I TRIED MANY DIFFERENT Champion BRANDS-CAMELS Outboard Racing Driver ARE THE CHOICE OF EXPERIENCE He holds the world's record for WITH ME! Class C Outboard Motorboats ­ 57.325 miles per hour for 5 miles! 1947 winner of the famous Albany­to-New York Outboard Marathon. "In 12 years of outboard racing, I've found that 'experience is the best teacher,'" says Vic Scott. "And that's true in choosing a cigarette, too. Through the years, I've tried many brands. I've compared them­for mildness, for cool smoking, for flavor. I learned from experience that Camels suit me to a 'T'!'' \.tl 1csste • • • t for est • • • l for 1\lro • ground ' our pro~1ng ·1 tAME\.S t\tot s V_,-retie-see I • "t: !or onv ugo "t-lone to Q don't suite ,i\LL OVER America, more people are ~smoking Camels than ever before. Millions of smokers have found by ex­periencethatCamels suit them to a"T." Try Camels yourself. Compare them -for mildness, coolness; for full, rich flavor. Let your "T-Zone" -that's T for Taste and T for Throat-tell you why Camels are the "choice of experience." Three nationally known According to a Nationwide survey: independent research organizations asked 113,597 d oc tors to nnme the cigarette they smoked. More doctors named Camel than any More Oocmis smoke Camels than anq other ciqarette Qlher brand. . the swrm '" This Hope Skillman striped cham­ bray swimsuit will make a charm­ ing mermaid of you ... in the water or out. Sizes J0 to J6. 14.95 ---·. --...... .......__._ Second Floor RANGER A motor cyclist, in an effort to keep warmer, put his coat on backwards so that the back would better protect the chest. As he sped down the highway a car dashed across his path from a side road and the cyclist was thrown into a ditch. The police soon came along and one of them attended the prostrate cyclist. "How is he ?" asked one cop. "What a shame!" replied the other. "The poor lad had his head turned around. By the time I got it straightened around, he was dead." -Cyclist • Opposites attract--like tight men and loose women, for instance. • -PM "One seat for tonight's show, well for­ /~-~--\ ./j" I I L ward, center, and downstairs. Do you have it?" "Can you play a violin ?" -Billboard • Soft the new love tells his lies, And ah, he tells them weJl; Demurely, I turn down my eyes­ Alone, I laugh like hell. -Optometry Journal • The Bee is a busy little soul. He has no time for birth control, And that is why, in times like these, There are so many sons of bees. -Apiary • "Name?" "Jerry Popupopuopupapuls." "Occupation?" "I drive a motor boat." -Zionist • "What were you doing last night?" he asked. "Oh, helping father around the house." "Drunk again, eh?" -WCTU • A long skirt is like prohibition-the joints are still th~re, but they're harder to find. -Seventeen Teacher (warning her pupils against A peacock is a gorgeous bird, but it catching cold): "I had a little brother takes a stork to deliver the goods. seven years old, and one day he took his -The Call new sled out into the snow. He caught pneumonia, and three days later he died." • And then there was the student who Silence for ten seconds. wrote: "Virgin wool comes from the A voice from the rear: "Where's the sheep that can run the fastest." sled?" -NAM "Roamin' Sandal" A strop here once around the ankle goes this ever-going fun shoe I Red, green, white elk leather . WELCOME BACK TEXAS ALUMNI! WEST SIXTH OFF CONGRESS Phone 8-6436 2 AFRIL 1948 f • V/cst S'.xt\ ju:t off Cong,ess Phone 8-bOb TEXAS RANGER Exquisite lovel" and net t oness of lace 0 make elle of the R you the B In . k ownd-up Ball pin or white. . 69.95 Others in from $39 95 our collection . · to $225. A-Brown and White Wedge ______________ $16.95 B-Red Coif Sling __ -----· ·-------$15.95 C-Red and Green Coif Wedge ______-__ $16.95 SHOE SALON -MEZZANINE T~XAS RANGE~ about EDITED BY BEN JEFFERY . Teaching Fellow? }T'S getting grimier all the time. One young University instructor tried to sign up for an advanced course this semester. He didn't mention that he was teaching. The mysterious powers that be carefully checked his transcript, re­ported back that his grades wP.ren't good enough to take the course. • THIS happened loo. A professor noticed a student on the front row comfort­ably sleeping through the lecture. He spoke to the young man sitting next to the dozing one: "Will you please wake Mr. Smith?" The answer, which probably didn't leave much chance of an A in the course, was short and sweet. "Wake him up yourself-you put him to sleep." "GEORGE . and Margaret," a frothy little something by Gerald Savory, will be the Drama Department's offer­ing April 12 to 17. Judging from a quick peek at a rehearsal, Mr. Savory think1 he is Noel Coward, but the lines are cute. Our favorite (ever since "A Man Will Po You Wrong" and even before), Lencre Rainey, is the ingenue, with Bill Gideon opposite. Chappie Pitt and Max Randolph are supposed to carry the play; Jack Reese, Charm Limbaugh, and Charles Lane fill in the blank spaces. Mrs. Dorothy MacLaughlin Lusk is directing, assisted by Marie Hokison. ROUND-UP PROGRAM FRIDAY Texas-TCU baseball game. 4 :00 Parade ·7 :3·0 Band Concert at Greg Gym 8:00 Parade Awards 8:10-9:30 Round-Up Review 10-1 :00 Dance ... Kenny Sargent SATURDAY Morning ... Class Reunion break­fasts. Registration and campus tours. Registration in lobby of Union 10 :00 Meeting of Executive Coun­cil of Ex-Students 12 :00 Reunion and lunch in Main Lounge, Texas Union Afternoon -Texas-TCU baseball game 7: 30 Open house in Main Lounge. Square dancing, etc. Coniniie Comment QUR Communist pro and con articles have had numerous consequences. RatheT deviously, they bTought about a cogent comment on our managing editor, Ben Jeffery. Common Sense, campus liberal group, invited Mr. Addington and Mr. Jeffery to expand on their views at an open meeting. When Dr. Painter heard about it, he investigated and decided that his previous statement that no person repre­senting a foreign "ism" should be al­lowed t,o .sp~ak on the campus didn't apply to Communist Addington, since he was a student. Thus backing up his stand for freedo;n of speech, or something. The debate was well attended-one photographeT even showed up, in the hope, we understand, of getting some action pictures of a riot. In the midst of everything, the Ex-Servicemen's asso­ciation, meeting in the next room in the Union, broke up. Two of the vets came to the door, asked what was going on, and looked inside because one of them wanted to know "what a Communist looked like." Our Mr. Jeffery had the stand, stolidly defending the American Way. The curi­ous vet looked, didn't listen, said "Well, so that's one. Sure looks stupid." Conmion Com:ertible COMMON SENSE, by the way, is a group of what some Firing Line writers like to refer to as "so-called liberals." The name of the. club comes from Thoma;; Paine's American Revolutionary pamphlet by that name, not from any claim its members make to having more of it than Kappa Sigs or Mortar Boards. Most of their members look with jaundiced eye on entrenched wealth, class. discrimination, and other reactionary stuff. Which brings us to our story. Phil Klein, Common Sense president, got a call from a member of the Round­Up parade committee, who asked if his organization planned to enter a float. Phil said he didn't think so-the funds for that sort of thing were rather limited in the liberal ranks. "Oh, there's nothing to it," said the float-promoter. "Just get a convertible, put some pretty girls in it, and there you are!" Cre·do I wish I loved the human race; I wish I loved its silly face; I wish I liked the way it walks; I wish I liked the way it talks; And when I'm introduced to one I wish I thought what jolly fun! -Raleigh Recorcl Reverie THE best jazz record releaslid since the year began is the Metronome poll­ winners annual discing entitled Leap Here and Metronome Riff (Capitol). Featuring solos by be-hop originator Dizzy Gillespie on trumpet, Bill Harris on sliphorn, Flip Phillips on tenor, Buddy TEXAS RANGER DeFranco-on clarinet, Nat "King" Cole on the ivories, Billy Bauer on guitar, Eddie Safranski on bass, and Buddy Rich on the tubs, Leap shows how "bop" should be played and still perpetuate in­ terest. Stan Kenton's echo -chamber ­bustin' orchestra joins the all-stars on the reverse, but the stars play good jazz :>nyhow. Our vote for the outstanding soloists are DeFranco's moving clarinet and Harris' muttering tram. By all means, grab this disc. JAZZ'S best gal singer today comes forth with two fine vocalizings this month-Ella Fitzgerald leaning into My Baby Likes to Be-Bop and I've Got a Feeling I'm Falling (Decca). Baby is given sorne vocal antics as only Ella knows how in front of a jumping band while the fiipover is a romantic ballad which shows Ella's versatility. As al­ways, Ella's phrasing, intonation and rhythmic feeling are ably mixed into a style from which all popular singers can learn. CAPITOL calls it "The ew Sound", but it's just Les Paul playing about eight different guitars at once. Les is experimenting jn recording with several different guitars re-recorded separately and then fused together onto one master, a one-man guitar-band so to speak. Two oldies, Brazil and Lover, H e given breath­taking treatment by the master guitarist, proving, as far as we're concerned, that his experiment was quite succe~sful. (Continued on Page 46) PROUD TO WEAR When your suit is delivered to you cut from the bolt of fabric you've selected and in the style you like best, you'll be proud to wear it. You'll especially like the slacks tailored right in our shop. SLACKS FROM 49.50 SUITS FROM 15.75 • 2548 6uedelupe ON THE DRAG "At any rate," said the auctioneer, "mine is a business that women can't take up." "Nonsense.," put in the strong-minded lady. "A woman would make as good an auctioneer as any man!" "Would she?" retorted the other. "You try and imagine an unm:arried lady standing up before a crawd and saying, "Now, gentlemen, all I want is an offer." • The height of self-assurance is doing a cross word puzzle with a fountain pen . • Ignorance of the law is neither an ex­cuse nor does it prevent the losing law­yer from collecting anyway. • Zim: My sister married one of the biggest doctors in town. Bim: Does he have any money? Zim: Sure, he has. Do you think she married him for her health? • Aarf: Say, Mom, was baby sent down from Heaven? Barf: Yes, son. Aarf: I guess they like to have things quiet up there, huh? • First Cook : My brother swallowed a box of fire crackers. Second Cook: Is he alright now? First Cook: Dunno. I haven't heard.the last report. • Warmack's law: The beer always gets drunk before you do. • Moody: "Say, doc, do you remember last year when you c~red my rheuma­tism? You ~~ld me to avoid damppess." M.D.: "Thil-t's right. What's wrong?" Moody: "Well, can I take a })ath now?" APRIL 19'48 A ROUND-UP AT REYNOLDS-PENLAND FOR YOUR SELECTION, ARE THESE FINE STETSONS FROM OUT OF THE WEST. The Longhorn .......... . 18.00 The Laloo . ...... 20.00 The Open Road . . 15.00 THREE XXX BEAVERS Austin's Finest Man's Shop TEXAS RANGER '• DID YOU KNOW WE HAVE O NE OF THE MOST COM­PLETE SELECTIONS OF COTTON PIECE GOODS in Central Texas? NEW BRAUNFELS DAN RIVER PRECISION · WONDER DALE Chambray and Broadcloth IND IAN AND MEXICAN ARTS AND CRAFTS NELSON'S TRADING POST 4610 SAN ANTONIO HIGHWAY OPEN SUNDAY 2:00-6:30 CLOSED MONDAYS "I've been in a terrible state of con­ sternation for the past three days." "Did you ever try bran ? " • -Yell ow Jacket • He: Where can I get in touch with you again? She: I don't know; I'm rather tick­lish. -Spartan • One can of paint said to another: "Darling, I think I'm pigment." • Irate coed: Sa·y, what's the big idea following me, anyway? Haven't you ever seen anyone like me before ? Frosh: Yeah, but I had to pay four bits. • I'm losing my punch, she moaned as she departed hurriedly from the cocktail party. "For six weeks you were shipwrecked on a desert island with a beautiful girl? What did you do for food?" "Darned if I remember." -Frosh . • Guy: Since I met you I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't drink. Gal: (Shyly) Why not? Guy: Broke. -Exchange. • Frosh: "Must not be anybody home at that house." Soph: "That's a fraternity house and they're giving a party. -Syracusan. • Frosh One-"I hear you got thrown out of school for calling the dean a fish." Frosh Two-"I didn't call him a fish. I just said 'That's our dean,' real fast." -Pointer • These long skirts are gonna kill me­r have a short memory. -Bob tt;UG'l'R;S "Texas Dependable Jewelers For 42 Years" ON THE DRAG 2236 GUADALUPE * AUSTIN·s COMPLETE JEWELRY CENTER with every service for the University of Texas 30 DEPARTMENTS OF NATIONALLY FAMOUS JEWELRY WATCHES CRYSTAL Bu!ova Elgin .. Waltham . Karhula (Imported from Finland) Longines . . Wittnauer . . Benrus Rock Sharpe . . . Glastonbury Banner . . Gotham . .. Parker , . . Mathey-Tissot Gothic COMPACTS & CIGARETTE CASES Universal Geneve . Hamilton . . . COSTUME JEWELRY T avannes ... He I bros .. . Le Coultre Elgin American . Wadsworth Dunhill ... Trifari . . . Coro STERLING SILVER 51 Patterns ELECTRIC APPLIANCES International Gorham . Wal-Sunbeam . . Proctor . General lace . Alvin Lunt . . Towle Electric .. Universal . . Emerson .. Reed & Barton .. . Heirloom .. . . . Stewart-Warner Whiting ... Manchester Ask about our Si Iver Club plan COMPLETE SELECTIONS OF TEXAS UNIVERSITY JEWELRY AND STU­SILVER PLATE DENTS' GIFT DEPARTMENT Holmes & Edwards . . . 1847 Rogers Open a Kruger Account; Ta ke A Year Community Plate . .. Tudor Plate . .. to Pay I Weekly or Monthly Terms Wallace Silver Plate .. . Wm. A. Rogers . 1881 Rogers . . . Gorham Never any Interest or Carrying Si Iver Plate Charges I KRUGER'S HAVE BEEN DEPENDABLE DIAMOND MERCHANTS FOR 42 YEARS! KRUGER'S OFFER AUSTIN'S GREATEST DIAMOND VALUES . .. COMPARE! FIVE WAYS TO PAY (I) WEEKLY TERMS (2) MONTHLY TERMS (3) LAY AWAY PLAN (4) 30-DAY CHARGE ACCOUNT (5) BUY FOR CASH * * * * * TEXAS RANGER can swim the BACKLESS· S!RAPLESS* WAl' designed by CALIFORNIA made ·in a gay cotton feather d . es1gn, printed by Everfast ... 2404 Guadalupe 12 APRIL 1948 JUST 6 about everything FLOY D WAD E, Editor BEN JE FFERY, Associate THE RANGER 15 mugs the VA Make-Up Editor: B:ll Bridges mugged Feature Editor: J. P. Porter Humor Editor : George Warmack Cartoon Editor: Bill Yates Cartoonists: Bill Polvogt, Bob Wygant, THE GOVERNOR 19 points the way George Warmack Art Editor: C. W. Nelson Exchange Editor: Madeline Bynum Photography: Betty Wallace Staff Assistants: Pie Wagner, Mary Gray Still­A CLOSE-UP 20 of Dr. Penick well, Jim Coats, Richey Holman, Jitter Nolan, Bob Wheeler Writer Contributors: Beauford H. Jester, vointed Tim Driver, Cecil Hodges, E. Gartly Jaco Supervisor and Advertising Manager: EX-EDITORS 21 send cartoons F. R. Moerke A·:lvertising Salesm'en: George Seagert, Don Moore Published by Texas Student Publications, Inc. A PAGE 24 for myopics Editori?I Office: Journalism Bu ilding 5. Business and Advertising Offices: Journalism Building 108. Application for second class mailing permit pending at the Post Office, Au stin, Texas. FICTION 25 by cecil hodges Printed by Von Boeckmann-Jones Co., Austin, Texas sent THE STAFF 26 picks two beauties ON THE COVER SCOTTIE ROBINSON and LANE DENSON. Betty Wallace took the picture with her little B&J Press Camera, f-18 at 1-100, developed it in DK50 for 9 minutes at 68 °, printed it on AN EDITORIAL 28 about jazz KODABROMIDE F2 paper for 2.5 minutes in No. 135 developer. Unassisted. vicked TEXAS RANGER 13 : THE port shop PRESENTS SWIM SUITS BY OF HOLLYWOOD IT'S COLOR FOR THE STU DENT BODY IN ELASTIC PARFAIT .. . SLICK FITTING AS YOUR OWN COAT OF TAN . I. UPLIFT BRA e BANANA 2. SKIN-SMOOTH FIT e WHITE 3. ADJUSTABLE LENGTH e PISTACHIO 4. BIAS CROTCH e LICORICE 5. NO RIDING UP IN BACK e BLUE ALMOND 6. NO CUTTING OR WRINKLING e GERANIUM 7. SMALL WAIST e PEACH DREAM 8. FRONT SKIRT e IN SOLID COLORS 9. ADJUSTABLE STRAPS AND PRINTS 10. FAGOTED SEAMS APRIL 194B RANGER VOL . 60, NO. 8 A VET· WRITES THE VA . a stone, a " A sociologist interested in things graphic could chart an interesting behaviour pattern of University -students. He would soon discover that the last day of every month in Austin is the gayest. On the campus, the laughter is more relaxed and in the drag stores, one person almost invar­iably pays the check. This peak point of the graph represents dollars spent. for en­ tertainment and re­freshments. Night spots in Austin an­ticipate this day by ordering extra sup­plies, as do other discerning entrepe­neurs. For on that day, the majority of Uni­versity veterans r e­ceive a stipend from the government for services rendered. Since returning to the campus, there is little that binds vet­erans together in a spirit of camarade­rie as their uniforms once did. But on the day the checks arrive, they feel faint tinges of the herd instinct. The sociologist would find that his graph dipped gradually from this high point to its lowest the day before the US Treasurer distributes millions of khaki-colored, window-pane envelopes containing stiff, green cardboard checks. leaf, an unfound door. PHOTOGRAPHS BY BETTY WALLACE One thing the graph would not show, however, are those veterans who, for one reason or another, failed to receive checks. And their comments are always colorful. It was in the interests of this last group-the veterans who receive nothing but the postman's sympathy-that the Ranger recided to send staff members to the Waco Regional Office. This six-story edifice in down-town Waco is presided over by the man whose signature is so familiar to University veter~ans-John C. Horn, chief of the Rehabilitation and Education Division. He signs or supervises the signing of all correspondence leaving the building. Do- Where? When? ing a job as thankless as a policeman's, his staff attempts to handle the problems of 42,628 veterans in the counties of the Waco Region. ffERE is a hypothetical case which will give you a chance to examine some of the meshing gears of this letter fac­tory composed of filing cabinets, type­writers, and computers. A University vet­eran -henceforth to be laughingly called Tex -might find hinnself in this situation. First, Tex moves and forgets to tell the VA his new ad­dress. Second, he gets married, a n d a l ­though he writes the VA of his connubial bliss, he forgets to enclose a certified copy of his marriage certificate. Third, when Tex was discharged from the army, he was awarded 100 per cent disability for in­juries received in a German prison camp. Recently, the VA doctors found him so much improved that a Rating Board decided his dis­ability was now only 30 per cent-and his compensation check was cut accord­ingly. Tex believes this to be unfair and asks the Rating Board to review his case again. SEE WHAT. HAPPENED TO ONE VET'S LETTER • TEXAS RANGER IS LETTER TO VA John C . Horn chief of the Vocational and Rehabilitation Division, Waco .... his signature is familiar to all UT Vets. 1 Tex (back to camera) first goes to the cam1rns VA Guidance Center with his problems. Here he ·confers with Training Officer J. R. Reed (left), Train­ing Officer Roy Coers (standing·), and Chief Guidance Officer Roger Burgess. After he is given advice and blank forms, he writes the Waco Regional Office. 2 In the mail room, the letter is opened by machine, along with 5,000 others on an average day. If he has forgotten to state his "Claim Number" or to give his classification (such as "GI Bill," "Rehab," etc.) the letter goes to the index department (above) in whose files are kept the names of more than 325,000 veterans. 3 Selecting the division to which the letter should go, a reader marks it with that symbol, places it in the routing box (above). Tex's letter is directed to three different units which take care of (1) change of address; (2) change of subsistence pay; and (3) adjustment of disability and compensation awards. 4Tex had recently been dropped from 100 per cent disability to 30 per cent after a VA medical board so ruled. He is not satisfied with this, and his letter is referred to one of several "Rating Boards" (above) which decides vet com­pensation allotments. Included are a claims member (legal), an occupational specialist, and a doctor. 5This grou1> of employees is unit "C," a Registration and Research Section of the Vocational Rehabilitation Division lb APRIL 1948 • 4 • 5 devoted exclusively to The University of Texas. There are 84 people in the entire section, 21 of whom are in the UT unit. A second unit of about the same size handles records of trainees in all other colleges in the Region, a third handles "on-the-,job" trainees' records, and a fourth looks after veterans in vocational schools, private schools, flight schools, high schools, and commercial colleges. File Clerk plucks Tex's training 6A record from among the 42,628 similar ones in the cabinets. Of this number, 36,586 are in training under Public Law 346 (GI Bill), and 4,543 are "Rehabs" (disabled trainees). UT ' vets (9,892) make up more than 25 per cent of the Waco Region trainees. 7A Finance Division typist completes the all-important change-of-address procedure. The two cards on the desk are a change-of-address notice received from Tex and an award account card-a record of his address and benefits. The form in the typewriter will be sent to VA Treasury in Dallas where checks are written. 8An Adjuster computes the amount of money Tex is going to receive since (1) he got married and (2) his compen­sation rating was lowered from 100 per cent disability allowance to 30 per cent. Dallas Treasury will send him' a special check to set accounts straight, so Ad­juster here determines the amount of both the special check and the next reg­ular check. TEXAS RANGER LETTER TO VA JN 1947, Waco sent to Dallas vouchers for 428,815 subsistence checks totaling $34,136,948. Another 177,57 4 checks ($11,067,683) were certified for pensions and compensations. 9Tex's next checks (the s1>ecial and the regular) will be for the amount en­tered by this typist on a pay voucher. Cliff B. D'rinkard (M.A., Texas, '39), head of the Finance Division at Waco, looks on as the typist enters the new pay computations on the voucher. This voucher is then sent to the Dallas Treas­ury Disbursing Office where the check is machine-written and mailed. No checks are written in Waco. FINALLY mainly for ex-students GOVERNOR BEAUFORD H. JESTER writes on THE FUTURE OF THE UNIVERSITY THE RANGER asked Governor Beauford Jester (outstanding Kappa Sig of the year) to write an article on the future of the University. It's printed here in' its entirety. We're going further into the matter next month with two controversial articles, one by Hart Stilwell and one presenting the views of the administration. TEXAS RANGER • A great University may be said to have three functions: teaching, resear·ch and service. These are inter-dependent functions. They are so inter-related that one cannot succeed without the others. These obligations have been foremost in the minds of the men and women who have served the University faithfully for many years. As we envision the University of the future these same objectives should govern its development. The University deserves from the citizens of the State who are, by the way, the real beneficiaries of the University trust, continued and complete support. It deserves also the full financial potential provided for it by the Constitution. Only with such support can it provide the instr.uction, contacts and inspiring leadership to train the future leaders of the State; the facili­ties and personnel for the many forms of research which constitute the bedrock upon which civilization builds and progresses; and the services to adult education, public schools and many other services contributing to growth and adjustment under most favorable conditions. The boys and girls of Texas and adult Texans deserve nothing less than the best. They deserve a University of the first class. In thinking of the University's future I am always reminded of the remark of Governor Oran M. Roberts who said: 'Our Constitution says it is to be of the first class; let it be the labor of love to make it so.' 1'1 by tim driver DR. DANIEL A. PENIUK JF Dr. Daniel A. Penick can be taken as a standard, one sure way to live a healthy, useful life is to play tennis. Or maybe it's teaching Greek that does it. At any rate, Dr. Penick is still teach­ing Greek and coaching the Longhorn tennis team, as he has been for as long as most University exes can remember. Dr. Penick is 78 years old. In 1934, Dr. Penick teamed up with Wilmer Allison (a Penick-trained player who won the National Tennis Champion­ship in 1935) for an NCAA alumni match at the National Intercollegiate Tennis matches. Allison says, "It was one of the hottest days I've ever played-so hot that one of the college finalists collapsed on the court. I thought I was going to do likewise. Players were dropping like flies, but Doc didn't seem to be bothered much. He never lost his serve, and we swept the tournament without the loss of a set." Dr. Penick was only 64 then. Strangely enough, Dr. Penick didn't play tennis in his undergraduate days, but lettered in baseball three years in a row. Around the turn of the century, after he started teaching el~ssical lan­guages, he became interested ·in tennis. He started coaching "just to help the boys along." He never asked for a salary, and never peripatetic septuagenarian received one until seven years ago when D. X. Bible insisted on it. For an unpaid coach, Dr. Penick has had a remarkable list of champion tennis players to his credit-notably Allison, Berkeley Bell, Lewis White, Bruce Barnes, and Karl Kamrath. Probably one reason for Dr. Penick's success as a coach is the fact that he stresses sportsmanship, playing the game for the fun of it, gentlemanly conduct. "You will" never control a tennis ball until you learn to control yourself," he says. Besides his duties as professor of classical languages and Longhorn tennis coach, Dr. Penick is a senior elder in the University Presbyterian Church (where he teaches a bible class). He devotes Sat­urday mornings and spare afternoons to showing junior high school novices a few tennis tricks. He is on the tennis executive commit­tee of the NCAA, has been president of the Texas Tennis Association for nearly thirty-three years, director of the High School Interscholastic League tennis pro­gram thirty-two years, and was presi­dent of the Southwest Conference for twelve years. Dr. Penick, at 78, still rides a bicycle two miles a day to the University, teaches his classes, and swats a tennis ball around expertly. More valuable than his turning out tennis stars has been the example he has set for thousands of young Texans. -THE END APRIL 1948 by former Ranger editors Hp.PP'i ,.., , fZov..iouf> iq UKE C, WILLARD UNIVERSITY OF f\IORTM CARa°LIN,I\, "Have a pack of Dentyne. It's fine after meals!" "Just as I reached my boiling point I gave the chef a pack of Dentyne, That got me out of the royal stew fast! Naturally-be­cause Dentyne's keen, delicious flavor al­ways makes friends fast! Dentyne also helps keep teeth white!" Dentyne Gum-Made Only By Adams TEXAS RANGER specialists in th.· Examination of the Eyes and the Fitting ef Glasses. WARD & TREADWELL f!JpiOIHl!i!U4U Seventh & Congress WHERE THE STUDENTS GET THEIR GLASSES OWL TAXI CALL 76133 e NOWHAVE A TWO WAY RADIO SERVICE IN THE CARS TO INSURE MORE PROMPT, EFFICIENT SERVICE. A very richly dressed and impressive gentleman walked into one of New York's better fur shops in company with a beautiful blond. When his companion had chosen one of the finest coats, the man gave his name, an address in a dis­tant city, and a number of banks and other references. "We will be in Atlantic City over the weekend," he said. "We can pic·k up the coat later, when you have had an op­portunity to check on my credit." The store investigated, found that the man was overdrawn at three banks, that no store in his home town would trust him for a dime. When the customer appeared the fol­lowing Monday the store manager tried to explain the situation as diplomatically as possible. The customer brushed it all aside with a gesture. "Oh, I didn't expect to get the coat. I just dropped in to thank you for a per­fectly marvelous weekend." -True • The drunk weaved his way to his car, opened the rear door by mistake and climbed in. "Here, here," shouted the cop on the beat. "You're in no condition to drive." "Oh shtop botherin' peashful citizens. If you want to do something useful, whyn't you catch the guy who shtole my shteering wheel?" -Hobbies • A Pullman porter who had started out on an all-night run had his trip cancelled. Returning home unexpectedly, he took a look around the house, then took out his razor and began to strop it vigorously. "What are you doing, Jackson?" in­quired his wife. "If those shoes stickin' out from under the bed ain't got no feet in 'em, ah is gonna shave." -Trainman • A young reporter, asked to cut his verbose stories shorter, wrote the next day as follows : "James C. Humphries looked up the shaft at the Union Hotel this morning to see if the elevator was on its way down. It was. Aged 24." -Quill Looking coldly at the man v:ho had just given him a nickel for carrying his bags twelve blocks, the little boy said: "I know something about you." "What?" asked the man. "You're a bachelor." "That's right. Know anything else about me?" "So was your father." -Esquire • He: "Why wait till we get home to tell me whether you'll marry me or not? " She: "I'm scared; this is the very spot where my father proposed to mother, and on the way home the horse ran away and father was killed." -SRL • A minister, making a call, and his hostess were sitting in the parlor when the small son came running in, carrying a dead rat. "Don't WOTI'y, Mother, it's dead. We bashed him and beat him un­til-" and noticing the minister for the first time, ]le added in a lowered voice-. "until God called him home." -C. S. Monitor • Who says the Russians have no sense of humor? Here's a 'joke that is cur­rently rolling them in the aisles in Mos­kow: Puervi: "Kto buila dama, c kotoroi ya videl bac, vchera yecherom ? " Torui : "One zhenya." net dama ­ ona -Pra moya vda • MARRIAGE, says Shaw, is a happy combination of the maximum of tempta­tion with the maximum of opportunity. -Shakespeare • Sweet young co-ed: "I like men with blue eyes and green backs." -Forbes 48 APRIL 1948 As the late, great Gertrude Stein might have said-but didn't-"a buck is a buck is a buck." And bucks-up to fifteen of 'em-are precisely what Pepsi-Cola Co. kicks in for gags you send in and we print. Just mark your stuff with your name, address, school and class, and send it to Easy Money Dept.,Pepsi-Cola Co., BoxA, Long Island City, N. Y. All contributions become the property of Pepsi-Cola Co. We pay only for those we print. Yes, you collect a rejection slip if your masterpiece lays an egg on arrival. Will we hate you for mentioning "Pepsi-Cola" in your gag? Au contraire, to coin a phrase. It stimulates us. Even better than benzedrine. So come on ­bandage up that limp badinage, and send it in-for Easy Money. Then just sit back and cross your fingers. -DAFFY DEFINITIONS­ $1 apiece to Herbert W. Hugo of North­western Univ., Richard M . Sheirich of Colf:,'