritable goldmine of bad taste contains four arias, two of which are passable. Her flatulent singing of "Non so piu" from The Marriage of Figaro cannot compare with that of her Teutonic colleague, Tiana Lemnitz, ;:.. fe­male whose vocal endowments are some­what less than inferior to Miss Steber's (Continued on next page) • 0 Thin, aesthetic, ascetic, abstemious LYN W OOD ABRAM, who will be review­ing classical music for us this year, was nurtured in the Cullen-dominated musical world of Houston. Brother is a successful concert pianist. (See Jacques Abram's Musicraft album of Mozart and Hinde­mith at the Co-op.) One of the brighter conversationalists on cam pus, he talks learnedly of Kafka, Mann, or John Dewey (no kin), and is an important member of the coterie of students surround ing Dr. R. C. Stephenson. SEPTEMBE R 1948 Time Tested Banking -Sinee 1890 507-511 CONGRESS AVE. THE AUSTIN NATIONAL BANK "The Friendly Bank" MEMBER FEDERAL DEPOSIT INSURANCE CORPORATION TEXAS RANGER A group of UT co-eds-I. to r., Barbara Haden, Nell Walker, E. B. Hudson, Emily Tyson, and Carlita Wollbrett-enjoying crisp, tasty waffles at the new TALLY-HO WAFFLE SH0P, 503 W est 19th. (Adv.) MUS IC: VINTAGE (Continued from page 46) But Lenmitz's delicacy of phrasing and sense of the gaiety and whimsy of the aria should cause the American diva to bite her ·nails in mortification. As for the selections from The Abduction from the Seraglio-our native Rethberg is more i~. her element. The music does not make strenuous demands upon performer or listener, and the results are completely satisfying. But there you are. The sensitive Mo­zortean (and there are few votaries more sensitive, believe me) must flinch in shame every time he plays "Non so piu" for his equally sensitive, equally simper­ing, comrades. How those vicious tongues would waggle. "Have you heard? Thad­deus Chasm-Ghouler has bought the most outrageous version, etc., etc." Friendships wither and die in the face of artistic chic. Gentility, refin~ment must go by the board. And all because of the fetid atmos­phere of the record companies in which some neurotic Victor underling, who, fearing for his hieratic position in the labyrinth of the business world, has heaved up this idea before his superiors, his thoughts of Art and Beauty, if, in­deed, he ever entertained any such Attic ruminations, far behind him. But enough of this cavil. The inde­fatigable Koussevitzky has given us yet another performance of Beethoven's Eroica and its virtues are mainly of the engineering variety. Victor has repro­duced faithfully all the patrician, well­bred tone of the Boston Orchestra, but, alas, has decked it out in an album which is my nomination for the leading eyesore of recent years. The performance itself is very grand, spacious and general1y irresistible. There is more sense of tim­ing and a sharper delineation of rhythms in the older Walter version, though the recording in this case is decidedly poor. One gets the impression after hearing the Koussevitzky job that one has heard some lovely orchestral work, but what was that composer's name? So it goes. The day when organized mediocrity will succumb to the equal1y nefarious hands of the esthetes, is, ap­parently, still as distant and illusory as ever. -THE END • TOTTER TICKLES KEYS Movie blonde Audrey Totter, who for­sakes brittle sophistication for strong drama in Paramount's "Strange Temp­tation," is an accomplished pianist-com­poser who plans switching to a musical career if she tires of shrdlu etaoii etaoin shrdlu shrdlu shrdlu IT UP MISTER There's something about a "chalk stripe" suit that says STYLE any time, and where ... and you can chalk it up as a fact by checking the well dressed lads about town. Double or single breasted it makes a plenty smart suit the way NOR­WOOD tailors it. Let us take your meas­urements for one of these in a suit the like of which, for quality, style and fit, we dare say, you've never had before for the money. S. V. NORWOOD AND SON 2548 GUADALUPE­ THAT'S 2 BLOCKS NORTH OF THE VARSITY THEATER TEXAS RANGER ... You'll like this new station that's programmed for easy listening .. classical, semi-classical and pop­ . ular music .. NBC transcribed programs ... up­to-the-minute sports ... Radio House Coffee Con­cert. As Austin's only independent station, K-TeXaN alone is able to program "As You Like It." Our Studios are From Sunrise to Sunset on the DRAG GUADALUPE AT 21st Dial-1370 KNEECAPS (Continued from page 33) ing, though better, team. Line-blasting Pete Stout was all-Conference at full­back last year, and dependable Lindy Berry, the signal-caller and key man in Meyer's spreads, showed unexpected talent as a passer in spring training. Arkansas will be dangerous if for no other reason than Clyde Scott. The former Navy fullback and Olympic hurdler has been a unanimous all-Conference choice the last two seasons as wingback and tailback in the Hogs' Tennessee-style single wing. A great breakaway runner, Scott is fast enough to have won the 1948 Southwest Confere nce 100-yard dash in 9.6 seconds and the National Collegiate Athletic Association 110-meter high hurdles in 13.7, equalling the world's record. Second only to Walker in the Confer­ence in rushing last year, Scott is ex­pected to do a lot of passing this fall, making him an even more dangerous threat. The other Hog backs are only average, however, and the line is an un­known quantity. Texas A&M is rebuilding under its new coach and is at least a year away from title contention. The Aggies will have a good line, but they lack proven backfield talent. Baylor finished in the cellar last fall after an impressive early-season showing, and there doesn't seem to be much hope of improving their standing this year. Chief ingredient lacking is a capable quarterback to run the Bears' T forma­tion. Hayden Fry is a good ball-handler but only a mediocre passer, and the T (Continued on page 51) • ROY EDWARDS, last year's sports editor of The Daily Texan, is a direct descendant in that long, ghostly line of ex UT sports editors who have picked Texas as the pre-season favorite to win the Southwest Conference championship. Roy believes that now that "Mr. Bible has built his dream castle," the boys will see to it that nothing untoward takes place before 65,323 paid-up stock­ holders. SEPTEM BER 1948 • KNEECAPS (Continued from page 50) demands passing ability of quarterbacks. In the race for individual honors, every team will have at least one outstanding performer to bid for an all-Conference spot. On the national scene, the South­west could come up with more all­Americans than at. any time in history. Walker is almost a cinch to repeat. Harris and Watson, as previously men­tioned, will be in the thick of the race for top center in the country. Either Rote or Campbell could emerge as the nation's best quarterback. Scott is a back of prov~n ability and all-American talent, but he may be held back by the probable poor showing of the Arkansas team. The sleeper in the bid for individual honors is George Petrovich, the inde­fatigable Texas tackle. Petrovich was the best defensive tackle in the Con­ference last fall, but he was listed as second-string to Harris and all-star team selectors overlooked him. A glutton for punishment, Petrovich should establish himself this fall as the Southwest's best tackle since Stan Mauldin was all-Ameri­ can at Texas in 1942. The season might finish something like this: (1) Texas, (2) Rice, (3) SMU, (4) TCU, (5) Arkansas, (6) A&M, and (7) Baylor. -THE END CANDID PHOTOGRAPHS e RUSH PARTIES 0 ATH LETI C EVENTS e CAMPUS SCENES 0 SHOWS 9 OPEN HOUSES 9 FORMALS 8 IMPORTANT EVENTS 9 GROUP PICTURES STANLEY DEPWE "The best in candid photogravhy". 2418 G uadalupe Phone 2-2752 Famous Brands for the College Man ARROW SHIRTS INTERWOVEN SOX LOVART SPORTSWEAR MICHAEL STERN SUITS RAINFAIR COATS AT THE UNIVERSITY.OF TEXAS TEXAS RANGER Early arrival of fine woolens from the best looms through­out the world. • Large stock of imported and domestic woolens. • Hand detailed for tailoring per­fection. • A good fit always assured. e PRICED TO FIT YOUR BUDGET LOUIS N. ROSE FORMERLY SCHWARTZ TAILORS "My boy friend is serving on an island in the Pacific." "Which island?" "Alcatraz."-Huntsville Bugle. • Rev. Good (at baptism) : "His name, please?" Mother: "Algernon Philip Percival Mortimer Duckworth." Rev. (to his assistant) : "A little more water, please."-The Fountainhead. • Civil Service-something you get in restaurants between wars.-Fred Harvey. • Can you imagine anything more use­less than a glass eye at a keyhole?-Peek. • The mother of triplets was being con­gratulated by a friend. "Isn't it wonder­ful," said the mother. "It only happens in one out of 15,875 times!" "Well, isn't that just too remarkable," her friend replied, "but I don't see how you find time to do your housework." -Darwin • "My," gushed gorgeous Gertie, "I had the most wonderful time last night. I met a new man and he invited me to dinner at his apartment. After dinner he showed me a dozen fur coats and told me I could choose any one of them for myself." "How thrilling," mumbled Mabel, "and what did you have to do?" "Just shorten the sleeves." -Women's Wear Daily • An absent-minded professor was strap­hanging in a bus. His left arm clasped a half dozen bundles. He swayed to and fro. Slowly his face took on a look of apprehension. Noting this, a young man standing be­side him said, "Can I help you, sir?" "Yes," said the professor with relief. "Hold on to this strap while I get my fare out."-A.A.U.P. • Bureaucrat: "If we are unable to fig­ure out a way to spend that two hundred and twenty million dollars, we lose our jobs." Secretary: "How about a bridge over the Mississippi River-lengthwise?" -N.R.A. • BED ROLE TOUGH For two solid weeks Barbara Stanwyck PHONE 4945 b09 BRAZOS played all her scenes for Hal Wallis' "Sorry, Wrong Number" in bed as the invalid heroine and the star etaoin s)ud)u shrdlu etaoin shdlu etaoip shrdlu etaoin 52 SEPTEMBER 1948 "Let's ask • Then there's the one about the wealthy retired businessman who, nearing a ripe old age, invited his six married sons to a Sunday dinner. As they sat down at the table he said he had not made any ar­rangements for his will, owing to his disappointment that he was not yet a grandfather. As a bonus, he said he would give $10,000 to the first son that presented him with a grandchild. When he lifted his head from saying grace, he noticed that he was the only one left at the table.-Daily Worker. • It was the first date. "Cigarette?" "No, thank you. I don't smoke." "Let's go down and sip a few." "I'd rather not. I never touch liquor." "Well, let's go out on the heights for a while." "No, please don't. I want to go out and do something exciting, something new." "O.K. Let's go to the dairy and milk the hell out of a couple of cows." -Borden's • Female Driver: I want a glass of water for the radiator, a thimbleful of oil for the motor, and a demi-tasse of gaso­line. I think that will be all. Attendant: Couldn't I cough in your tires?-Humble Bee. the pilot." Gather with the GANG m the Evening at P-K On 7th Street across from the DRISKILL HOTEL and next to the STEPHEN F. AUSTIN Under the management of TOM BARNETT STAYS OPEN ALL NIGHTI Tw9~~~::~n?w~~youwell~l A In seventy-six my symbol fell. ll, Just concentrate initially B c Your big reward-the magic three! Seven show white and two show brown They helped to bring me much renown. ANSWERS WILL APPEAR IN THE NEXT ISSUE OF YOUR MAGAZINE RULES FOR CHESTERFIELD HUMOR MAGAZINE CONTEST 1. Identify the 3 subjects in back cover ad. All clues are in ad. 2. SuHmit answers on Chesterfield wrapper or reasonable fac­simile to this publication office. 3. First ten correct•answers win one carton of Chesterfield Cigarettes each. 4. Enter as many as you like, but one Chesterfield wrapper or facsimile must accompany each entry. S. Contest closes midnight, one week after this issue's publica­tion date. New contest next issue. 6. Answers and names of winners will appear in the next issue. 7. All answers become the property of Chesterfield. 8. Decision of judges will be final. WATCH FOR THE WINNERS IN NEXT ISSUE TEXAS RANGER \VELCOME STUDENTS Your Chevrolet dealer welcomes you to the "For­ty Acres" and the "Friendly City." Your coming to the University shows that you realize the value of educated ability. Our me­chanics are educated in all makes automobile service and repair. • FREE ESTIMATES • 24 hour Wrecker Service • "Over 20 Yea rs of Courteous Service" 5th and San Jacinto Dial 8-6655 There is the short story of the couple who brought the back seat of their automobile into the police station and reported the automobile stolen.-Peter Arno. • "What'll I take for this bad cough, Doc?" "A tablespoon of castor oil every ten minutes." "Will that cure me?" "Maybe not, but you sure will be afraid to cough."-A.M.A . • Texas Coach: "What's the matter with you fellows, you look like a bunch of amateurs.''-Alcalde . • College education for women is futile. If they're pretty, it's unnecessary; if they're nof, it's inadequate. -Pi Phi Catalog • Mrs. Lauder (looking out window): "Sandy, here comes company for sup­per!" Lauder : "Quick, everybody run out onto the porch with a toothpick!" -Black and White • There are three classes of women: the intellectual, the beautiful, and the ma­jority.-C. B. Luce. • The modern equivalent of the old­fashioned wall-flower is the. co-ed who dances all the time.-A. Murray. • "Hadn1t you better go and tell your father?" said the motorist to the farmer's boy who stood looking at the load of hay upset in the lane by a collision. "He knows," replied the boy. "Knows? How can he know?" "He's under the hay."-Forbes . • Teacher : Jimmy, are you eating candy or chewing gum? J immy: Neither; I'm soaking a prune to eat at recess.-The Call. • SKETCH ARTIST Mona Freeman, young Paramount player who recently completed a top role in "Isn't It Romantic," has a unique collection of mementoes from her film roles. She sketches her fellow players, has them shrdlu etaoin etaojn shrdlu 54 SEPTE MBER 1948 "But Olga, how can I think of you as pure and imstained if you continue to louse up your T-zone?" • "OH come now, Mr. Harris. Do you mean to tell this court that you did not know that your subsistence check was made out in the amount of $75,000, instead of the usual $75 ?" "Well, you know how it is, sir. Check day follows a pretty routine pattern. I got my check at 11, cashed it immediate­ly at the book store, and stuffed the money in my pocket. Didn't even bother to count it. After all, if you can't trust the Co-Op, whom can you trust?" "After you put the $75,000 in your pocket, where did you go and how did you spend the m'oney?" "First, I went home and paid my room and board, my laundry, and my private debts. I still had money left so I phoned Johnnie's and had a case sent over." "Didn't you at. any time, Mr. Harris, feel that you had more · money than usual?" "Well, I do remember that my money lasted until the eleventh of the month, which is about ten days longer than it does generally." "I see, Mr. Harris. But I'm sure you realize that you will be expected to repay every penny of the overpayment to the United States Treasury." "That's OK with me. Just take it out of my monthly checks in installments. I'll probably never miss it." -George Warmack TEXAS RANGER • If you refuse me, I will die. She refused him. Sixty years later he died.-Obit. • Johansen wanted to get rid of a suit which had had the misfortune to get on the wrong side of a skunk. So he took it down to the nearest second-hand cloth­ing store, and showed it to the proprietor. "Look at this suit," he said. "What a value! And just feel the material." "It looks all right," said the merchant, "but what's that awful smell ?" Johansen replied: "That's me. Ain't I a stinking son of a gun ?"-Joke. • An English gentleman, lately arrived in China, sent for his native cook to congratulate him upon an exceptionally tasty dinner. "I hope, Kong Ho, you did not kill one of those dogs to provide the soup," he laughingly remarked, referring to China's pariah dogs. Kong Ho made a solemn gesture of dissent. "Me no kill dog, master," he declared. "Him all dead when I pick him up." -W. S. Maugham • "We'll have to rehearse that," said the undertaker as the coffin fell out of the car. TRY OUR SPECIAL SERVICE ON NET AND BOUFFANT FORMALS Our wonderful moisture-proof process makes them like new CALL 3847 FOR DELIVERY SERVICE LODGHORD CLEANERS 2538 Guadalupe CREATOR OF • SMART PERMANENT WAVES AND COIFFURES 24-08 Guadalupe Dial 2-9~66 THE AMERICAN NATIONAL BANK lJstoblished in 1890, the American National Bank has continuous1y served the Univer­sity and the state of Texas. From a small beginning the deposits of the American National have grown to a total of over $40,000,000.00 7he American Notional invites you to open a checking or savings account and to be­come acquainted with its many convenient services. • MEMBER OF FEDERAL DEPOSIT INSURANCE CORPORATION • MEMBER OF FEDERAL RESERVE SYSTEM • A bunch of germs were hitting it up In the bronchial saloon. Two bugs on the end of the larY,nx Were jazzing a rag-time tune. While back of the teeth in a solo game Sat dangerous Dan Kerchoo, And watching the pulse was his light of love, The Lady that's known as Flu. -M. Fishbein • She: "Would you like to see where was operated on for appendicitis?" He: "No, I hate hospitals." -Dr. Kildare • Harvard Man : "Who knocked on my door just now?" Janitor: "It was me." Harvard Man to second H. M.: "What is he trying to say?"-Yale Record . • Professor : "Didn't you have a brother in this course last year?" Student: "No, sir; it was I. I'm taking it over again." Professor: "Extraordinary resem­blance, though--extraordinary."-Joke. • Policeman (to pedestrian just struck by hit-and-run driver): "Did you get his number?" Victim: "No, but I'd recognize his laugh any place."-Laff. • "Go to Father!" she said When I asked her to wed. Now she knew that I knew Her father was dead. And she knew that I knew What a life he had led. So she knew that I knew What she meant when she said, "Go to Father!"-Poem. • "Lo, Al, playing solitaire?" "Uh huh." "Winning?" "Naw." "... Six on seven, Al." "Oh." "... Three up, Al." "Ummmm." ' "You can't put a red queen on a black seven, Al." "Must you always take the Chinaman's side?" "But you can't do that." "That's the way I play and if-" "I won't say anything ... ah "Stop nudging me." "Ackjay on eenquay." "Look! I don't want to put the Ack jay on the eenquay." "But you have to." "Oh, do I?" "Al, what are . .. Put down that and­ iron, Al! Al! .. ."-The Killers. SEPTEM BE R 1948 -+ ll.AIDll.IE.§ WJEA!lt "And this rnust be your little girl .. . rny how she has grown ... why I can remember when she was only . . ." • I slept as a kid On a cathode grid, And a slide-rule pillowed my cranium ; My toys were cubes And Bernoulli tubes, And I cut my teeth on uranium. (Isobar, Mason jar, Life is so Molecular . . . ) And now I'm a man With a Bunsen tan, Yet I'm offering no apology: I'm a physical gnome But potential Ohm In our new world of technology. (Aneroid, Parabaloid, The world is but a Trapezoid.) (Evaporation, Specification, Who gives a damn about Propagation?) Lord but it's great To be alive In the world of U-235! -E. Fermi THE ANSWER TO YOUR LAUNDRY PROBLEM Just leave your laundry with us and be on your merry way. We will put it into one of our automatic washers­have it ready for you when you return. 9 lb. wash-30 min._____________________________30c 9 lb. wash & dry-90 min._ --------------55c MOORE'S LAUNDRETTE 270b GUAD. 2-0495 ' LUBY·s CAFETERIA Featuring Home Style Cooking at Reasonable Prices. SERVING HOURS 11 -2 :00 5 -7:30 CLOSED SUNDAYS 915 CONGRESS AVENUE ALSO IN DALLAS, WACO, AUSTIN SAN ANTONIO TEXAS RANGER While you have been away the has been completely modernized Come and enjoy a coke on our patio SAME LOCATION 2404 GUADALUPE • • "We service all makes" P. K. WILLIAMS NASH CO. "On the Avenue" CONGRESS AT SECOND 8-4688 MOVIE-MADE MEMORIES Marlene Dietrich, starred in Para­mount's "A Foreign Affair," constantly was amazed at the realism of sets repre­senting bombed Berlin. Many of them reminded her of places she had stayed during the years she entertained shrdlu etoain shrdlu shrdlu shrdlu • A true music lover is a person who, when he hears a soprano in the bath­room, puts his ear to the keyhole.-Etude. • First son: "Father, I did something awful last night and I need ten thousand dollars or she'll sue." Father: "It's a lot of money, but any­thing to save the family honor." (Writes out check.) Second son: "Father, I got into trouble last night and I need ten thousand dol­lars or she'll sue." Father: "It's all I've got in the world, but I guess anything is better than drag­ging down the family name." (Writes out check.) Daughter: "Father, I did something dreadful last night--" Father: "Ah, now we collect." -Metropolitan Life • Marc Antony made two famous speeches. One was at Caesar's grave when he said, "I came to bury Caesar not to praise him." The other was at Cleopatra's tent at midnight. "I didn't come here to talk," he said.-G. B. Shaw. • She: "I finally consulted the college doctor about this craving I have for kisses every time I take a couple of drinks." Friend: "What did he give you?" She: "A couple of drinks."-W.C.T.U. • A sweet young thing breezed into a florist shop, dashed up to an old chap puttering around a plant and inquired, "Have you any passion poppy?" The old boy looked up in surpri£e. "Gal ding it!" he exclaimed, "you just wait until I get through prunin' this lily."-Santayana . • Judge: On what grounds are you ap­plying for a divorce? Mr. Brown: Extravagance, your honor. Judge: Extravagance? How's that? Mr. Brown: She kept on buying ice after I had installed an electric re­frigerator.-Norge. • HIS START Sidney Lanfield, who recently directed "Sorrowful Jones," the Bob Hope-Lucille Ball starrer for Paramount, started his motion picture career as a "gag man" during the "silent" era. 58 SEPT EM BER 1948 • The cannibal's daughter who liked the boys best when they were stewed. -Johannesburg Journal • Marriage is a mutual partnership­with the husband the mute.-Joke . • The man with a little black bag knocked at the front door of a large dilapidated house. "Come in, come in," said the father of 14 children, "and I sure hope you're the piano tuner."-Metronome. • We were never able to find grandma's glasses, but now she leaves them just where she empties them.-Seventeen . • "Now, listen," threatened the tattoo artist, advancing on his delinquent cus­tomer, "you pay me what you owe me for that mermaid-on-chest job I did a month ago, or I'll take it out of your hide."-Madamoiselle. • "Now, son," said the infuriated father, "tell me why I spanked you." "That does it," said the kid, "first you beat hel.l out of me, then you ask me why you did it."-B. Heirens . • FIVE MEALS DAILY Petite Wanda Hendrix, who packs a mighty dramatic punch as the 19-year­old wife of 50-year-old Claude Rains in Paramount's "Now and Forever," eats five meals a day under doctor's orders. The tiny star has never shrdlu shrdlu etaoin etaoin etaoin etaoin TEXAS RANGER • Chemistry Professor : This liquid turns blue if your unknown is basic and red if the unknown is acid. Student: Sorry, but I'm color blind. Have you got anything with a bell on it? -Litmus WEST LAKE DRIVE CALL 9397 ACROSS THE LAKE, JUST ABOVE THE DAM. THE EASIEST ROUTE TO OUR CLUB IS BY BOAT FROM­ BENNETT BOAT DOCKS WATER TAXI SERVICE-ROW BOATS-SAIL BOATS-"PUT-PUTS" 3826 Lake Austin Blvd. Phone 8-0238 5? Specialists in the Examination of the Eyes and the Fitting of Glasses. WARD & TREADWELL (!)pl.runebiuid. Seventh & Congress WHERE THE STUDENTS GET THEIR GLASSES RENT A CAR DRIVE IT YOURSELF NEW INSURED CARS HOUR-DAY-WEEK MONTH LOW RATES HILLARD'S RENT-A-CAR of Austin e Driver's license, references and deposit req uired. PHO NE 7-3441 127 East 7th Austin, Texas MUSIC : JUST PRESSED (Continued frnm page 45) Just to show you that we aren't strictly on a bop kick, take a look at the Joe Mooney Quartet (not to be confused with Art Mooney and his Banjo Boys) . When we first heard Mooney's combo at Dixon's in NYC, we were convinced that here was one of the sharpest little units on the island. Everything about the group was polished to a high gloss; everything was in perfect taste, and throughout the years none of this has dimmed. In fact, it seems even brighter. Listenirtg to Mooney's foursome isn't like scoffing a seven-course banquet. Rather, it's more like sampling a tasty hors d'oeuvre. All of this is carried over into Mooney's recent Decca album, which we think is one of the greatest. Composed of Mooney on accordion, Jack Hotop on guitar, Andy Fitzgerald on clarinet, and Gate Frega on bass, the quartet is instrumentally perfect, but on these sides kicks come from well-knit ensemble work instead of from solos. The quartet's main stock is re-vamping old standards into bright cocktail­lounge delicacies by the adaptation of new lyrics and new tempo. Examples of this are "Tea for Two," "Just a Gigolo," and "Meet Me at No Special Place," spotting hip unison vocals which border on the humorous. Mooney displays himself as a singer of no small talent on "September Song," "Warm Kiss and a Cold Heart," "Lazy Countryside," and "I Can't Get Up the Nerve to Kiss You." He sings with considerable feeling and musical understanding in a style which is something like a less robust Frankie Laine. Only Mooney sounds genuine where Laine sounds artificial. Mooney's trick of singing just a shade out of tune is very fetching and adds a degree of color to the sides on which he is featured. The last side in the album is "Stars in My Eyes," an instrumental handled in a pretty routine but effective manner. It can be safely said that all eight sides are wonderfully repre­ sentative of the quartet. The over-all tone exhibits much fertile originality on the part of Mooney and his associates, and proves that as singer, accordionist, and arranger he is possessed of superior taste and deft technique. Mooney may be little known and less ap­preciated, but with such mellow sounds flowing from his unit with such pleasant frequency, we can't see how he can miss. But don't take our word alone. Go over and dig the album for yourself. Joe Mooney Quartet (Decca album A-651) SEPTEMBER 1948 .eyno.lds 'I ; ' :: · · eiland .'' CE I ' \' ,... / '' ' ' '" 11 ' 1 , •1 J·\r!• '\ ,.. ' I I:· I ,, i : , , ;~I~ • '\ .1 ' ., '',. '' t', I ' . ' I 1' I ' '" ""' ' ..' ' •! ' 1 l ''' f ·,. 1' ••• ·.,,' , " I' ., ' ' '"l ' . ,' , ' ' ' 1i' :":1 , 1 ' ·, . '' ·' ' ·" , ' ' I' "• A~~-,_,, · ~, .f.''~: ~' ~ .4-.. '*' . ... ,, \ -, ' -" ''·1 • ',1·'·1.'\ , ' ' " 'I ' jl '; "'I, ' ,,,&­ ·~~.l.t' • .• J_' ,I,¥ ' I \ ' ~ ~/11;( J~· .. :-. ,. \ 't ~ ... ..,.~..... • J ~· ~·1· ' l ••;.. ' ... ... WHY... Ismoke Chesterfield (FROM A SERIES OF STATEMENTS BY PROMINENT TOBACCO FARMERS) "Liggett & Myers buy as fine tobacco as there is grown. They buy only mild, sweet cigarette tobacco. "[smoke only Chesterfield cigarettes and I have smoked them right from the start." ~OFARMER,MULllNS,S.C. CHESTERFIELD Contest See Page 53